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 trinitiger
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 1
Feeling a "numb" feeling after a break up Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Have you ever felt that after you broke up with a person or if they broke up with you , you tend to feel a numb feeling which consist of:

You find its hard to move on .

When other people are interest in dated you but you are not open to it because (a) your not over the person (b) you are scared to get even more hurt or (c) you just feel like everything sucks no pun intended,lol.

This "Numb" feeling also affects you aspect on your lovelife and not to mention in extreme cases an affect on your personal and work life.


In such cases how do you deal with this situation before it ruins your chances of finding your true love?.
 JonIn92656
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 2
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:35:05 PM
I can totally relate and sympathize with what you are saying for I am going through it right now.

I wish I had the answer, but I don't.

The only thing that comes to mind is that time heels all wounds.

And it does.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 3
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:50:06 PM
This numb feeling you describe will come when you were the one who got dumped and especially if the nature of which they broke it off was rough, abrasive or otherwise just plain mean spirited.
The feeling can also be a result of a little part within you (conscience) wondering or perhaps knowing that you deserved/asked for it to end that way.

It will not ruin your chances of finding your true love because time heals all wounds including this one.
You just need time to heal.
 zombie_chik
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 4
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:50:42 PM
The numbness is a type of shock. Your being insulates itself to protect you from more damage -emotionally or otherwise. After you get through the shock, the numbness, you then start feeling all kinds of emotions from utter turmoil to anger to insecurity, all of it.

It is normal for you to feel the way you do and the only way to not bring the baggage into a new relationship -when you are ready for a new one- is to feel through all these things. Don't put it off or you will just deal with it later. You need to feel through it and accept it for what it is.

That is how you move on -you move through -you experience. Even the numbness. It takes time. And it takes a willingness to participate in your own healing by paying attention to how you feel and your needs. You will be ok. The loss of a partner is loss, and it is grief, and grief carries all kinds of emotions.
 Oceane1979
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 5
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:51:09 PM
Only with time does it get better...

Numbness is a coping mechanism that allows you to go about the other activities in your life...and it has helped me...A year ago I broke off a long term relationship and I am only now dipping my toes back in the water. The numbness has disappeared and I am not afraid to explore that aspect of life again.

When you are ready and the right person comes along you will be willing to start something new...

The danger of getting out there for the sake of getting out there is that you could end up hurting someone by making them a rebound person.
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:53:18 PM
Numbness is one of many feelings that accompany a breakup, but yes, it can make everything in your life seem hopeless.

The way I coped is by first accepting that there will be a time of pain, it's perfectly normal.

The bright side is knowing that the pain will fade, I promise!
If it didn't the world would be filed with nothing but numb, broken hearted people : )

I would suggest you plan something extra special for yourself.
It could be a get-away to someplace you've never been (actually that's what I once did, clear
across the country, but it helped!)

In any case don't worry that your chances of finding “true love” will be ruined by today's heartache.
You're young, and tomorrow is a brand new day!

-WCPGW
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 7
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 6:51:33 PM

Have you ever felt that after you broke up with a person or if they broke up with you , you tend to feel a numb feeling which consist of:

You find its hard to move on .

When other people are interest in dated you but you are not open to it because (a) your not over the person (b) you are scared to get even more hurt or (c) you just feel like everything sucks no pun intended,lol.

This "Numb" feeling also affects you aspect on your lovelife and not to mention in extreme cases an affect on your personal and work life.


In such cases how do you deal with this situation before it ruins your chances of finding your true love?.

OP -- I'm sure that anyone who's ever been through a breakup can attest to having felt this numb feeling. The best way I can describe it, is a failure to be able to breathe afterwards...to me, that's how it feels. I feel like I can't breathe. Then I get numb.

Best way (I found) to deal with the situation is not to dwell. I took a year off to sort my head out before I allowed myself to wade back into the shallow end of the pond. Some look for immediate rebounds, but I didn't. I tried for a week or so, but then realized I was just gonna end up hurting the rebound, and that wasn't fair to whoever that woulda been...so I stopped myself. Had to become comfortable with my own self before I could feel healthy enough to be able to care for someone else.

