| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 7:32:52 PM | OK gentlemen...
Let me preface this with a "this is not a pity thread" but a fact finding one. I believe in asking men what men think and not assuming(not this particular one and you'll see why)...anyway....
I was seeing someone for a short amount of time (over 3 months) and, well because he was being a d**k, I broke things off with him. Define d**k you say? One scenario: when your boyfriend invites you to meet him somewhere (bar setting), then ignores you when you arrive...because he's busy chatting up another woman while you're standing there (I kid you not). Ignoring you enough that another man comes over because you look lost and he starts making conversation with you (and the "BF" still is ignoring you, then greets you with a "hey you made it" and not the usual hug/kiss). That was the proverbial straw #2. The first "straw" came not a week before and made me cry (that's a bad sign as you all know).
I leave the relationship with my dignity intact and an item of mine still at his place. I send a note asking him to return it. Now almost a month later, after 2 emails asking for said item he sends it. With a note saying he was sorry (oh and he needed to find a padded envelope...a month? anyway). Not a few days, but a MONTH later. "I'm sorry it ended so suddenly, you're a wonderful lady..." "You can call me if you need anything" (that part I didn't get).
OK--I need a male decoder. Why would he send a "sorry I f**ked up" note a month later? I think I'd understand it if it were like a week later...but a month? And calling him if I need anything? Like...what? LOL.
So on behalf of other women who, like me, will admit that I have NO clue sometimes what goes on in your heads and don't presume to...
What the heck?????
.....and NO I'm not calling him. Just so we're clear. LOL | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 7:43:24 PM | | Hind site is 20/20. He just realized what a d**k he had been. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 7:46:50 PM | I'm not a guy but several things: You were right to break it off...he is a d..., no class.
He wrote the note because men would rather chew off their own arm than have a confrontation or be real. He figures that if he writes something nice, if he ever runs into you, there won't be any unpleasantness. It's all bs and is intended for HIS comfort. Yeah, don't ever, ever call him. The best revenge is to let him know that you got over him with NOOOOO problem. Ouch...that hurts their egos :-)
Good luck girl in finding a real man... | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:00:40 PM | | Girl nos. 2, 3, and 4 haven't worked out, so he wants you back. Treat it like POF: read/delete. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:02:59 PM | He's a jerk. Trying to decipher any other part of his behavior, is allowing him to spend more time in your life.
He could be trying to work his way back in. Or realized he's a 
But it doesn't matter, does it? You don't want him back. Asking the question, "why?" may not give you an answer you want to hear. So, let the sleeping dog lie. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:23:11 PM | OK, so why are you really asking this question? It sounds like you already know the answer. You have lots of clues, and you've already arrived at the decision. He's a tool. He's not worth your time. What bothers me, is the fact that you're asking, as if you're actually contemplating going back to him. Sounds a lot like an esteem issue on your part and that you should look at the relationships you've had in the past, and ask yourself, if they were similar. It's like this OP. If you make yourself into a door mat; you're gonna get walked on. You did, so he did. He's only doing it because he thinks, from the impression you've given him, than he can get away with it.
Plain and simple: he was looking for other @$$, and my guess is that he go it, but it didn't work out, probably because she found out what you now know. So now he wants you back, NOT because he realizes he f**ed up, but because he figures you have low self-esteem and he knows you'll take him back! If you let him back into your life, you'll be very foolish.
NO I'm not calling him. Just so we're clear. LOL
Heard that one before. Again, you wouldn't be asking, unless you were thinking about it. I'm hoping that your next thread isn't about how much he's changed and what a wonderful guy he's been since you've gotten back together. Let it go!!! Let HIM go.
Good luck,
Cityboy | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:45:15 PM | LOL
No sweetness. I really am not going to call him. I'm asking because quite frankly, why on earth would a guy bother??? If you think that you can get someone else...well why not do just that? For the men who think they're "players", play on...right? The note that he received made it very, very clear that I was ending the relationship. There was no room for turning back.
If I hadn't spent time reviewing past relationships, I WOULD have stayed. You're quite right. And with you not knowing me or my past, it's easy to think that--and I have girlfriends who'd do just that and then piss and moan about the fact that he's still an ass. No, I respect myself much too much for that. I despise that actually--in men and women.
No Cityboy. No going back. When I walked away that evening and he didn't bother to stop me, I knew that it was time to let go. When I called him that night and said we needed to talk, I realized that the ONLY thing I wanted to say was good bye.
I do agree with what you and the other posters have said--he thought he had somethng else lined up and since it fell through I'd come back.
Ummm...no. IF I send a note stating I got the package he'll be lucky. What's funny is right before I picked up my mail, I had been thinking "I'm happier than I've been in awhile". And his note didn't spoil that happiness. If anything, it made me smile knowing that I did the right thing for ME.
Thanks...I appreciate tough love (I give it so I can take it).
AFL | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:29:20 PM |
because he was being a d**k, I broke things off with him.
AFL, as I remember so many objections from my Perry Mason days....."OBJECTION: asked and answered........SUStained!"
