| "LOVE" What is love and"WHAT"it's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 3:36:10 AM | Are there two kinds of love.one for the partner and one for the children.does love have limits,boundaries.how many categories does love consists of.I have always known when you love your partner.you love them till eternity even though there was a break down of relationship that love would not die as long as they live.My question is, can any gender claims to falls in-n-out of love so easy.If so how can this issue be dealt with,specially when one person suffers of an illness and an illegal substance user.I am trying to understand my ex partner how could she claim that she is in love with her partner and yet had 5 fall outs with him in a period of two year relationship with him.  | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:05:44 AM | I'm not too shure about all women, but most women fall in and out of love because their feelings change and their heart and mind is shallow.
In other words they fall in love with an idea, not a person.
They want to live in a fantasy world and have little contact with the real world.
Did I say SHALLOW ???
All I can say is that a man needs to be very careful about which woman he chooses..
The right woman will make you happy and the wrong one will destroy your life. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:47:18 AM | Get a grip. You want an answer to "what is love"
If I knew the answer to that question I would have a NY Times best seller right now and would be sitting on a beach somewhere drinking fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them being served to me by beautiful topless island gals in grass skirts.
In our universe answering "what is love" is actually second in difficulty only to understanding women. And solving either mystery would make a man wealthy beyond his wildest dreams.
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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| LOVE: What is love and WHAT are it's values?
Posted: 11/10/2008 8:19:55 AM | | I think it's the feeling I get when I pop a Lindt dark chocolate Truffle after a nice meal...it's even more intense if there's a small glass of milk next to it. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 9:09:54 AM |
Are there two kinds of love.one for the partner and one for the children.
It's a different love that one feels for their children...and no, I cannot properly explain the difference (it's too complicated IMO).
does love have limits,boundaries.
That too is complicated. Of course love has limits and boundaries IMO. In the real, physical world we live in, those boundaries are there to protect us from harm and they allow us to live in peace (and dignity).
But my heart (which lives somewhere in that lala land) has no limits or boundaries. So...all those people I have truly loved but with whom it proved to be *harmful* for either or both of us to stay together for whatever reasons....I will love them always and they're tucked away in my heart forever. My love for them hasn't died...it's still there...again...it's hard to explain but as long as I know what I'm talking about, that's all that matters (since unlike some people, I don't assume to speak for ALL people;)
My question is, can any gender claims to falls in-n-out of love so easy.
I wish that just for once, a topic on these dang boards wasn't divided by gender. This, like most (if not all) matters of the heart, is not a gender thing IMO. It's an individual thing.
So speaking only for myself and not for MOST or ALL people and certainly NOT for my entire gender, I don't fall in and out of love "so easy". I loved and married the father of my children - that relationship lasted a total of seven years and although we truly loved each other, we were too young to make our marriage work.
I then remained single for over six years, until I met and fell in love with the man I would spend the next twenty years of my life with. Twenty years is a long time... I wouldn't say that I fall in and out of love "so easy"...in fact, it's damn hard for me to "fall in love".
Don't get me wrong...I've fallen "in lust" a few times, and although it's usually easy to tell the difference right from the start, I have to admit that I got fooled a couple of times between the two (dang lust  ) 
I am trying to understand my ex partner how could she claim that she is in love with her partner and yet had 5 fall outs with him in a period of two year relationship with him.
I don't know OP...there's not enough information for me to even be able to take a guess as to what could be the reason for anything. All I know for sure from my own experience is that things are hardly as simple as they seem on the surface and that no one (and I mean NO ONE) knows the dynamic of a couple except the two people in it.
JMHO
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:39:51 AM |
Are there two kinds of love.one for the partner and one for the children.does love have limits,boundaries.how many categories does love consists of.I have always known when you love your partner.you love them till eternity even though there was a break down of relationship that love would not die as long as they live.My question is, can any gender claims to falls in-n-out of love so easy.If so how can this issue be dealt with,specially when one person suffers of an illness and an illegal substance user.I am trying to understand my ex partner how could she claim that she is in love with her partner and yet had 5 fall outs with him in a period of two year relationship with him.
mick..
The love that you had with your partner, and the love that your partner has with her new partner isn't "real" love.....it's distorted by illness.
She did really love you, when she said she loved you....but because of events in her childhood, she couldn't trust that you wouldn't betray her like others had. Because she loved you, she would get frightened and have to run away because being betrayed again would have finished her.
