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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How to get over someone you don't want to get over..      Home login  
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 Teneray
Joined: 10/14/2004
Msg: 1
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..Page 1 of 1    
You always hear ppl saying how time heals all wounds and 'it'll get better' and blah blah blah.

Then one day..it is. Not really sure how it all works but it seems one day you're down in the dumps..can't get your loved one of your mind and the next day..you just seem to forget.

From the point where you can't imagine being with someone else cuz you just thinkof your ex to the point where you realize 'Ya ..maybe I'm ready to let someone else into the shambles that is my heart and do a lil spring cleanup"

Frankly..I find it takes too bloody long.

I'm wondering if anyone has any tips for getting over someone. I don't mean someone who burned you or someone that you hate.. that's easy. What about that someoen you still long for. The dark nights where you cry yourself to sleep and wish she/he was there to tell you it was all ok. But for whatever reason..can't be.

Suggestions welcome! Rambling also. I'm doing it well enough
 7times
Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 2
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:03:23 PM
there really isn't some magical potion for it..


it truly varies from person to person... Trying to keep yourself busy, don't sit home alone at nights etc. but it does just take time
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 3
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:11:24 PM
Everyone recovers at their own pace....
It also depends on how deep your bond truly was...
 Littlefriend
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 4
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How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:13:20 PM
Date someone else immediately, that's what I always do. Always remember, God knows what's best for you. Trust me, you might not agree with him at this moment, but in the future whatever that reason might be, it'll reveal itself to you. Never failse
 Jbird49
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 5
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How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:17:29 PM
Teneray, I was about your same age when I broke up with my first long term boyfriend (6 years together). I thought I was going to literally die. The pain was unimagineable. Years later, even after a divorce(9 years) and a just recent breakup (6 years), the hurt was never like that first one. I guess the saying, "the first cut is the deepest" is so true. I went back home a few years ago and went to his house to say hi. Of course many years had past, but I wondered what I saw in him in the first place.

There are no tips.....you have to grieve. It's like a death. Time does ultimately heal. I also like to think that there is a master plan out there. That you will meet "the one" and thank God for unanswered prayers.

My heart aches for you, but trust me when I say it will get better. Take it one day at a time.

And dang, why are the handsome men from Canada?????
 angienator
Joined: 5/9/2005
Msg: 6
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How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:31:54 PM
aww well first id like to say {{{hug}}}
gettign over bites the big one, and it realyl sux thats that there is no expiration date on getting over somone, its more or less a psychological excerse in how to lessen you feeligns for somone. Like getting over a bad flu...it may suck everyday but all you can look forward to is that someday it will start to hurt a little less. and soon youll be making progress.
heard somewhere that it takes the average person about half the time they were going out with someone to get over them (ex. 3 year relationship may take about 1.5 years to get over) which you can look at which ever way you like

my advice though:
*allow yourself one big drunken fest (if you drink)
*allow yourself a good cry everyonce in a while
*and embrace the fact that there is someone out there that will make you feel justas happy if not better, then your ex. and finding the person is much more fun then sitting at home brooding about the past

remeber it can only get better!

-ang
 Rabidcanadian
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 7
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:34:48 PM
Best advice one could give you is do something to take your mind off of it, and that doesn;t mean drinking or drugs. Something sonstructive.

When I first found out my ex was having an affair and she disappeared for a few weeks I started working on one of my hobbies again. Radio controlled planes, kept at it day and night for the most part just to keep my mind busy. I found if I let my mind wander then it would wander to her and that just sucked.

With my most recent break up I put myself to an old snowmobile I had and tore it down and rebuilt it. And now I spend alot of time wrenching on my car or dirtbike.

All this between work and my kids, lol. Just to keep my mind off of her. Atleast now I can talk about her and not get all flustered, lol and alot of the hurt is gone. I realize its over and time to move on.
 ooommaadoll
Joined: 5/17/2005
Msg: 8
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:40:04 PM
ouch, sorry to hear what you're going through...i can relate to your situation so much...
the last thing you want to hear are cliches probably...i've never actually hated anyone either, which would theoretically be easier to get over...what i've made myself do is just get out there, meet new people and start dating again...whether i want to or not...the grieving process can be so difficult, and the emotions go all over the map sometimes...just be easy on yourself, allow yourself to do whatever will make you feel better...you'll find love again...
 GeorgieLeopard
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 9
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 1:40:57 PM
What you are discribing is grief to me. When my husband died, I used to beg God to just allow me to see him one more time... or I'd write him letters and pour my heart out and burn them hoping he would read them... Losing someone you still love is a painful experience and grief differs person to person. No one else can say they truly understand what you are going through because they aren't you or the person you lost. IT's true about letting go taking time. For some it's not that long, for others like me, it took nearly a decade. Go with what feels right to you, when you are ready to finally let go, you will.
 Teneray
Joined: 10/14/2004
Msg: 10
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 2:04:10 PM
Wow..lotta feedback. Will try to have a global response or this thread will get..too long too fast.

Seems that 'keeping busy' is a constant tip, and while it is a good idea, sometimes it can be hard to find the motivation. I think that time when you are going to bed is probably the most difficult too. The time from where you lie down to when you actually succumb to sleep can be a time where your mind races and thoughts come out of the woodwork.

I wish I had the strength - or whatever it takes - to just date again. I guess that's just somethign that comes at a particular stage.

I appreciate all the kind words, thank you. Each of you. Well..those of you with kind words. lol.

1/2 the time of the relationship eh? That would really suck. Here's hoping

And damnit someone should invent a magic potion. Or would that land someone in jail? =)
 xander
Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 11
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 2:05:43 PM
If you don't want to get over her ... then you won't.
 kzcamp
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 12
How to get over someone you don't want to get over..
Posted: 6/21/2005 2:14:29 PM
That's a big question for me, too. It's so hard. This guy has been a part of my life since I was 14. How do you get over that? It's like losing a limb, only worse. I really have few memories that he is not a part of. I haven't cried, but I think that's just my way of dealing. Try to keep it out of my mind. The thing is, he hurt me so deeply, and I tried and tried to forgive, but so many things reminded me of the betrayal, even having sex. I think it's not that I couldn't forgive, but that I couldn't forget, and every time I remembered, it was like a fresh wound. He even took her to some of our favorite, secret places! Okay, so he's a jerk, but I don't know how to ever cut off my feelings for him. And he is not ALWAYS a jerk. Love doesn't die just because you're hurt or angry. At leat for me it hasn't. I know I have to get on with life, though, so I just try to stay busy.
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