| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:47:45 AM | | why is it that some men get angry if the woman wants to add toys during a night of lovemaking? I always thought men were all for it. Is it becuase they want to be what causes the woman or orgasm? How can I possibly change this situation to make him feel better about using them? | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:55:59 AM | *shrugs* Why is it that some women get upset if the guy invites 30 of hhis buddies over to join in?
It's all about preferences. We all have them and they're all different.
Have you tried talking to him about his and your preferences? He is the only person that knows what his objections are! | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:58:13 AM | | I have asked him but he doesnt seem to want to discuss it. apparantely toys are off limits to discussion and use. I know him and his ex never used them but im not his ex. Maybe he is scared of them for some reason. He has no experience with them as far as i can tell and unwilling to even try. When i say toy I am not talking of dildo's. I do not use them. I am speaking of simple small vibrator to enhance the evening. You see I have never in my entire life had one orgasm from intercourse alone. I need the extra help of a tiny vibrator that massages the clit. he is completely against it. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:08:06 AM |
Why is it that some women get upset if the guy invites 30 of hhis buddies over to join in?
^^ Sounds good to me.................LOL !!
Seriously,he sounds pretty immature to me....as if he'd be "jealous" you may derive more pleasure from your toys than him ??
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:11:12 AM | | The problem is that some men feel threatened by toys. "What,am I not enough for you?" Personally I enjoy using toys during sex,if that's what she likes as well. I can usually get my partner off,but sometimes a toy will add another dimension entirely. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:15:54 AM | | Some men take it as an insult on their ability to provide pleasure for you! They want sexual interactions to be of their own volition. Sort of a kick in the pants - hitting them in their masculinity! | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:17:39 AM | My ex was like that.... hell, he even threw most of my toys away! 
No way will I ever get involved with a man that won't play with toys... IMO most guys like that are insecure. Boys and their toys got nuthin' on us chicks and our tricks!!! 
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:22:11 AM | First, a toy can never take the place of a man. A toy can't hold you and kiss you. You and a toy cannot be intimate.
That said, truly wonderful love making is unhibited, passionate, and should never be threatening to either party, if he is not comfortable with it, perhaps you should start with something a little less threatening to him and work up to toys later. However, your lovemaking should never include 30 of his friends..ick. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:23:50 AM | seems to me he would wnat to help me anyway he could since he knows I have not had an orgasm with him since we married two weeks ago. If I do help myself he is at work and im alone because just as he likes to orgasm, so do I. But I wnat them with him there. There has to be some solution to this problem. A toy can never take the place of a man is very true and something I have not yet said to him. I will mention that and see what he says. Last time i tried to use my vibrator after intercourse , he was in bathroom cleaning up and he heard the small noise of my toy and he shuts off the water and says f u c k and so i immediately turned it off and did without orgasm.
To poster 16 yes i have had orgasm but never with him. I have to do it when he is not home and im alone. Im one of those kind of women who cannot have orgasm through intercourse alone. As to wildman , I do not use dildo's so im not bringing dildo's to bed.
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:42:56 AM | "IMO most guys like that are insecure. Boys and their toys got nuthin on us chicks and our tricks!!!"
I wonder if you would feel the same way if your guy was bringing a vibrating vagina to bed with him every night? And instead of penetrating YOU, he would use it instead to finish himself off. How would the old ego handle that?.
Toys are fine if they are the right kind of toys for the situation and handled correctly. If a guy has a hangup about his penis size, His girlfriend bringing a 10 inch black dildo to bed with her is going to make him uncomfortable. Just as uncomfortable as the woman with the hangup about being too loose would be if her b/f started bringing vibrating vaginas to bed and fuc king it instead of her. A strap on is looked at as a toy, But my g/f bringing it to bed with us would not only make me uncomfortable, but send me running, I guess I'm also insecure when it comes to SOME toys.
I don't care who you're, ALL of us have limits when it comes to sex. If a partner introduces something into the bedroom that might cross those limits, of course we're going to be uncomfortable with it. That's not "insecure" but rather boundries. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:44:04 AM | kittenhere
Wow, what a dilemma and disappointment for you.
Ive never understood why men feel so threatened about adding toys that hold no threat at all. But mention adding another female and they jump for joy and anticipation.
That said; if he is into any kind of bedroom play, blind fold him and tie his wrist to the bed post , then use one of your toys on him … allow him to experience how good the stimulation from the toy feels. Might take more than once, and a lot of patience on your part, but in time I think he will come to understand the toy doesn’t replace him or you, it just enhances the experience.
Also … find informative books on the subject of extended orgasms (most require toys) and replace his books in the bathroom with them.
Just my 2cents worth | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:45:28 AM | What is the problem? Since you have been married you have not had an orgasm? Why?
Of course he should want to help you, BUT he is not comfortable with toys, there are other ways. There is a very good book titled Men in Love, it is a collection of stories from real men and the women they love and how they feel about making love to those women. It's a good read, you should pick up a copy, it will give you some good insight and perhaps some ideas that don't involve toys. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:57:35 AM |
why is it that some men get angry if the woman wants to add toys during a night of lovemaking?
