Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Australia  > Marriage 2nd time around?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 1
Marriage 2nd time around? Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Would you do it again? For those that have already done it the first time................I am just curious because I really don't see myself doing it 2nd time around but then I read stuff on these forums and get different ideas going.
 BionicAngel
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 2
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:07:22 AM
Nup, not me.

It's been a long time since I was married, but I still stand by the vows I took... We had none of the traditional vows... I remember us both laughing when the celebrant gave us the love, honour and obey variations... We both looked at each other...Oh woo, I dunno about that obey!!??!! We knew each other pretty well.

We promised each other basic, achievable things... we pledged to be the best friends we can be no matter what happens, to trust, support and stand by each other through the hard times, and encourage and accept each other (there was an analogy that referred to a rose opening in its own good time, and getting more and more beautiful... pretty inspiring stuff).

It may not make sense to others... but I believe we both kept our word to the best of our ability, and its been 18 years since we took those, and 11 years since we divorced. We have gone on to live seperate lives, love other people, but there was a genuine respect for each other then, and it still exists today.

I was with my last partner 7 years. He'd been married 3 times and kept asking me to marry him... it became a silly game after a while because he knew my standard answer... "3 times, and you still havent learned to honour the first one!" I don't think he ever really understood what I was saying, but we just laughed about it.

He was funny too, when we decided to go our own ways... he started divvying things up, and allocating "shares"... the look on his face was purely precious, when I said "Hey, we're not married mate!... I'll take what's mine, we don't owe each other anything!"

Marriage is an old institution... very costly to many, and with it comes a whole heap of rubbish rules that exist on a foundation of crazy traditions. Despite pressure from my hubbys family, we decided to "sort our own sh1t" and our kids were not part of any court battle or bitter settlement. I'm glad of that.

I figure I was one of the lucky ones, to be honest. I've seen some awful battles over the years, and I dont want to chance having to sort one of those nightmares EVER, so I think I'm happy saying I had one husband, and that's enough for me.

If some guy wants to walk me to the top of a hill, or take a ride down to a beach, or throw a party with friends, and declare his feelings for me, and ask me if I feel the same way... hey, that's great!.. but no paperwork please... lets keep it simple...
 notwiltedyet
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 3
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:47:55 AM
I with you Bionic I was with my older kids dad for 16 years we got engaged when I was 15 and were together through the usual ups and downs we never got around to getting married Kids, jobs, mortage etc, he died at 36 and I was 32.... I then met my husband we were together for 5 years had a little girl and we were happy till he decided he wanted to get married, he had been married before, so at 38 I married him.... it lasted 18 months and then went to shit and we separated.... Its been 12 years since I've seen him and we have not divorced I don't intend getting married again so not worried about divorcing him he took everything when he left so I didn't have to worry about splitting anything.... 1 marrage is enough for me....
I don't even know if I would even live with someone again maybe if the right one came along BUT deffinately would not marry again and like you Bionic if he wanted to have a big party and tell everyone he loves me and have a committment ceremony then I would go along with that.... but as for a piece of paper Yes it does change things.....
 eve 65
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 1:41:14 PM
One failed marriage -no matter the ending- tends to be enough baggage. I've been divorced for over twenty years now and had always looked forward to some day trying again. I was very young the first time, so it was over before it began reallly.

Now, I am engaged to a wonderful man that I met on this site. This engagement is both wonderful and frightning. I can visualize growing old with this man. At the same time I find myself thinking of many questions along the way like what if this one doesn't work iether? Then I will have been married two times. How sexy is that??

This for me is a battle not unlike the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz (but with a brain). From the middle of the field I can see happiness in both directions. I am a complete person married or not. I don't need the paperwork to completely give myself to him. Or, is the thought of a second marriage allowing me the space for second thoughts as well??

