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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:11:33 PM | I strongly believe that signes of jealousy right off the bat are the biggest red flag!
Jealous people are angry people and need to learn how to recognize their behavior.
Especially if they are jealous and have had to much to drink!!!
Some behaviors that show the possibility that a dating partner may eventually become physically violence may include extreme jealousy, blaming others for all problems, never being able to admit to wrongdoing, cruelty to animals, and holding rigid beliefs about sex roles for men and women.
The following stories show some warning signs that a boyfriend may get more controlling or violent.
Jealousy:“My boyfriend is really crazy about me. He just hates it when I talk to other guys. I tell him they’re just friends, but he says they’re all after me.
One time we got into a fight because he saw me sitting with another guy in the cafeteria. I tried to tell him we were just studying for a math test, but he said I was lying and slapped me.
"I guess he gets jealous because he loves me so much.” If someone is jealous we often think it’s a compliment—like it’s his way of showing he cares.
It’s normal to feel jealous now and then, but we can’t keep someone from having other friends. No one has the right to control whom we see or whom we choose as friends.
A slap (or any kind of violence) is not a sign of love and affection.
It’s a sign of control and no one deserves it. We have no right to control what someone does by threatening or hurting them. When we get so mad we want to hit somebody, we should walk away from the situation. When we cool off we can try talking about what happened.
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Anyone can get frustrated when things don’t go their way, but abusing people we care about to get what we want is never okay. Being hurt by a friend’s words or actions doesn’t justify using physical force. If you can’t handle the situation, walk away and talk it out at another time. No one has the right to make decisions for another person. It’s okay to end a relationship with someone who tries to control you with force.
I break off relationships where the date I am with is jealous, this is my belief... | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:44:55 PM |
I strongly believe that signes of jealousy right off the bat are the biggest red flag!
Jealous people are angry people and need to learn how to recognize their behavior.
Especially if they are jealous and have had to much to drink!!!
Paul -- I agree with your assertion above. However, I can also offer up an alternative scenario that also involves jealousy, and you take some time to think about it...
It's a scenario that sees you, the man, involved with her, the woman, and she gets absolutely INSANE when you don't get jealous because someone is flirting with her. By INSANE, I mean just that...over the top, if a shrink was on site they'd lock her up INSANE. Then to be "advised" later on during her fit of bawling that you are a heartless ***hole because you "just don't care". "If you truly loved me, you woulda interjected yourself".
I've been with the Jealous A types like you've mentioned, and I've also been with the Jealous B types as well. Ever had that luxury too, or is it just me that was so "lucky"?
Anyone can get frustrated when things don’t go their way, but abusing people we care about to get what we want is never okay. Being hurt by a friend’s words or actions doesn’t justify using physical force. If you can’t handle the situation, walk away and talk it out at another time. No one has the right to make decisions for another person. It’s okay to end a relationship with someone who tries to control you with force.
Abusing people when you're frustrated or feeling "powerless" as women put it, is never justifiable in any form. I also agree with you 100% there. You're also right on the money that it's okay to end an abusive relationship with someone who tries to control you through means of force or abuse, but that abuse can be mental/financial/emotional as well as physical. This is why I just don't understand the ones that stay "for the sake of..." types. In those cases, there are no victims, just volunteers as someone once said.
I break off relationships where the date I am with is jealous, this is my belief...
And I agree with you 100% here too, Paul. Like you, I punt the jealous ones to the curb. Everyone gets a pass for their first mistake (depending on the severity)...they do it again, and it's bye bye time for them. I don't know about you, but for me, it's because I have better things to do with my time than listen to the pointless musings of an irrational mind. Jealousy is irrational, and serves no real purpose or benefit to anyone. I'd rather be alone forever than to live a lifetime with a jealous person, always on my ass about what this person said to me, or what this one did to me, or whatever the case may be. Jealous types have issues that even *I* could never help them with, so best they leave and work on them by themselves.
