| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:13:26 PM | | I'll keep this short and to the point. I am a separated single dad who has been raising our kids for seven years now while working full time. During that time their mother has very little to help in any way or form and I have never asked for child support. However, last month I told her that I was going to file for child support and her reply was "What kind of man would ask his kids mother to pay child support". What's up with that? A couple of years ago when I talked to her about helping out more I said, "If you were me you probably would have gone after me for child support right off the bat". She replied with "yeah, your right". Is there some kind of "unspoken" double standard going on here? | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:36:29 PM | In canada there is no seperation between the sexes. The parent with custody gets a certain amount from the other based on wage no matter who it is that has custody. If it is joint( which is based on the secondary having him more than 40% of the time) then you take the primary persons and subtract it from the second parents and then use the guide to determine how much they pay. This is law and doesnt matter what else you have agreed upon in the settlement that amount is payed no matter what. If it is a sole custody then you just take the wage of the secondary parent and run it through the table and they pay that no matter what, nothing else comes into it beyond additional hardship which is very hard to show, it doesnt matter if the person remarries, makes more than you, makes less, you just pay it. It's actually a good system except it is not based on age so in the beginning it seems unfair but it evens out once the child gets to be ten and so. So for instance, my ex has my son for more than 60% so i pay such and such off the table. That is a base and that is determined before anything lese and even if we went to court that would not change even if she allowed me to pay less the judge would make me pay that. This will never change unless my wage changes, her circumstances don't come into play in this. Now I then pay 60% of the day care and 60% of the extra carricular activities because I make that much more than her and that can change based on her wage.
Now if it was on the other foot and I have sole custody it would be the same for her and she would pay based on her wage. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:56:32 PM | | No, no there's no double standard bud. She's a slacker, plain and simple. Hit her up for her responsibility. The kind of man who asks his kids mother to pay support is the kind of man who's doing the right thing. Don't back down. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:57:40 PM | That is why they call it CHILD support, not mother or father support....has nothing to do with the sex of the parent but everything to do with BOTH parents providing for their children's care.
As for the double standard.....in your ex's mind there is but don't let that sway you....I'm not impressed with her comment and neither should you be! | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 6:39:50 PM | After seven years are you finally asking her to pay support??? That should have been a legal matter settled years ago. You are entitled to get monetary help from your ex to help raise your children. Does she contribute to anything at all for example, school supplies , books, clothes, medications, dental etc.....
We don't know from your post what the visitation arrangements are and can only assume from your post that she doesn't seem to care to contribute to raising the children.
Not even going to pretend to know what is happening in your life but you might want to think of repercussions if you persue action against her for the child support. Some parents try to get out of paying money by deciding to have the children live with them for some of the time. This would traumatic to the children if you have been looking after them full time. If you are financially stable and the children are not lacking for anything, think is it worth the stress to take her to court. Not to mention legal fees for the lawyers, it could be money put towards your family!!!
EDIT: sometimes money isn't everything. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 6:42:34 PM | I'm sorry you're going thru this, many dads get a bad rap and that makes it even harder for decent guys like you. I don't think you should feel sorry for her at all, what kind of person wouldn't want to help support their children?
Good luck! | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/28/2008 7:27:04 PM | | Were you awarded full custody when you divorced? Usually the financial issues are ironed out at that time, and then it gets adjusted thru the years as needed. I can't believe that it was never addressed. Where do you live? Wow--poor you and poor kids. That's a long time to not be getting ANY support. I certainly feel for any parent who does not have custody of their child--emotionally it can be very trying. And for some, just trying to get by financially can be tough. I believe the courts should look at all situations very carefully so that no individual ends up destitute by having to pay child support. A person should not have to work two or more jobs in order to survive AND pay support... THAT being said....I still think it is important for the noncustodial parent to be financially responsible towards their children as much as possible. It should not matter if they are the mother or the father. Why should a mother NOT support her children... what kind of mother would be like that???? | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:24:28 AM |
Is there some kind of "unspoken" double standard going on here?
