| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 2:02:30 PM | I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
is a much different experience.
I've found that too many hide behind their computer and write
someone off without even having been around them where the
actual connection would be present.
I think it's just too easy for someone to look at a few pic's
and written profile on a computer screen than it is meeting
face to face.
I personally can't tell if someone is my type or not unless
I've met them in person giving them the benefit of the doubt.
IMO, life is too short and you never know who you're going to
meet.
Do any of you ladies and gents share my opinions?
Happy holidays :)
Jay | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:57:17 PM | IF we all had the time to meet everyone, I'd go with your thinking, but we don't.
We have to weed out people some way. IMO, there are a lot of sick people on line, liars, really, and I have no wish to meet a number of them, even if it means meeting one great person while doing so.
I don't want to go through that. So I use email to make a choice of who I want to meet.
You wouldn't believe the emails I get, the way they're worded, how I'm approached. Not by everyone, of course, but by those I ignore -- it's horrible!!! | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:02:08 PM | | Might as well face the fact that you're going to be judged relative to the other products on the shelf online. IRL, you might not be judged so quickly and might only be judged by women in the context of a few other guys rather than dozens or even hundreds. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 5:08:13 PM | I do agree with you OP, in part, about judging quickly online.
I will admit I could have been guilty of doing this myself without actually knowing it most likely. Sometimes there's just not much someone is giving me to work with in the first place.
It's just a much different venue than in real life. And I know some people just don't come across as they really are sometimes in profiles /email/IM and it's difficult for them to write and get their meaning across and at times certain things can be misconstrude by one party or another. It's just the way it is. You begin communication here through the written word. And on a personal note, the flip side, I have had someone mistconstrue something I said in an IM transmission and have a kneejerk reaction to what I typed.
However....
I do agree with the following statement:
But.....where do we draw the line? If a picture and profile do not appeal, why do the rest?
Where DO we draw the line?
We have pictures and what the profiles contain (or not) to go by and if some of those do not appeal to us why not move on to the next?
I also agree with you that some, only want to hide out behind their monitors and not meet. Again, that's just how it is ...... online. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:06:22 PM | Communication is:
80% body language – facial expressions, gestures, stance
13% voice – tone, inflection, pace, rhythm
7% words – the actual content of what is said
7% is a pretty low percentage – and we’re basing a lot of our “judgment” on just that. When you factor in the different perceptions people have or how they interpret, things can very easily be misconstrued. A couple of times - that I know of - I’ve either misunderstood someone (terribly) or they’ve misunderstood my intent.
It can happen so easily.
Of course, some do a really good job of incorporating some of that body language and voice in their written word. But it is still impossible to get the 3D version in this world.
This medium is tough. I call it “upside down” from the real world - based on the percentages above. But, this cyber world provides opportunity that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. So, I always try to keep an open mind.
Best of luck! | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10 | |
| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:09:53 PM |
But.....where do we draw the line? If a picture and profile do not appeal, why do the rest?
Provided that there were no obvious dealbreakers about a man, I would at least exchange a few emails with him. I wouldn't automatically reject a man simply because he isn't exactly my usual type. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:12:54 PM | I try very hard to not judge online. If the conversation goes back and forth a few times and is engaging, then I feel the person is worth meeting.
However, I had been chatting with a man that lives in another town and things were going well. However, he wanted to know what I thought of him. I told him I didn't judge online, because I have met people just to find out they were different in person than online.. He got very insistant and it actually was very childish in my eyes. I really tried to change the subject but he just wouldn't let it drop. I finally told him how I thought he was acting and he stopped talking to me.
I think I was saved from meeting someone that really was childish. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/16/2008 11:58:26 PM | It can vary, but some profiles have something in them that tell me we wouldn't work out, and with others I feel this way after a few emails. But in my past experience, I haven't met anyone in person I wasn't very interested in meeting and found them to be different than my impression, which is why I prefer to only meet someone I'm very interested in meeting. But that interest has never hinged only on a picture and profile, if that answers your question.
