| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:43:55 PM | DIVORCE....our favorite subject......and we do not have a Michigan thread just on this subject.
I am one of the fortunate ones. Hardly any squabbling, reasonably amicable.
What I hear from friends saddens me though.
OK.....you are THROUGH with each other, for whatever reason.
How many people have been 'worked over' in the divorce proceedings?
How many of you have 'worked over' someone else?
(Would love to hear from both sides!)
How can two people who formerly loved each other......resort to such hatred and bitterness?
How can people guilty of cheating......be so tough on their former spouse.....when you were PERHAPS the guilty party?
How come couples with children put them LAST in all the squabbling?
It appears that marriage has become an 'institution of the past'. To have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part, is merely a 'wish' at this point, not a reality.
This thread is for all those people who have come out on top, and at the bottom, of divorce proceedings.
AND.......would you EVERY marry again? | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:50:41 PM | Ohhhhh baby girl...I could fill this page! If I put my story up here am I going to get it for "looking for pity" because I am not, just the facts mam.
After this divorce I am sooooo not wanting to ever jump back onto that marraige boat again. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/6/2008 1:13:58 PM | I would if we both are financially secure. That way I have nothing to look forward to but what shade I should paint the kitchen......(tapping my manicured nails on my newly installed marble counter) | |
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| Divorce whore stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/6/2008 3:19:11 PM | Linda,
Anyone ask to sit on your lap and tell you what they want for Christmas?   Hmmm ... maybe that would work better the other way around with your petite seat. 
I don't know much about this subject, except I first read it as whore stories LOL! Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter ... Jill came down with two fifty!
Q: What does Mrs. Claus and all the lady reindeer do on Christmas Eve?
A: They go out and blow a few bucks! | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/6/2008 3:33:09 PM | | Sorry my only true horror story is just having to get one...................It was not nasty, drawn out or mean. Of course we had some heated discussions at times but over all it could have been a real lot worse. I hear all the horror stories. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:10:12 PM | Ok Linda...you asked for it...not sure how a man can claim to love his wife one day and cheat on her and file for divorce the next. Guess it was stupidity, trusting, loving too much on my part to be so blind.
How can he be so mean and cruel now that the marriage and divorce is over? That's easy...the divorce counselor I saw said he had to be, had to put the blame on me in his head or he couldn't live with himself. Whatever...
he's out of my life, I've survived all he had to throw at me and I will continue to do so. I'm a survivor not a quitter. I've learned to hold my chin up and not let him see the pain or anger he caused me.
He fought me for custody of our boys...of course I won TG!
He tried to take my home...I've owned it for 30 years, way before he came into my life. I won, he didnt get the house either. That's all that counts, my sons and a roof over our head.
Fidelity counts for nothing in a court of law...nothing. His attorney was worse than he was...a disgusting dispicable man I wanted to slap many times.
He got the cars...all three of them, the place up north, his side business, all our savings he took before I could stop him, my spousal support because the judge said I wasn't nice, I should have let him file taxes with me for the last three years even though we weren't together...he said it would hav been the considerate thing to do. WTF???? You have got to be kidding...not feeling charitable.
He ruined my credit by hiding bills I knew nothing about...again with that trust factor! (never fear, I've learned) and lastly he has taken my car from me.
He'll never destroy me and that is what he'd like to do, he hates being the bad guy.
LOLOL...guess what?