It was in her mind, but the fear was more powerful than all the love that you, and her children could give her.
She needs to be told (in the right way) that she is fearful, and that she should start fighting the fear. It can be done. But she really needs to speak to someone who has experienced the fear, and can prove to her that they've been fearful too...and that it's ok to start fighting back.....that everything will be ok.....
Only people that have the fear know how powerful it is, and how scary it is to give up.
Quaz | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:57:49 AM | LOVE to me is........
handing your heart to someone, and accepting the consequences!
easy to say.........
tougher to do!
 starin | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:30:35 PM |
Msg: 2 -- The right woman will make you happy and the wrong one will destroy your life.
Wow, a more CONCISE and ACCURATE evaluation of ANY relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN can NOT be FOUND!!!!!
This SHOULD be my MANTRA!!!! | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:32:38 PM | Scientist hat on now. 2 forms of love i know about. there is unconditional love which you feel for close friends relations and there is romantic love (limerence) which you can feel for someone you are attracted to and a certain number of prerequiste conditions are met (check wikipedia). Obviously there are degrees one can feel for each but the later can be profoundly intenese. IMO the most powerful emotion people can experince short of terror (the ones lucky enough to have experinced it). This is because a powerful****ail of hormones get released within a short space of time and these actually dominate normal cognitive function. Its actually not suistanable for people to be in a state of limernce too long becuase it takes so much energy to produce these hormones so it usually wanes after a few months to years depending on certain circumstances. just my pennys worth lol  | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:37:26 PM |
Msg: 3 -- If I knew the answer to that question ... would be sitting on a beach somewhere drinking fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them being served to me by beautiful topless island gals in grass skirts.
I would be having the time of my life. I think I may have given up on meaningful relationships and will probably have to settle for meaningless sexual ones. After all, loneliness and horniness seem to be entwined. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:47:51 PM | What is love?
To give Cowboy the definitive answer of what love is let me tell you........
(We interrupt the post to indicate that the Poster was suddenly stricken by lightning and since he now has charred hands will not be able to provide that earth shattering, make a million with a best seller answer to what love is.)
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 2:09:01 PM | | There is the love you feel for family and friends. Then that "other" one, LOL. I look at it like this: At first when dating, its basically lust for X period of time. After that, love should become an action verb, its an act of doing, not just emotion. Do I always like what the the people I love do? No I dont, but its how I deal with that that makes the difference. Found that out the hard way. It becames an act doing along with or without the emotion. Ask anyone who is celebrating 50 or more years about this, they will agree. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 4:06:06 PM | Well I think that part of the problem is the "simplicity" of the English language. I am a French Canadian and there is the same simplicity in French, so I don't to criticize nothing and no one. But apparently in Spanish there are more then 1 word for "love". There are 4 or 5 if my memory is correct. And each "love" words represent a different type of love. You can love children, you can love lasagna, you can love a man and a woman, you can love friends, you can love your grand parents, etc. It's never the same kind of love.
So I really think it's a language barrier. English and French should have more words for such an important feeling imho. Or should I say for such important feelings? | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/10/2008 5:47:59 PM | Quazi: Where were you when I needed you.you are absolutely correct I wish I had known you before as a friend.From what I have been told by her friends that she does fear from me.And I keep on defending my self that I'm not on the contrary I fear from her about when she is going to leave home.I'm a 100% sure that she gave me her heart because I was different from the rest she knew and I never betrayed that all.I remember from the last time when she asked to give her support in order for her to get mental help,which I did but when she got better she went back to her boyfriend.And that puzzled me.Thinking that I might have done some thing wrong by her.Quazi I feel every thing you say is from experienced it is what you went through and I truly believe that.And I hope for the future we keep contact.I am very pleased to listen to what you say it is different from other people who usualy express their opinion rather than knowledge.Why I would like to hear more from you is that now it had been two months she had been back with her boyfriend and I know she is going to call up on me for some thing but I need to be ready.Yes she is a master of deception I don't mean it in a nasty way.I do understand she behaves like such because of her illness.
And I did assured her that I will always be there for her no matter what. I like to hear from you mare Quazi and once again thank you from my heart. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/11/2008 1:44:03 AM | ~ OP Great topic ... Thank you for posting this thread
To me love is the principle that creates helps us to sustain to relations with
the mere depth and dignity and the acceptance of having that new found happiness with someone that you love.