Everyone deals with it different, but the almost universal key element is not to dwell. Accept that what was there is no longer. You can't change that. Accept the pain and deal with it the way you raised yourself to do.


 trinitiger
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 8
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 6:56:44 PM
thats a deep way of putting it .... thank you
 Lavalette
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 9
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:01:20 PM
Who the heck is out there trying to delete these people's questions, they are issues that people go thru everyday and would like advice.
 Snakewhisperer
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 10
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:01:25 PM
The numbness is shock, one of the stages of grieving. You can also expect to go through anger, grief, and finally acceptance. Oh, there is supposed to be a bargaining phase in there, too. Sometimes you might jump around from one to the other and back again. Give yourself some time. If you're not ready, you're not ready. When you're ready to date, you will know.
 Lavalette
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 11
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:05:43 PM
Your probably a bit depressed and sad. Understandable, it always seems to feel this way when u like someone. It's a disappointment. Unfortunately there is no easy answer to give u, we all deal differently. I think if u could go out to dinner with a friend and talk and go over over the weekend n have fun with friends, its all those moments that distract u and make u smile that heal u. Don't chase after him or call or text, because when they reject again, u hurt more....Take it easy...you will get thru...
 VanJay011379
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 12
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:27:31 PM
The numbness will come and go.

Relationships are like driving. You can be the best in the world but that doesn't mean someone else won't mess it up. Someone else can crash into you!

Are you going to let a bad relationship mess it up? Take some time 0ff, relax and get back on the field!
 ImLovely07
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 13
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:01:37 PM
This is something that I am dealing with right now.

I'm usually not one to worry about things. I know I'm not healed from my previous relationship. I know I still have alot of hard days ahead of me. I'll admit, there are some days that I still cry. I'm happy to say that those days are much, much less then what they used to be.

BUT, I think why sit around and mope about it? Go out and have fun! If I sat at home all the time, I might not meet that next special someone. Life is too short to sit around and dwell on the past. I cried, laid in bed, sat depressed, etc for long enough. Yes, it was a long and wonderful relationship for me, but I can't be the only one to make it work. So it had to end.

Sorry for the hijack! I recommend reading "He's Just Not That Into You". It's a good book with alot of good advice. Honestly, I don't think it's worth the money to buy brand new...it's kinda repetitive. It's a good book, so maybe you can find it used somewhere. Also another good book is "It's Called a BreakUP, Not a BreakDOWN". I'll admit, when I first started reading it I thought it was nothing but BS. I wasn't ready to read it at the time. Awesome book though! Definately worth the money!!

((Hugs)) and Good luck to you!
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 14
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 9:10:50 PM
hi.. I am sorry that you are feeling this pain... we have all experienced this I think, to some degree or another... one thing that has helped me is the profound awareness that ~ if I am not with a certain person whom I thought was meant for me, I must TRUST that it is a simple defining sign that they were NOT the one intended for me .. The One is yet to come ~ .... we can give thanks for that defining truth of the matter and then we can confidently move forward on our true intended path.... blessings for profound healing and awareness, warmly Mona
 trinitiger
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 15
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 11/30/2008 9:12:12 PM
thank mona and to you all
 Aelwulf
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 16
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:31:35 AM
I'd have to agree with what seems to be the majority: take your time, be sure your'e over it and try to be open for your one. Even if it ends up being another that ends it could be another learning experience for the one you end up with. I'm in a similar situation I'd gather as well at the moment and I've just figured to give myself time, that I'll be ready when I'm ready. In the meantime I try not to let myself get too secluded and to get out and still partake of life if you will. Don't let anyone rush ya, and that includes yourself.

Bid Daddy Jinx, gotta say so far you seem to have your act together fairly well. Good on ya. ;) Some might say too blunt but IMO that's necessary these days. If my guess is right from the pic ride on man.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 17
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 5:29:19 AM

Best way (I found) to deal with the situation is not to dwell. I took a year off to sort my head out before I allowed myself to wade back into the shallow end of the pond. Some look for immediate rebounds, but I didn't. I tried for a week or so, but then realized I was just gonna end up hurting the rebound, and that wasn't fair to whoever that woulda been...so I stopped myself. Had to become comfortable with my own self before I could feel healthy enough to be able to care for someone else..


