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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:18:45 AM | Someone may thinks that Chinese girl are hungry of money. I don't agree with it, for several reasons addressed below:
First,in China, it is normal that boyfirend or husband pay for his girl friend or wife.So when they are in a relationship with foreigner they also think her bf or hubby wish to pay for her.
Second,it's said that a successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.And in most cases,Chinese boyfriend or husband is richer than his gf or wife.(some think in a perfect family,man is 2/3 times richer than woman). Meanwhile, if his girl friend or wife pay for him,he will lose dignity.
Third,maybe because men enjoy so much power and prestige in society, there is a tendency to consider men should do favour of women in other aspects.
All right,it is just my personal opinion.
I am an office lady,I can pay for my bill.But I feel comfortable when my ex boy friend pay for our taxi,movie,restaurant and so on. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:33:44 AM | In America, it is different. I also had lady friends from other cultures who moved here and thought that American men were cheap, not wanting to pay. It is just how it is here.
Some American men still like to pay most of the time, especially very much older ones, as a rule, because they were brought up in this way. May younger men were raised by single moms without fathers, the dads either left or weren`t providers, so they have no role models of men being the providers. they have been provided for exclusively by their mothers, and are therefore used to being taken care of by their mother. They do not see it as an honor, duty or of high esteem to take "care" of their lady. Some are just as proud to be able to find a woman to take care of them. My father was this way. His mother always took very good care of him, so he has always found women to live off of and would not even consider it a duty to provide for a wife or children. He feels that they should take care of him.
I have also dated men from other countries and have noticed that they do seem to have more of a sense of pride about taking care of their lady on a date. Many foreign women find the bulk of American men uncultured, rude, and selfish in comparison.
Actually for myself, I have have more boyfriends born in foreign countries than I have American. They have just treated me better overall.
So when you are dating, if you date Americans, you will be much better of with someone from a more conservative structure where the father was a good provider and has pride in being the head of the family. There are still some like this, but many are not. Good luck! | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:39:22 AM |
Third,maybe because men enjoy so much power and prestige in society, there is a tendency to consider men should do favour of women in other aspects.
Besides spending all of her husbands'/bf money,what does the woman do ? | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:41:05 AM | Equality in what we do in life................If gf invites bf out SHE should pay...if bf invites gf out HE should be....if both are mutual in a setting something up...both she agree on who gets the tickets and who gets the meal.
Successful couples are a success when one does not take another for a ride....
This world is different when there is financial hardships......child support payments...standard of living is not what it used to be back in the 1950's when mom can be home baking cakes and cookies and getting fat on bon bon's while they watch the soal operas...
Now mom is getting fat from the stress put on her sitting at a computer all day at work and coming home to make dinner, wash the clothes, mow the lawn while dad works two jobs to make ends meet.
Have a wonderful day | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:47:22 AM | I believe the Chinese women worship their men.....it's a cultural thing. When it comes to Westeners we have 'burn the bra'...equal rights which means that when it comes to paying for stuff it should be equal.
I'm Australian and know that most Australian men are different to non Australian men. Most Australian men expect a woman to work and pay her fair share. They also expect to be pampered when they return from the coal mine.....Too bad if the woman has worked all day and has been running around after the kids. It's still her 'duty' to provide for the man. So ok he runs the odd bubble bath for her every now and again.....sheesh!
I believe that MAN should be the provider when children are involved, but as a solo person? No Things like finances should be equal and that includes a night out. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:26:27 AM | Thank you . I never meet American , but I ever have dated with a 26 years old French, he was fatanstic.It's regret that he was leave china. :'(
Anyhow,we should look ahead. Good luck! | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:36:07 AM | ho,most woman here are regular 9-to-5er. after work,they have to cooking, wash the clothes, take care of their family...
In China,it's very complicated. Most of parents no have enough old pension, and according to our law '' children who have come of age have the duty to support and assist their parents" So there're 2 parents in a family,and the wife have duty to care them. It's not easy to be a Chinese woman. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:44:38 AM | | Your country is one of the strongest in the world. You save money. Americans spend money. Your country has the potential to become the leader in the world of economics, surpassing the richest and most powerful. Your government needs to use some money to help the people. I feel China will explode with change, as the world has its eyes on you. You are a Super Power, and have the capacity to do fantastic things. You have already helped the world in producing cheap goods, in order for people to improve their quality of life. Now it is time for China to give back to its own people. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:18:11 AM | It's not just China, chinasweety.
Hot companion with a huge diamond on her hand, outrageously expensive purse, mansion in a coveted location all make a man.
All high rollers in financial hubs, such as Hollywood, Washington DC, NYC, London, Paris, Zurich have a "trophy wife".
She is hot, educated, polite, well bred usually and just an ornament on her man's arm.
Even presidents have one "best of show" woman to show off what they can do for her.
Wife of high-rollers do not work to make money.
Ever.
Man is not considered "the man" unless he has the capability to provide comfort to his family and allow his woman (women) to dwell in luxury.
It is more pronounced in Japan, Latin America, Korea, Spain, Italy, all of Eastern Europe.