There is no guarantee cause true love takes
growth and maturity. The three sweetest words ever said is I Love You ...and it's said with such emotion and feeling that you get this warm tingly fuzzy inner feeling like you are on cloud # 9 and never want to come down some get butter flies even hear bells falling in love can sometimes make you ill but in a good way.
How will anyone know it's love when it hits you in the head and you feel it through your heart right down to your toes ... and that you can not
wait to be with that one person kissing them good night and waking up with and say good morning and kissing them again love is a deep feeling from within.
There is a physical lust as well as an attraction and also a human attachment thats connected to the heart as well as having that life time companionship and the need for each others appreciation there has to be a want and a desire not so much a need. We all hope that love will last forever but nothing is forever nor is it written in stone.
The love of family and friends is not like the love you feel for your mate there is maternal love then there is inner love it's a big difference you'll know it's love by how it makes you feel and all the strange things that come over you and that you do like little notes saying I love you ... showing it not telling it or by the little things you do for each other.
Love begins with the mind and the mind controls everything.... Love can with stand anything and also be put thur the test. It can also try your patience and make you a little crazy but in a good way. Love is never having to say your sorry and not taking each other for granted.
The value is what comes from love and sharing it with each other and watching it bloom and grow into something so wonderful and love is a beautiful thing.
 TRUE LOVE WINS EVERYTIME ..... HERE'S TO LOVE !
-Brenny  | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/11/2008 2:10:34 AM | This must read as horribly clinical as the term "significant other," but love for another person, as best I could define it, is unconditional concern and appreciation for them, ideally bounded by a reasonable concern for all else the beloved person affects (one might love the next Unabomber, but I would hope they would also turn Mr. U#2 in before he starts killing people).
Add the sexual chemistry to this (lust, if you will), and you get "romantic" love, which can evolve as the nature of that chemistry changes... though typically the lust bit comes first. The modus operandi of online matchmaking makes an attempt to reverse that order, typically very much in vain.
Where people go wrong is confusing the lust with love. As long as people are in the throes of infatuation, they tend to have difficulty "seeing the forest for the trees." The scenario in the original post looks like there's more lust than love in play. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/11/2008 2:50:59 AM | Mick... there are more than just two kinds of love.
Disclaimer: The following is my opinion and not written to speak on the behalf of others...
Love of children, a romantic partner, friends, family, co-workers... the list could go on ad nauseum of all the different levels of love but to define them is so incredibly difficult as to be impossible...
As for falling in and out of love... that's a fallacy. Once you love someone, that doesn't stop for any reason... it might lessen or even adjust to other kinds of love, but if you've truly loved someone, then that person will forever have a piece of your heart.
Love isn't fickle or fleeting, it's solid, stable and eternal... | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/11/2008 3:42:26 AM | To me, REAL love in a relationship/marriage is 100 % unconditional from both partners.
Same with friends...you have their back and they have yours without hesitation.
Regarding children-it never ends.
It's value? Sounds cliche, but it's rare and it's priceless. | |
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| LOVE: What is love and WHAT are it's values?
Posted: 11/11/2008 5:24:09 AM |
I think it's the feeling I get when I pop a Lindt dark chocolate Truffle after a nice meal...it's even more intense if there's a small glass of milk next to it.
You had me there until you went all Clockwork Orange.  | |
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| LOVE: What is love and WHAT are it's values?
Posted: 11/11/2008 9:25:30 AM |
Quazi: Where were you when I needed you.you are absolutely correct I wish I had known you before as a friend.From what I have been told by her friends that she does fear from me.And I keep on defending my self that I'm not on the contrary I fear from her about when she is going to leave home.I'm a 100% sure that she gave me her heart because I was different from the rest she knew and I never betrayed that all.I remember from the last time when she asked to give her support in order for her to get mental help,which I did but when she got better she went back to her boyfriend.And that puzzled me.Thinking that I might have done some thing wrong by her.Quazi I feel every thing you say is from experienced it is what you went through and I truly believe that.And I hope for the future we keep contact.I am very pleased to listen to what you say it is different from other people who usualy express their opinion rather than knowledge.Why I would like to hear more from you is that now it had been two months she had been back with her boyfriend and I know she is going to call up on me for some thing but I need to be ready.Yes she is a master of deception I don't mean it in a nasty way.I do understand she behaves like such because of her illness.
And I did assured her that I will always be there for her no matter what. I like to hear from you mare Quazi and once again thank you from my heart.
ok Mick.....I'm going to tell you what's happening in your situation....ready?
