| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:21:53 AM | I was out with a Feamle Friend and Her BF. We were all enjoying our food at the table when a nice looking woman walked by. Friend's BF looked at the woman and Looked at me smiling. I smiled back and that's when he turned to my friend and said, "Lucky I'm with you or else I would've raped her tonight!" Then he started laughing. She looked stunned. I know I was shocked to her that as well. The evening after that was sort of tense and we finished and left.
I'm shocked that she didn't say anything to the guy. Maybe he does that all the time. Who knows.
But I wonder what the women on here would do if their bf did something similar? | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:37:10 AM | Knowing my MOUTH, I'd probably say, "really now, someone tried that with me and I'll go show you where I buried his body if you'd like to see".
In reality......I'd excuse myself and go call a friend or a cab to pick me up and get me the heck outta there and be glad I don't have a concealed permit. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:40:23 AM | | Well I spent a lot of time in classrooms studying what's make people tick and since I wasn't there I can't say for sure but my guess would be, that's a big red flag and personally I'd be making sure he never was anywhere near me again. Would he be a rapist, probably not, in fact most likely not, but his condescending attitude about women would make me barf and remove him from my life. I'm not that needy to have a man that I would accept such inappropriate remarks from one. And I'm pretty wicked in the sense of humor area, but that's not humor, that's creepy. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:44:03 AM | I never had a bf say this...I have worked with women who have faced this trama in counseling.
If he had ever been raped or knew someone who had been he would not have made this comment. His semantics used for the sake of humor was in very poor judgement, I would have considered the source. The best words I might have handed him would have been; I have been deeply offended by your careless words and there won't be a next time for me to digest your sick mind's fancy for your demented type of fun. And then I would leave. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:52:23 AM | | Seems to me the woman with him must have pretty low self-esteem to allow that comment. I can't imagine being someone second best. I doubt he actually meant rape, just his immature way of saying the woman was hot, and when you smiled at him, I also wonder if he was trying to play up to you in front of his GF. Sounds like he's not that into his GF. Answer: If someone did something like that to me -I'd walk away and not look back. Dishing together on hot chicks is one thing, dishing on hot chicks at the exclusion of your date's feelings is totally another. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 12:14:30 PM | Your friend was probably in shock and not sure what to say or do in that situation. If I were her I would discuss the situation with him and if he said well hunny I was just joking and I didn't mean anything by it. Her response should be I'm not laughing I don't find that funny. Rape is not a joking matter and should be taken seriously. If this is a new boyfriend for her and she has no feelings invested I would advise her to simply walk away from him as he seems very immature and has no respect for women. If she's been with him for awhile and feels that she loves him then they need to have a serious conversation about what is appropriate and what is absolutly not tolerated and hopefully he will be understanding and considerate about her concerns and make an effort to watch his mouth in the future. I don't know this guy so I cannot speak with 100% certainty about his character but if he can make a disrespectful comment about a woman he doesn't even know than chances are he will be even more disrespectful to your friend.
Thats just my opinion. Best of luck to you and your friend! | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 12:42:19 PM | | One problem is that the younger generations are using negative words like "gay" and "rape" and think that they're funny. When playing games online you'll see them used. They have been desensitized and really don't seem to have a clue that what they said was offensive. Odds are he did not mean it in a violent manner at all. It's much like when I say "can I steal a kleenex (or whatever else) from you?" when we all know that realistically I'm not stealing and just using a word that has taken on another meaning in society. So I would say you would just need to stop and have a conversation about it, ask what they really meant and explain to them why it upsets you. If you don't take a stand and make your feelings heard that society will see it as okay and just make it even more widespread. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 1:14:48 PM | "I'm shocked that she didn't say anything to the guy."
OP, while I agree that it is surprising that she didn't say anything I'm wondering why you, a 26 yr old man, didn't say anything either. She may have felt intimidated speaking up in front of two men. I would hope I had the courage to state then and there that the comment was both inappropriate and not in the least bit funny if I were in your friend's situation. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 2:06:30 PM | I would have waited til we were in private - away from you and the restaurant goers...
Then I would have told him that A. it hurt my feelings for him to say that about wanting to have sex w/another woman and B. that it just isn't funny to make jokes about raping, and quite frankly raping is not usually about sex - it's about power. And C. if he does it again, I'm out of there and D. I have ot wonder if he has raping tendencies....
In other words, been pissed, expressed it respectfully, and given him one more chance.
Because I agree that some people are A-holes who say things in jest trying to be funny, just too stupid to realize what they are saying and who it is hurting.
It takes a LOT to offend me...This would.
It does not bother me for a guy to say something like "dang, wouldn't mind doing her!" when he sees a hot chick...as long as I am saying the same thing about guys and not getting jealousy off of the guy. BUT...what he said was going too far...and esp for him tos ay it in front of another guy...and using the word rape is just a huge huge huge NO-NO.
K | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 3:38:47 PM | Once upon a time, when I was less gentle and kind, I might have turned the tables on the fellow - gotten him home and shown him what it felt like to be violated in that way.
But as I said, I'm gentler and kinder now. I'd just dump him at the restaurant. | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 3:41:10 PM | | I wouldn't HAVE a boyfriend with that attitude! If he was a "new" boyfriend and it was the first time I'd ever heard something like that from him.... I'd be asking you for a ride home, or another friend at the restaurant/bar, or calling a cab, because he'd now be my EX-boyfriend. That's an attitude I have zero tolerance for. Forget the "red flag", that's the finish line! | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 3:51:29 PM |
"Lucky I'm with you or else I would've raped her tonight!"
in all reality she probably wouldn't have pissed on the best part of him if he was single  how much alcohol did this idiot consume before he starts flying off at the mouth saying such asinine statements.
non the less I hope your friends sees the fact that this idiot wasn't the pick of the litter | |
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| If Your BF Joked To You About Raping A Woman, What Would You Do?
Posted: 12/15/2008 3:55:35 PM | Letting a bit of his dark side slide out, who knows what's going on in his head if he expresses something like this.
He could have said a myriad of other statements about the girl who passed but he chose the rape statement. *shakes head* And how disrespectful to your friend OP.
I agree with *forumeow*.
I'd be going home then and there and he'd be an ex boyfriend..........no red flad only a stop sign and screeching brakes for that relationship. | |
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. This isn't even remotely funny. 