Men there have their worth tied directly to their woman's prestige. He can score THAT chick, he's "the man".
I think it's the same in USA though.
Those truly wealthy have their trophy women and it is considered the norm.
Clintons, Bush, McCain, look even at current presidential situation. Michelle Obama, incredible corporate lawyer, had to drop the job to be a suitable First Lady, thus proving her husband is "the man", the provider. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:53:08 AM | | I have some lifelong lady friends that would probably disagree with you. They make their own way, the thought of being treated like a concubine would bring on a gag reflex. Remember this isn't China, yet. Every woman has the right to not care for a "cheap date", but the days of Ward and June Cleaver are long dead. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:03:20 AM | Yup. Long dead.
June Cleaver wasn't expected to bring income in addidtion to cooking, cleaning and rearing children.
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:24:25 AM |
First,in China, it is normal that boyfirend or husband pay for his girl friend or wife.So when they are in a relationship with foreigner they also think her bf or hubby wish to pay for her. It was like that too in the West. It only changed when women fought for equal pay and work. That meant that the same money was spread between men and women. So now here in the West, 50% of the money that men had is now in women's hands, and so all the money they would have spent on their woman is now already in her hands. So she's already been given that money, and the men don't have that much money any more, so many cannot afford to give it again.
Second,it's said that a successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.And in most cases,Chinese boyfriend or husband is richer than his gf or wife.(some think in a perfect family,man is 2/3 times richer than woman). Meanwhile, if his girl friend or wife pay for him,he will lose dignity. It was that way too in the West, when a woman wouldn't think of buying more than one good dress a year. But now, women can spend $100,000 in a single day, without trying. Now, the only men who make more money than their wife can spend, earn at least $1 trillion a day. Most men don't earn that much. In fact, no-one does. Women can now spend more money than anyone has, even the Sultan of Brunei.
Third,maybe because men enjoy so much power and prestige in society, there is a tendency to consider men should do favour of women in other aspects. Before gender equality, men enjoyed lots of power and prestige in society. Since gender equality, and the companies and corporations realised that women controlled the household spending, and not the man, the woman enjoys lots of power and prestige in society, and men are often disempowered, and are insulted frequently in society.So according to your logic, women should do favours to men.
I am an office lady,I can pay for my bill.But I feel comfortable when my ex boy friend pay for our taxi,movie,restaurant and so on. That is very nice. You can probably find lots of men in China who will pay your way. You can find some here. But the majority of reasonable men, acknowledge that this is a different society than the one you grew up in, one where your values just make things very difficult for everyone. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:26:19 AM | what an interesting perspective! never thought of it that way but it makes sense. same problem with women from single woman families, they are looking, often, for someone to be daddy and not a friend. tell me what to do is the most common thing I've heard. I've got a friend who writes a column on line, Victoria Hart Glavin about men and women and she prefers older men. She looks like that girl on Miami Crime thing program, the little blonde, and gets hit on by young guys constantly. She only dates older guys for the reasons you noted here.
I'm not sure if paying is part of a sense of pride, but I've always viewed a girl (lady that bothers you) as my guest. I invited her and she is there to have a good time and that is my responsibility. If other things come along then that is just part of the good time. I've gone and had my date pay because she invited me and wanted to, so I just shut up and enjoyed. I think it has a lot to do with understanding how men and women interact, what the expectations are from each and what the end game is in a relationship. If you've not lived that in formative years, how can you know? Great note you wrote. Thanks. Carl | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:38:15 AM |
Many younger men were raised by single moms without fathers, the dads either left or weren`t providers, so they have no role models of men being the providers. they have been provided for exclusively by their mothers, and are therefore used to being taken care of by their mother. They do not see it as an honor, duty or of high esteem to take "care" of their lady. Some are just as proud to be able to find a woman to take care of them.
How interesting! Pearls of wisdom from POF.
My common-law husband of 15 years was raised by Mom and Gran (who lived together). He never knew his father who lived on another continent, Australia, which is where he was born. He very much wanted children with me, but after they were born, I was stunned by his expectations. He expected and was very comfortable with the idea that I should be the financial provider, do all the womanly duties of household, do all the parenting and child-rearing and be at his side to share half of what we might consider the male contributions.
He continued this "privilege of being born male" into his next realtionship and I hear, through the grapevine, in his present relationship. This is a man who has been reared and provided for, by women and who has an Aussie mentality, as mentioned in another post on this thread. I hadn't put the dots together until today. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:33:31 AM | | First off I want to thank all the women who take the time and money to doll themselves up. I love it. If she can spend money to be your arm jewelry, then you can do the same for yourself and make all the women in the room wonder what is she doing to have a man like that. That way if things don't work out you still invested for yourself and not a loss in the emotional stock market. Anynationality Anytime Anywhere. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:34:33 PM | Being 3 times richer is not the problem ...
The problem is keeping my dignity after you get me drunk and I wind up singing karaoke all night.