Your wife will have been brought up with "chaos" in her life....arguing, fighting, drinking, abuse.....there was always a ruckus going on.....right so far? This is "normal" for borderlines "chaos" is normal.
I'm thinking that you're a responsible guy, who loved his wife and children....and wanted to live peacefully. She wasn't getting her "chaos" fix, so she started leaving home, to create "chaos"....make you beg her to come home......how am I doing? This goes on for a number of years. Then it isn't good enough... "predictible". She meets a man of her own culture....he convinces her that she needs to be with her "own kind".
She leaves you.....
Now, she has a boyfriend to have "chaos" with as well as YOU! All the comings and goings are feeding the "chaos" need.
In her defense, she does not realize why she does what she does...this is what people find SO hard to believe. If there is no "chaos" some must be created, or the borderline gets frightened, because things seem "scary".
As for the situation, you can react in one of a few ways.....you can let things continue as usual, with a little more knowledge about what's going on, and that you need to help YOU.
Or, you can try to change things by saying NO when she asks for help. If you go this route, I would expect fireworks more spectacular than any New Year's Eve display.
I hope this helps mick....and please keep me posted. I will try to help if I can.
Quaz | |
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| LOVE: What is love and WHAT are it's values?
Posted: 11/15/2008 4:48:15 AM | | Quaz: You are absolutely correct.Yes she has been raised by an iresponsible mother and a step father.who she told me that he used to stick his tongue down her throat and used to make obscene remarks about her boobs.she did have large breast when I first met her.and she used to complain a lot about them.I did supported her in getting plastic surgery reducing the size of her breast. At the age of 17 years she sent away from home because of all the beating she was getting from her step father,she did tell me he was very cruel to her,used to grab her by the hair and swing around the room if she did not do what she was told to do.Her life basically whe she was living home.she had to feed the animals before going to school.Then after school she has to clean up the den.Any way she did not know who her real father is father because her mother continue telling her lies.So basicaly at the age of 17 she left home and never returned since.She started abusing illegal substance and involved with real bad people.She was introduced to a red light district.for 4 years, Until I spotted her in the night club I was working at.She looked so innocent and she appeared not to belong in the area she was in .I took her away from that area thinking of just helping her and nothing further and i did tell her that I do not wanted to be tied down in a relation ship we were good friends and I helped her a lot even found an appartment furnished it for her and said to her that she is on her own now .But if ever you need me I'm a phone call away.It was matter of days I was told by a friend that she brought back her boyfriend who he was her pimp.I was not happy about the matter so I ignord all her calls.Until one day she was crying for help and I atteneded her place where her pimp was belting her.I took care of the matter and he never came near her ever since. | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:56:50 AM | Breaking it down...
Are there two kinds of love?
There are far more than two kinds of love, Mick. More than all of us combined online and in the world can list for you. Each person loves in a thousand different ways, based one an infinite number of variables and filters and factors - such as... your experiences of love that occurred while you were in uterum (i.e. womb) your interpretations of the feeling or sense of love and safety as a child (or the lack there of), your first crush, first kiss, first contentment while being sexually intimate, your pleasure factors while giving love or receiving it, etc.,
one for the partner and one for the children
Of course! This goes with out saying does it not? You become intimate with your mate, your spouse your life partner because you love them in many ways as an adult, as your physical mate, as your friend, as your partner, as your beloved.
Your love for your child is purely inherent in the part of you that forms and creates and is the beginning life essence of your child. The you that is inside of you when melded in love with your life partner to create the child that combines the life essence of you both will of course be loved deeply and richly yet far differently than your love for your partner and mate.
does love have limits,boundaries
And now your question becomes a harder thing to answer doesn't it? The great blues musician Duke Tomato sings a song about when is Love ever enough, the lyrics go on to tell of his own personal journey to jail to free a nephew that the entire family had abandoned, but he didn't, he couldn't, 'why not?' because when you love - when you REALLY genuinely love enough is NEVER enough.
That's the love parents have for children.
Is it the love we have for others we choose to share our lives with? Well, certainly in today's modern microwave society we are learning that sometimes "enough is enough". Divorce is readily available when loving just becomes too big of a hassle. When the going gets tough... bail! Not something our grandparents had the pleasure of being able to so easily do.
I'm not saying divorce is wrong. I personally cannot say that. For me, it was the ONLY answer for all of us, the children included to live happily.
So, yes, sometimes love has boundaries.
