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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Problems dating a Diabetic??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SL4x4
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 1
Problems dating a Diabetic??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So here's the deal...
I met this guy on POF a about 5 months ago. We talked quite a bit online and over the phone for a couple months before we actually met. We've hung out quite a bit together, get along great, find each other attractive (both of us have admitted this too each other) however have not done any sexual with each other.

However, today he sent me a text saying that he could never turn "us" into a long term relationship because I have Diabetes... but yet still wants to hang out alot and talk.

I told him right from the start that I have Type 1 Diabetes so it would not be a surprise. He asked alot of questions about it and I explained how it works, whats going on inside my body, explained how I control it and that I can live a perfectly normal life as long as I take certain necessary precautions for example carrying a juice box with me, making sure I eat right and exercise ect.

I've never ever come across this situation before where a guy has said that he likes me, likes being around me, wants to see but can't see something longterm only because I have Diabetes? It's not like I'm going to drop dead or anything any time soon. I take very good care of it and no other guy has made this an issue in the past.

I thanked him for his honesty but said I would need some time to think about it. Whether we are dating or friends, I will still have diabetes and have to be around him so if he can't handle it, then the type of relationship we have is not going to change that.

So I'm wondering, for you guys, would having a Disease like Diabetes where it is not life threatning and is totally in control be a factor if you're deciding to date someone?

I never ever in my life though it would be, and was pretty taken a back by his comment. I could understand if mine was not in control and I was constantly sick or passing out or if I had a different type of disease that I could potentially be dead in a couple months... but Diabetes?
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 2
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:04:46 PM
Some people out there really can't deal with any type of sickness at all no matter how well managed it is. It's for the best that he doesn't want to date you anyway. Trust me I know. I have dated many guys who up front tell you they are fine with your sickness/disease/disability, and really they are not. It just turns out a month or so down the road they finally let it out , tell you then break up with you. At least this way no real feelings have started to develop yet.


I am all for someone telling me straight up that they can't deal with what I have to live with every single day. I don't want someone "giving me a chance". I am no charity case.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 3
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:07:18 PM
I'm sorry to hear you were treated this way. It is amazing the number of things you read about like this. Amazing to think something like this - under control rules a person's dating decisions. Those people I wonder what they would be like when the meet someone and they get something life threatening, or they have a serious accident. Do they dump them then?

Maybe you should ask him why specificially. Maybe he had someone close to him die from complications or he doesn't know enough about it. Try talking to him.
 gorparilla
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 4
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:16:34 PM
One thing I hate about dating diabetics is no matter how independent they are....wait for it...they never pay for their insolence...Sorry, I love the Cobra Commander pun "You will pay for your insolence!"
"But I'm not diabetic!"

If someone was 'special' enough to spend 5 months getting to know, talking with, hanging out with, thinking they're attractive, then no, diabetes alone would not be a reason I would not want a romantic relationship.
Basically, if I was a friend first, diabetes would not be the only reason not to date them. I wouldn't/don't date friends though.

If I met someone online and her first IM or email was simply "I have diabetes," then I would not choose to get to know her better or date her.
 SL4x4
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 5
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:21:40 PM

Basically, if I was a friend first, diabetes would not be the only reason not to date them. I wouldn't/don't date friends though.


We were dating each other, but taking the time to get to know each other before we progressed into a physical relationship. Also, after telling me that he cannot date me, he still likes me alot and wants to spend time with me. I'm guessing he's full of shit and it's something else... but why lie, I'm a big girl and I can handle the truth.


If I met someone online and her first IM or email was simply "I have diabetes," then I would not choose to get to know her better or date her.


As well, this was brought up a while after we first started talking as he asked me if there was anything important that he should know about me.

I'm not too hung out on the particulars of this, I was just wondering if people do pass up others based on stuff like Diabetes.
 Pair O Docs
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 6
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 12:41:27 PM
You know what I would tell him??

