| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:16:21 AM | Why do you think people become addicted to other people?
I am curious as to what our posters think about what causes people to for example: stay in relationships were they are constantly fighting, miserable or hurt, or people who say they can't live without the other person, why do we hang onto people who we know arent good for us, or to us...and we know it ?.
What causes someone to feel so hopeless without another human being?
This deep thread brought to you via another boring and cold Friday nite in Perth !!!
HELLO !!! Friday nite, late nite shopping would be good here !!!! | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:49:50 AM | Hmm well I've been there, done that pookie.
That particular relationship ended a few years ago but I sometimes still "crave a fix". It's a powerful thing, that's for sure. I think the cause of my 'addiction' was major, full on, knock your socks off - chemistry. Even after nearly 5 years together we still wanted to rip each others clothes off every time we saw each other 
I think there are different reasons for different people though.
* Some people just hate being alone and would much rather be with anyone (including someone that treats them like crap) than be alone.
* Some people have a chronic fear of being single .. full stop.
* Some people are in the habit of being the 'victim'
I admit it's very frustrating seeing a friend going through this. One of my closest friends was with a man on and off for about 6 years, this man cheated on him over and over again, treated him like absolute crap, broke his heart over and over but he was "addicted" to him.
He did finally get the strength to walk away, but it was a long and painful process. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 3:56:27 AM | Yep too deep for me Pookie,might have to go an have a beer and think about this.
Quick answer thou,i'm the opposite,i don't need any human being's.Quite easy for me to not have any interaction with human's for days at a time.So i can't really answer your query.
We have Friday late night shopping here in QLD if that helps. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:03:28 AM | Thanks for sharing that Chem
Ive kinda taken on a bit from your thread that you started (good thread too)...where I shared the story regarding my best friend and her ex who just lives down the rd from me now..
Ive just spent the nite, listening and consoling on the the phone to her- shes in Melbourne and as a buddy this is what you do.......and its so sad cause Im too far away to dry her tears for her and Id love to be there for her rite now...Ive seen her ex and naturally shes pumping me for info...about him and its awkward..
She is addicted to him and this guy was a rite **stard to her...yet as she says, we cannot dictate who our heart loves...so I was wondering if others have suffered like this..and she is suffering...it just go me thinking. Is it a personality trait ? indictive of a certain type of person or does meeting a certain type of person bring this trait out in you ?..so thanks for sharing again Chem..
Hi Bucky...Im like you and don't "need" anyone either...so hence why I thought Id throw this out to the forums...cause its not something I can relate to very well and I do want to help my friend...(.not attention seeking to the person who voted that on me...obviously you dont know me or my posts !!!) but anyway...Id kill for that Qld late nite trading Bucky !!! Ive got serious shopping to do ..hello Xmas !!! | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:28:08 AM | I agree with Chem and would also add that sometimes the person is not actually addicted but just not strong enough (for whatever reason) to move on. Sometimes one is so ground down by 'that' person that he or she cannot accept themself as a worthwhile person who could survive without them.
To be told day in, day out that you are ugly, unworthy, lazy, terrible cook mum housekeeper and that no one else would have you has an impact. You love this person so why would they lie.........................................................................................
Sometimes its the feeling or sense of security that comes from being 'in love'.
Although I am happily alone, I was in a situation years ago where I was completely devoted to my man - it wasnt till the bad outweighed the good and I had a baby to think of that I found the strength to give him the heave ho. And to this day not a single soul knows the whole story. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:40:49 AM | Maybe a fear of being lonely. Some, it could definately be the abusive cycle they get stuck in, upbringing ( it's normal to fight all the time, my parents did). An everlasting belief that they will change. They are lacking in some other area of thier life and trying to fill a space, ( missing parent syndrome) female looking for a fatherly role, male looking for a motherly role trying to get what they ached for as a child, all though they usually are not aware of the fact that they are doing this. Is that enough reasons?
This deep thread brought to you via another boring and cold Friday nite in Perth !!!
OMG It is stinking hot here!!!!!! good old sunshine state!!!!! | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:43:35 AM | Ok I've just had a couple of thoughts (scary huh!) lol.
