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 radiusman
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 1
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Recently, I was stood up, I met this woman online and she asked ME out (go figure) to meet her at the movies about an hour prior to the showing. This plan was about a week before the event. I gave her my number and she said she'd let me know if she would be able to make it or not.

About the day before the event she tells me she's probably got a bug or feeling sick, and stated she might not be able to make it, but will call me on the day "of" to let me know.

On the day of the event, she called and left a voice message, I didn't get it till abouta couple of hours later, she said she WOULD be able to make it after all, and I returned her call to let her know I was able to make it as well.....so we designated a time and place...and we'd contact each other if we couldn't find each other.

We were suppose to meet for a quick bite an hour prior to the movie starting. About quarter till, the time I call her.....no answer, straight to voicemail....I told her I'm here....and just give me a call to let me know I'm here.

Gets to be well into the beginning of the movie starting, and I call her again, ....again straight to voicemail. I get stood up.

After the movie, I email her when I get home "Hey, what happened to you? I was there, and I called you 2 times...what gives?"

She said she claimed to have texting, and texted me (I don't have texting) said she didn't want to CALL me while the movie was in progress. (Okay, why call DURING the movie, when she could have called me PRIOR to the movie starting?

She said she wasn't able to make it after all....(She never did say WHY she couldn't make it)

I go...so what happened, you get cold feet or something? I want to say more about how crappy it was that she did that (she probably knows it too)

But if we get people that do that to us, should we ask them what their Frikin' problem is??
 Shadow67733
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 2
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 12:16:13 AM
Sorry but it happens bud, many people are flakes or chicken out. Get used to it and it won't be the last time wether you use this platform to date or not. There is no point in taking a stand to someone who obviously has no common courtesy or interest in you anyhow. Have a nice day =) Oh forgot to add an afterthought, apparently I had a brain fart. When she warns you beforehand she will call if something happens or she gets sick about 95% of the time expect that lil incident to occur and her to bail. Its a clear red flag. I'd even go as far as to line up another diff date for later. Wether her bird died or her grandmother apparently got terminally ill in 5 mins the excuse will be there.
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 3
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 12:30:03 AM
That sucks! Sorry, that happened to ya! I do have to say that I would NEVER agree to go to a movie with someone I've never met. Meet in a public place where you can talk and get to know the person. Then make a 2nd date if you hit it off!

I'd be mad/offended.... It kinda sounds like she was messing with you. I'd just ignore and move on after letting someone know thanks for waisting my time!
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 4
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:02:50 AM
People have personal issues that neither you nor I know, that makes them run and behave peculiar. If she wants to se you again, tell her that you want to have dinner at her house that night and rent a movie. Corner her. Don't let her be a rabid animal. make her do the work.
Tell her that you cannot meet her out anymore, that you want a simple meal and movie with her. I just had a runner who ran like HELL. AND I let him.
The choice has to be his and it has to be from the heart.
But...... I did corner him for answers and MAKE him talk along with looking me in the eyes.
Retrospect is a powerful memory.
 BigCaramel
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 5
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:32:50 AM
Move on. It's not the end of the world.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 6
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:57:02 AM
We've all been stood up. Don't make a class action out of it. Buckety buckety down the road of life.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 7
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 8:33:06 AM
whoa, i have been in this situation too many times. no, i wouldnt of wasted my time again. it is rude to make time for someone when they have no common courtesy or interest in u. ive told ppl who did that to me about flaking out if they had no interest in me why are u wasting my time? it was always drama and they felt like i didnt deserve an explanation i said u dont deserve my time or friendship. ppl who want to be ur friend they will make time for u and will be interested in u.
 JoeS71
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 8
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 8:49:08 AM
Um, while she never SAID why she couldn't make it, did you ASK (traffic, family emergency, etc)? She tried contacting you via text, but did she KNOW you didn't have texting? I guess the question is, did you give her the benifit of the doubt?

I think we have a miscommunication here. The death of so many relationships both budding and old.
 James_in_SD
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 9
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 8:57:01 AM
If someone stands me up, I'm going to make a stand. I can't stand it when someone stands me up. I won't stand for it. Understand?
 radiusman
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 10
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 9:23:44 AM

Um, while she never SAID why she couldn't make it, did you ASK (traffic, family emergency, etc)? She tried contacting you via text, but did she KNOW you didn't have texting? I guess the question is, did you give her the benifit of the doubt?

I think we have a miscommunication here. The death of so many relationships both budding and old.


Yes, she didn't know I had texting...but she claimed to have text me DURING the movie time. I'm wondering why she didn't CALL me BEFORE the movie started.

We were suppose to meet an hour before the movie started, she had a whole hour to contact me before then.

Anyways, instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt, and to verify her current interest in me.

I played it off like I was being a 'good sport' about it.....I said, "Oh...okay, how bout we get together for something this weekend."

And she made an excuse about her parents being in town that weekend, then she said she'd be busy during the entire month, and said she wont be able to do anything until Dec.

I was thinking "yeah right".
 lalala1284
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 11
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 12:24:03 PM
Sorta similiar to what happened to me yesterday. I had a thread posted about the POF experience, but idiots marked it down as troll post - attention seeking, so I didn't get a chance to get enough replies.

Anyway. The guy emailed me today talking about how he was turned off by me having my parents drop me off at the park. He claim I was 1/2 late, when the park is like 5 minutes away from my house, and I actually arrived about 5 minutes after I told him that I was gonna walk up there.

