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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > You think you have it wierd???      Home login  
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 LF1M
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 1
You think you have it wierd???Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Thought I would share this with you guys.

Met the man of my dreams while on a schooling course. He was seperated, (very recently though). We clicked. He met all my needs and helped me to realize some dreams that I had.

Turns out that leaving the sanctuary of his Xwife and moving to another coast was a bit much for him. Also bear in mind I have met his X and she is cool with him moving on. Even supportive of his happiness.

I get this from an email:

HIM: "I'm biamorous. No... Not bisexual, biamorous. At least that's what my shrink calls it. It means have a fundamental need to love more than 1 person. It makes sense."

I still feel like shit. Everything in my life is falling down around me. The only anchor I have right now is being with both of you online. I miss you both desperately. I need to feel complete again. I want to be complete again.

This is what I am asking...

I need you both. I love both of you. I am who I am. Having just one of you isn't going to be enough, I'm sorry. The cliché is that "it isn't you, it’s me". If I were to choose to be with just one of you, I know inevitably I would seek an emotional connection with someone else as well. I don't want a connection with someone else. I want the connections I have.
I’m asking you both to consider this. I know both of you are capable of being with another woman. This isn't just about sex though. It's about loving each other and loving me. Regardless of where I go from here, I am going to fulfill this need. I'd rather not start building new relationships if I can maintain the ones I have. I'd rather be with both of you.
I want to make a life long commitment to each of you.
I want to keep the promises I made to you both.
Spiritually, you’ve both claimed a connection to my mom. That says something.
You like each other; that says something.
You both shit on me the same way for the same things. That says something.

You're both kinky in all the right ways and very similar in a lot of ways; and I'm tired of feeling bad for fantasizing about each of you or both of you and feeling bad about the whole thing. I can go without the sex... but the inner turmoil is killing me.

I’m willing to do what it would take to make this work. I’m asking you both to consider doing the same. The alternative is that I will have to move on. If it isn't possible for you to make this adjustment, then it means that you wouldn't be able to adjust down the road singly.
None of us is happy right now. This could make us all happy. I can't separate the two of you in my heart. You've both disclosed to me details of your past that suggest you aren't so closed minded as to "NEED" total and complete exclusiveness.

Please think about it.
I love you;"


I laughed for 5 minutes straight.

I haven't dignified that email with a reply.

So, if you sometimes think you have it strange, I hope this gives you a yardstick and a good laugh!

Cheers!
 Bablynbrook
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 2
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:35:42 PM
All I can say is WOW! I think if I were you I wouldn't dignify that email with a response. It is best to leave that guy out to hang himself. At least you know the next guy you date can't possible worse than this one. Good Luck!
 OhioCutie
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 3
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:36:26 PM
All I can say is wow! Tell this one to take a long hike without you. Unreal! Merry flippin Christmas eh?
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 4
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:36:34 PM
So, I'm guessing your answer is no?

At least I hope you say it with the dignity and respect he deserves.
I am certain it took a LOT for him to write that email.

The short analysis is that if you found out he was seeing both of you, you'd end it and just you wasn't what he really wanted, and he'd have to find new relationships anyway - so he had nothing to lose .

I know you want to laugh, but I respect this guy.
Go honesty!
(and I certainly respect your choice to not participate in a poly amorous relationship if it isn't your cuppa)

sydney
 Helen1967
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 5
You think you have it weird???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:41:41 PM
Oh, that's priceless. I started cracking up about halfway through the copy of his e-mail, then stopped, thinking, oh, dear, I hope that's where she's going with this. So glad it was.



Thank you!

This seriously is even better than the guy who signed up on a dating site he knew I occasionally visited, then told me he was taking a break from women for a while and hoped I'd be available in future.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 6
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:42:37 PM
Thanks, I was looking for a good way to tell two women that I wanted to be with both of them and I think this guy has hit on it. Hope you don't mind if I copy and paste this email as I am just way to lazy to think of crap like this myself.