As far as the laws are concerned on child support there is no double standard. There are cultural double standards though (and those double-standards are still held by judges too so it does get reflected in some child support orders). | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:40:55 AM | Is there some kind of "unspoken" double standard going on here?
Well there is a double standard, out side of the court any way. Getting the support is the right thing to do. I have a court order for support from my ex, which she is a year behind on and I am getting the paperwork ready to drop at the state office, so she will pay them and they will pay me. Make sure to have your support payments run via the state, will save you from problems down the road. Don't expect much support from most people as you work this issue as with lots of people there is a double standard. The percentage of dead-bet-moms is much higher then the percentage of dead-beat-dads too. Why you should make sure payments run via the state and she does not make payments directly to you. I found that out the hard way. Good luck getting support for your kids is the right thing to do! | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:54:43 AM | Why did you wait so long? Is she on welfare or working ? Either way if you are the custodial parent you have the right to demand support . It should be based on your combined incomes and payment should be made through the court system.
"The percentage of dead-bet-moms is much higher then the percentage of dead-beat-dads too. "
Not true but they pulling in a rise in numbers in the last 5 years
The courts are now seeing more and more grandparents, aunt's uncles, cousins coming into court and demanding support for a child. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 6:17:42 AM | The percentage of "deadbeat" moms is actually higher than that of dads who won't pay, even though mothers are more consistently awarded custody of children by the courts.
Census figures show only 57 percent of moms required to pay child support -- 385,000 women out of a total of 674,000 -- give up some or all of the money they owe. That leaves some 289,000 "deadbeat" mothers out there, a fact that has barely been reported in the media.
That compares with 68 percent of dads who pay up, according to the figures.
It is true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 7:18:29 AM | Get yourself a female attorney.
* A lot of men are sympatric towards women.
* A lot of men have macho issues and feel that they have to protect women (including your ex) from everything (including you) to prove that they are a man.
* A lot of guys still think that a woman should stay at home with the kids and the husband should be nothing more than a paycheck that supports them.
* Some guys remember their poor deprived mother who struggled to take care of him while their drunken no good father was never around therefore stereo typing every guy as no good.
This is very true with male Judges and male Attorneys.
I had a male attorney for over a year, who did nothing except take my money.
* From day one, my son wanted to live with me.
* The attorney that the judge appointed my son was in favor of my son living with me.
* The Judge was in favor of my son living with me.
With all this in my favor, my male attorney still did nothing except go to court every month and charge me for it.
Then I fired my male attorney and got a female attorney.
Within two weeks things changed.
Within four weeks, my ex was agreeing to everything.
Within six weeks, everything was finalized in my son and my favor.
By the end of the second month, my son was living with me.
Female attorneys worked hard to get where they are at. They fought hard for equal rights.
Female attorneys don’t like whiney women who use their gender to get what they want.
Female attorneys don’t like women who portray, “Feel sorry for me, I’m a female” image.
Female attorneys don’t like women who sets the Equal Rights Movement back 50 years for their own greed.
Male attorneys tend to feel sorry for females and don’t put forth the effort to fight for a man’s rights.
Due to the sexism that I have found with male attorneys, I highly recommend that guys get a female attorney to represent them in court on family matters. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 2:43:34 PM | | I would agree that MANY female attorneys are as you portrayed; however, it is important to choose according to their ability not merely their sex. I've known some pretty useless female lawyers and also some that are busy trying hard to be men--so will bend over backward to look tough. Choose wisely | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:28:28 PM | | Mom's paying child support?? ABSOLUTELY, it didn't take one of the childs parents to bring him or her into this world it took both of you and a blessing to create them and if your circumstances could not permit you two to stay together then whoever the court awards primary custody to is the one who should also recieve child support!!! now this will probably sound hypocritical but I paid my support for the past 14 years and now that my son lives with me full time you would think that I would go after her for support but to be honest I am fortunate enough to be in a situation to where I do not need her money to raise our son. Although I agree in that all monies paid should go through the court my ex and I are going to leave ours the way it is and she just sends me what she gets back to me and has said that she will continue to put away into the college fund that she has for him. I chose to take this route due to the time consuming effort and pile of paperwork necessary to get it all changed, especially when he turns 18 next year. They are BOTH of your's and your ex's children, you have been raising them on your own.........you are more than entitled to "CHILD SUPPORT" from your children's mom. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/29/2008 8:44:21 PM | "What kind of man would ask his kids mother to pay child support"
The kind of man who has custody of those kids.
