| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:23:52 PM | I have been going through these threads reading different things and have come across many people bashing others for "their" standards because of a certain age group that they fall into.
I realize that I am no spring chicken and maybe my choices are getting slimmer, but I am not going to lower what I want to be with someone. Why must we lower our expectations and wants just to be with someone that lets face it is not going to make us happy because we have had to lesson what we want just to date them in the first place? I myself would much rather be alone than be with someone that I just settled for.
Why must nasty little comments have to be made about lowering standards to anyone..........no matter what the reason someone might think they should? | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:33:35 PM | Well I'm less of a spring chicken, what am I going to do now???  I don't like long walks on the beach, I think that screws me! Am I going to lower my standards of walking on a beach? Hell no! 
You like what you like. I know I am attracted to certain types of men. Should I start dating Quazimoto (sp?) , although I'm sure he's a sweetheart, because my knight in shining armor hasn't come into my view yet?
I think if you are honest and realistic about what you want, I don't see a problem. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:39:17 PM | Well kirota ..me thinks that would depend on your standards ...if you want a guy with no experiances ..the older you get the more yo may have to compromise...but if you want a guy who knows how to treat a lady me thinks your choices would get better ..but there are jerks of all ages
and nice horse
oh and you had to know that a guys idea of standards and women's idea of standards are not going to be the same | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:43:22 PM | I think that many conceal or blatantly lie about what they like, etc. I've drawn the conclusion that most don't even read the profiles-it's almost like: pic first, everything secondary; if at all!! I don't like American Idol-don't tell me you hate it, then have me watch it if invited over. I like sports-don't tell me you like it, then want me to leave the dwelling to do something when I'd appreciate watching it. It goes both ways....I won't change you, just don't try and change me....simple,huh? That's why we're ALL on here... Oh, and by the way, you can keep waiting for that Knight or Princess and the pea....NOBODY'S PERFECT! Just thought I'd let you in on an old Polish secret...Hee!!   | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:48:10 PM | | Hell why do I lower my standards at the clubs as it gets latter in to the night. There is not as many to pick from at 1AM as there was at 11PM. The good news is a few beers makes it easier to settle and what was so so at 11 at looking so bad at 1AM. The next morning can be hell, but it is a new day. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 1:23:53 PM |
Because there are less options as we get older.
how could that be ?? there are just as many men dieing as women ....and when a couple get together it takes one of each off the market ..and more than 50% of them will be back on the market .. men are aging at the same rate as women . i just dont see the number of options changing..significantly maybe we get the feeling our time is running out ...this could either make us try harder or give up ....but only thing to fear is fear it's self ... | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 1:30:16 PM | options differ based on gender. Consider the old maxim - "men age gracefully, while women just age". Whether or not this is true doesn't matter - it reflects society's views in general.
Consider the following. For women, they are swamped with offers of sex from the minute they hit 16 to 35, then after 35 when things start to really sag, these offers disappear. Men tend to get more offers as they increase in age and become more stable. This would imply that there is a preference for men in general to chase youth, while women tend to prefer stability and wealth while selecting mates.
So if you're a older woman, you have less choice because less people are chasing after you. | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10 | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:15:52 PM |
So if you're a older woman, you have less choice because less people are chasing after you.
Um... that totally contradicts my experiences. And I'm a fat chick too!!!
Kirota don't lower your standards. Just means it might take you longer to find a potential mate, but you will. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:28:40 PM | | To me the it's not about lowering your standards. It's knowing when to be flexible, and also recognizing that somethings aren't has important to me as the once were while others are more important. I don't think being more adaptable and less ridgid equates with lowering standards. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:33:13 PM | | sexyfunguy, You're 33, so you are rounding the "not a spring chicken" age also. Give me a break. Men get saggy in all sorts of places when they get older. Not every man ages gracefully. Trust me. I've seen women in their 40s and 50s that blow away women half their age. So please just stop. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:43:15 PM | Any man who would sleep with me on the first date, isn't a man I'd care to date long term.
Ho-hum.
This comment was made to her after she made the comment above.
How are your stringent views working out for you as a woman at the young age of 46?