Interesting topic. Good job.  | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:27:54 PM | | ...just to add to the title of your thread, you are correct. I may as well add, abusive relationships begin as fairy tale, I think it is safe to state that. There is something unreal about relationship that become abusive in the future, the abusers know how to please you right from the bat, they are going out of their ways to please you, all the way.... this is not a normal behaviour, because in real life, there should be more boundries and especially at the beginning of the new relationship, when people get to know each other. One of the characteristics of the abusers, is that they very quickly commit, almost instantly...this what I mean by there is something 'unreal' and a sense of fairy tale... like this is too good to be true. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:08:07 AM | I may as well add, abusive relationships begin as fairy tale, I think it is safe to state that. There is something unreal about relationship that become abusive in the future, the abusers know how to please you right from the bat, they are going out of their ways to please you, all the way.
I agree with you totally on this. I have been in an abusive relationship. I was young and very in experienced. I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world until the verbal and physical violence started. I talked to someone I shouldn't have, I said the wrong thing, I didn't get home soon enough from work and the list goes on. It took me 14 years and two children to figure out this wasn't the way relationships are supposed to be. The experience was a strong wakeup call though. Now I see all the tell tell signs and avoid certain types of men because of it. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:27:18 AM | It goes both ways though........there is the BAIT .....to incite drama and enjoy the reaction. Back in grade school kids would bait the bf...gf...by talking to members of the opposite sex and laughing, flirting. When they grow up....they are still BAITING....flirting with others to get a reaction to see how much they care about them
That green-eyed monster does not come out for no reason....it's brought on by disprespecting and minimizing the importance of what two people have for each other when in a relationship. One baits to get a reaction.....then when they DO get a reaction. Then they are labeled....."Psycho"......"crazy".
Those who openly flirt ...tease...come on to others IN FRONT of the person you have been intimate with .......should not react? Mind you there are ways to react but some people who set it all up to get the reaction...likes the drama or they would not disrespect their loved one like that....
So whose is doing the abuse? The baiter or the hater? | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 2:30:33 AM | The biggest red flag(s) when getting involved with someone who has the potential of being a physical abuser is that they are already “verbal abusers”. But because some don’t recognize and/or understand when they may be verbally abused I suggest a visit to your local library and reserving this book:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
How to recognize it and how to respond
by: Patricia Evans
The book is great for both layperson and professionals (psychotherapist) that explain the signs and damage that these relationship can cause. Jealous behavior is a red flag itself but is just a symptom of a more underlying problem(s) with the spouse that will abuse their partner verbally. Jealousy itself show us that person is emotional insecure in that relationship and most often then not it has nothing to do with the object of their jealousy. Which is something that jealousy does as well. When we become jealous we then choose to make that person into a object not a real person. Objects are possessions that we can be jealous of but people are not objects and we have no right to treat them as one. Anyway back to the book. Here are the categories of verbal abuse:
1. Withholding
2. Countering
3. Discounting
4. Verbal abuse disguised as jokes
5. Blocking and diverting
6.Accusing and blaming
7. Judging and criticizing
8. Trivializing
9. Undermining
10. Threatening
11. Name calling
12. Forgetting
13. Ordering
14. Denial
15. Abusive anger
This book is written mostly in the women’s perspective that Ms. Evans treats as clients but men too can and are verbally abused as well.. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 2:58:54 AM |
One of the characteristics of the abusers, is that they very quickly commit, almost instantly...this what I mean by there is something 'unreal' and a sense of fairy tale... like this is too good to be true.
La Gioconda you would be correct but allow me to take this one step further. People who commit too quickly are emotionally immature as well. We all know that any “real” relationship takes time. All relationships are an investment and learning about each other again take time and effort with both parties. Which explains why people who commit so quick look silly and backward (unreal/fairy tale) because they are trying to bring about this relationship “backward”. People can be infatuated with someone they just met a few times but this isn’t love and should never be confused with love. Love takes time and effort to build and it never happens in a very short time. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 4:47:29 AM | Very serious topic. Check these websites for info about bullying/stalking/abuse:
USA sex offender registry -
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
http://mapsexoffenders.com/
USA Bureau of Justice crime statistics -
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/
Workplace bullying and related issues -
http://www.bullyonline.org/
Stalking -
http://www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm
Stalking: Dealing with Stalkers, CyberStalkers and other Online Predators -
http://www.spiesonline.net/cyberstalkers.shtml
Cult info -
http://www.rickross.com/help.html
Women's self defense info -
http://www.wendo.ca/pages/resources.htm
I also strongly urge women to take some self defense and/or weapons training. Better to know it and not need it, than need it and not know it. Be prepared! | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 4:56:42 AM |
I break off relationships where the date I am with is jealous, this is my belief...