Perhaps for many women, communication is very key, so if she feels she and you don't communicate well in messages or phone, they might then not want to meet for that reason. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:16:39 AM | Well OP...this is the problem with online.
In real life, if I go out somewhere, there are not 50 men in a que wanting to meet me.
Online, there are.
So, in real life, when 1 man approaches, of course consideration is given, he is one man.
Online however, we cannot possibly give that same consideration to all, or we'd have to quit or jobs and just 'consider' men from online all the day long....so, we weed the list down, and all we have to go on is what we see of that man Online.
Just the way it goes. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 3:43:29 AM | So you Came here to tell us that you judge
On a thread about how its wrong
And you judged the person your with
What if you judged them bad and never got as far as you are now?
Think about it seriously, you would have missed out on what you have.
At least like jay said give a person a chance
Its not a date just a meeting, the dates may or may not come after
But at least dont judge a book by its cover while preaching not to judge you. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 6:15:27 AM | ^^^
Not sure who this was meant for...but I think saying 'dont judge' to any human is pointless. We are animals who think, and form opinions. Some use different criteria for forming thier opinions...but we ALL judge things by what we see, smell, hear and feel. I do not know any human who does not look at any given situation and not make some judgement about it...romantic situations are not exempt.
Myself, I want to feel absolutely COMPELLED to leave my home and meet someone. If I am not super pumped about the meeting, Id rather be doing something else. I am not here to make endless coffee dates.
What compells me to meet someone will vary from someone else, but it is my judgement that will be used to determine who I will meet, as it is your judgement that will determine who you are interested in meeting.
The difficulty is finding someone who is as compelled to meet you, as you are to meet them. If this were so easy, none of us would still be on here. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:52:00 AM | The problem, I think, is that it's hard to write a profile just perfectly to appeal to everyone. For example, my profile is a conversation with my cat. A lot of people find it cute and unique, others think it's either too long or don't get it.
If they take the time to read my profile (which really, going by word count alone, probably isn't any longer than your average one), I'd like to think that they would be interested. But it's very little information to go on to get to know a person, too.
You can sum up who you are to the best of your ability and for some, it still isn't enough to convince them.
I contacted someone recently with what I thought was a good first e-mail. Questions asked, friendly, short, etc. She responded with two lines, not answering any of my questions, and asking about the little girl in one of the pictures on my profile...which I clearly state in the VERY first line of my profile as my niece. She killed any possibility of a good first impression in doing so. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:04:26 AM | I'm quite pleased with all the replies.
I know it can be tough to meet everyone. I try my best to
meet everyone with the time given.
Considering I do get a lot of messages each week and am quite
busy with my personal training business and part-time school
on the side, I don't like to take a chance in missing out on meeting
someone who's really great!!!
What I look for is a physical attraction along with personality,
stability, direction and ambition.
I've turned down sex with really hot women because they either
had nothing to say, or had sex with them but did not want to
continue because they themselves had no ambition or direction
in life.
My goal is to take a part-time BSC in Exercise Science while I work
in my business. I'm starting with my math and sciences and will
apply for the BSC at Concordia later on. But I will take everything
on a part-time basis.
I'm pretty much stable in my life both internally and externally.
I know where I am now and where I'm going with my career path.
Why??
Because I still want to have a life and time for a relationship
along with work, friends and family.
What I don't get is that I've been told that "I'm not their type",
mean while I may have met the person by accident some where
while out and they really liked me.
I've also noticed that now a days women really emphasize on
having a really fit guy along with ambition, direction and other
qualities.
I know this is true as over the last 8 months I've lost about 47lbs and
14" over all on my body. 8 months ago, women wouldn't give me the
time of day. Now the same women practically throw themselves at me.
I've turned down most of them just for my own moral.
I look for someone who see's me for who I am on the inside as well
as the out. And I look for the same in a woman.
I'm pretty open minded to physical appearance.