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:09:03 PM | I'm a Canadian born Chinese girl, and I think that my upbringing has still influenced me in terms of wanting the man to treat for the first date and pay for dinner, etc. I've grown up with it being a matter of pride and a nice gesture to treat for dinner, to the point where it's common to see families fighting to pay for the bill (so that they can be the ones to treat). I don't think we need to lose the tradition of men paying for dates just because I work and make my own money (it's a nice gesture that helps to differentiate between just hanging out with a platonic male friend with being on a date with a man who is interested in you romantically and wants to do nice things for you because he has those feelings). Men are still biologically speaking the ones that need to court women. I enjoy treating a man I'm interested in too, and it tends to all even out over time, but first dates would be much easier if we all just agree to the convention that the man pays for the first. If there's a second, then the woman can pay for the second and the couple can alternate or do whatever they are comfortable with. This would just eliminate a lot of confusion in dating, as well as not risk blowing it with the old fashioned girls.
Even though there is a lot of protest about men paying on these forums, I find in actual practice, most guys that I go out with do still pay for the first date (and some keep insisting on paying after that too, to maybe letting me pay every third time or something like that). I date men in their thirties and twenties. I have encountered the other type too, that insists on splitting, and still find it cheap, even though I consider myself a modern woman, and I'm living in Canada, and I don't date for money (and have dated men from a wide range of financial situations). I do only date white guys (just who I happen to have been attracted to so far), and I suspect I would encounter the splitting thing even less if I dated more Asians. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:38:05 PM | | Well you are not in China anymore now are you? You know the old saying "when in Rome do as the Romans do". | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:00:11 PM |
Someone may thinks that Chinese girl are hungry of money. I don't agree with it, for several reasons addressed below
Now keep in mind this does not apply to all Asians in general or certain nationalities but some Asians can be very shrewd when it comes to money. Some of that I learned from being married to one along with working for some of them.
My brother is married to a Vietnamese woman. When she went to her parents to ask to borrow money to help pay for the down payment on their first house, they were very reluctant to give it to her. Until she mentioned about paying interest when she paid it back....lol
Not don't get me wrong, some of my best friends were Asians...and the majority of them are very hard working.
So believe me its just not Americans who see the value of money.... | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:12:15 PM | Well, maybe that's the way you do it in China, but I'm NOT in China and I prefer to do things the way the guy I'm out with and I see fit. DON'T go trying to push your ways on the rest of us. I'm perfectly comfortable paying my own way on a date. If the guy I'm with CHOOSES to pay for me, that's his choice, but I DON'T expect him to. Why should I?
As for a successful man making more money than his wife can spend. Sounds to me like someone's VERY greedy!!! Most men don't make millions of dollars. I for one wouldn't want a man who made that much money. All I require is enough money to pay my bills and I do that on my own with a little left over to do things I enjoy.
WHERE do you get the idea that men enjoy so much power and prestige in society? Maybe that's the way it is in YOUR society but in most countries these days women are just as powerful and prestigious as men.
Me thinks someone needs to step out of the box and realize that most countries have evolved.
As for the poster who says that Chinese women cherish their men, maybe they do, but they aren't the only ones that do. Women from ALL countries in the world cherish their men. Not all women, but I'm willing to bet not all Chinese women do either. | |
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| she is honey girl or money girl?
Posted: 11/10/2008 9:57:00 PM | Someone may thinks that Chinese girl are hungry of money. I don't agree with it, for several reasons addressed below:
First,in China, it is normal that boyfirend or husband pay for his girl friend or wife.So when they are in a relationship with foreigner they also think her bf or hubby wish to pay for her. I don't think that's only a Chinese custom. I believe years ago the man always paid for the women here too. The men worked, the women worked harder...at home! lol
Second,it's said that a successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.And in most cases,Chinese boyfriend or husband is richer than his gf or wife.(some think in a perfect family,man is 2/3 times richer than woman). Meanwhile, if his girl friend or wife pay for him,he will lose dignity. That's there and this is here where many wives now make way more than their husbands. Although I think there are still men out there that feel less dignified if their significant other ALWAYS pays for them.
Third,maybe because men enjoy so much power and prestige in society, there is a tendency to consider men should do favour of women in other aspects. Changes have put women up there on the ladder too so their power, and prestige..can afford to pay many times. Of course in exchange for their favor the man should now have to do everything the woman had to do. Don't you think? lol
Let's see now, where's my dinner, clean laundry, and slippers dear???? Oh yeah, a cold brew would be nice too!
I am an office lady,I can pay for my bill.But I feel comfortable when my ex boy friend pay for our taxi,movie,restaurant and so on. When I was married our finances were together so it mattered not who opened their wallet to pay for anything for either of us. While dating though...I'm not comfortable with anyone always footing the bill for me......unless of course I knew for sure that they had it and it was no problem for them. Otherwise, I'm very conscious of who pays for what because I don't ever want anyone to think I'm taking advantage of them.
The problem is keeping my dignity after you get me drunk and I wind up singing karaoke all night. Have camera, will travel! This I gotta see!
lol. Are you really singing all night once your drunk? Ohhh those pics could be worth a lot. Maybe this will boost my income enough to pay for my dates from now on... lol | |
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