I'm still alive and doing well thank you! No pity please...I'm better off without someone that didnt truly love me. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 3:41:27 AM | well, my ex-husband's best friend was his lawyer, and his two brothers are lawyers, and cousins are lawyers. he thinks i got the short end of the stick because i got saddled with all of the debt. but guess what! he actually did not want the kids. i have full legal custody. how sad is that? so you stuck me with debt. you sorry little man. my lawyer said, oh, no, trust me. he will be fighting for custody and probably come at us with full guns with the legal help he has. i was like, oh, don't worry. put down full legal custody for me. and watch. there will be no objection. he said he was very shocked because nowadays the men want all the rights to their children they can be afforded. but the way mine looked at it was, and he actually said this to me, "you wanted them, you got them." i learned never to ask him after the divorce to watch them because i had something imp0rtant to do. if i said, i had definite plans, he called at the last second and cancelled. and he's always said, "i will see them when i want to see them." i feel so bad for my boys. seriously, how can a man turn his back on his own children? in the last six years he's never once taken them for a weekend. i guess it would be nice to have free time. do i complain? never! he thinks he won. how sad! he has never once taken them on a vacation since we divorced...his niece got married this past june in wisconsin, and my boys wanted to go. he told them they can't because he can't afford to bring them, and he was not going either. i was laughing when my ex-sister-in-law emailed me and asked if i wanted to see the wedding pics. and there he was all over the dance floor!!! then she emails me and said, "it would have been nice if you let the boys go. all the other cousins were there but yours." OMGGGGGGGGGGG. it turns out he told his entire family that i said they were not ALLOWED to go.......arghhhhhh!
 jo | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 4:43:02 AM | | dang what a loser. that idiot gets superdad of the year award. from a guy's perspective, they do think they are harming the ex-wife by not taking their kids. i hear guys talk smack like that all the time. wtf?? if u got a kid, you got a responsibility. for real why wold u not see your kids to punish the ex-wife so she has no time alone? hey, jo, make no mistake ur kids one day or maybe already will realize the sacrifices you've made for them along the way. they will know who was there when they got sick. they will konw who was there when u were broke and had to buy them shoes, clothes. taht guy will die a lonely old man. u never give up the rights to be with ur kids. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:01:16 AM | Sorry, in mine it was the Divorce, not the marriage.
She got it, I didn't want it.
You can't stay in one, that somebody don't want you no more.
I just can't forget the great years together.
To me, yes you go on, eventually! When you Love someone enough to be marry, what happens to your Love when they don't want you no more.
You crash and burn, you turn into yourself, ONE day you pick yourself up and go on.
We all have baggage as they say, it's called life.
It's what you do with that baggage that makes you a person people want to be around, or when people see you coming THEY RUN.
We all know them, the woo is me kind. There for the choice of events in my life, go me.
May to all, the NEXT one be the one. At most of our ages that read these threads, it's getting to the point in our lives, we really just want one more time to be LOVED by one special person.
Last came accross this. Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:02:51 AM | """my marriage was the horror story.. not the divorce"""
I'am with you there Deb
My ex told me many times she didnt want a boyfriend , she wanted variety , but what scarred me (other than what STD she might bring home ) was the lies she was telling all these guys about how bad I was to her and she needed some loving from someone ( I know this because I put a tape recorder on the phone line ) where I also found out she was spending the money I was giving her for the bills on these guys at the bar , this was at the same time that guy from Iowa come to Clio and killed that womans husband just because she ask him to over the internet , anyway , got the house sold before they took it , divorce was easy after she told her lawer about the phone tapes I had , but took me 5 years to pay off all the bills and get back up on my feet , only good thing was we never had kids together , I already had a son and she a girl. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:33:36 AM | I think the most horrible thing that happened to me over THAT marriage.. was that i was such a giving person. give give give..
NOW>. i get in a relationship.. and i dont wanna give anything.
For example.. Id make him cookies.. his favorite dinner.. Rub his back.. rub his feet.. all that...