I prefer fit and athletic, but I'm also open to a bit of meat as long
as the woman is height and weight proportionate.
Things like hair colour also don't bother me along with race.
I'm open minded this way as I don't want to lose a chance
of meeting someone special
As for age, I tend to prefer 35-40yrs old. I simply seem to get along
better with women older than myself.
So as for judging someone as to whether or not they're "my type", I
can only know if I meet them in person and get a true feel for them.
I'll first look at physical, and then will want to see if they're capable
of having a real conversation.
It's too bad many women judge too quickly as I bet they've let the
good one's slip by many times.
Just the way I feel about things, and I appreciate all your replies.
More are welcome!!
Happy holidays
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:32:28 AM | grkboy,
Sometimes the women here make me feel like skata. No replies, no interest, no nothing and so I gave up. Honestly, I am at the point where they and this online dating BS can all pretty much go to hell.
I originally joined this place in March of this year so disregard the join date. I quit because I had enough but came back here for the forums.
IRL, a 36 year old bum with nothing going for him gets tons of women chasing him. No car, no money, nothing. Wants me to buy him drinks because I'm the responsible one that's worked for almost 20 years. To say that by all means is screwed up is an understatement.
The bums that women chase come to me. And these same women wouldn't give me the time of day. How fvcked up is that?
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:37:48 AM | | I don't think that internet dating is for me. It must have something to do with the way that I express myself in the written format... maybe I'm too blunt and honest... (I am obviously not a very good salesman) I get blocked instead of replied to... oh well, back to meeting people the old fashion way, face to face. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:49:38 AM |
Myself, I want to feel absolutely COMPELLED to leave my home and meet someone. If I am not super pumped about the meeting, Id rather be doing something else. I am not here to make endless coffee dates.
The difficulty is finding someone who is as compelled to meet you, as you are to meet them. If this were so easy, none of us would still be on here.
Well said, Brown Eyed!
The problem, I think, is that it's hard to write a profile just perfectly to appeal to everyone.
ThatNickGuy: Might I humbly (but strongly) suggest that you shouldn't be trying to appeal to everyone. You should only try to appeal to the type of women you'd want to date. If that's actually everyone, perhaps women can read that in your profile. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 10:02:33 AM | Well, I've been working my best to appeal to the type of woman
I want to date and develop a long-term relationship with.
Unfortunately it's these women that hardly ever reply.
I think my profile is quite honest and to the point.
When people meet me in person, they always tell me how sexy
I am and the qualities they find most appealing about me.
So I don't understand what's the problem online?
It's such a P.O. as I don't go to clubs and don't always have time
to get out.
It's too bad really.
I hope some of the women in Montreal stumble upon this thread. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 11:03:33 AM | Yes, Jay, I agree with you...in theory anyway. However, I have written some people off just based on their picture alone, as shallow as that appears. The truth is, there's just a certain look that turns me off completely. I can't explain it, but I CAN say that I've realized how shallow and quick to judge I was, and taken a chance and met with some of these guys...and nothing. It was just as I suspected it would be, there was just no chemistry at all when we were face to face. On either side (for the most part, although there WERE a few who put up a fight, which makes me want to just go back to sticking with my first impression).
That said, other than those with "that certain look" that never works with me (and it's more than the way they look, it's the way they project themselves in their pictures), I also think that you really have to spend a little time with someone face to face, and preferably in different situations - some public, some private - to really get to know a person. I'm always all for meeting asap, rather than spending a lot of time corresponding, emailing, or talking on the phone with various people, in an attempt to separate the chaff from the wheat. | |
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| I find people judge too quickly online, but meeting in person
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:03:59 PM | | ^^^ Perfectly said. That is why I personally want to meet rather soon. All the back and forth e mails can come to a major hault when I meet the guy in person!! Some people are NOT who they say they are, old pictures and have major issues. And they are pretty noticeable within a few minutes. People can be whomever they want on here, but once you meet them, it is pretty appearent who they really are. | |
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