Anger is usually hurt in disguise. Just guessing, but if you were making love, and pulled out your toy during/just following, he probably thinks you have just clearly shown that his performance needs prosthetic support. Yep. He's not good enough for you.
I always thought men were all for it.
I am. Much as I can understand that a man would most want his body to be all and more than you can handle, I am quite pleased if my partner wants to exhaust her capabilities while I am involved. First, a woman's capabilities, especially sexually, are fascinating to almost all men. I think that explains a fair amount of the male interest in porn. I have this notion that a woman's orgasm may well be overall superior in every sense to my own, and besides, even if they are equivalent, you can have multiples. Secondly, even if I cannot provide you with the same sensations as a toy (I don't vibrate; I just tremble and shudder, at much lower frequencies, never with the flick of a switch or otherwise controllable), my mission if we are intimate is to provide you with the kind of experience you will want to refresh, renew, and repeat. If I am involved in your pleasure, even if just in the vicinity, well, I'm just proud to be there, and hoping that you will closely associate, if not wholly attribute, the total experience with me.
Thirdly, I really want you to leave it all on the field I'm on, and not have anything left for others.
Is it becuase they want to be what causes the woman or orgasm?
Of course. And we want to be your sole, best ever, irreplaceable source of the most overwhelming orgasm(s), both quantity and quality, that you have ever had or can imagine. I want you addicted to MY c-ck.
How can I possibly change this situation to make him feel better about using them?
I am not him, but, (1) pump him up, his prowess, his beauty, his inspirational power over you, (2) try using the toys, or some kind of toy, on him, for one or more "sessions", i.e., educate his senses, and his mind will follow (3) have him use the toys on you; add them to his toolbelt, make them as much his as yours, at least in his mind.
There was certainly a time, post-virginity, when I might have been ambivalent, or even resented, my partner's unabashed use of toys to augment my performance, my "game", what I brought to the equation, when the use of toys just had not occurred to me. I got over it. I am not so advanced, unlike some in the forum pages, who can welcome anything or anyone into their sexual episodes with their SO's (except occasionally on a fantasy level). However, sometimes I like to add water to the mix, not to dilute the experience, but to enhance it. And that leads me to wondering about other ingredients as well. | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 19 | |
| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:01:14 AM |
I have asked him but he doesnt seem to want to discuss it. apparantely toys are off limits to discussion and use.
He may just be one of those people that isn't into it and was raised in a way where actually discussing sexual issues is a taboo thing. If you can't bridge that gap and this is a big issue for you then it may just be a deal breaker.
My ex-wife was very much against the whole idea of any toys at all - as far as she was concerned "toys" = "perverted". My last LTR, however, didn't have any of those hang-ups and things were a lot more... interesting.  | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 20 | |
| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:04:45 AM |
seems to me he would wnat to help me anyway he could since he knows I have not had an orgasm with him since we married two weeks ago.
This never came up as an issue or discussion BEFORE you got married? Oh dear... | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:14:13 AM | | I'm asking the same question as the poster above. Did you have sex with him before you got married? If so, was it an issue for you all along? Personally speaking, I reserve my "toys" for sex with myself on my own time. When I am with a man, I haven't felt the need for "outside" stimulation. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:19:31 AM | | We lived togehter before we got married and no I never brought up toys. If he never lets me use it or him to use it on me then I will accept it. I will not divorce him for this problem we are having beucase I can use it witout him. But I would like him involved when I use it. It seems almost unfair that if we dont come to some solution my own hubby will never see me have an orgasm. At same time its unfair to me that i cant have one with hubby participating. I have never had a problem in past with this situation. as to poster below I dont know how this subject can be confusing at all. I have already said no we did not disucss toys before marriage. I do not use dildo's. I have never had this problem in the past. Sex is not high enough on my list to divorce over this. He is a wonderful man in every way and I will never leave him for sexually issues. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:21:35 AM | What was your sex life like BEFORE you got married? It sounds like the introduction of toys is something that started AFTER you two were married. Did you have sex before getting married? or did sex wait until after marriage?. Honestly it does not sound like you're compatible sexually.
I can't understand why anyone would marry someone that can't get them off sexually, unless sex is not high on your list, But it sounds like its very high on your list from your thread. Your thread is somewhat confusing, maybe you need to clarify something for us before going any further.
Edit.... So you lived together, but you NEVER bring up anything about toys or your lack of orgasm. You waited until you're married THEN you start bringing out the toys. DO YOU REALLY NEED TO ASK WHY HE IS NOW UNCOMFORTABLE?.
If toys are important to you sexually, it's totally unfair you keeping it from this guy UNTIL you got married, It's like you already knew it was going to be an issue, so you kept it to yourself until you got the ring and the papers. Totally deceptive in my opinion..... Total BS. | |
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| men disapproving of toys as addition in lovemaking
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:28:13 AM | | why is becuase I have siad it over and over I cannot have orgasm throuigh intercourse alone as many women cannot. I wnat to add the toy just to make orgasm happen. Yes we were intimate before marriage. No I did not ask about toys until recently but of course I never thought it wouild be a problem for him either. | |
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