Its comments like these.........no it wasn't to me, but why do people think that older people (male or female) can't be as picky because of their age? | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:46:43 PM | | As far as I'm concerned, preferences are preferences. However, I do try to make a sport out ridiculing hypocrisy and attempts to justify preferences when someone attempts to equivocate a preference with some quality that makes the preference seem like less a preference than a virtue. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:55:29 PM |
Give me a break. Men get saggy in all sorts of places when they get older. Not every man ages gracefully. Trust me. I've seen women in their 40s and 50s that blow away women half their age. So please just stop.
Take your own advice:
You like what you like. I know I am attracted to certain types of men. Should I start dating Quazimoto (sp?) , although I'm sure he's a sweetheart, because my knight in shining armor hasn't come into my view yet?
I think if you are honest and realistic about what you want, I don't see a problem.
I'm in my mid 40's and have never dated anyone over 30 or overweight That's my preference and so far, it's been realistic. I'm probably going to have to be more flexible on the age thing once I hit 50, but I doubt I'll ever date someone less than 10 years younger. I don't have a good reason apart from personal preference and if I couldn't tell a woman was older than I'd prefer, I wouldn't care. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:57:37 PM | I have to disagree with you deerdog1. As we get older there are more women than men left. Go into any nursing home the majority are women, because of war and illness men don't last as long.
So by the time you reach the age of 65 pickings are slim to none. You gotta learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself. That's life | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 3:02:44 PM |
I realize that I am no spring chicken and maybe my choices are getting slimmer, but I am not going to lower what I want to be with someone. Why must we lower our expectations and wants just to be with someone that lets face it is not going to make us happy because we have had to lesson what we want just to date them in the first place? I myself would much rather be alone than be with someone that I just settled for.
Kirota -- it's age vs. youth FTW every time. It's them vs. you. Old lion vs. young cub. One has it "better" and one has it "worse". That's the way the forums, and the real world work.
Those who have can lecture those that have not. Those that have been there can lecture those that haven't been anywhere. You'll see these contrasts everywhere, not just in here. Bashing? Perhaps. But is there really a need to get one's knickers in a twist because of it?
If someone walked up to you and said "The sky is blue, and grass is green"...would you get upset about it? Probably not. They're stating truths. Saying that some of the older crowd may have to lower their bars is just that...stating truths. I wouldn't get upset at that anymore than I would with my other example. If someone says it, and it's true, then whatever. In the majority of cases, such as the example you posted about, it's truths they speak. You're offended by truths?
Just like the older crowd advises the younger ones to "grow up" and "stop doing..." this or that, it's truths as well. They can say it because they've been there/done that.
The young, who have way more options and choices at their disposal than us older ones, they're just speaking truths too by saying that perhaps part of the "issue" with being older and single is your bars are still too damn high. No one wants to feel like they have to "settle", but realistically, if those standards are unfeasible and unattainable, then why not amend them? What worked for one at 20 is not as likely to work for them at 30+. This applies to standards as well. One may have been able to set the bar quite high at 20, but can they still expect the same height at 30+? Not too likely.
I'll use myself as an example. Growing up, and in my late teens/early twenties, I had a rule about no kids/no marriage. If they had been married previously, or had children, then I'd pass and keep looking. Youth working for me, in that time span, I could afford to be radically selective. As a proud card carrying member of the 30+ group, is it still feasible for me to hold on to those standards? Not a chance. So, they got amended. I'll never see that as a "settle" point either, but rather me keeping up with the times and knowing that what worked for me just fine at 20, will no longer be reasonable at 30+.
I still have high standards, but some of them had to be adjusted to keep up with the times. Anyone that still thinks they can have the same high bars they had at 20, work for them in the 30+ range...you are a delusional sort. You either keep up or fall off.
I chose quite willingly to keep up.
Shame really, that so many get their panties in a wrinkle thinking they shouldn't have to.
But, that's their choice.
JMO.
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 3:05:21 PM | How much you have to settle is directly proportionate to what your options are and how bad you feel you have to find someone and pair off.
If you don't care if you find what you want and will be ok with staying single if what you want isn't out there, you can shoot for the stars.
If you feel you need to be in a relationship with someone by a certain point in your life and meeting the deadline's more important than the quality of the person, then you need to start pulling items off the list.