All around, entering a marriage after the first one has ended is difficult at best. But, I'll probably do it again simply because I don't want this one to get away. Simple and yet, NOT!!!!!! Eve
 Sir Hopster
Joined: 10/2/2008
Msg: 5
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 1:53:21 PM
I dropped in to see what others had said and who do I see? Hi ladies lol.
I have to agree with the lovely ladies above. Not a friggin chance!
I would be here all day if I was to give details and that is not happening.
I know I did my best and it still fell apart. If both don't have the true commitment, a marraige is destined to fail.
Never putting myself through that again.

EDIT: oops Eve got in before me lol
 daddy-day-care
Joined: 6/12/2008
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 3:14:21 PM
Well I would marry agian, I believe in marriage and that goes with it like growing ugly together etc..., its the idea of having kids to enother women that scares me, because things changed with my ex when she had kids for the worst.
Any one that knows me, knows my kids are my world. The thought of having to fight over kids again would near on kill me.
 1NSATIABLE
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 7
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 3:33:24 PM
wish i could say nooooooooo
but i've been conned into it twice!

hmmmm am i that stupid to go 3rd time lucky?
i guess i could be but it would take 1 hell of a guy
that not only signs the CONTRACT! but reads & understands it also!!!!!

im affraid i take the vowels in full content ...didnt realise
we sign LOVE HONOUR & OBEY him
they sign LOVE HONOUR & OBEY me

that cheap ass piece of metal & paper changed me more so than them
id much prefer to be with some1 because i want to be not because i feel i have to be

the real question would be to me am i prepared to go through yet another divorce/custody battle & thats a resounding NO
 Miss Maxi
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:34:32 PM

but i've been conned into it twice!


maybe thats your answer you had to be conned into it.

I would not ever get married again, but then I didn't want to get married in the first place. Still to this day both sides of our families tell how my X asked me about 20 times to marry him and I always said NO, then one day I asked if he would mind if we had a child, his response was only if you marry me, I now have two beautiful daughters whom I adore and no husband, funny how it works out.

I would live with someone but would never get married, I simple don't believe I need a piece of paper to tell me that I love someone, loyality comes to those who give to me, and trust is something we all need to earn.
 IzzyB73
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 9
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:45:40 PM
I'd do it again . I believe in the institution of marriage , Its a declaration on how much you love someone . By stating that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone in front of family and freinds, is to me the ultimate committment to the one you love.
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:59:50 PM

my X asked me about 20 times to marry him and I always said NO, then one day I asked if he would mind if we had a child, his response was only if you marry me


Just curious, why would you want to have kids with someone you didn't want marry? No offence intended, just curious
 *PookieDoesPerth*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 11
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:15:16 PM
^^^ Im with Izzy on this one...Im a huge believer in marriage....done it three times..and I'd go a fourth..the trick is to find the rite person apparently !!!

Ok the first marriage was one of those horrible ones when your 21, you think you know everything, you want to get away from home and you have absoltuely no idea what your doing but think you do..I wouldnt say that that marraige didnt count...but I can barely remember it now..it was over before it began and thats probably a good thing for both us.

My second marriage was I thought for life, however during the course of it, my husband's little girl from his previous marriage was killed...this placed a unbelievable strain (understandbly) on our marriage and thru no ones fault and not thru lacking of trying , it fell apart....his a good man, a great friend but whenever a child passes away it devastates all relationships and ours just could not survive that pain...

My third marriage lasted in theory only 24 hours, as I married my child hood sweetheart the nite before he died....ah if only he had lived, where would we be now ?.

I think its all very well to say that you dont need the piece of paper to cement your relationship and thats fine...to each their own...for me like Izzy says, its a public declaration and I like that...standing up and saying wow, this person is the person I want to share the rest of my life with...Im hopeless romantic fool though...

Id do it again...absolutely....I totally believe in the institution....but rite now I cant even get a date on a Sat nite - just working my way thru boxed sets of dvds, so marriage is a LONG WAY OFF !!!..lol - Im just glad that my marriages - as strange and messy as they were, have not left me jaded...Ive just watched the love of my life marry someone else recently....I wish him all the happiness in the world, but most of all I wish it for myself...

