| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:31:28 AM | I have heard it many times said, Once a person becomes a parent they tend to see things about life differently. I was wondering, Is it possible for a person to give unconditional love if they have never had children of their own. From my experience when I have dated men that never had children, they seem to be selfish and immature. I happen to love a man that has no children, I have one child. I can only say for myself, I love my child with unconditional love, but wonder is that possible for a person who never had children to understand what that truly means. any feed back would be helpful, and I mean no offense to those who feel I have offended them.
Thank You,
Lily | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:35:26 AM | I have never birthed a child.
I did raise a step child part time.....and adopted my niece when she was 13ish....
and yes, I am quite capable of unconditional love. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:40:09 AM | I think t's more important to find out of he has ever been the recipient of unconditional love, as that is how one learns how to give it.
Being a parent does not mean you know how to love unconditionally. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:47:26 AM | I think you may have put the cart before the horse. It is more likely that these men of which you speak have no children because they are selfish and immature and not the other way around.
As to your question, I don't think one needs to have children to learn how to love unconditionaly. They learn that by the example that was set for them.( and can be practiced on puppies!) | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:55:31 AM | Being the object of this particular topic, I would first need your definition of unconditional love, and who you are seeing as the recipient?
As a zookeeper mostly working with very dangerous, sometimes proven maneaters, I guess i can say i've given it often, even to things who only see me as a snack.
Animals and children deserve it, they also never ask for it, even tho their lives depend on it.
I see the adult who has the nerve to ask or demand it differently since the only ones i've had experience with having wanted it so badly was one who abused it in every way they could think of.
To me, as an adult human, i feel that if someone gives it to me it is because I live in a manner deserving such an honor from them, not because i told them to give it to me.
The best way to feel you have unconditional love from another adult is to try to not test it. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:55:52 AM | | the only unconditional love you get is from your pet | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:00:06 PM | | My God you are clueless op. I know many people with children who are the most selfish and immature people you would have the misfortune to run into. Having a kid does not automatically make someone selfless and mature. This is why I can't date single parents. You all have weird ideas. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:05:11 PM |
I have heard it many times said, Once a person becomes a parent they tend to see things about life differently. I was wondering, Is it possible for a person to give unconditional love if they have never had children of their own. From my experience when I have dated men that never had children, they seem to be selfish and immature. I happen to love a man that has no children, I have one child. I can only say for myself, I love my child with unconditional love, but wonder is that possible for a person who never had children to understand what that truly means. any feed back would be helpful, and I mean no offense to those who feel I have offended them.
Thank You,
Lily
Lily -- Hmm...that's kinda arrogant don't you think? Pretty broad assertion or insinuation for sure. You're implying that unless one has a child, they are incapable of "unconditional love"?
Yea...arrogant indeed.
What's next, if one has never married they don't understand "unconditional love"? Or if one is not Christian? Or if one has no pets? Or if one never went to University? Or never drank coffee?
It's the person that's capable of unconditional love, not the situation or the circumstances behind it. To imply that one can't know unconditional love unless they've had a kid...utterly ridiculous, and VERY self absorbed.
Next time you use phrases like "selfish" and "immature", be sure you're looking in a mirror.
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:05:55 PM | | I don't think unconditional love exist in the real world. Only in fairy tales maybe, but not here on Earth. Everything dealing with "love" has conditions. Love is a condition itself. plagued by rules and laws. If anything exists then it may exist between a human and their dog. My dog has always been my best friend, but that is not including my relatives, who are my human best friends of course. Family is cool. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:10:53 PM |
I don't think unconditional love exist in the real world. Only in fairy tales maybe, but not here on Earth. Everything dealing with "love" has conditions. Love is a condition itself. plagued by rules and laws.
You my friend, have never loved, nor do you know what love is.
All love is unconditional-or you just really really like something. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:10:57 PM | | Everyone is CAPABLE...it's just that a lot of them don't get the chance to experience it. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:11:06 PM | For me the tell-tell sign is how my SO treats his mother, or father.
There is unconditional love at its finest. Of course I would be speaking of a man in my age group.
A lot of young men haven't quite grasped this concept,yet.
If I can see that he respects, and takes time to connect with his parents then I believe he is capable of loving to a degree that I would welcome.
I have two kids, yep birthed them all on my own, and it is unconditional.
But the love I shared with their father was ,equally, as unconditional. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:15:49 PM | 'UN-conditional love' ?
no conditions at all? like if s/he became a mass murderer, you would STILL 'love' them?
hmmm.. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:21:51 PM |
I can only say for myself, I love my child with unconditional love, but wonder is that possible for a person who never had children to understand what that truly means.
Yes. No question about it. Having children or not, IMO, is unrelated (er, no pun intended!). I think that most of us have this capacity. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:23:26 PM | Lily -- Hmm...that's kinda arrogant don't you think? Pretty broad assertion or insinuation for sure. You're implying that unless one has a child, they are incapable of "unconditional love"?
