|
|
|
|
|
| Breaking the secret "man code" shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:24:58 PM | Ok ladies, I'll probably get kicked out of the "man club" for this but I think there are some misconceptions about men outh there. Here's the secret about men and what they want. Yes sex is right up there, however, the biggest thing all men want is to know someone cares about them. Uh huh, it's true, believe it or not we are looking for the same thing you are....someone who cares and knows how to show it. The big difference is you were raised to ask for it, and we were raised to not show it. If we go through life without finding someone who cares about us (or at least someone who shows it) then we become tougher and meaner, with that "I don't need a woman" type attitude. The guys you see on here that are bitter against women, most of them are just hurt because they haven't found someone who really cares about them (not all of the bitter ones, some are just inconsiderate a**holes). Think about it, most times when a man becomes ornery it is usually after an argument or "fight"...his feelings are hurt...yup it's true. We are taught at an early age to not show weakness so instead (when we get hurt) we show strength (i.e. anger). A real man never takes that anger to physical extremes (toward a woman) but that is the whole reason (mostly) that he says those hateful things....because he is protecting himself and his feelings. There it is the "great mystery of man". I guess now I have to turn in my membership card...lol  | |
|
| |
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:31:24 PM | geez........I was hoping to actually learn something new....
ya don't think we didn't already know that.....or are u just trying to play up to the gals with your "honesty"?  | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:33:52 PM | Well said NHCowboy,,, except for one thing..
Some of the men that are bitter have been repeatedly cheated on by women that have no idea what respect or love is.
When a guy figures out that there are very few women that won't cheat or lie, He may become bitter or he may decide to just use women for sex and nothing more. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:36:10 PM | but that is the whole reason (mostly) that he says those hateful things....because he is protecting himself and his feelings.
yeah .. we know .. and we do love y'all .. but you know, if you stop hiding those feeling thingies (cuz that's lots of what we want) ((some of us)).. well you big hairy man creatures just might get a little more "Feelin' " .. if you show yer feelings . .. if you know what I mean .. ;)
in a nutshell - give us your feelings .. we might give you a feel. 
**having made a conscious choice to ignore the bitter post in favour of the sentiment of this thread which is meant to be light and fun. It's nice that there are still lots of men and women who can still have fun without reminiscing about some twit from history! lol ..
same reason I voted to keep this thread.. for fun .. we really do need more Fun .. JMO | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:36:27 PM | That sounds awfully lonely.
It isn't usually all that hard to read, though, or at least, I haven't found it so. But then I tend to go for outgoing, communicative, highly verbal personalities. That doesn't mean they're necessarily going to volunteer when their feelings are hurt, but often, if I've noticed a boyfriend being grumpy and didn't know why, if I then asked if something had hurt his feelings, the answer'd be "yes." It might or might not have anything to do with me, but whatever it was, that "yes" would usually open the floodgates and then he'd tell me what was wrong.
"Man club," heh! | |
|
| |
| |
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:51:39 PM | Petrock....it's in the mail....lol
MsMickie....not playing anything just looking for a little lighthearted convo....I don't need to play up my honesty, anyone who takes the time to get to know me will allow me to prove my honesty, I don't expect anyone to assume anything about me, nor take my word for who or what I say I am. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:55:07 PM | Helen
It's not lonely...I am ok (not extremely happy, but ok) with being alone. I've been in a "bad" relationship, and alone is definately better that faking happiness. I have friends that I can talk to and that's enough for now. If I find "the one" then great, if I don't then that's fine too. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:55:42 PM | | Congratulations for being human, OP. I don't think men and woman are different in what they want. They may be hurt, or afraid, or licking old wounds, but we all want the same thing. Sometimes it's best to step back and work on your picker.... | |
|
| |
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 6:58:43 PM | A real man never takes that anger to physical extremes (toward a woman) but that is the whole reason (mostly) that he says those hateful things....because he is protecting himself and his feelings
This is the thing I really don't understand and many women do it too! WHY??? Saying mean and hurtful things only adds to a problem! My now ex boyfriend used to do that every time we had a disagreement! Any time we didn't agree on something he would start putting me down and saying things that were just hurtful! That is a lot of why things ended-- I couldn't take it any more! | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 7:31:22 PM | So sorry to lump u into the attention seekers group....just came off that way to me.