First of all, there's a book called "Women who Love Too Much", I can't remember the author but a friend of mine who went through a similar situation to your friend read it and said it was great, so maybe worth a go.
Secondly, was just thinking, last time I visited one of my mates on Perth (hmm I need to go back there, love it!) ... anyway I digress, I remember we went late night shopping on a Friday in Fremantle. Have you tried there Pookie?? | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:42:44 AM | stay in relationships were they are constantly fighting, miserable or hurt, or people who say they can't live without the other person, why do we hang onto people who we know arent good for us, or to us...and we know it ?.
fear of being lonely as poster 2 mentioned
fear of not finding anyone else
fear of failure
fear of losing the financial wealth they've built together
fear of going out there and doing it all over again
familiarity ... Better the devil you know than the devil you don't
people's judgement
having children from the relationship
low selfsteem
comfort
and so many other factors of course. Sometimes somehow people could go into a relationship and lose their confidence whether due to the partner's abuse or say aging that would make it hard for them to start what they did when younger and in better shape.
Although some couples might fight a lot but they can also see the good qualities of their partner. Lets face it life's full of obstacles, those that endure the fights and arguments and so on, sometimes through the years mellow down. So maybe at times endurance brings more stability later on.
You know what I dislike the most??? when others get involved in a relationship with all these new rights and wrongs and interfere in a relationship and tell the couple things like
I wouldn’t let him/her do that to me
Stand up for yourself
You shouldn’t put up with him/her
And lots of other rubbish, people’s input is probably igniting a lot of couple’s relationship | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:03:33 PM | | ^^^^^^^^^^^ at least u got it off ur chest mate+ did something about it! its like having friends in ur life for what seems 4 ever+ 1 day u wake up+ realise that if u didnt do all the organising + make all the phone calls, u probably wouldnt see them at all! at my vintage, i have discovered that quality over quantity gave me a lot of piece of mind! decided to thin down my circle of friends to the 1s who will always be there 4 u! | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 4:54:32 PM | shortbacknstreaks  good on you for getting strength to end it.
its like having friends in ur life for what seems 4 ever+ 1 day u wake up+ realise that if u didnt do all the organising + make all the phone calls, u probably wouldnt see them at all! at my vintage, i have discovered that quality over quantity gave me a lot of piece of mind! decided to thin down my circle of friends to the 1s who will always be there 4 u!
 I so agree Rob, I've been through the same thing. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/7/2008 5:50:55 PM | I am reminded of a news item recently of a young man who loved a girl from his village, but was not allowed to marry her. It took 50 years before they met up again I recall.
There is also the addiction to someone you have no formal relationship with - they may not know you, as in they are a celebrity on a movie screen etc, or someone you know but they don't fancy you in return - they just shine beyond anyone elses capacity to capture you. You want and need to move on from that rejection but can't. History is littered with their corpses
I believe the term is Romantic Tragic.
That is different from the person who cannot escape an abuser - physical or mental. Some may hang on to a sense of love that once was, but more often the abuser has destroyed the ability to act independantly. The abuser has replaced independance with dependance; self worth with worthlessness; free will with mental chains. They are the control freaks. They are the ones who may not have control over their own lives, so they control others, others they speak of 'loving'.
Some people hang onto someone who is bad for them, but not necessarily overtly abusive, because there is something exciting about them that overides a danger they present to them. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:27:09 AM | Been there, done that. For me, it was because I knew nothing else and loved her dearly regardless of how bad it was getting and knowing of her wants to be with others. As she was "unblemished" before I met her, I can understand the curiosity about other men, but having only being with 1 girl before her and under the influence of several substances any time I was with my first, I was almost in the same boat, yet never felt the need to wonder or sample others so I still saw it as shallow and resented her for it. I lived with my family(parents and siblings) till 16, then lived on the street and mates places for short intervals and then back at home for a couple of months till out again but this time living in my car. I was pushed out as I almost caught my father doing something extremely bad so he pushed me out to continue in safety. I met my ex and hid in her bedroom at 18 till caught by her mother after 6 months of sleeping behind her wardrobe. We then moved in to a flat under her house and I was never alone again till 1 year ago.