This sounds like what I went through after my last breakup. I tried dating a couple of people but knew I wasn't ready. Then I figured there is no rush. Not only wouldn't it be fair to the other person I was dating, it really wouldn't be fair to myself.
 cookie5
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 18
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 5:47:51 AM
Yes I agree, the numb feeling comes if your were the one dumped... as I was, after 20 years just tossed out into the cold with no explanation, he refuses to give one.. and even though it's for the best as he had tuened "weird" drinking, hanging out with a man, moving in with a man, refusing to talk to me, and filing for divorce with no definite grounds.. I still know it's going to take time to heal from this.. who knows why, I should be glad the skunk is gone, I just don't like being dumped, its very demorilizing for some reason. plus he's out for blood, trying to take everything we accumulated and being very sneaky about it... I read it just takes time, so Im just biding mine...
 toddmi
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 19
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 8:56:49 AM
If you find out the answer to this one will you let me know. I am going through a horrible divorce, and at times it is hard to breath. It seems like the person you knew when you got together has changed, and you spend your time lying in bed, thinking about what YOU did!
 genuinegent_77
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 20
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 9:38:54 AM
Id like to know as well to be honest wont bore you with the whole story just some of it .
I fel for a girl two years ago but she was exspecting at the time but i did love her and when the baby was born took the child on as my own and helped rase him for 18 months .
The babys biological dad came back on the sean and she went to visit family in peterborough .
A few days later i got a tex saying shes calling time on the relationship as she needed time to think etc i later found out they were back together and have moved into a hostle in order to get a house there and she keeps texing me saying some of her family tax credits went into my account and they need it as they had no food etc .
Now i find it hard to sleep ,eat etc
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 21
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 9:49:49 AM
Yes I still feel that feeling. I have not been able to really let anyone else in. I opened up to this person and got hurt pretty bad. I don't open up to anyone really. I average 1x per year. I guess that was my 1 time this year. I don't want to get hurt again. It is not effecting my personal or work relations. I think that is my only outlet. I'm not really dealing with it. I'm just on auto pilot right now! Time heals all wounds!
 perziankitty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 22
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:07:12 PM
Dear OP - You are 24 therefore, it is understandable your question! Unless you are a person without any feelings - there is always numbness after a break-up - it usually hurts more though if you are the one that is dumped and/or the amount of time in the relationship/marriage. The saying "times heals" is very true. First few days usually anger turning to hurt and back and forth, period where if you did the dumping (you may feel remorse - why'd you do it) or person dumped (why did this happen to me). It varies depending on situation - but Time Does Heal eventually all wounds of the heart and you move on. The thing is think of things to do, and each time you start thinking about it - close your eyes (count to 10) and think of something positive, there are positives if we look for them. I am 44 and still move forward! Life is far from over at 24 years of age - chin up and get moving!
 LaMediaNaranja
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 23
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:31:38 PM
OP: That "feeling" is the one you have when you have just recently had your heart broken. Which leads me to believe you aren't ready for dating just yet. (??)

I typically focus on myself, mourn and let it all out. lol Once, I'm done with the "grieving" period and I'm back to my spunky self then I dive back into the dating pond. Been some time since I felt like that, but it does suck big time!

You'll be fine. You are a beautiful young lady and I'm sure you will have no problems finding the one that will be for you.

Best,

 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 24
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Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 1:32:18 PM
Yes, a lot of people have experienced the same thing as you are going through. Some people handle or manage it better than others. I did not manage the breakup of my last longterm relationship well at all. It was a first for me. It crushed me.


In such cases how do you deal with this situation before it ruins your chances of finding your true love?.


I would say to look for support where you can find it. The comfort of friends, family etc. If you need them, reach out and ask for support. Trying to do it on your own can make it more difficult.

But "it" won't ruin your chances at finding true love, only YOU can LET it ruin you.

Don't let it.

Get some support. Take care of yourself.
 printer2
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 25
Feeling a numb feeling after a break up
Posted: 12/1/2008 5:52:51 PM
I felt the same way this summer after breaking off a four year relationship. I put all my energy in it to make it successful and in the end had the rug pulled out from under me. It has taken me three months to get to a normal state (relatively speaking) and am starting to get on with life.

In my case I left a job that I loved because I was not given a chance to go any further after being led on that I could. It is loss you are feeling right now and you will get over it with time. Hopefully you will look at it as a new beginning when you get over how you are feeling now. Good luck.
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