Hey, do whatever you want to do but this seems like taking things to an absurd extreme.
I could just as easily claim that "Moving Cars" are the first warning sign of an impending car accident but that doess't mean that every moving car is going to be involved in one.
Yes, people do get jealous and some of them do go on to abuse others. That doesn't mean that all , or even the majority of them, do so. IMO, you are either fooling yourself and not seeing jealousy when it exists or you are destined to a lonely life. I've met very few people during my lifetime that didn't have some level of jealousy about something at one time or another. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 5:04:46 AM | Very good point Jim978. Jealosy falls right in there with anger....We all have it, it is how we deal with it that matters..... If the jealosy is to the point where one cannot talk to the opposite sex without the SO becoming enraged, then it is time to reevaluate the relationship. And yes it does go both ways. Women can be just as abusive as men.
MHO
Sugar | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 5:45:17 AM | Perhaps jealousy is a sign of abuse to come, perhaps not.
I run from jealous people because I find it very unattractive and a total turn-off.
However, that hasn't saved me from being caught up with abusive people.
There's other signs to look for too. Insecurity, giving up control, taking control, black/white thinking, keeping score, attachment too quickly, and others
Canoist | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 8:46:01 AM | There is a healthy form of jealousy and an unhealthy sick form of jealousy .
The healthy form helps you keep your emotional boundries which in turn helps you maintain your sense of self worth and dignity .
The unhealthy form takes away your freedom , degrades your boundries , destroys your balance and takes away your overall sense of self .
For example, as a guy, when I was in a relationship and there was this dood who was always . I mean 3-4 times a week asking my then GF out for coffea or to go to a movie or hang out . ( I was in a different city at this time ).
I fell for the guilt trip that I was just being Jealouse cause I said that I had a problem with that . That he was just a "freind"
Now when ever we were out and a good looking waitress, co worker or attendant even talked to me for any more than a minute, or go out for drinks with co workers I could always look to the side of me and see a face that was crimson and I would hear about it when we were alone together .
My opinion . Jealousy can be healthy , and unhealthy .
There are alot of people who get up on their "soap box" about this issue and really fail to mention that their are healthy natural emotional mechanisms inside of us all that tell us , "things arent comming together the way that that they should for us" as well.
I geusse the difference is that the sane individuals will just civilly , and respectfully say their peace trusting that they will be listened to and understood and if not leave the relationship out of respect for themselves and the person they are with ( Go ahead sweet heart do what makes you happy just not with me ) or the insane abusive types who cry whine throw emotional hissy fits, name calling, shoving and hitting. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:00:00 AM |
That green-eyed monster does not come out for no reason....it's brought on by disprespecting and minimizing the importance of what two people have for each other when in a relationship. One baits to get a reaction.....then when they DO get a reaction. Then they are labeled....."Psycho"......"crazy".
Those who openly flirt ...tease...come on to others IN FRONT of the person you have been intimate with .......should not react? Mind you there are ways to react but some people who set it all up to get the reaction...likes the drama or they would not disrespect their loved one like that....
So whose is doing the abuse? The baiter or the hater?
My2 -- I have to vehemently disagree with that claim of "disrespect" and "minimizing" that you mentioned above. While I do understand the premise behind baiting someone to get a reaction, not all are cut from the same cloth.
I'm one of "them" who openly flirts right in front of my SO, and I have always been this way. I don't do it to bait her into a reaction, I do it because it's how I am. Knowing that jealousy will never be something we can ignore, as it's an emotion like any other, this is why those that do end up with me understand very early on, that I flirt...and no, I will not stop just because they think it's disrespectful. I've seen a lot of very happy go lucky types end up miserable and just a shell of their former selves by ending up with those types...you see them everywhere, quietly sitting there with their SO, saying and doing nothing except nodding and smiling their fake smiles...silently wishing the ceiling would fall down on their head...
