| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:40:18 AM | | After18 years of marriage,I get told by my ex that two cultures and two religion don't mix.This is why she chose to start a relationship with a guy from her own indigenous tribe.I ask my self if she is correct so where the children fit in, to which culture or religion. Any info please. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 4:54:37 AM | | I guess it's not for you to decide where the children fit in. They have to decide that for themselves. Let them. I have mixed raced children and they are enriched by their multicultural heritage. It does sound like your ex wanted to bounce back to something that she avoided all along. It don't believe the culture/religion argument stands for you; but it does for her. Let her explore. Let her go. Be there for your children. It will all work out. I am sorry for your pain. Peace. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 4:59:48 AM | they CAN mix if done so with boundaries. after 18 years though, sounds to me like someone is grasping at straws for a lame excuse.
kinda like a multi ethnic marriage of 18 years and she wakes up and realizes, for the first time, that her mate is african american or asian or whatever.
peace,
dave | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 5:42:53 AM | After 18 MONTHS maybe I could see this being a reason, if caused trouble the whole time...but 18 YEARS??? Come on now...
As for the children - they are blessed to have each foot in a different camp, and belong in both worlds! Good for them...maybe they will learn to be more accepting of differences, since they are part of two different heritages. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 7:39:22 AM | | Holy cow!!! No pun intended! You played Russian Roulette with 5 rounds in your six-shooter for 18 years and all of a sudden it matters? It sounds like the old wait til the kids are grown to "Get out of Dodge!" scenario to me. I would say whatever personal choice the children make will be your answer, as to their choice of culture and religion. JMHO | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 7:54:57 AM | | She just needed an excuse and isn't a very honest person it would seem. As for the children, they should be exposed to both, allowed to choose their own even if it's not either one. Children aren't clones, you don't get to choose how they believe and in what, you can only show them and explain to them why you believe as you do. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 8:02:47 AM | | At a start of a relationship or when children come into play religion and culture differancess can have a big impact, as can the impact of one of the persons in a relationship changing a religion. The question is why this took place 18 years into a marriage, and to me it sound like an easy out, blame culture or blame religion or blame them both, but more then likely it was something completly different from them anyway. Were do children fit in is less difficult depending on their age, they are mulit cultural and as to religion they might pick one, none or one complety different then the parents. That will be up to them. Keeping the peace in this area can be hard, as it is unlikely the parents will agree on what religion the kids should follow. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 9:12:19 AM | OP: IMO, she is looking for a "plausible" reason for cheating/exiting the marriage.
Two cultures and religions can cohesively function in a family. I have plenty of friends who's parents were from a Christian and Jewish background, and they lead a pretty normal life.
Hopefully, the break up and the results thereafter will be a smooth transition for the children.
Best,
EDIT: Neglected to answer one of your questions - How do the children adapt to the two religions/cultures? Since they have known BOTH their entire lives, it's actually the "norm" for them. As they get older, they will decide which "road" they will travel or maybe incorporate both into their adult lives. Not as challenging as some may believe. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 9:19:36 AM | People will use most any excuse they can find when things are not as they want, and they want to leave.
The sad part about this will be the children, and I hope that you take the high road and make sure that they are not pawns in this chess game being played for a reason to have another in her life.
I find that if two want to be together, they seem to find ways to make it happen, and not ones to not make it happen. If this truly was an issue, it should have been one before you ever got together, discussed and decided then and there, not years later....
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 9:28:11 AM | Your ex sounds like a stumbling coward and it doesn't surprise me that she chose to use 'God' as an excuse for her behaviour.
We are but one race of people, the human race and we're all born of 'one' tribe or 'source'
This is indisputable scientific fact.
I've always found it nonsensical when a person says, 'the black race' or 'the white race' as though they're describing a different species of lifeform, there is no such thing as 'race', we're the same scientific organism occupying this planet and we're not living in an episode of Star Trek.
Racism, by all accounts shouldn't even exist because scientifically, it's impossible to be 'racist' against another human being.
The 'Jewish race', the 'Muslim race', 'white people do this, black people do that', it's dimwitted, insane even and I think half of the free thinking world is bored shitless of it.
It is ludicrous and religion further compounds this stupidity, further segregating and hurting humanity in the process.
I'm actually glad that you're no longer the occasion of such a dribbling idiot and I certainly hope you find a less ignorant companion in the future.
If I had my way, I'd gladly destroy religion and free humanity from it's chains.
V
EDIT: I'm actually fascinated by people like these, they must, in their infinite stupidity believe that in the very beginning of human creation, 'white people were made on that rock over there' and 'black people were made on that rock over there' and so on.
So we have a 'God for white people' and a 'God for black people' and so on.
It didn't happen that way and if you subscribe to such nonsense then you're a ******* idiot with a very weak mind indeed.
We were all originally of 'uniform' colour and origin and therein lays the true identity of God or our 'creator', if such a thing exists which I highly doubt. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 1:23:34 PM | After 18 years, that's just a poor excuse. Having a lot of experience with dating people of other races and creeds, I would say that if there is going to be a problem, they will tend to happen pretty soon.