I would say....."you know....I understand why you MIGHT possibly be concerned. And I thank you up front for your honesty. And I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for you in the event you wind up with a woman who isn't going to tolerate you potentially getting adult onset type II diabetes....and I will pray that you're going to get a woman who will be there for you to actually be concerned about things like your diet to prevent things like strokes or other diseases which will creep up on you if you become stubborn and don't want to do anything about it. Because, apparently, you seem to be METHUSULA who will live for eight hundred years DISEASE FREE....And I will pray that that woman has all the compassion in the world as to not WALK the second you find that your time on this planet is actually shorter than you're pretending it is now........."

And then go find a guy who will BE THERE.......There are plenty of MEN who can actually tolerate slight 'inconveniences' in life...... You don't need a BOY!!!

peace
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 7
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 1:35:51 PM
My daughter is a Type 1 so I understand what's involved much beter than someone who's never been around a diabetic. If you've got it under control and manage your day-to-day glucose levels well then it shouldn't take you more than a few minutes a day to check sugar levels and such. I suspect that guys you'd get involved with just don't understand what it is and envision managing it to be a lot more involved than it is.
 Geneseo
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 8
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 2:13:45 PM
Heck, not only could I date a diabetic, type I or II, I am quite good at giving insulin shots. Have given probably thousands of them.

and I rarely leave a bruize.
 Ms. Politesse
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 9
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 3:02:40 PM
That guy sounds so self-centered there may not be any room for you in the relationship anyway. I, too, am sorry you were treated this way ~ and in the most cowardly way of all! A TEXT message???

He's a loser! Shoo him away and you keep on going!
 Thunderstorms62
Joined: 12/11/2004
Msg: 10
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 5:51:45 PM
OP, there is nothing for you to consider here.
Show him the door because he is an ignorant fargin icehole.

My Mom has type II Diabetes and my Dad has always been there for her.
(Even through the "Hi's and Low's") ;-)
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 6:01:06 PM
I dated a guy in college with Diabetes, he taught me how to give an insulin shot and I always made sure to keep a close eye on him and remind him to check his blood sugar.
It was never an issue.
 imsophie1
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 6:08:15 PM
These days it seems that folks want everything to be perfect. Perfect job, perfect relationships, perfect life. No drama, no baggage, no responsibility. Life's too short; just live and have fun. Heaven forbid folks should find themselves in a position of being supportive and caring for a loved one with some type of physical or medical problem. It might become an inconvenience instead of being an act of love. Life today is all about me, me, me.

Unfortunately, folks can't imagine and don't realize how quickly a perfect life can turn to shit. One morning when my ex was leaving for work, he and I were happy and raising 3 beautiful girls. An hour later I was left raising 3 beautiful girls and a middle-aged 3-year old son. He was in a trucking accident and survived his first brain injury. I had to teach him to dress himself, shower, comb his hair, read, think, understand.

I spent the next 17 years on a rollercoaster ride to hell. He survived 4 more brain injuries and his problems only got worse. Our middle daughter ended up surviving 4 brain injuries before she died in 06, one week after her 22nd birthday. I had a horrendous life, but none of it was my fault or his. I married him for better or worse; not better and no brain injury.

My love didn't depend on him being perfect. Even after the love died, I would have continued in that marriage because that's who I am. He chose to abandon me, our daughters, and our grandchildren, so my obligation is canceled.

No matter what your physical condition, be thankful that you're still breathing in and out. The alternative is not a pleasant thought.
 smitten2meetu
Joined: 11/16/2004
Msg: 13
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 6:15:30 PM
Why would you want to have this man as your friend, if his insecurities about what you have, and can't see anything longterm?

I think this man should be kick to the curb, and told, that I won't have any person in my life, that's can't be there for me, even if I do have medical issue's.

Its time to cut your losses, if he like this now, and you keep him in your life, what will he do a year from now?
 SL4x4
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 14
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 6:43:01 PM
Thanks for all your great posts.

