| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:40:08 AM | So my heart's been broken by a Momma's boy. You can't win. I don't even know why we took it to the level of living together. Now he's moved some of his stuff out, leaving most of it, telling me to throw it away. He went right back to his Mom's. And he's 35. Pitiful. He tells me this is my fault. I think it's his Mom's fault.
Ahhhh. Man, this sucks so bad. I am fully heartbroken. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:46:17 AM | Sucks for you but I bet my life you ignored the "red flags" before this happened......
By the way all, let this thread live...........she brings up a good point about all those lame "mommy sucks" out there that give us guys a bad name...... | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:49:26 AM | I'm so sorry for you and your broken heart..
Some people just cannot grow up and have their own life because their Mommas will throw a fit.
My ex-wife is a Mommas girl and stole from me to give to her mom who was supporting her grown kids as well as their habits.
She would tell the ex all of these sob stories about how she couldn't afford to pay her rent because she paid one of her kids rent or bailed one of them out of jail.
A Mommas child doesn't make a good Mate. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:52:41 AM | | I would need more info on this. Can you explain why he is a mama's boy in this situation? Although, 35 is relatively old for going back to mom's house, maybe he had different reasons for going back? Maybe he couldn't find a place so quick and is just there for a short period? He probably went back to live with his mom maybe because of the economy? Also, maybe he needs to be around someone he trusts he can vent to without being judged in a bad light? | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:54:53 AM | | Who cares! He moved out and you need to accept it. Analyzing it to bits will not make him come back. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 10:57:12 AM | | OP: Why would you consider him to be a "Momma's boy"? Why does he believe you are at fault, and you his Mother? Although I'm sorry to hear your heart has been broken, there has to be more to this story than what you are sharing. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 5:50:35 PM | He's a Momma's boy thru and thru! I broke all my dating rules to date this guy 16 months ago. He was living at his Mom's. He moved back in there 5 years ago. They have this weird co-dependancy on each other. He does everything for her. She is a healthy 60 year old woman who works full time.
I did see the signs. We always fight about this. I just chose to believe him when he said I was his #1 priority.
But I wasn't.
I thought when he moved in 4 months ago that would fix everything. We were living just 3 miles from her, and they would text and talk every night. He even spent 4 nites a week over there having dinner and doing stuff around her house for her.
I just got upset when he cxld our plans on Sunday to take her to the grocery store. Call me selfish, but I still think he needs to take a look at their relationship.
He says I am his soul mate and that he will never be with anyone else, but I told him his Mom won't let him be with anyone. As long as she's around, he will be with her. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:19:44 PM | judir66, that's quite a bad situation. even when mommy is gone, she'll still be in his head. it may even be worse because once she's dead, she's perfect! he'll probably petition to have her canonized. she will be anyway, at least in his mind.
find someone who's cut those apron strings and can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I dated a guy a few years back who was a momma's boy. early on, he had explained his relationship with his mother but hastened to assure me he wasn't a mama's boy. yeah, right! he called her and told her everything and I mean EVERYTHING! consider yourself lucky to be out of this relationship. give yourself time to heal and move on. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:25:35 PM | | I know what you're going through, been there, done that. I felt as though I was dating a married man. He was emotionally unavailable. All the emotions were going to mom. I was just a piece on the side. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:32:17 PM | I can see if his Mother didn't drive, didn't work and he paid her rent so she could afford groceries or medication, etc. But eating there 4 nights/week, calling and texting ever single day? Can you say Norman Bates?
Follow your gut next time, OP. You only have yourself to blame for breaking your own rules, attempting to be the savior/rescuer or thinking you could CHANGE another person. Sorry for your heartache.
~ds~ | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:34:25 PM | He's 35, moving out now, but while swearing that you're his "soulmate" and he'll "never date anyone again", he's also leaving everything behind and telling you to toss it out rather than taking what's his with him? Can we say, unnecessary histrionics on his part?!