Not for me, man. EVER.
After observing what jealousy can do to toxify a relationship, I went from just being me and not saying a word about it, to attaching a disclaimer of sorts to my mates as they come by now...like an advisory..."Caution: Will flirt". Seems to have worked out pretty well, as I haven't had any jealousy issues to speak of since I started "warning" them that this is how I do things.
But to say that it's "disrespecting" or "minimizing" them, I will have to say fuhgeddaboutit. Expecting someone to stop being who they are once they pair off, THAT is disrespectful and minimizing. Implying that those who flirt openly are doing it to bait a reaction...nonsense. If I was concerned about this reaction, why would I bother letting them know about it (my flirting) well beforehand? It's kinda like being told about the finale of a movie you haven't seen yet.
Not all of us live for the drama.  | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:22:29 AM | Jinx, I think what your explaining shows the importance of communication. Part of a person feeling jealous in this situation has less to do with the fact that you are harmlessly flirting, and more to do with the fact that the other person doesn't view flirting in the same light.
I'm not a natural flirt by nature, I tend to flirt when I'm interested in someone, so if I was with someone and they started to flirt with someone else, than my very first instinct would be that they are interested in that other person. Unless it was communicated before hand then a persons first instinct is always to be personal.
I admit there are times when I have little discusions with the green eyed monster, and most times that has to do with my own insecurities. Although I do have personal experience where the green eyed monster was correct. Having dated this one gal for a couple of years, she started flirting with my sisters boyfriend. I called her on it, and apparently I was being jealous.... about a month later we broke up and well, she started dating that fellow. Hmmm go figure. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:39:26 AM | Jealousy is a sign of low-self esteem either about the person who is feeling it or the relationship. If a person feels "good enough" and is involved in a mature relationship that consists of communication, and know how to communicate their feelings, there is no reason for jealousy. They'll feel jealous and either have a talk with themselves or the other person. If they determine that it's the other person that cannot be trusted, they feel good about themselves, so they'll leave the relationship. People with healthy esteem don't look to others to "make" them feel better.
Because all abusers suffer from low self-esteem I agree with the OP, constant, perpetual jealousy is a HUGE RED FLAG. Run, do not walk, to the exit.
Who wants the job of assuring a person constantly of your affection? | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:51:28 AM | It depends on what you call flirting. If it's a smile and a quick exchange of good will, no problem. If you're going to chat it up and exchange phone numbers, I'm outta there. Nothing like feeling like a third wheel when you're out on a date. I just think that would be rude. I say think because dating is mostly hypothetical for me at this stage. 
My father was abusive. My first husband hit me when he was drunk and I left him. I don't think jealousy necessarily equates to abusiveness. There's many triggers for abusive behaviors. I am lucky that all the relationships I've had since my mid 20's have been non physically abusive. One could have gone that way (he had the kind of jealousy that would make things up out of thin air), but I bailed on him. He was my catalyst for getting out of my first marriage. I decided to cut that connection which was really painful, but lesson was learned and has never been repeated.
I think I am a jealous person. If I get jealous, it's because it impinges on my dignity. It has nothing to do with possessiveness. Possessiveness is a trait I seem to be free from. I don't own anyone and no one owns me. If I see the guy I'm with finds another person more interesting than me, then I figure they are free to pursue their interests unhampered by my presence and I'm free to find something more interesting to do than sit and watch them flirt. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:20:07 PM | blaming others for all problems, never being able to admit to wrongdoing,
Yes and this takes the form of them always apologizing after they are angry with the exception that "YOU just make me so angry" Or "If I didn't care so much about you it wouldn't matter" Placing the blame for their actions back onto the abused.
They also like to isolate their victims by many means ie telling them that their friends aren't good enough for them, lieing about things your friends have said to turn you against them, making you feel guilty when you spend time with friends or family. They are very good at making the victim feel guilty about things also.