So......when does the light hearted fun begin? | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 7:50:37 PM | I like this topic, OP. Thank You...I found the other comments fun too.
I think we are all more alike than we are different...just my two cents | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 7:58:36 PM | I agree with your statement...but it still boils down to hurt.. I may not be in the man club but respectfully disagree. I think it's about fear. I man who lashes out is a fearful man. Fear can kill a relationship just as fast as infidelity
I wouldn't want to be with a man who let his actions be guided by fear and aggression anymore than a man would want to be with a woman who was an emotional basket case due to her fears. I realize there are exceptions to this rule but they are usually the ones who repeatedly date the same type of person, end up jaded, and calling their ex's psychos. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 8:08:03 PM | First, has anyone alerted the media to the groundbreak news? Let me get Anderson
Cooper on the line.
Nebula :
Some of the men that are bitter have been repeatedly cheated on by women that have no idea what respect or love is.
When a guy figures out that there are very few women that won't cheat or lie, He may become bitter or he may decide to just use women for sex and nothing more.
Still? The only reason anyone chooses to be bitter is BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE to be.
If you are man or woman and you decide to blame an entire gender for what a few did, well then I have to ask, who is really missing out? There is a lot to be said for moving on and putting the past behind you so you can look for a love of your own. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 8:30:58 PM | NHCowboy..... yes, we do really know, but it is refreshing to find a 'real' man who owns up to it! I've got my real man, and he has never been afraid to show or express his feelings. He has let me know from day 1 that he cared about me and my feelings, way before the L word was ever used. I do think that a lot of women, especially the younger ones (cause I was one a long time ago ) don't really know this yet. That a man can feel just as deeply, and need the care shown to them, just as we do. Maybe it helps to have raised a son, or two!
Nebula, I'm sorry that you have had this hurt thrust upon you, but honestly, to say:
"When a guy figures out that there are very few women that won't cheat or lie, he may become bitter or he may decide to just use women for sex and nothing more."
Really? "Very few"??? Isn't that similar to women who believe that since she has been lied to or cheated upon, that most men are scum and cheaters? Isn't that why women claim to be bitter, also? Please don't believe that all or even most of us are liars or cheaters anymore than men are. I have been cheated on by 3 ex's, but I have complete faith in my "Cowboy". As a matter of fact, I was just thinking today that I need to change my nickname to "learned2trust" or "itrustmyCowboy"!
Connie  | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/1/2008 8:48:00 PM | Nebula....sweetie....you should know better than to lump us all together like that.
Don't you think we have also been dealt those blows?
The secret, my dear....change your bait...relocate to a different end on the pond...don't put the sun behind your back. For the better fish...go deeper....stay away from the shallow end (you'll only find minnows and bottom feeders). The minnows need to be put back ( to young...no experience) and the bottom feeders need to be thrown onto the bank so we can watch them suck air!
Op...I have a male friend who told me recently he preferred the company of women. Mainly because we have more than one emotion and are capable of sharing it.
I'm sorry so many men still feel that they are unable to share their feelings. I want a man who can share. Open communication is difficult...but necessary. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:02:17 AM | Couldn't agree with you more NH Cowboy...
Congratulations for having the courage to speak the truth.
This has been the experience in my relationship. My partner has admitted that most of his 'aggro' in prior relationships has been pretty much based on hurt feelings and frustration at not being 'loved' in a way that was meaningful to him. Anger seems to be the only 'socially sanctioned' emotion a man is 'supposed' to express openly, where in fact its often a mask for all the emotions we humans experience.
Thankyou for bringing this out in the open.
'The Truth will set us Free".
| |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:18:08 AM | I love myself and believe in what life gives me
men feel guilty because not women love them( that's being coward)
 | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:22:11 AM | Hey Cowboy
Take your mancode and %%$$###@@@.
I am as caring and appreciative and expressive (and sexual!!) as a man could dream. I think the code is emblazoned on my forehead. Somehow in bad translation, it reads "Here is a woman/markess who will treat me well, while I play".
