| | Women V/S MenPage 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut...
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
They already have a boyfriend...
"Man says to God: God why did you make women so beautiful? " God says: So you would love her... ' But God why did you make her so dumb? " God replies... So she would love you...
God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood supply to operate both at the same time...  | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/8/2008 12:28:50 PM | My husband and I used to fight about that night out with the guys, but it's not like I was doing it every night.
When you want your husband to play with you, wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but it makes you look just like his remote control.
Men are like pay phones. Some of them take your money. Most of them don't work, and when you find one that does, someone else is on it.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/9/2008 9:02:05 AM | How to treat a Woman:
Wine her.
Dine her.
Call her.
Hold her.
Surprise her.
Compliment her.
Smile at her.
Listen to her.
Laugh with her.
Cry with her.
Romance her.
Encourage her.
Believe in her.
Pray with her.
Pray for her.
Cuddle with her.
Shop with her.
Give her jewelry.
Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand.
Write love letters to her.
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.
===
How To Treat a Man:
Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings.
Don't block the TV | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/9/2008 10:34:15 AM | | Don't change the channel football's on, she'll break your neck.... | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/10/2008 12:30:26 PM | | daveq my cousin has a t-shirt with that on it. It's funny | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/11/2008 6:34:45 AM | Women’s Top Ten Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Hopes and aspirations ( I want to get married and have babies)
2. Hobbies/interests in general (nails, hair, shoes)
3. Music (brittany is a good person! can't you play any of her songs on piano?)
4. Dreams (the purple-flower alien space-gods are real!)
5. Romance (sweep me off my feet or I'm outta here)
6. Friends (Guys can't be friends. you just want to **** me, so I'll blow you off)
7. Travel (exotic adventures that show character)
8. Vacations (omg, it was so great, we met these guys and they paid for drinks.)
9. Movies (What do you mean you haven't seen "Bridget Jone's Diary?")
10. Entertainment (I love American Idol, last night they had this person that #%$^&$*%*..... ) - insert image of razor blades on wrists -
Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Politics (what the hell is he talking about, he's freakin' me out!)
2. Other dates (I'm sorry she didn't like you, and now I don't think I will either)
3. Past relationships (I don't want to hear about anyone but me)
4. Science fiction (You, Shatner and Skywalker need to get a life)
5. Religion (Reality makes me uncomfortable and I refuse to talk about what I believe)
6. Celebrities (I moved to LA to pursue my career so I can be famous too.)
7. Science (what?)
8. Antiques (expensive things for old people)
9. Money (I don't care how much it costs, only a cheap **stard wouldn't pay for it)
10. History (what?)
Men’s Top Ten Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Sex (I want to have sex with you)
2. Romantic fantasies (I want to have sex with you)
3. Hobbies/interests in general (I want to have sex with you)
4. Hopes and aspirations (I want to have sex with you)
5. Music (What do you want to listen to while I have sex with you)
6. Dreams (I dream of having sex with you)
7. Movies (What movie would make you want to have sex with me?)
8. Entertainment (Sex is fun!)
9. Vacations (Where can we go to have sex?)
10. Travel (Where can we go to have sex?)
Mens Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Past relationships .. (I don't care who you used to have sex with, I just want to have sex with you now)
2. Other dates... (I don't care who you used to have sex with, I just want to have sex with you now)
3. Celebrities (I don't care who you fantasize that I am while I have sex with you)
4. Religion (Just scream "Oh my god!" when I have sex with you)
5. Politics (Vote however you want, just have sex with me)
6. Antiques (OK, sex on an OLD bed is fine)
7. Money (I don't care if you're rich or poor, just have sex with me)
8. Fashion (Your clothes would look better on my floor... while you have sex with me)
9. Gardening (Outdoor sex is fine)
10. Marriage ... (Just have sex with me and don't tell my wife) | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/11/2008 10:05:03 AM | | Too funny............... | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/11/2008 6:03:02 PM | | too funny............... | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/11/2008 8:54:11 PM | EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.