I don't think I quite clarified above though... I am no longer talking to him, don't want someone in my life that can't accept EVERYTHING about me.

I was just wondering about your opinions on as to why that could be something he cannot handle. Like I stated, I never saw it as an issue until now, and this has really opened my eyes to the "other side" persay and was just wondering besides the fact that's hes a selfish prick lol what other reasons could he have?
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 15
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/3/2008 6:58:33 PM
Well at least you got rid of him. You deserve better. I'm guessing this guy doesn't know a lot about diabetes. My mom had it (she's since passed away) and I understand what you have to go through. I get myself checked regularly btw. People live perfectly normal lives and keep it under control. It's not like he could catch it from you!

SL4x4 stay strong. You will find someone that will love everything about you. It's better that you found out now, instead of several years from now what kind of guy this was. He sounds like a coward to be honest.
 Jazzythecat
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/4/2008 12:46:23 AM
OP, you are young, and when someone is young and has a disease it scares off others. They start thinking of everything that can go wrong and then some. To you diabetes is old hat...something you live with daily . To them it's something new and something they can choose to either take or leave.

Even in new marriages if a spouse should get diagnosed with some life long disease, 90% of those marriages fail. The pressure of what if terrifies them. They think..omg...we will lose the medical insurance and go bankrupt, I will have to be the sole bread winner. Some of these concerns are legit. So they abandon ship out of fear and lack of history of coping skills.

Long time marriages fare better with these things, because they have the confidence they can meet the challenges. They have a history together of doing so with other things.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 17
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/4/2008 11:59:25 AM
Too bad it took a few months to find out that he's a jerk, but thank goodness you hadn't become lovers. Onward and upward, I hope you meet a great guy.
 joanne1357
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 18
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/4/2008 5:45:37 PM
I would have no problem dating a diabetic as long as he took care of himself. As a nurse have seen many unfortunate people that either..
1. did not
2. did but their disease was progressively awful & they just got the bad flip of the coin
...and they ended up with eye & kidney problems & even dialysis; legs amputated.. in stages... cardiac conditions etc etc.

Dated a person for a very short time that had open heart surgery (as a younger man). I felt funny at first, not sure why; but then when I thought about it its no different than any other disease.. my dad had that surgery & I worked in the open heart ICU for almost 9 yrs... so at least I knew what it was about. But was more interested in the person & not the health history.. it didnt work out.. but not b/c of health issues.. that may or may not recur....sigh

and to go off topic for a sec.. "would you date a cancer survivor?" yes I would

most of us are going to have "something" as we age
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 19
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/4/2008 6:44:30 PM
OP

No I wouldn't have a problem...unless he was like my ex-BF and refused to monitor himself.

One of the final straws in our relationship was him going without insulin for almost 6 hours--after eating sweets, having a beer and no FOOD (except for popcorn) until almost 10 at night ( had no idea of all of this until we had a huge blowout the next morning). Then when he decided to test himself--326. WTF? When I saw that I asked him what the hell was going on. He had been belligerent and obnoxious all night--that's when I realized his sugar was completely out of whack and he didn't give a damn. I remember one night waking to find him soaked and breathing oddly--his sugar had bottomed out. Watching this and him running out of insulin and waiting on his mail order (to the point that he spent the day almost incapacitated), I decided I'd had enough. Especially when he told me that "he had lived with this all his life and he knew what he was doing"...when he obviously refused to be a responsible man. At almost 50, there was no reason for him to be so stupid and risky. I don't know how to give a shot and would have had to call 911.

You, sweetness, sound damn responsible. And smart. And the friend BS...he wants to keep you dangling in case whatever else he's looking at doesn't work. A**h**e. And someone you should have rightly put out of your life. You did the right thing--the right man will not only understand, but ask questions and gain knowledge about you so that he can be there for you.

AFL
 MP31971
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 20
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/4/2008 7:40:09 PM
Sorry to hear you had to deal with this bozo.