The real question is, what kind of mother would allow her kids to grow up without her support? | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:49:06 PM | | I dont understand this either. I have 2 kids by 2 different women, a 7yr old daughter and 14 month old daughter. When my 7 yr old was 2, her mom dropped her off to me and left, coming back once in a great while and that was it. Now she lives in Florida and im in Ohio, I said something about going to get child support from her and she blew up and so did her grandma. They said I was scum because I couldnt raise my daughter on my own, and that real men dont ask for child support and I shouldnt take her money and all kinds of crap. Still to this day I have never filed for it because the moment I do, I think she will take me to court for custody, (I have had full custody for 3 years), and that is something I dont want to have to go through again. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 11/30/2008 10:09:18 PM | | I pay child support, not much, but I do pay. My children live with my ex and visit me, so I don't think there is a double standard, if you have the kids, she should pay. If you support the kids and she does not help, I say go for it. If the men have the kids women should pay; if it was the other way the men would pay. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 12/1/2008 4:42:44 AM | Dude, I filed for Child support about this time Last year. In August of 2008 I was awarded Support in the amount of $240 and arears amount of $4600. So far she has paid $0 and in is gonna be over $1000 behind on the current amount this month.
She should pay you something because it is her responsibility to help take care of the child as well. You know damn well she'd have taken you to task over this if the roles were reversed and you'd probably be facing some kind of deadbeat dad charge if she could pull it off..
Contact your local Dept of Revenue or google for Child Support in your state. I know in Florida you contact the Dept. of Revenue to file for it. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 12/1/2008 11:53:14 AM | There is a cutural doble standard.I was awarded custody of my 4 kids. Now I have to set the stage. I had a female lawyer, she had a female lawyer, and it was a female judge. No sexual reference in it at all just one post aluded to the female lawyers theme.
My ex walked into court lied her (_(_) off and was told to pay $158.00 per month.She was also ordered to provide me with a copy of her income tax to ensure her income statement was correct. It was also agreed that she would help pay for things the kids require, ie: school trips and money for extra curricular activities.. I have never seen the statement and she pays me when she feels like it. I told my lawyer about the situation and was basically told I would have to take her back to court. Don't know about you but I can not afford another round in court and to support my kids.
If this situation was reversed I would not have a license and would probably be in jail. The judge looked at her situation which was mostly made up (working fulltime under the table for herB/F and said you poor thing try to do better).
All I can say is whatever lawyer you get dont let them push you into a corner and do not let your ex get away from helping you and the kids out in any way possible. It is after all all about the kids and personally I get tired of saying no I can not afford that while there mom spends a ton of money on them but is broke and can not afford to help out.The other issue you will have to worry about( hopefully not in your case) is your ex telling the kids that she has to pay you too much therefore she can not give them something they have asked for. "Deadbeat Parents is the term that should be applied today I mean after all you need a license to drive a car but any moron can have a child".
The issue we all forget is the children, thats what it is all about and she has an obligation to help you ensure your kids have all the advantages in life not just the ones that are convienent for her. | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:22:59 PM | | I believe whoever the parent is that has custody and spends most of the time male or female should pay the other child support I think when you have a child you become responsible to them 18 years if not longer depending on if that child would want to go to college you have every reason to expect her to pay child support if she didn't want a child she shouldn't have taken a role in the hay now just like a guy is suppose to do she has the responsibility to provide for that child. Lots of luck | |
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| Mothers paying child support, am I missing something?
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:43:48 PM | TOTAL DOUBLE STANDARD.......
You need to take her to court ASAP ......I am a single mother and if my son was living with his father , YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS I'D BE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT.
Where are her flippin morals...   | |
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