/end sarcasm

Thanks for the laugh!
 sweetonyoubabe
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 7
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:43:59 PM
This is a classic example of how weird our world has become! Can we justify ANYTHING? Oh boy.

Sorry OP that you had to be subject to this guy's psychosis!! YES I said psycosis!! It isn't normal. Period.

I agree, your next guy will look very good compared to this case!
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 8
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:44:56 PM
Oh Lord, OP, thanks for the laugh, that's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!

I don't think there would have been enough of these little guys in the world to fill my reply email to something like that!

Sure, gotta commend him I guess for trying, but the only funnier scenario would have been if he'd actually given that little speech in person.
 LF1M
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 9
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:51:51 PM
Aww I did have to laugh.

I did love him at one point, but to be honest, I am to enmeshed in reality. I knew he had some baggage and mental issues.

What I miss more than him is the dreams of the future we crafted. :)

No I am not going to reply at all. I realize that anything I could have said would have fallen on completely deaf and non-comprehensive ears!!

Merry Christmas all!

And for all you biamorous men out there, feel free to pirate the material.

BTW his wife agreed with it....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 10
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:53:22 PM
My first thought was........hey.......there are plenty of poly relationships that work....
but then.....I realized it was because of a basic love for those involved.....
This guy "prefers" it be the two of you.....cuz that would be alot easier than starting fresh w/ 2 new girls.....
this isn't about love........
this is about sex.....no matter what he says....

Glad u could laugh about it OP.....I mighta been tempted to be a bit...uhm...harsh.
 floatman
Joined: 12/2/2008
Msg: 11
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:55:32 PM
WoW! I'm on Earthen Ring.

Oh wait a second, thats not what I meant to post. Wow! That guy is really asking for alot there. I've heard of polyamory and know some people involved in open relationships. But, this fellow takes the cake. At the very least, he should have spoken to you on the phone or in person. The both of you. Anyway, thanks for the chuckle. I had a good laugh.

Good luck!
 SexySingle1
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 12
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 3:56:29 PM
That was a strange "read"! Bi-amorous!!?? Never heard that term before.
I will say he was honest though - him wanting you both ( wow! talk about having your cake and eating it too!!)

From his words though, sounds like you all must have discussed something like this in the past. It sounded like he thought you might give it some thought. hmmmmm what could you have said to give him that impression?

In his defense - I have seen programs on TV where some people live that way (1 man and 2 women) sharing their lives together harmoniously. I recently saw a show where there were about 5 people that hung out together and shared each other sexually- but it was exclusively the 5 of them. They didn't consider it cheating because everyone was aware of the other. Different strokes for different folks... I guess!!!! Who knows!

In this world we live in there are as many lifestyle choices as their are colors in a rainbow! Most of us (I guess) are just looking for that 1 special person to share our lives with..... while others (like him) require 2 ..... go figure!
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 13
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:06:14 PM
This would have been my reply:

Dear____,

I can't tell you how happy I was to receive your email. For a long time I have wanted to tell you that I am polyamorous, and this has made it so much easier. You said you would do whatever necessary to make it work, and I am thrilled you feel that way.

I have calculated your share of the mortgage for the house will be xxx amount. I am sending you a calendar to mark for the time you will require to spend with me. You may have xxx number of days per month, but no more than two consecutive days at any time.

I know that you and I and the 5 other people involved will be so happy. I can't wait to introduce them to your Mother.

I love you, too.
 Pair O Docs
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 14
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:12:50 PM
You didn't get the clue when his EX was actually all 'nice like' and APPROVING?? You mean....you actually thought she was 'being cool'??? Do you HONESTLY know a woman who would BEHAVE THAT WAY unless she were trying to get rid of THE GOODS?? ohhhhhhhhhh maaaaaaaan!!!! I bet that girl was LAUGHING HER ASS OFF like a used car salesman after meeting the CHUMP who was going to FINALLY take the idiot off her hands!!! I think she just needed to put a face to the name so she could know.... and then go back to her place to LAUGH SOME MORE!!!