I was lost the first time I moved out and begged to come back for 6 months. It was a disaster and was stuck there till I could raise a bond while still trying to desperately fix us. By the second time I had to leave, I knew I was not coming back yet still tried. It was coming on this site, going to events and making friends that helped me adjust and finally find happiness within myself. Also by dating and learning of others in similar positions and taking advice from them and looking at how they handled their mess.
Now I am happy to be single as I am having more fun than I have had in many years but would still like to live the dream of having a lifelong companion, No I do not mean a pet lol, they die too soon.
I don't know about personality traits but I do know scorpios have a big problem letting go. I think the knowledge that neither of my parents truly loved me had me wanting to be loved so badly, I fell in love with the wrong girl for me. I must be a pretty good guy to last 21 years with the wrong woman, constantly trying to fix us. This helps me know I am a good person and ok with just being me.
One day I will meet Miss right/ Miss Awesome. I hope it is soon. I may have found her and hope misconceptions in my profile do not ruin it for me as I think she has read me wrong. I have tried to clarify things by adding to my profile and messaging her. We will see what pans out.
If not, there are "Plentyoffish" lol and Im nowhere near dead yet. Fun to be had along the way! | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:52:50 AM | I agree that your parents relationship and how you were treated growing up affects how you behave in a relationship. At least to the point that you realise that a disfunctional upbring insn't 'normal' or 'healthy' and there is another way to be.
Unfortunately, alot of people, myself included have had co-dependant and abusive controlling relationships because this seems to be normal and just how relationships are, and then our eyes are opened and we have to do alot of healing to then be able to find and have a healthy relationship....here's hoping! lol
Childhood issues are at the core of most adult problems like low self esteem etc.
Cheers, Deepy | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:26:28 AM | | msg 10 I complement you about what you said you could not be even more truth full about it.PEOPLE INPUT has a lot to do with couple's relationship. like my situation my ex besy friend once said to me since the your children dislikes what their mother is doing .the mother then should not waist any more time on them .she might as well get on with her life alone.these words came out of a person who's her 14 year old son smokes pot and drinks alcahol with her 17 year old daughter who also smokes pot and drinks and now she is pregnant to some guy she recently met and her husband is a drug dealer what a nice family to take advise from .this person has ruined my life i have lost every thing but thank god i have my three children with me . why she did that all out of jealousy. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:54:11 AM | | msg 14 Man she was using you big time she had no attraction for you at all you were just her comfort zone and she would most probably had you on puppet string she knew that.but hey don't get me wrong I'm not putting you down at all on the contrary you did the best thing is to listen to your daughter I guess your daughter would have seen it coming in the first week she moved in with you some times we need to listen to our children more often.but good on ya you stuck with your daughter even though you sound like you were in love with the woman. I wish there's more parents both sexes listen to their children. I guess this is why the cycle keeps repeating it self. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:06:06 AM | I know what you mean mickuandme. my ex has friends (2 sisters) that let their kids urinate on the carpet and dont clean it up. 1 does it doggy so she doesnt have to look at her husbands face and she listened to them and dumped me. Her loss, great friends to have lol.
One of the 'friends" guy has just been busted for kiddie porn and has done something I will not speak of on here. Top class people!
You are not alone.
See the positive, you are away from a shallow bad person.
Move on and find someone right for you. | |
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| You Might as well face it your Addicted to.....................Another !
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:17:42 AM | I've seen domestic violence up close. I've seen the mind games used in one instance, and in another the attraction of the soft side of the person - the Dr Jekyll side. In that case I think Mr Hyde has had his time in the limelight but it got really ugly when he was out to play.
The collateral damage from both types of cases can be profound, but does not have to beget like actions within a family as a consequence, although inherited temperaments play a big part until one reaches an age or more importantlly the maturity to say 'No More!
Strangely enough in the first example the marriage is still intact, in the second the actions of the child helped shatter the parents - one at least. That parent is glad to see Dr Jekyll in control as he was such a lovely little boy. * memo to parents: make sure your child goes through the terrible twos - you pay for it later if they don't.
I sit back and continue to be baffled as to how one can say they love another, then deliberately hurt them. But some people have a loose wire in their minds, others can reach old age, but remain immature. | |
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