It comes down to how content you are in in your own skin in this life and how much you depend on those other than yourself to be happy. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 3:06:14 PM | I've always tried to live by this: keep my expectations low, but my standards high---but they are only my expectations and standards. Now, some people may think my standards are low---despite the fact I find them high. Regardless, as we age hopefully it brings wisdom so any person who decides to date or look for a mate is more settled in who they are and knows what they want.
I don't think anyone should have to change their standards to find someone. Perhaps, some people do change their standards thinking their options lessen as they age, but if a person is confident in who they are it shouldn't matter. Deerdog made a great point that people need to learn to compromise, but that doesn't mean they have to alter their standards to do so.
I would rather be with a person for all the right reasons that be with someone for all the wrong ones, regardless of my age. Besides, being on my own isn't a curse, sometimes it's actually a blessing. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 3:09:59 PM | First off, nobody HAS to lower a thing. As one poster stated, the options are "adjusting" your standards, or being alone for a longer period of time. Part of the "problem" is that at 24, we are EXPECTED to be single, so people aren't looking at us wondering why we aren't; AND at 24 we've ALWAYS been single, so we don't have a lifestyle to miss. As we age, we become more and more "expected" to be WITH someone; and having been with someone previously, we know how good it feels, and we miss it. What a lot of people run into is that they want ALL of the things they loved about their ex, in their "next"; but without ANY of the bad things. The problem is that the odds of you finding that combo are just about zero. You may have to "adjust"; and accept the fact that some things you want may not be there; and some things you would rather NOT have WILL be there. This is NOT necessarily "lowering your standards"; because the trade off is that you will get things you hadn't even dared to expect; and some things you had "resigned" yourself to, won't be there at all. It's NOT "lowering" your standards; it's accepting a completely different playing field.
Another issue is that we all tend to be a little delusional about what we bring to the party. I'm 49; I feel 35. Does that mean I can do what I could do when I was 35.......ummmmmmmm....no. Some things I do better, some things I can't even think about. At 35 would I have dated a 52 year old?...no. At 49, would I date a 52 year old?...in a heart beat. Lastly, as we age, I think we pick up more on what is really important, and are less impressed with "window dressing." While this may LOOK like lowering your standards; in reality, we know we're getting a better deal.
You alluded to "other people" in "other threads" commenting about YOU should lower your standards. F*ck them. However, you do have to be "fair". Maybe he can't fix a leaking sink; and maybe she doesn't like the same type of movies you like; but maybe he always has coffee ready in the morning; and maybe she keeps fresh flowers in the house. Accepting the fact that you now have to call a plumber, and/or watch your horror movies alone, is NOT lowering your standards; but expecting to find someone with the physique and stamina of a 24yo, and the maturity, judgement, and worldliness of a 50yo is delusional. Life is full of tradeoffs. | |
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| Why does anyone have to lower their standards because of age?
Posted: 11/20/2008 3:31:47 PM | BigDaddyJinx, perception in the forums is a real b***h. Just because YOU felt like my "knickers" are in a knot does not mean they are. I have very right just like yourself to ask a question and listen to the replies. I am not quit sure if you are always slamming people or preaching or if that is just my perception. Either way its okay. We don't have to agree, but I still have the right to ask the questions I choose to.
I don't need a lecture on the ways of the all mighty forums. I have been in the dating forums over two years. I have seen all types..........the know it alls, the if you don' t think like me you are not s**t people, the I will just agree to make friends people, and so on and so on. There are all kinds and that makes the forums interesting.
Now, back on topic...........
For me my standards don't have as much to do with looks......such as others do. Mine are about manners, respect, loyalty, and humility.........those are things that no matter how much older I get I will not settle on. I guess I have always lived my life as the person inside was much more important than the outside........so as I get older I don't feel I have to change that standard. If I had to "settle" for a man that doesn't have the qualities I search for whether they are physical, emotional, or behavioral...........I will choose to be alone.
BTW, how can someone younger tell someone older that they WILL have to lower what they want just to be with someone..........it can't be because they have been there.
I don't care really if someone thinks I should........I was just asking why? Not getting my "knickers" in a not. | |
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