Great post Bionic and Eve congratulations....I wish you nothing but love and peace with your new man.
 Miss Maxi
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:34:13 PM

Just curious, why would you want to have kids with someone you didn't want marry? No offence intended, just curious


No offence taken Chem, we had been living together for 10 years when I finally agreed to get married and our marriage lasted another 12 years, I just didn't feel the need to get married we where already doing everything married couples do, as far as I was concerned I was already commited to him, I didn't need anything on paper to tell me we are now bound together forever. I also dont believe that people take the institution of marriage serious any more, I mean look at the divorce rate.
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:49:29 PM
Thanks Mafato, I understand, so it wasn't that you didn't want to marry HIM, it was marriage as a whole. I do agree a lot people don't take the institution of marriage seriously, it's sad, and yes the divorce rates are indicative of that.
 mmmnicky
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:53:18 PM
i guess its about .. if i find something i think is right.. i will.
im older now than i was the first time round.. and smarter in sense of what i want, dont want.. need dont need.. what it takes.. etc.. and that may help me make a better decision.. in sense with hindsight dont think it was right decision first time around. u cant avoid things like him cheating and u never saw that.. etc.. sort of scenarios.
 Shell225
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:32:28 PM
Its certainly an interesting question, and one I have thought about over time.

Somedays the answer is yes, and somedays a resounding NO.

My past and present experiences are what makes me say no. The thought of having to rebuild again if a marriage failed. I dont think I have the energy for that anymore. The knowledge that when I was married, for me it was for life. In some way I would feel that I had betrayed those vows.. strange I know. The number of married men I know who have chased a bit of skirt, the number I know who have had the bit on the side, in one instance for 10 years+. I guess what I know now makes me sceptical and just a little bit unsure.

In my heart, I love the institution of marriage, I think that it is the most wonderful thing. I believe that it is important to stand up and be counted .. to say .. 'YES this is the one!! There is no other'. To be loved like that ... **sigh**.

But you know what .. Someone would have to ask me!!!! Like others, I dont have a date for Friday night, so I'm not about to start holding my breath.
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 16
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 7:46:34 PM
I am very Indecisive myself, still not healed or ready. Would I be healed??? Maybe, but scarred for life? Again maybe, so is it fair going into a relationship?? Not too sure.

Few of my cousins re married and they are absolutely happy. One of them married last year to a very nice man who was also cheated on by his ex wife, I see their union strong because they went through similar pains. This morning going for a walk I stoped to talk to a neighbour and just told her I was divorced, she is in her late 50s and told me same thing happened to her and met her second husband 14 years ago, who was also cheated on by ex wife and they are extremely happy together.

So maybe if you find a partner who went through similar situation as you, then having that in common would advantage the relationship. Maybe.


I think this is the closest I could get to the truth:
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
 Kissthisfrog !
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 17
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:31:17 PM
My 2 bobs worth..., I never married and never wanted to..., in partly because am a recovering christian...,
I neither see need nor reason (unless there were children) for that piece of paper.
I believe it's possible to make a public/personal commitment (and common law agreement)...,
without involving all the excess jewellery. This ceremony/ritual can be as elaborate or not as you want.
Surely those shared feelings of love and devotion reside within the heads and hearts of the persons involved..., and are neither more nor less valid because they were spoken in a church, synagogue, mosque, beach, forest....,
....., or dancing with jocks and knickers on your heads under a full moon !

My best friends have never married...., and without any exageration..., have 5 of the most wonderful, well adjusted and loved children (some adult) you're likely to meet anywhere.
Their love and commitment is unquestioned and admired by all who know them.....,
and they still find the time to run, play and laugh like the teenagers they were when they first met and fell in love. They went against all the supposed wisdom of those days...., and were successful.
Obviously would'nt work for most...., most people go with tradition.

I almost envy the need but don't see the reason or point.


..., as an afterthought.., I can be a bit mercenary..., so for the right price I can be persuaded/purchased.
 ~Pedro Sanchez~
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 18
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:31:53 PM
My catholic upbringing says yes, but my logic says no. What for? Women accept it and they are ok with it. A man is said to be dumb to do it nowadays. Are we?

