| "The L Word"
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:31:38 AM | Has anyone ever noticed indications that the "I love you" was coming up soon?
My guy has been saying things like "I love your soft skin"..."I love...." "I love...." I enjoy just "us"......I like spending time with you......Are those signs I am suppose to recognize to be leading up to saying i love you?
I know a lot more goes into real 'love' and that is something we have talked about, but I don't want to be caught off guard and trip on my words if the L word does come out.... | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:36:01 AM | | Be very careful! How long have you been seeing tis guy, once the word comes out, it changes the dynamics of the relationship and makes it harder to back out when the red flags pop up. I do empesize when the red flags come out. They will and you need to make sure that you are not blinded. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:39:38 AM | | It has been about 3 months....I would most likely never say it first...even if I was sure I was in love! lol But I don't think love just happens, so I find myself looking for little indications that it is progressing......I would hate to be slapped in the face with some words and not know exactly how to respond. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:40:45 AM | | Focus more on the actions and less on the words. Saying "I love you" is easy to do, whether it's true or not. Showing someone that they're truly special and that your life is better with them in it, is a far better indicator of love. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:41:25 AM |
but I don't want to be caught off guard and trip on my words if the L word does come out
There shouldn't be any "caught off guard" or "tripping on words" if you've been honest with yourself about the feelings you have and are experiencing. And honest with him, as well. Do you express your feelings to him? To each other? If so, it shouldn't come as some big shock when it is eventually spoken (the L word), regardless of who says it first.
It's not a contest.....it's not a scripted play.....it's real life and real emotions and other people's feelings. It's not a game, OP. If you are worried about your reaction, then I have doubts that you are truly feeling it. Do you think you are?
~ds~ | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:51:21 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^
I agree with David. Those words shouldn't be used lightly (though some men do as a means to an end) but if you're communicating properly and neither person has emotional or intimacy issues, when you hear the words, it shouldn't come as a surprise. If they do, one party might be rushing things, or one or both parties might not be emotionally ready to be in a committed relationship. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:51:30 AM | I don't doubt my feelings at all. I know exactly what I feel. However, love is just a word. Everyone has a different definition of it. I love is what happens when two people are willing to make it work no matter what. I don't think one person can love someone else without knowing they are loved in return. Its a bit more complicated than just a feeling....
But are these things he is saying signs I should recognize that he is starting to feel something a little more..... | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:58:17 AM | I received an email from a man on this site that I never spoke to before and his 1st and only email he sent said only, “Love You”
Geez, does this really work on some women?
My expectation of finding a man for what I am looking for online are very small if not non-existent—following a previous thread in this forum that I completely agree with; until men are willing to completely commit to a relationship I am comfortable living my life as it is… happy, single and hook-up free. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:19:46 PM | He's working up to saying "you're a woman to love."
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:29:01 PM |
I don't think one person can love someone else without knowing they are loved in return.
I don't agree with this, OP. This suggests the old 'tit for tat'....'give to get' mentality. That isn't what true love is about....not in my opinion anyway. No, it's feeling and expressing it whether it is returned or not. Setting ones fears aside and just letting it flow outwards. Scary? Yep. Always a chance it won't be returned. JMO.
~ds~ | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:39:37 PM | | OMG OP why are you reading into all this instead of just enjoying the man and the attention he gives you. Study long study wrong. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:46:05 PM | Ok so he is coming closer to the I Love You stage after three months. Are you?
Actions speak louder than words - does he treat you like he is in love with you, are you first in his life 100%, does he make your life better just by being in it? If he went away would it hurt so much you would feel you going to die?
Too many people say I love you but dont act in love at all, maybe I am wrong but I dont think so sadly. Would love to hear how this one pans out please. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:55:16 PM | Ok..he could be coming close here is what I am thinking..
I have never said it first either...I do wait until I am sure as I don;t take it lightly.
Someone once said it to me..and it was oh I dunno..from memory about a month into our reltionship..far too soon for me..I smiled..and said that it was a bit soon for that for me but that I was 'in like' with him...and 'was that ok for now?'
His big cheesy grin told me it was..and then he said that that was a good reply...and he was actually quite chuffed with it.
Maybe keep it in mind if he speaks and you aren;t quite ready OP.
Good luck!
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:09:21 PM | | I agree with some of the other posters, ACTIONS speak louder than words. If you "feel" that he's leading up to it then just go with it and enjoy. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:22:19 PM | | Actions speak louder than words... | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:23:56 PM |
I don't think one person can love someone else without knowing they are loved in return.
I've loved before where love was never returned. That didn't negate the way I felt personally. It just wasn't returned. I think that happens quite often ~ you just have to be willing to accept it as reality.
~OT~ I agree with many others. Actions do speak much louder than words. My exhusband let "I love you"s roll out of his mouth like he was talking about the weather. His actions however, spoke an entirely different story. When is it appropriate to say I love you? When it's heartfelt. You don't need to correlate a time-table with the recipient in order to say that and mean it, but you need to remember, just because it's said, doesn't mean you'll hear it in return. JMO  | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:41:31 PM |
It has been about 3 months....I would most likely never say it first...even if I was sure I was in love! lol But I don't think love just happens, so I find myself looking for little indications that it is progressing......I would hate to be slapped in the face with some words and not know exactly how to respond.