The only exception to this is when you and your partner go to family events (weddings for example), and there is tremendous pressure by her side of the family to have her marry within her own "people". I've had this happen twice while dating women of chinese and indian descent, and I was very sympathetic to the amount of sheer pressure that they were faced with. In both cases, we eventually broke up, but I have no regrets. It was good while it lasted and their good friends to this day. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 4:17:42 PM | I personally don't think two different religions can co exist for long. The reason being, if a person is truly convicted of their belief system they would want their spouse or whatever to be with them in it.
Example, Joe believe from the heart Christ died for his sins. Mary believes she has to strive for salvation and Joe believes its just by the grace of God and his acceptance of the free gift. Don't you think Joe would believe Mary is headed for hell because she is a non believer and and wouldn't Joe want her soul saved by God alone?
Wouldn't Mary want Joe to go to church with her so they can count beads together and light candles and share communion together and confess their sins?
Since Joe believes Christ has kept all of the physical ordinances for him so he sees no need for such rituals since his bible says the law contained in ordinances was abolished wouldn't that surely be at cross purposes with Mary who thinks Joe needs to be water baptized, and would the tension in the relationship eventually divide them if they truly cared for each other and were sure in their heart the other was lost?
Then on the other hand if neither party had strong conviction, then I can see where it wouldn't matter what you believe as long as you believe something. Wouldn't a indolent attitude be just the thing for those believing in something. Doesn't have to be God that is worshiped, it can be mother earth perhaps.  | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2008 4:25:54 PM | It may be possible that she is saying after 18 years that the differences related to religion and culture continue to cause so many problems she is no longer willing to fight to remain together.
Things work for people when the rest of the relationship is okay. If she was happier say 10 years ago and there were things about the religion or the culture that were a slight irritant, she was more willing to overlook them. If other things are not good, those little quirks, the very same things, become intolerable.
If she is a woman of few words, that may be the best way for her to succinctly describe how she feels and after 18 years, she may also have wanted to avoid rehashing old arguments as she is walking out the door. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/21/2008 4:05:44 PM | | Thank you all for your reply and interest to this matter.There were a lot interesting thoughts and opinions from you all.You did shed shed some light.However I am very flexible towards cultures and religion.I have never asked her to convert nor did she.In the first 6 years of our relationship it was sweeter than honey we got along very well.Until our last child was born at the of six months old she started to mix with her old friends who they are involved in illegal substances.I tried very hard to steer her away from those bad influenced people but could not succeed.Thats when our relationship began to be like a roller coaster.There were no mention of different cultures at all.until recently when she started a relationship with a guy who is of same culture and tribe,they do not believe in religion,more involved in spiritual stuff.My main concern is even though she said the two cultures don't mix.What about the children they are of two cultures does that mean she can not mix with them.I have the children in my custody and do not mention any of these things that she said.And they are brought up to respect and live by the law of the land and respect all religions race color and elders.But to think a mother will use such statement it is unacceptable by any means,I mean she did said much worse comments earlier.when i had a discussion with her about her every time she leaves us she keeps saying to people that I always take the children away from her.Well I did confront her with those words and said to her (Why don't you take the children with you ever time you decide to leave the relationship..... her ..........answer was are you kidding who would take me in with excess baggage meaning the children are described to her as excess baggage.Thats below the belt statement.The only reason I posted this thread to learn of other people who may had an experience like mine and shed some answers because I am still looking for answers .Ok some people may say to leave her alone and get on with my life it is true I should do that 18 years is a long time and there is more years to come when I get asked by my children questions which i don't have answers to this is why I'm asking you as readers for thoughts and answers in relation to this matter.once again I thank you very much for your input and concern.I do apologize my thread is too long but it eases down my depression and anxiety when I express my feelings and thoughts. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/21/2008 4:33:12 PM | [It does sound like your ex wanted to bounce back to something that she avoided all along.]
Actualizing: You are absolutely correct.Yes she is heavily involved in using illegal substances which I am dead set against.The company she has now and always been with are illegal substances users.It brought my memories back when she wanted to start a relationship with me I did say to her to choose what she want either me or the illegal substance.So she gave it up for six years then back on to it and has been ever since. One thing I like to add,the last time I took her back into our house which was about 9 months ago.she then left 3 months later.back to her boyfriend.Well my daughter who she is now 17 years of age had threatened me to run away from home if I ever take her mother back into our home.Well this time I did assured my daughter and my youngest son who is 13 years of age that I will not take her back into our home ever again. | |
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| Two Cultures&Two Religions...Do They Mix In A Relationship
Posted: 11/21/2008 4:41:23 PM | This is a people question.
indicative of doctrine overrule (driving force thus dismissing a person and promoting religion/culture as the driving force re this relationship
doctrine maketh some people
chocolate muffins maketh wicked | |
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