Diabetes does suck, but it is controllable. I have type 2 diabetes & a friend of mine got married years ago & her husband has type 1 diabetes & he's doing fine & they just had a baby.
 Annie Nigma
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 21
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:29:19 AM
Sorry---but I think that this guy is just using your condition as an excuse not to date you.

Personally I am proud of you for being so diligent and aware, and I am sure that you'll meet others who feel the same way about you.

Nope. I've never heard anyone use diabetes as a reason for not wanting to become involved with someone else....or any other health issues.
Seems kinda immature. You've got cooties!
Add my vote to the "selfish prick" category.

And yes, I know people that suffer from life-threatening illnesses who still manage to find partners.
My cousin is planning to marry a young woman who's recovering from breast cancer.
He supported her throughout the entire ordeal. He held back her long hair when she puked after chemotherapy, then later went shopping for pretty scarfs when her hair fell out.
Look around. I'm sure you'll see a lot of people with visable disabilites who have a loving partner by their side.

Forget about this loser and his lame excuses.
Yes, rejection hurts (for any reason) but eventually your wounds will heal and when you're ready I'm sure there will be guys lined up at your door wanting to date you. If not...consider moving to my area!! The guys around here would go ga-ga over you!
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 22
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/5/2008 6:49:57 AM
There are a lot of people who are only 'fairweather' friends....better to find out he is one of them now then later.
 Chancelore
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 23
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:40:02 AM

So I'm wondering, for you guys, would having a Disease like Diabetes where it is not life threatning and is totally in control be a factor if you're deciding to date someone?

I have been seeing a diabetic woman off an on for over a year. As far as I can remember, it's never been an issue. Really haven't thought much about it until I just read this thread.
 rustygetsit
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 24
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:39:39 AM
I met a gentleman on this site a few months ago, and it turns out he lives in my town. We hit it off, and decided to go on a casual date which turned out to be the most fun I have had in many years. The date progressed through the evening, and at one point he pulls out his kit to test his "sugar" ... this was how I learned he had type I. He explained it to me, how it worked, how it effected him - or not, etc. He also told me what to do should he run into "a problem." In a nutshell, it has in no way changed the way I perceive this guy. We've had other dates, have become STRONG friends, and yeah, we're attracted to each other as well. With him, however, I think he's reluctant to connect to closely with some women because he's afraid of such a reaction - afraid of rejection. I have asthma - and believe me, I've told people here that I have it, and bang - never hear from them again. I think I have to agree with some of you - some people are just afraid of imperfection. How can you seek perfection in an imperfect world?
 ByLucifersBeard
Joined: 11/5/2008
Msg: 25
Problems dating a Diabetic??
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:48:03 PM
As a fellow diabetic, reading this thread made me really sad to know that people discriminate because of a disease that can be controlled. I take insulin via syringes, and that has bothered some guys I've gone out with. But it's under control. I mean I can't drink a lot off booze, but that doesn't bother me. My diabetes was just a random thing. I wasn't overweight, I ate right. But I adjusted my life. I live normally. I eat ice cream and chocolate etc and I have no sugar problems. I think what scares people is what CAN happen if you don't control the disease. Like if you put on weight it gets worse, if you don't manage sugars you can lose limbs, your eyes have to be checked every year etc. I had a scare where I was dating someone and drinking to keep up with them and I went into a diabetic coma. Scariest thing ever to go through. I was literally 30 minutes from dying. So sure there are things I don't do because of my diabetes like drink a lot, and I don't overdo it on sweets. But my life is just as normal as everyone else's.

I've never not dated someone because of a disease. I think some things can be problematic. Like I've dated bi-polar people, and even though they were on meds, there were still too many difficulties. Doesn't mean they aren't datable. But to me, if someone can't deal with the fact that I take needles and can't drink a lot, then I don't need them anyways. You are better off without this guy if that's how he feels about you.
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