OP -- Ai yi yi...eesh. "How to respond"?? Are you studying to cheat a polygraph or something?
"How to respond"?? 
When or if someone says "I love you", and means it...you should be old enough to know how to respond. This ain't an exam. Either your heart or your head will lead the next words out of your mouth once you hear those ones spoken to you. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:34:26 PM | The most important (I think) thing I ever learned about relationships is this:
Forget what they verbally tell you, because it means nothing if their Actions don't reflect it.
Took me years to learn that simple concept. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:35:09 PM | "Has anyone ever noticed indications that the "I love you" was coming up soon?"
You're hung up on who says what, when and first. Wow...I do feel sorry for you that you seem constrained to express what you truly think and feel...assuming you do.
It's not a tag, you're it....or maybe it is.
The people that I know and that are in my life....it's a joy to express with not just words, how I feel about them, and how much joy they bring.
Coming up too soon, I would tend to think about the physical stuff....IE sex...yeah I SAID it, that taking precedence when that's pretty much all it's about.
I do know about that, but the physical stuff, alone holds no interest.
If it's not a caveman/cavewoman...ugh, then who really cares or remembers who says what first? I don't because it doesn't matter. The people who know me, know and expect that I relish and enjoy expressing (in words and actions) what I feel and think. Not just in a moment, but enjoying the experience of knowing them, spending time with them, being so totally "in the moment" (yeah...it's a Zen thing...haha)
Wow...expressing and acknowledging deep, sincere, true feelings...it's the best thing ever. I have to say, honestly I feel sad that you feel so contrained that you would say you hate to be slapped in the face with words (we're talking about "love" right?...ehh) and not know how to respond.
Read BigDaddyJinx's post again. I really think he has a hell of a good "read" on it.
If you're so "bound up" with your expectations, at some point in time you may be missing something precious.
Oh...CRAP....maybe read too many forums...the caveman/cavewoman thing...it's just referring to what I've read. I do say "ugh"...haha | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:44:45 PM | | I agree with the others that say actions speak louder than words....I have had this "said" to me within a week into the relationship. I didnt believe it and just kinda shrugged it off.....and yes their future actions proved that it wasnt true.....I think signs may be that they are wanting to spend more time with you, they want you to meet their family....they do little things just because......those are signs to me that maybe this is progressing.......but god knows I've been wrong before!! lol.....good luck....relax and see how it goes before assuming its going to happen. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:51:00 PM | I've always felt more comfortable merely saying...I'm very much in like with you..lol. I have a hard time just saying 'I love you' to my manfriend....I figure if I show him than saying it isn't necessary. Thing is...I don't need to hear him say it because he shows me in the way he treats me that he cares about me.
I also believe you shouldn't say it unless you really MEAN it...and I think those three little words are tossed around too easily. There have been many times I wanted to say it but those three little words just wouldn't come out. I know I feel it...but sometimes saying it is more difficult...it should flow freely from my lips or not at all.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:51:35 PM | Ya know I'm thinking you're worried about being worried. I'd be over the moon and giddy that he was loving my skin.....shivers! Yum! Gawd - can't you think of something else to worry about besides whether or not he's gonna pop out and say he Loves you????
More than likely if the "L" word comes out - he's gonna swallow his tongue at the same time, and his head will spin around and he'll disappear for a week or two so enjoy the loving on your skin now. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:51:37 PM | "I've loved before where love was never returned. That didn't negate the way I felt personally. It just wasn't returned. I think that happens quite often ~ you just have to be willing to accept it as reality."
VGE..as usual.....not only brings up another good point, but nails the OP.
It's a very nebluous thing, timing plays a very important role.
People don't always feel/think the same way at the same time as the other person does. Of all the factors, timing is one of those that neither really has any control over, only either accepting it and waiting or just putting it out there and seeing what happens or not. It's the "or not" once you've been that vulnerable and exposed.
Ehh...another topic for another thread. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:12:14 PM | | Yeah I don't know about that one. It could be that it is some sort of test to see how you would react by him even saying the word, as it would let him see that, and maybe protect himself from looking or feeling like a fool from saying prematurely. It could be that he is just a guy thatis just open and honest and just means exactly what he says with no hidden meaning behind it at all. He could be just "overcomplimenting" you and your attributes. It would sound like the guy has some feelings developed for you for sure ,whether it is too early the relationship I guess would be on how you really feel on that, and if you you can accept that and or talk to him about it. | |
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| The L Word
Posted: 11/13/2008 6:16:08 PM | sounds like you are still in the honeymoon stage of "I lust you", not necessarily "I love you". there's nothing wrong with savoring that heady glow of "lust", enjoy it!
just take your time in getting to the possibility that love might follow.
NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING, and your relationship will benefit from not putting the cart before the horse.  | |
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