Another form of abuse is when the abuser makes their SO feel sorry for them in order to control them. "everyone is against me and now you are too." Is a classic line used. "If you loved me you wouldn't do this/that." Also used a lot by the abuser.
There are many forms of abuse and many times because we hear more about the physical abuse we don't think of our partner as being abusive. The jealousy you talk about is not a matter of them being in love with you it is a matter of them using it as a way to CONTROL you. There is a difference between the two. If your partner sees you talking to someone else and goes psycho on you that is a control issue. If your partner sees you talking to someone else and later tells you I was a little jealous when you talked to so and so I felt left out of the conversation. That isn't so bad.
The main thing I look for is someone who always blames someone else for their problems. This to me is a major thing aside from the jealousy. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:23:00 PM | Jinx, I think what your explaining shows the importance of communication. Part of a person feeling jealous in this situation has less to do with the fact that you are harmlessly flirting, and more to do with the fact that the other person doesn't view flirting in the same light.
HJTGUK -- I hear where you're coming from, and this is why, out of respect, I decided long ago to inform the potentials that this is how I roll. If they weren't comfortable with it, then they left. Only a few ever tried to push the issue and insist that it ends with them on the scene. Asking me to stop flirting would be no different than me asking them to stop breathing.
I'm not a natural flirt by nature, I tend to flirt when I'm interested in someone, so if I was with someone and they started to flirt with someone else, than my very first instinct would be that they are interested in that other person. Unless it was communicated before hand then a persons first instinct is always to be personal.
I never used to be, in fact, in the beginning I wouldn't even hardly say two words to the opposite sex, let alone flirt with them. As I aged, flirting became second nature to me, so I went with it and never looked back. A lot of people look at flirting as "interest", but I see it as "interesting". Just meaning, I find you interesting enough to flirt with...but it doesn't preclude I'm "interested" as some would choose to imply.
I admit there are times when I have little discusions with the green eyed monster, and most times that has to do with my own insecurities. Although I do have personal experience where the green eyed monster was correct. Having dated this one gal for a couple of years, she started flirting with my sisters boyfriend. I called her on it, and apparently I was being jealous.... about a month later we broke up and well, she started dating that fellow. Hmmm go figure.
In some cases, for those that don't understand boundaries, it can and will lead to the jealous bone being correct. If one flirts 'cause they're "interested" that's one thing...if you flirt because one's "interesting", that's another thing altogether. Some just associate them together and don't see the seperation point. One of the ones I mentioned earlier on that spazzed because I didn't have a reaction...she flirted because she was "interested". She lived for the drama that it invoked in her mates, and thrived on it. Because I didn't bite, she took it personally having been knocked down a few pegs...
Some have every right to be concerned, but for the most part, those are few and far between in my mind.
It depends on what you call flirting. If it's a smile and a quick exchange of good will, no problem. If you're going to chat it up and exchange phone numbers, I'm outta there. Nothing like feeling like a third wheel when you're out on a date. I just think that would be rude. I say think because dating is mostly hypothetical for me at this stage.
Weebil -- what I consider flirting is likely not what everyone would call flirting, but it can't be broken down into "5 easy steps". You'd have to see it to understand it, if that makes sense. If I'm single, flirting has a whole different context 'cause chances are, I'm puttin' out feelers to see who's interested in me as I am in them. This may involve number exchanges, or emails in this day and age. If I'm with someone, there's no exchanges sought after 'cause there's no need.
The one that had the biggest issue with my flirting, despite knowing about it well beforehand, was my ex fiancé. She said she was cool with it, long as I knew the line of demarcation. Still, she harped about it for the longest time, each and every time we were out. Took her about a year to finally come to terms with it, and after that it was smooth sailing. There was never a third wheel feeling as far as I recall, simply because when we were out, while I was busy being me, she had her crew of onlookers chatting her up in the meantime. Often times we'd show up together, and leave together, but throughout the night we seldom saw each other. We were busy socializing with people we didn't see just about every day (like we saw each other).
I'd have to wonder though, if my SO felt like a third wheel while I was out being me, what does that say about her ability to make new friends? Hmm...