Yikes! I'd say you just dodged a bullet here, OP, but that's JMO. Personally, I'd tell him to please take with him everything he brought...oh, but leave the couch. You might need that, after all, considering he's already taken the cross. 
Sorry to hear you are going through this, OP but...yeah...been there, done that...
You won't ever win with a momma's boy. Best of luck to you. :) | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:35:02 PM | Hon, you've answered all your own questions and know the answers.
He's who he is, and nothing you're gonna say or do is gonna change anything.
You knew this going in and comin' out.... so if yer gonna be angry, smack yerself on the back of your own head and move on.
Here's the thing: You saw the signs, you ignored them, defiantly went against your own better judgment and now want things to be different.
I'm sorry. Sorry for what you're feeling now, because so many of us have been there. We thought our love would be the thing to turn their lives around, make them see the error of their thinking.
And then we realize that we can't control anyone. We can love them, give them all we have, but it doesn't change the basics. They are who they are and if we don't like it or want it, then we have the freedom to move on. They don't have to do squat. Who are we to ask them to change???
Momma's boy or not... he is who he is. Love him or leave him. And go easy on yourself while yer at it. You're not the first nor the last to think things would be different.... 'if only'....
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:40:38 PM | OMG I GOT CHILLS READING THIS..I had to quich check your profile....I THOUGHT WE DATED THE SAME GUY! SERIOUSLY! This guy had his own home but stayed with his MOTHER everynight AND would wake her up in the morning when he got in from work (he worked nights) and bring her breakfast! Then I see him walk RIGHT into the bathroom while his mother was taking a bath and say hello to her while she was in the tub!! I was completley creeped out. We lived 5 hours apart and I would come ever week and stay for two/three days and he ALWAYS wanted me to just come over to his mother's...I finally had enough. I was sad too, but girl you know there is NO WAY you could continue to deal with that! I couldn't!
Cheer up fellow sistah! There are PLENTY OF FISH in the sea!! | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:41:09 PM | Bullielover, thanks. Hey, you have pit bulls? I have Dobermans.
You all are right. It doesn't matter. It won't change. This is just such a huge heartbreak. I haven't felt anything like it in my life.
SO empty.
And now my house is full of his stuff. I hope he doesn't come crawling back in 3 weeks cuz I know I have to be strong and tell him we are thru. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:44:17 PM | ^^^^^ throw his stuff out. let mommy buy him new things.... | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:44:37 PM | Godezzofchaos-
LOL, sounds like him. Everyday he would go over there to feed the dogs and clean up for her so that she didn't have to when she got home from work. On the nites I was at work, he'd have dinner with her. It's done. You are right. He may be the best guy to ever come into my life, except I can't date his Mom too. I have to take the heartbreak and get over it. It just sucks. I am 38, never been married. I feel like such a loser. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:47:48 PM | judi, bulldogs.... not pits, but love all bully breeds....
Now.......... "empty". Only so because you have yet to fill it again with YOURSELF.
He was never there sweetie... he was always with his momma. He may have been there physically and emotionally only "so far", but it is now up to you to fill up those spaces again with you.
Do this with self love, forgiveness and peace. It will happen... slowly.... if you allow it.
You deserve so much, and you know this.... I can tell that you know you're a special human.... so don't allow someone that wasn't the right guy for you ruin that thinking.
Heal. Take yer time. Love self.
And forgive. Forgive yourself for choosing the wrong guy. There was nothing "wrong" with him... he's just not the man for you. And I know how much it hurts. So many posting here do. And we also know that in time your power will return three fold and you'll know better. You'll know that you should listen to that power next time.
Never underestimate your intuition. It's the most precious gift you have inside you.....