I know my ex-fiance was on here for awhile because he tried to connect with me again. Sometimes I wish he would just chime in and acknowledge that I was the secret you claim men want. I couldn't have cared more or shown it more deeply.
There are mysteries in relationships that go beyond your simple recipe. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:56:16 AM | Here's the secret about men and what they want. Yes sex is right up there, however, the biggest thing all men want is to know someone cares about them.
what complete and unmitigated bullshit. men care first and foremost about pretty + sex. if they can get that, only THEN are they willing to start thinking about whether or not pretty + sex lady actually cares about them. alas, pretty + sex lady often does not give a rat's ass about them for very long, because you're no different than any other guy out there lusting after her parts. she can pick & choose and try them all on for size until the cows come home.
and that's the way it goes. | |
|
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:56:45 AM | Cowboy, this is not my first glance into the playbook. I have met some other men who were brave enough to give me a peek too and to each of those men, I say thank you.
However, those men, those wonderful loving men who showed me their soul, their sensitivity, their playbook and yes their need to be loved, in the end, the ones who truly loved me, when things didn't work out, never took their anger out on me, regardless of how other women had treated them. Do you know why? Because they loved ME, and saw me for ME and to them their relationship with me deserved to be treated with individual respect and not lumped together with their feelings for a bunch of OTHER woman. That is when you know it is special, when one stands apart from all the rest.
When someone really loves, I mean really loves you, they don't hold you accountable for someone else's sins, they see you for you, they are brave enough to say, Hey, I know she has been hurt, I know she is not perfect, but I know that she has a huge heart and great capacity to love and if I listen to her, if I just listen to her, that love could be mine, because I believe in the resilience of her heart.
There was a thread I looked at last night about woman who had been hurt by their relationships with their Dads and you know some of the responses from men made me so sad and as much as I hate to say this, I hope none of those men have daughters. Growing up, most everyone has issues with their parents, and if you don't well you are truly blessed. However, that does not mean you shouldn't try and understand someone else's circumstances. I liken this thread to that other thread in as much as I am not looking to be saved, I saved myself thank you (by the way, this is the human code, we really only can save ourselves, please don't keep this a secret), what I am looking for is a man that will listen and has the grace to understand. And you know, after I saved myself, after I got past it all, he showed up and he continues to show up. Even with his own past hurt, he sees my heart and my willingness to love him. And that Cowboy, is the real secret to a strong man, the one who can see your potential. One who, while it may not be easy, sticks around because he knows that just like him, I deserved to be loved too. And by the way, I didn't read this in play book, nor was it whispered to me in some code. I learned it in real life, from a man who told me honestly and had the courage to tell me and I will not be asking for him to turn in his "membership card." | |
|
D48763
|
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 25 | |
| Breaking the secret man code shhhh!
Posted: 12/2/2008 3:50:47 AM | I agree with you fully,,,one of the things you over looked was,,,talking communication,,,yes,its important to have that lady in your life discuss work,,,but not all the time,,just as she does not appreaicte that either,yet when one reads the profile,,they seek a man who will express his feelings openly,,,its supposed to be mutal,,,or if you ask what her idea of a nice romanic date would be,,,,again nothing,,,if one looks at First date section,,,coffee,,and when you do not learn more in chatting phone calls,,,than you will discover( nope if she is always talking about work,,or cannot communicate openly and honestly,,,I would never meet her,,,,,at best she will say" so you like walks,,or the coffee,,,or more cooler/office chat,,,yep,,,men even enjoy and respet when she asks them out,,,a man also enjoys not haing to make the first "move",,,or even asked to dance,,,
Real men do not like feeling like some "predator"...or those that think the man has to chase them,,,how about just appreacating and mutal respect,,mutal encouragement to really talk,,,and know whatever is discussed is repected,appreaciated,,,encouraged mutaly,,,
Yep,,,just think how many ladies may be not contacting you ,,as they even think the man should do so first,,,thats teenage stuff,,,not emotional security,,nor mutal respect,,heck we may not have even noticed her,,or misunderstood her,,,yep the old " well can't you read my mind,,,",,,
Have a great day,,,Dave:) | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