Yea...arrogant indeed.
What's next, if one has never married they don't understand "unconditional love"? Or if one is not Christian? Or if one has no pets? Or if one never went to University? Or never drank coffee?
It's the person that's capable of unconditional love, not the situation or the circumstances behind it. To imply that one can't know unconditional love unless they've had a kid...utterly ridiculous, and VERY self absorbed.
Next time you use phrases like "selfish" and "immature", be sure you're looking in a mirror.
I have to agree with that,I have never had children because I know that I don't make a good parent,I simply don't have the patience required to do it.Does that mean I am mean spirited or impatient with others? Not at all,maturity can be realizing what your no good at and for me that's parenthood. As for unconditional love,we all put conditions on relationships whether we realize it or not,they may be small and inconsequential,but they are there.No you say? Well then can your better half do anything they want and you still love them,cheat,steal, lie,abuse....you get the idea. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:24:32 PM |
For me the tell-tell sign is how my SO treats his mother, or father.
What if his mother or father are complete a$$-hats? | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:27:01 PM | I've seen no evidence that unconditional love exist - except .......
"Sometimes" parent to child. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:30:44 PM | I don't think unconditional love between SO's is a particularly good thing. One should have sound "boundaries" or conditions in how they will allow others to treat them, no?
Also, the love we have for our children is a different kind of love than we have for our mate, so in the end, whether you've raised children or not has no bearing on one's capacity to love their partner. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:31:43 PM | I personally think that "UNCONDITIONAL love" is fiction, a phrase carelessly tossed about, that really means nothing.
well, not unlike the word "love"..is carelessly used .
"I love ketchup", "I love my Toyota", "I love walking in the rain" etc., etc.
damn to hear some people they have 1000's of things they 'love'..wouldn't make you feel TOO 'special' when they tell you they 'love' you, would it? (#1,001 ) | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 12:32:49 PM | | Parents might possibly have this for their children, but love does not exist without rules laws and certain perceptions. One must have a reason to love. Love does not exist without a reason. If it did, then it would be possible for a plant or a rock to love an animal. That of course is not possible. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 1:30:53 PM | Sure, get a cute puppy, you'll learn all about it
And, you'll also learn that relationships require work, patience, and understanding.
But notice not many people divorcing their puppies, plenty of couples bailing out on each other regardless of whether they had kids or not. So kids don't qualify you for better relationships. Maturity does. So grow up and get a puppy, stay away from relationships until you're a mature and respectful and trustworthy adult. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 1:38:38 PM | I tend to agree with you Lily.
I cannot even begin to explain why that is- and thats the nature of the beast. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 1:52:35 PM | I don't agree at all. I know some really great parents who love their children unconditionally but I don't think its an automatic state as soon as one has children. And there are lots of parents who are selfish ***holes who have no clue what love is all about. That's why we have laws and children services all over the world to protect those children.
There are lots of people who know how to love unconditionally just like there are many who don't. I don't think it has anything to do with being a parent. It all depends on the person.
I think unconditional love can absolutely happen in a relationship. All that means is that even if that person hurts you, you may still love them. Staying with them is another matter altogether and we all have our deal breakers where we feel we cannot continue in a relationship. We may still love the person and care what happens to them but the relationship may be irreparably damaged. | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:02:24 PM | aprilwhyapril
I fully understand that relationships require work, patience and understanding. Once one has a child or children. ( for most humans men and women alike) it is all about giving up on the things that we thought we cared about and learning how to love another human being even when at times we are not being loved back and not being able to walk away when the times get tough, and we learn to watch our mouths around the lil sponges, we learn how to be in control of our emotions and outbursts when things do not quite go our way, In a way we program ourselves to be better around our children and in return becoming a better understanding, compationate , selfless human. There is a huge maturity level that most parents get to, a true selfless love of a human not a puppy. And in return we learn how to have a better more open and honest relationship with the another adult.
Again, I apologize if I have offended anyone.
Thank You,
Lily | |
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| Unconditional Love
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:10:49 PM | OP, IMO, I love my daughters "unconditionally" to the point that I would willingly give my life to save one of theirs. That's a very special form of love, that one has for his/her children, and it's unlike any other. In a healthy parental love, there is little or no "selfishness" and one's focus is on the best interests of his/her child.
Relationship love, is not ever "unconditional" really. It is naturally based on one's "mating instinct", and there are "needs" that must be met, in an overall sense, for it to be a healthy romantic love. That's not to say that romantic love won't rise above the momentary challenges, or that one's needs have to be being met constantly, for love to exist. However, there is still some "expectation" of having one's "relationship needs" being met. If they aren't, it's not love, it's obsession, and it's not emotionally healthy.
In terms of the other part of the OP, no, I don't think those who have never had children can truly understand the unconditional love of parent for child. It doesn't have to be one's progeny, because I have known a few, who became stepdads early in a child's life, and there, too, I think unconditional love is possible. | |
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