I say he never showed up at the park, and defiitely got cold feet. It happens every time.
 girlwillbegirl
Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 12
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:25:56 PM
I hope you at least enjoyed the movie. These things do happen, people get cold feet, especially when it's a "blind" or "cyberspace" date. Relax, move on, there will be somebody else who will keep the date.
 winernotreally
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 13
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:33:33 PM
Hey, its alll happened to us, at one time or another!

This is one of the reasons I always plan meets/dates at places that I can enjoy by myself! If others chose to flake or stand me up....at least I know I've had a good time 'dating' a lovely, fun person!

If this was your first experience with this kind of thing....live and learn. And don't continue to 'worry' this like a dog with a bone. If it happens on a continual basis, then take a look at the people you are contacting and what your expectations are of them.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 14
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:41:56 PM
Hey, welcome to the world of internet dating pal! Its happened to almost all of us once or twice. Sounds to me from what you described that she was already getting cold feet and laying the groundwork to cancel several days before the scheduled date. If you had been a little more perceptive to that you might have asked her if she was really sure she wanted to meet. There is no "stand" to take here; just realize it happens, it wasn't your fault and move on. And maybe next time make sure she really does want to go out before agreeing to meet, and perhaps pick something other than a movie for a first date.
 radiusman
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 15
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 1:51:39 PM
Happily -

Well, in this case....it almost seemed premeditated...lol

She called me about 3 to 4 hours leaving me a message saying she DEFINATELY wanted to meet...I returned her call to confirm it again to meet, probably 2 hours before the event.

She called ME,she asked ME out. It wouldn't bother me the other way around though. It was just TOO close to the time of the event to get cold feet.

Oh, and it was HER idea to see the movie, not mines.
 Maybe Yes...
Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 16
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 2:19:58 PM
You are looking for someone to talk/email with, according to your profile.
So why would you agree to go on a first DATE (and MEET, to boot) to the MOVIES, where talking is all but impossible??? No matter WHO initiated, I agree a movie is a dumb idea as a way to get to know someone!

Seriously, if you want to DATE, stop whining and make better choices. Unfortunately being stood up happens all too frequently and for as many reasons as there are fishies.
 radiusman
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 17
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 2:44:10 PM
You are looking for someone to talk/email with, according to your profile.
So why would you agree to go on a first DATE (and MEET, to boot) to the MOVIES, where talking is all but impossible??? No matter WHO initiated, I agree a movie is a dumb idea as a way to get to know someone!

Seriously, if you want to DATE, stop whining and make better choices. Unfortunately being stood up happens all too frequently and for as many reasons as there are fishies.


I met her by other means than on a this dating site.

Make better choices? LOL How , prey tell, can one make BETTER choices??

There's no way you can tell what you're getting into until AFTER something happens.

Your entitled to your opinion about a movie, but fortunately for me, your opinion does not matter
 Old Sparkie
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 18
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 3:23:36 PM
The only stand I will take to being stood up is to forget the woman who stood me up. It was a waste of time to start with if she stood me up. It works the same for women when a man stands them up. There was nothing there to begin with so why waste their time with them again. Sometimes there is a good reason for not showing up. But most of the time is just a simple mind change or some thing else come up that they had rather do or somebody else come up.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 19
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 3:45:05 PM
Unless there is an actual emergency, there is no excuse to stand someone up. I don't advocate cancelling a date at the last minute. But at least that wouldn't have been as bad as not showing up without any type of notice. I would simply move on.
 bellazingara
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 20
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 4:13:29 PM
Sorry that happened to you.


But if we get people that do that to us, should we ask them what their Frikin' problem is??


What's the point? If they don't have the courtesy to give someone enough advance notice for cancelling--unless there was an emergency in which case it would have been mentioned after the fact, then what purpose is knowing why going to serve? You found out this woman is a flake, isn't that enough info right there?
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 21
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 4:25:11 PM
lol I like your style straight up vivaciousvixen, I'll remember your words and do that to the next lady who wants to stiff me like that >:-D. What you reap, is what you sow.
 xerograv
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 22
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 4:44:52 PM
It just happens. There's usually no good reason. Next! No seriously, someone flakes out, and you think they're flaking out, move on. If you think they're skittish and honestly who wouldn't be with some of the crazy ass stories, and you think you really like the girl. Then make plans for another date.

But uh, a movie for a first date? That's a faux pas you don't want to repeat.
 bsg789
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 23
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/18/2008 8:45:02 PM

Seriously, if you want to DATE, stop whining and make better choices.


I don't completely agree with this. Sometimes you just can't predict what will happen when you decide to meet someone from the internet. How a person suppose to know ahead of time that the other person will stand them up or will be dishonest about something such as age, height, weight etc.
 Britney100
Joined: 11/8/2008
Msg: 24
If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/19/2008 7:52:24 AM
Just dont wasteyour time with them again
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
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If someone stands you up, should you make a stand?
Posted: 11/19/2008 7:58:39 AM
This is one of the reasons I always plan meets/dates at places that I can enjoy by myself! If others chose to flake or stand me up....at least I know I've had a good time 'dating' a lovely, fun person!

That's the winner! I feel the same way....I plan it somewhere in my day where it won't inconvenience me, and I prepare to enjoy it alone (who doesn't like to relax in a coffee house or a restaurant bar and read or watch people for a bit?) regardless. Sometimes when I get where I am going, I meet someone else there and that turns into something - maybe the guy shows, maybe he doesn't - I don't let that part of the equation affect my day.

The world is your dance card!
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