'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It's these
breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. 'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'
Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you.... Let's see ... where did I put that useless t*t?'
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that cr*p about the rib? | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/12/2008 2:49:02 AM | Seeing myself in the mirror is going to bring on a whole new meaning now | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/12/2008 4:59:03 AM | In the beginning, God created Earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested. | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:07:28 AM | God created Adam.
“God, I’m lonely.” Adam said
“But I provided you all these animals”, God replied.
Adam said “I need something soft and warm, that I can converse with.
I need something that will be my companion, my friend and that will always cherish me.
Something that will help me when my spirits are down, that will love me always and that I can love as well”.
God replied “ok my friend, I can do that ,but it will cost you an arm and a leg”.
With that Adam thought hard.
God Adam said,
“What can I get for a rib”? | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:18:30 AM | And God said to Adam, "Go down into that valley."
And Adam said, "What's a valley?"
And God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river"
And Adam said, "What's a river?"
And God explained it to him.
HE then said, "Go over the hill."
And Adam said, "What's a hill?"
And God explained it to him.
Then He told Adam; "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
And Adam said, "What's a cave?"
And God explained that to him and said, "In the cave you will find woman."
And Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him again,
So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave and found the woman,
Then Adam said, “Are you a Woman”
And Eve said, “What’s a woman”
And Adam explained it to her
Then Eve said, “Let me think about that one? But are you a Man”
And Adam said, “What’s a Man”
And Eve said “ Someone who listens and does as he’s told ”
From that day forward new words came into being, which made God very unhappy. Eve for all her beauty and charm became the first person in the Garden of Eden and the newly created world to become Jealous. This is because women are overly suspicious of their partners, a flaw, which the Lord had over looked. She was always Nagging “where you’ve been” “where you’re going” “what you’re doing”. In fact God believed when he created Eve he must have held her up by the feet and smacked her right in the mouth.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth as of yet."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you are doing?" Adam demanded.
“I’m counting your ribs”? She replied | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:04:21 PM | Chicks rule, boys make good pets. | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/14/2008 4:50:47 AM | God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood supply to operate both at the same time.. Always learning something new  | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/14/2008 9:15:42 PM | Ooo.....Go girls!!! :D | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/15/2008 9:28:01 AM | It’s hard to be a****
You have a head you can’t think with.
You have an eye; you can’t see out of.
You have two nuts for best friends
Your closest neighbor is an a$$hole
And --------------------------------------------------
Your boss is always beating you till you throw up! | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/15/2008 9:59:47 PM | Adam was walking around the garden of eden when god noticed that Adam didn't seem quite himself today,
"What's the matter my child??" God inquired.
"I'm completely alone. All the animals are paired of and creating spawn but I have nothing for which to spawn with," replied Adam.
"I'll tell you what. I'll create something for you to have this great wish." And so God created woman.
Days go by and finally Adam and Eve decided to let nature take its natural course. During this time God went on to do his own thing for awhile. After some time God came back to see Adam laying in a middle with a smile on his face.
"Where's Eve??" asked God.
"Oh, she's down at the river cleaning herself up," said Adam, smile still plastered to his face.
"Oh great!" exclaimed God, "Now I'll never get that smell out of the fish."
I'm expecting some people will laugh others will create a lynch mob for me | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/16/2008 1:03:41 PM | | A male engineer is deveopling computer chips which store music, to be implanted in womens breasts. This is viewed as a major breakthrough as, up until now, women have complained that men were staring at their breasts and not listening to them | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:49:51 PM | Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of S H I T.
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/16/2008 5:01:35 PM | | ^^^What do I get for twenty bucks? | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/16/2008 11:12:35 PM | | Dave you are too funny.....LMAO | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/17/2008 11:20:25 AM | Top 10 Things Men Know About Women:
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1. They have breasts. | |
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| Women V/S Men
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:42:37 PM | When God created man he said "I can do better"
When God created woman he said "Perfect" | |
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