Now.. i dont want to do any of that stuff. Its sad.. Im forcing myself to try tho.. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 9:42:29 AM |  debi, i completely understand. mine is all in the distant past where it belongs, but sometimes you start thinking about things and why you allowed things to happen. but then, again, you did it to keep the family together, at least i did. i remember one time i made baked chicken. he came home from work. i had a nice dinner all made up. he looked at the table, scrunched his nose up in disgust and said, "i'm going to the bar for a burger. i was thinking about bq chicken all day long and you made this garbage." and he walked out. that was a ritual with him. seriously, why would you think that is normal to treat another human that way? and the strange thing is he was so used to treating me like that, and one year we went on vacation with my sister and her husband and children, too. my sister and i took turns making dinner every night. two of the nights i made dinner he announced that what i made was gross and left and went into town to eat. he acted like he was big man on campus. my sister knew all the stories, but to witness it, they were very shocked. i was surprised he started letting everyone see how he was with me. after years and years of trying, you just get to the point where you are not even living life any more, just going through the motions. sadly, i came to the conclusion that i needed to leave the marriage after a near death experience. and this is a true story! i had some surgery and coded during the surgery. my heart was stopped for 67 seconds before they got it going again. that may not be a lot to some. but stop and count to 67. when it's your life, omg! the surgeon told me it was his first code during surgery. gee, why me? after that, i realized i needed to make some changes in my life. it was the hardest decision i'd ever made. i guess you hang on to false hopes that maybe they'll change. i will never, ever let another person treat me like that again. shame on him!!
 jo | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 2:45:07 PM | Ohhh greg.. we are here to chit chat.. if i had been presented this question like 6 yrs ago.. i woulda wrote an essay.. :))..
And i cannot put my guarded behavior behind me.. it is what it is.. Its very hard to trust. AND not just because of the ex.. but because of all the stuff ive seen on the internet.. does monogamy exist anymore? has it ever existed?
I just hope i can relax enough to keep this bf.. :)) | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 7:42:44 PM | I have been divorced 2 times..and i feel pretty troubled to admit that..like a 2 time failure..But..i have to snap myself out of it and remembr niether was my doing..
First...at 40 he decided to have an affair with a younger gal at his job..eventaully he lost it all..I feel he made several wrong choices..but..i moved on..
second..pure nightmare..and cant begin to explain...all i can say is even when you think you know some one...many are so manipulating they will always be one step ahead of us unsuspecting ones...
but..i have grown and evolved and I think i have my baggage in perspective...all i can do is keep on trying..thats all anoy of us can do... | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/8/2008 8:03:52 PM | | I was married twice also. First one was 22 years. Two great kids. I loved this woman. Then we faught like cats and dogs in court. Now we laugh about it when i see her at grandkids birthday. I wanted to show her i could find someone and did. I thought i loved this woman. Until after i was married, a couple of years did i realise she was a rebound. I told her i was sorry and we parted ways. We shared the same lawyer and helped each other move out of the house we built together. We parted friends. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/9/2008 1:45:20 PM | and once again OHHH greg.. dont men like the ladies saying OHHHH?
I take some credit in my divorce.. Honestly i shoulda left him before the first year was up. but i stayed 14 yrs..
How long must we be a victim?.. only as long as we allow it. Didnt Linda say somewhere we are allowed one day? Cant remember.
i agree with that.. we make decisions.. we see red flags and turn away. i chose that man.. lol. theres some fault of mine there.. And i will admit.. i LOVE the kids he gave me.. There is some merit there. Thankyou ex husband for the wonderful children. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/9/2008 2:00:40 PM | | Not much of a horror story,got married then divorced,was glad I got married because if I didn't ...I wouldn't have 2 great sons. Made the best out of a divorce, I think I'm closer with my children then if I stayed. | |
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| Divorce horror stories.....and it's not Halloween
Posted: 12/9/2008 3:21:39 PM | I think you may have answered some of your own questions with some of your questions.
For example..."How can two people who formerly loved each other......resort to such hatred and bitterness?"
Answer..."How many people have been 'worked over' in the divorce proceedings?" or....."How can people guilty of cheating......be so tough on their former spouse.....when you were PERHAPS the guilty party? or even...."How come couples with children put them LAST in all the squabbling?"(at least in my case since my ex puts our children first only if they do not get in the way of doing want she wants)
A simpler (is simpler a word...lol) answer for all the questions would be....money!
And I do not think marriage is dead since I have been seeing a lot of really successful second marriages lately.
I think I would marry again, if someone will have me that is....lol | |
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