And love can have endings.
Because sometimes you love - and it still isn't healthy, or right, or safe, or a good place mentally, physically or emotionally to be.
That's when love's boundaries must be enforced.
you love them till eternity even though there was a break down of relationship that love would not die as long as they live.
This was certainly once the ideal thought, yes, but not so much any longer. We've become more aware of abuse - domestic and physical. And additionally, we've learned that occasionally the feelings we thought were real and love would last we grow and we mature and we are no longer so young and inexperienced or immature and we understand who we lusted after at 18, isn't who we wish to grow old with at age 47...
It's sad, but it is simply the truth.
My question is, can any gender claims to falls in-n-out of love so easy
Of course not. Sex or gender has no legitimate relevence to this behavior. It's absurd (silly, stupid, ignorant) to make such a statement.
I am trying to understand my ex partner how could she claim that she is in love with her partner and yet had 5 fall outs with him in a period of two year relationship with him
At last, Mick I think we get to the truth and the heart of what your real issue is and it doesn't have much to do with what love is, or the love adults have for children, or even the boundaries or limits of loving.
It appears you're trying to understand a woman and her choices.
I don't have any ability to guess or to understand if this woman WAS your wife and is no longer....perhaps she divorced you - in spite of your belief that love and marriage lasts til death, hers didn't, she left you and she became involved with a not so nice as you man (in your opinion) and now....he also has a problem, he abuses chemicals - drugs possibly alcohol and you can't understand why when she's had five issues with him and his abuse she stays with him but left you?
Would that be the correct guess?
I don't have any ability to know that, Mick.
And if I did?
I'd be sitting with Cowboy sipping fruity punch drinks on that island full of bronzed and buff cabana boys...wearing nothing but my spurs.
The thing is this...love is what it is.
And you
or I
or anyone
do not have the right - legally
to prevent this woman from making her own choices about who to love,
when
where
or how.
It's her right.
And it really isn't any of your business or mine, to judge her and what she chooses to do in the name of love, as long as it's legal and harms no one.
She's on her own.
I suggest - you focus more on you and less on her and what her choices are about love.
Good luck, Mick | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/22/2008 3:38:55 AM | | GoneSailinBabe: Thank you for your input.and some very interesting information as well.Yes you are correct she chose to be where she is at the moment,but you did say as long as no harm is done.Well in the last 5 fall outs she had with her boyfriend,I had to help her out mentally and financially.although I did convince my self to say no to her,if when ever she comes to me for ant thing,but I couldn't sustain that thought.I tend to go soft towards her,But she does come out with beauty one's(stories)and she knows that I do go soft.On one occasion.When she was testing me whether I will take her back or not,she sent me this text I would not go in full details but what she did say is,she used the shepherd and the lost sheep (I the shepherd and she is the sheep) the sheep was told by another sheep that the grass is greener over the side so the sheep believed it one year gone-by then the sheep could not find any grass over the side.the shepherd then went out looking for the sheep and found the sheep then brought the sheep back home where the sheep have found no greener grass other than home and lived there happy ever after.When i got this txt from her it did bring tears in my eyes and my soft heart did take control of me it was very touchy.So ultimately I did went out of my way to forget what she did to me and concentrate on helping her from my heart and thinking that she would stand-by those words to stay at home with me and the children.Unfortunately that was not the case since she got better she decided to leave back to her boyfriend.And I did that 5 times I don't know what will I do in the future because I do love her unconditionally.20 years is a long time to forget in short period of time even though I did find some one else ,but was not happy and I did not want to break the woman's heart in keeping the truth away from her that I have nothing for her and thinking being with her may take my mind off my ex.It is very hard for me to explain why do I keep taking her back even though she did a lot of bad things.this is why love have no boundaries in my case . | |
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| LOVE What is love andWHATit's values.
Posted: 11/22/2008 3:53:24 AM | | We live a society where love, commitment, and family values are all screwed up Just look around! I'm in my early 40's and I see and hear about so many divorces, friends, co-workers, even people on this site. It's difficult to find anyone, man or woman with good family values. I'm sure there out there, but there are probably more out there with drug issues, taking some type of medciation to control their mood swings. What I find funny about this sight is this; just click on a few peoples profile. They say their honest, trustworthy, loyal, Blah-Blah-Blah. But then they indicate that their divorced! Your question about love - love comes and goes. In todays world, you can love someone today and hate them tomorrow! | |
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