If I don't like it that they find another person more interesting than me, then I figure they are free to pursue their interests unhampered by my presence and I'm free to find something more interesting to do than sit and watch them flirt.
Seems to me at least, to be a little excessive to think that way, but to each their own. This isn't about who's more interesting, because really...who do they come home to every night? The mentality of "taking your ball and going home" because he doesn't dote 100% of his attention on her while socializing seems quite excessive. But that's just my opinion.
Another form of abuse is when the abuser makes their SO feel sorry for them in order to control them. "everyone is against me and now you are too." Is a classic line used. "If you loved me you wouldn't do this/that." Also used a lot by the abuser.
Amen! Well said. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:38:15 PM | It would have to depend on the situation, BDJ. I love to socialize (as long as the people are interesting.) It's hard to come up with a blanket rule. If there's a lot of things to do and people to meet, then that's one thing. If we were in a small cafe and my date disappears for a long stretch of time to talk with someone (guy or girl, come to think of it), then I'd consider it rude. I really am being hypothetical here, since I haven't been out anywhere or with anyone interesting since March.  | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:52:26 PM |
...just to add to the title of your thread, you are correct. I may as well add, abusive relationships begin as fairy tale, I think it is safe to state that. There is something unreal about relationship that become abusive in the future, the abusers know how to please you right from the bat, they are going out of their ways to please you, all the way.... this is not a normal behaviour, because in real life, there should be more boundries and especially at the beginning of the new relationship, when people get to know each other. One of the characteristics of the abusers, is that they very quickly commit, almost instantly...this what I mean by there is something 'unreal' and a sense of fairy tale... like this is too good to be true.
La Gioconda, I quoted your whole post because it is so bang-on. | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:54:31 PM |
It would have to depend on the situation, BDJ. I love to socialize (as long as the people are interesting.) It's hard to come up with a blanket rule. If there's a lot of things to do and people to meet, then that's one thing. If we were in a small cafe and my date disappears for a long stretch of time to talk with someone (guy or girl, come to think of it), then I'd consider it rude. I really am being hypothetical here, since I haven't been out anywhere or with anyone interesting since March
Weebil -- Yea, see, in that context even *I* would be put off by it. We're in a small 20-30 seater cafe, enjoying a coffee or whatever, and she slips away to socialize with someone new or even an old aquaintance...or me doing it to her...that's just flat out rude. On occasions like that, let's say I see someone I recognize, I'll excuse myself and check it out. If it's who I think it is, I'll chat it up for 5 minutes or less, exchange contact info, then either A) ask my SO if it's okay to have them join us, or B) just go back to what I was doing.
Yea, in that scenario, even *I* would have enough couth to act according to the environment. Good scenario. Like with anything, it all depends on the context in which it happens to take place, right? | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 3:07:02 PM | mary freaking:
I am wondering why you only are calling out men who physically abuse? Why is there no mention of women who physically abuse. Women do it just as much as men do , in fact I would say that women strike men far more then men strike women
Statistically speaking, men are in higher majority of abusers over women. It is conditioned by our culture, they way children are brought up, violence portrayed in media, men are portrayed are aggressors, women are submissive, kind and polite. We are grown up with the mantra: "women must please"....this is why there is so much negative programming going on in our culture. I don't have the numbers to prove, but I am not concerned if you insist on this, as I am not interested in approval. I do know however, there are studies done, you can check with your local library. It is true, that women can also turn to be abusive, because this kind of behaviour is also conditioned by abusive behaviour done to her as a child. If she has not healed herself, she will remain the victim and consequently go out and abuse others as a form of punishment and also because of the fears burried within her.
Overall, you will encounter male abusers over female in this lifetime. Having said that, I don't mean to take sides, but to highlight the facts. This is the topic very well studied, hence there are statistics. Hope, this helps....La Gioconda | |
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| Warning signs:Physical abuse in a relationship rarely starts out as severe violence.
Posted: 11/10/2008 3:22:03 PM | | Women actually will physically attack men more then women will ,men just will not report it because society says a woman can hit but a man can't . This is why there are not statistics on it.Men are to ashamed to admit that their wife has been beating on them. The reality is women hit men far more then men hit women. | |
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