Asking "why" is futile, yet we so need to find that needle in the haystack, don't we? It's the nature of logical people.....okay, if A + B = C and C - B = A then why the he11 doesn't C - A = B?! Sometimes, it's just because the variables of A, B & C haven't been defined....and if it isn't absolute, how then, can it fit in an equation?
Your and his equation somehow wasn't defined.....you were A, he was B, but C was quantum physics.
~ds~ | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 10:07:23 PM |
He figures that if he writes something nice, if he ever runs into you, there won't be any unpleasantness.
x2... I agree... it's called damage control. He wants to make sure he is in your good books, after all who knows, he may date someone you know in the future. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/10/2008 10:13:53 PM | I'm not a guy but my 2 cents....
I don't think its too much to figure out. It's probably exactly like he told you.
" He couldn't find a padded envelope to return your stuff". He finally got around to it a month later, and ... he (probably without much thought) decided to enclose a note with it instead of just sending it without one. Simple!
As far as asking you to contact him if you needed something? .... don't read so much into it ... it meant nothing. Similar to "I'll call you" after a lousy date. Most guys say sh** they don't mean. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 1:03:09 AM | Hind site is 20/20. He just realized what a d**k he had been.
Or....His shallow, selfish, inconsiderate arse needed self closure!! 
Simple **OP**, everybody's conscience reaches them sooner or later, no matter how minute.
–adjective.
1. extremely small, as in size, amount, extent, or degree: minute differences.
2. of minor importance; insignificant; trifling.
3. attentive to or concerned with even the smallest details: a minute examination.
Hope this helps....
What's funny is right before I picked up my mail, I had been thinking "I'm happier than I've been in awhile". And his note didn't spoil that happiness. If anything, it made me smile knowing that I did the right thing for ME.
And this my friends, is a wise, inherently attractive, and soul filled statement.
I LOVE IT!!!
You ROCK!!!!! | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 4:15:38 AM |
He wrote the note because men would rather chew off their own arm than have a confrontation or be real.
Jewel33...now see...that's funny. But true. I had a guy tell me something similar to that the other day. And I noticed no man who's responded denied it. LOL
Sexysingle...
Thanks lady. I actually am smiling cause you're right--sometimes people (not just men) do just say sh*t.
DavidS...as always, you're sweet and smart. My why isn't so much for me--it's a general "do people (in this instance men) think that I'm sorry notes will make you run back to them?" I've learned from the past--he/she is an ex for a reason.
Eaglescry...
You made me laugh at 6 in the morning with your "minute" definitions (although at first I thought of something else). I seriously had been having a good night and that didn't spoil it. You rock--it's a good thing I didn't have any coffee when I read that cause my screen would be wet!
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 4:22:01 AM | | OMG David, stop that! Algebra or anything that looks like it makes my head do that Linda Blair 360 degree thing! | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 5:31:44 AM | | OP let me give you some women's perspective on this. He went back to the buffett table and the pickings were slim. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 6:08:28 AM | Several times, you mention he was a d*ck. His actions were consistent with that.
Be glad you got your item back, and stop trying to understand that which is senseless. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 7:16:16 AM | Thats simple, as another poster said, Girl number ( whatever) dumped his ass, and he needs to be re assured how sexy or build his self esteem up again.
You already know he is a penis with ears and he's trying to use the back door to see if there's a chance of getting back with you and/or attempting to set you up for a FWB/booty call situation.
Trying to figure out guys like him is like trying to figure out how did Cadbury get the caramel inside the chocolate? | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 7:26:58 AM | Not everyone we date is going to be The One, not everyone we date is going to be nice, or truthful, or exclusive, or is going to even like us. Nor can we figure out why some people do what they do and why bother?
The real problem here is you marked your territory. You left an item at his house. Some women do this. Subconsiously, to let other women know you were there, so you have a reason to call him, so you have a reason to go to his house. That's where the problem seems to be, you claimed him as yours and he did not reciprocate. Sorry but it's time to move on and stop dwelling over it. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 8:41:53 AM | I have had many of these what I call "little relationships" - for lack of a better term take place where I am with someone for less than a month, then he turns into the ultimate prick, and it ends. Inevitably, a few weeks or even months later, they try to contact me. Needless to say, I don't take the bait and return their correspondence simply because they weren't worth my time. It never ceases to amaze me that they even have the balls to even try to talk to me again.
OP this prick is NOT worth the time of day so don't keep thinking about it. You need and deserve better and will find it.
** a note** this type of boorish behavior as I have mentioned above in my post is NOT gender specific. I have had male friends relate these types of stories to me as well. Just wanted to clarify that.................. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 8:59:50 AM | | I think it was his way of letting go by returning your belonging. I've had guys keep things as a way of trying to hold on. I just replaced the object and moved on. I think you are fortunate you got the item back. It's better than having him hold on to something that isn't worth holding on to. Just a different take on the situation. | |
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| Sorry...a month later?
Posted: 12/11/2008 10:25:28 AM | OP: Good for you for doing what you did-walking away and not letting this guy ruin your happiness!
He's just one of those people who just don't "get it & there's no use in wasting time waiting & wondering why. Total lack of maturity on his part!
All the Best! | |
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