Sorry for what happened......but DAYAM!!!
 LF1M
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 15
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:12:56 PM
LOL!!! Ok that was funny!

Well thought out!
 LF1M
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 16
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:15:08 PM
Pair o docs

Normally I would have agreed with you, but She didnt really want to let him go, she professed she wanted only his happiness, so she was willing to sit back and have her man chase other women to have the thrill with while she still got to sit on her plush tooshie and not do anything for a living. Trust me I don't think she was in too much of a hurry to get rid of him. It's a long story. Couldn't have possibly encapsulated it in the short post I did.

Cheers
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 17
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:21:41 PM
I've already sent it to 37 gals ........ looks good to me.
 BBW2Love
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 18
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:22:58 PM
^^^^LOL -Oh this was intended for pazoozoo. No offense Ron.

I wonder what his ex makes of this since I am certain she got a similar e-mail.

God I hope it wasn't the same one. That would be tacky to say the least.

Oh, I see his wife agreed with it. Well one out two aint bad unless, of course, you are biamorous.

I hope the polyamory apologists show up soon to defend this guy.
 Me Leona
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 19
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:25:28 PM
Wondering what happened to my sense of humor... I was just thinking are you kidding, his therapist agrees with him that he's biamourous????? WTF????? He had a pretty good argument there but I'm glad you could laugh about it! I think I'd be a little upset, myself.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 20
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:27:15 PM
Good Lord Almighty, that is possibly one of the funniest things I've read in recent memory.

I wouldn't reply either.
I mean, what could you write to top that?

You knew he had "some baggage" but you didn't know that he owned a Samsonite factory full of it, didja?

I'm sorry OP.......for you, that is.

Did you suspect ANYTHING or was this a blindside?
Not that I think you would have suspected anything like this but......anything, different?
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 21
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:27:24 PM
hi...OP, as I was reading your thread I thought "oh, .. more of the same "... but when I read your reaction, my faith was renewed!!!... as a matter of fact, post after post made me, well, rejoice....... yes, for a few brief moments The Jerry Springer Show did not have an audience... blessings, warmly Mona
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:30:42 PM

So, if you sometimes think you have it strange, I hope this gives you a yardstick and a good laugh!

I personally don't think it's the least bit funny or weird. I find it really closed-minded to assume he's some sort of twisted/warped freak with some strange view on life/love and his own personal happiness just because it isn't what YOU view as "normal." It's obviously NOT for you. It wouldn't be for me either. But I certainly do understand those that is IS right for. And there are MANY that do live poly-lifestyles that are not only happy/healthy ~ they are successful and respectful. It's never good to judge someone's honesty ~ especially in a situation as sensitive as this seems to be. You profess to have completely understood and clicked with this man (and even mention his wife's ability to want his happiness for the future) yet you make fun of him like this in a public venue. Sorry ~ that to me is not how you love/care for someone who divulges something so personal. It isn't for you ~ leave it alone then and move on. JMO
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 23
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You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:34:34 PM
OP, and Pazoozoo (msg 13) ... Hysterical!!! ...
 FunChick123
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 24
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:34:50 PM
Ok yeah... that was weird. I have known people who were into open relationships and such... but usually they approach you with the idea first BEFORE you build an emotional connection. Not after.

What I found offensive was that he was basically saying 'this is the way it is - if you don't like it, I'll find women who will'. That's not love. That's not discussion and working together to find a solution about an issue (even if that solution is breaking up)... that's just...selfish?

I think I'd respond, though. But that's just me.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 25
You think you have it wierd???
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:35:04 PM
I feel for this man if he really has been told this by a psychologist. While I do NOT believe it to be beyond the realm of possibility that this man loves two women, I find it eerily convenient that he comes upon this realization right when he has to choose between them.

I can't wait 'til a certain silvery poster hears about this!!
I love to read his diatribes against the closed minded majority who are *not* polyamorous, as if we are somehow "just not getting it" and only he and his ilk *truly* know what is natural and right.
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