EDIT: LOSER?!?! For what reason? For loving someone that wasn't what you wanted him to be? Had you not realized he's just a momma's boy, the wrong guy for you and kept at it, hoping he'd change... and not wanted something more, something better for yourself.... THEN you could berate yourself. But not now, not as you're trying to heal and learn from this experience. So cut it out with the loser shit or I'll sick my bullies on ya. lol
And I'm with SSS2..... throw his shit away. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:50:44 PM | | You are most definitely not a loser! Consider yourself a winner, you now have a chance to walk away and meet someone better, and next time you'll check out his relationship with mom before you get involved too deeply. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 6:57:57 PM | | UM..no sweetie, a LOSER would be putting up with it and taking a backseat to his MOTHER for God's sake! Settling for less than you deserve is NEVER a winner in my book! And honey, if it is this bad NOW..imagine if the realtionship had gone further and you had married..he would have expected you to BE his mother, or at least worship her too. Girl, you have won BIG TIME in this situation! | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 7:02:59 PM | judir, you aren't a "loser", so don't ever think that! I'd guess probably most of us ladies have, at some point in our lives, been involved with or lost our hearts to a man such as you have described. You haven't done anything wrong, you just prefer to have an equal as your partner, not someone who needs you to 'mother' him or replace his mother. Not many women are looking for another "child" as a partner in a relationship, after all.
Now, there is nothing wrong with anyone, male or female, having a close relationship with their parents, I'm close with mine as well. I don't know how old this man's parents are, but since my own parents are getting up in age, I've always tried to help them out whenever I can, younger legs and all that. BUT...there's a difference between doing that, and turning things a tad too..well, not being able to cut the apron strings. I think you were wise to listen to your intuition, only YOU can judge what felt right and what didn't in your relationship. I didn't mean to be glib at all in my previous post, your O-post just reminded me of a couple of guys I'd dated in years past as well, who couldn't make a decision without getting the "okay" from mamma first, was all.
Be strong, I am sorry to hear that you've had your heart broken by this man, but the best I can offer right now for you is...well you would have been in a lose-lose situation methinks in the long run, and you deserve to meet a man who can be a true equal partner to you. Best of luck.  | |
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Sefra
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 7:18:47 PM | I have a 17 year old son who has been in a relationship with a very beautiful girl his own age for 3 years.... and whenever I want to... (at first I wasn't aware of this)......I could turn him against her... if she stepped out of line... I could make my son see her in a different light...
Now I stay out of his business...he is old enough to decide whether or not he wishes to be with her....
My point is this:
The mother knows early on how much power she has over her son.... and the right thing to do is to LET GO... the mother in your case isn't willing to do that.
Take it as a blessing... she knows her boy.... just let go.
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:07:00 PM | OP, you said you feel like a loser because you are 38 and have never been married.
Most of the people on this site have been DIVORCED by 38 so what does that make us?
Having marriage as a goal almost guarantees just settling for anybody.
What was so great about this guy anyway? (Serious question)
And the poster above me has a great point.....how selfish of these women to monopolize their son's time....I did not realize this was so commonplace.
OMG...in the bathtub? | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:17:56 PM |
He may be the best guy to ever come into my life, except I can't date his Mom too. I have to take the heartbreak and get over it. It just sucks. I am 38, never been married. I feel like such a loser.
1. Obviously he isn't because you were not his priority
2. Life is full of lessons...don't date a man that can't hold down a job, place to live, car, and at the very least his own plant life...you learned it the tough way.
3. Head up, no tears, there is no required marriage age unless you are looking to attach a required divorce age.
4. Don't learn this one the tough way...THROW THE STUFF AWAY, NOW!.What he is looking for is you to take over the role of his mother and a nurture him through this spat the way mommy would. don't. can't. won't help. don't.
5. Head up, no tears. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:41:58 PM | | What kind of relationship did he have with his Father? Was he raised by his Mom? Sometimes when boys get raised by single mom's, they have trouble relating to women because they had no role models for relationships growing up. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, just pointing out some things nobody's mentioned. I agree with the folks that are telling you to let go and move on. Its not you're responsibility to try and "fix" him, and You're only going to end up hurt more the longer you keep trying to make it work when clearly he has other issues besides his mother's influence over him. You're a beautiful and desirable woman, there are lots of men that will be a good match for you. Good luck and merry Christmas. | |
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| Momma's boy
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:49:26 PM | | Did he leave any good stuff? | |
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