But I like the tradition, if nothing else....and wearing the One Ring to Rule them All....precioussssss!

I think for this to work, one must marry in a shonky place where the paper is not valid anywhere else....say Disneyland. Ok, I'll cave in, but only to a hot tamale sauce...who'll bear me seven hobbits, one for each day of the week. We both sign a pre-nup cos I ain't gonna risk my stamp and footy card collection....
 1NSATIABLE
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 19
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:52:41 PM
just to frighten a few of you ...

is it 6mths or 3yrs of living under same roof b4 u get same rights as a married couple?

im talking even borders
 Shell225
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:09:21 PM
I could be wrong.. and will stand corrected.

I thought it was 2 years co habitation before it was considered a common law marriage.
 ~Pedro Sanchez~
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 21
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 10:43:00 PM
I thought it was 2 years co habitation before it was considered a common law marriage.


Shell if that be the case, I'll re-schedule my biennial tantrums with extra newly-improved rolling-on-the-supermarket-floor antics on the first week of the 23rd month.

Does Briz do this too?

On topic: I doubt the 6 months...that's nearly like a shotgun pseudo marriage!
 Goddess of dreams
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 22
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:22:17 PM

I thought it was 2 years co habitation before it was considered a common law marriage.


well apparently it doesn't matter how many years you have lived with someone, even if you sleep in the same room, I was told if you charge them board and can prove it then it's not considered as one.
 I really do have a life
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 23
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:30:40 PM
According to centerstink if they stay more than 3 nights in a row - your married...
LONG LIVE Center Stink.

Next time around for for me I am going to wear a obscenly large white toilet roll doll dress, with puffy sleeves and shoulder pads - reminescent of gone with the wind meets Dynasty. I am going to have all the bells and whistles. - your all invited! I will even have doves and plastic champaigne classes - no expense spared! I am going to make it as tacky as possible! Blue eye shadow, pink cheeks and a kath and kim wedgey! If he can put up with that and his blue velour tuxedo, my mother moving in, no credit, lots of debt it will last forever.

If it doesnt the pre nup will kick in and Im moving to the south of france or a lake in italy - near as I can get my stalking self to George clooney
 IzzyB73
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 24
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:41:21 PM
for all lovely fellow posters that are concern about loosing assets, just tell your prospective husband/wife that all your worldly possessions are in the cat/dogs name

oh and pookiedoesperth ... you explained what i was trying to say perfectly ...
 *PookieDoesPerth*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 25
Marriage 2nd time around?
Posted: 11/6/2008 11:47:48 PM
A bit of a answer to 1nsatiable question

If you are in a defacto relationship and God forbid your partner passes away....you have zero rites..

And I mean zero when it comes to claiming and releasing the body, post mortem requests or denials, funeral arrangements, disposal of the body - cremation/burial etc.....any children of the partnership has rites, or any children your partner had with another has rites, siblings and parents of the deceased have rites and if your partner was legally married before, the ex has more rites to say what happens with your defacto partner than you do...

Now most people are civil when it comes to these sensitive issues but boy have I seen some doozy blowups when there has been issues and tensions between families...and it is heartbreaking to tell someone that they have no say in these matters when they are dealing with the sudden loss of their partner and then like a ex comes along and takes over....its truly awful...

How to avoid this, apart form getting married ? make your defacto the executor of your will.....the executor has the final say on ALL matters pertaining to your death, funeral etc....and yes everyone should have a will....everyone...you may not have solid assets but good chance you have super (if it hasnt dwindled away in the last few weeks) and having a will makes all the difference in the world to your loved ones... it just makes it a little easier for them legally and financially.... if you dont want to go down that committed piece of paper road that involves having wedding guests.
Commit to a will...........and no you dont die within like 24 hours of signing it...that just a myth !!!
Show ALL Forums  > Australia  > Marriage 2nd time around?