| Why Is It
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:45:05 PM | | Why is it that it seems that when you start talking to a man online they email frequently, then when phone is exchanged they call frequently, and text. Then you meet....hit it off start to go on dates and even voice an interest in continuing to date but they no longer email, text and phone anywhere near as much.. it seems to all slow down significantly. Is this normal you think? Part of the process of getting to know each other online well enough to meet and then it becomes more like a normal dating process? | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/16/2008 4:48:10 PM | Because deep down ... I mean really, really deep ...
... men don't like to talk on the phone or text, we do it only for the intention of getting your interest in us, then after that happens we feel we can drop the pretenses and be ourselves because now we have you hooked on us and the mere little thing of not talking/texting on the phone will be of small signifigance compared to the truly wonderful people that you now know us to be!
... hmm, maybe not so deep after all! | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/16/2008 6:44:54 PM | ^^^ Man oh man, *Baldy*, that's the deepest I think I've ever seen you post. Hee, hee.
OP, I think Baldy is right, I've found that a lot of men don't like talking on the phone as much or for as long as some women do. I'm not particularly fond of long phone conversations or many at a time, especially if you live in the same town. And texting? Pffffttt!!! | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:12:50 PM | (Okay- you have to imagine this in Andy Rooney's whine)
Why is it that people join a dating site, within 3 weeks hit it off with one person, get frustrated with one of POF's "Top Ten List"  (tr) online dating quandaries, and immediately post in the first forum they come to without doing a thread search or even reading the posting rules to know what a "thread search" is?
Oh well. We need more cowbell! | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:58:49 AM | I don't understand what the OP is complaining about.
Once you meet someone in real life and begin dating, its not an online thing anymore its reality. What's to complain about? Why email, call or text when you can see someone in person? | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/17/2008 7:44:31 AM | Re the Opost
I think Post 5 is right on the money!
The online part is over once the IRL dating process starts, unless of course it's an LDR. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:25:25 AM | I think it's part of the normal dating process--once you've established that you have a good connection, feel comfortable with each other, etc. it's common to just have that "every-so-often" communication, especially if you're seeing each other in person on a regular basis. Isn't that MUCH better than a couple e-mails?  | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:00:46 AM | Or why is it that you e mail a man on fish, then exchange e mail addresses and mobile nos and everything is great... You meet and have butterflies and find that there is an attraction and you both want to meet again, that he suddenly has to check his schedule and when you next send a text his phone is switched off...
Why cant a man have the guts just to say "Sorry I have changed my mind " instead of making you feel like shit and then be right back on fish looking again | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:08:02 AM |
Is this normal you think? Part of the process of getting to know each other online well enough to meet and then it becomes more like a normal dating process?
Yes. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:57:25 PM | I'll make it plain and simple.
It's the thrill of the chase. Once we've caught you the rush is over. | |
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g 04
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Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Why Is It
Posted: 12/18/2008 4:32:25 AM | YES!  maybe I'm just over tired but I almost wet myself just now. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/18/2008 5:56:51 PM | I thought the process of online dating was just to get the date. After that, why shouldn't it be like all other forms of dating? Do you want your relationship to stay purely online? I just doubt most would prefer online sex to real sex, and online kids are just not the same as real ones IMHO.
So surely this is just common sense? | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 12:55:55 PM | Sometimes I think that maybe deep down men might be human too, and being human means they suffer from the burden of having feelings.
Men just like women, do fear the thought of rejection. Sometimes a guy might need a bit of reassurance that you ARE interested and such, after you first meet him, and little 'hints' just don't seem to cut it with men. Sometimes they have a little self-preservation method of withdrawal that they use in this situation.
And with all things, nothing will ever happen the same way 100% of the time... Each person has his/her own agenda. If you are concerned, then ask the person where they are standing. This time of year, you never know if someone has a lot on their mind, or their plate, and just has to weed through responsibilities or if he/she is just not as interested as you thought...
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:22:39 PM | OP says: "but they no longer email, text and phone anywhere near as much"..
You do stipulate "they" I am wondering if this has been reoccurring incidences, in
your life, like a pattern. I am assuming you meet them in person, date, etc etc and then, the relationships are not going anywhere and ending. That would certainly explain why "they" slow down with communication..."They" are obviously losing interest, upon dating you...not meaning that in a derogative sense, maybe this should be a red flag to you, if you feel the communication is noticeably slipping, when you are first dating someone...Perhaps that is a signal of them, not being suitable for a long term relationship with you... | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:11:57 PM | Um, OP, let me get this straight:
Someone meets you online, is interested. Then they get to see the reality, when they meet you in person, and somehow....things taper off?
Is that what you are saying? And does the potential answer seem...clearer, now?
Don't take it personally, its just a sign the match isn't perfect. Good luck with the next matchup. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:21:25 PM | Because you are now becoming a part of each other's life. There is no need to constantly connect since you now are interested and have expressed that to each other.
Are you still texting him and getting no reply? | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:34:00 PM | i think it depends on the person.
my bf HATES talking on the phone. sometimes he stays on the phone just cuz he knows i like talking on the phone, and i can already tell he's zoning out after 5 mins.
i know another guy, that even though he hates talking on the phone, he still regularly talks with his gf (now ex)
i know another guy...literally talked on the phone with me for HOURS. we weren't dating...never did. just friends, but mannnn...hours...meaning longest was 8 hrs...average was 5. we just never ran out of things to talk about... | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:07:55 PM | | Baldy pretty much nailed it. We just don't like to talk on the phone and text much. But one thing he missed, is that all of that texting, emailing, and calling is the only form of communication at the beginning, during the getting to know each other stage. The better we know each other, and the more comfortable we get with you, the less we actually need to talk to you. For many men, the telephone is for emergencies, and so that people can get in touch with us if they need something. It's for when we are far away and too busy to be with you in person. It's when we don't answer the phone when you call that you need to start worrying. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:20:36 PM | I feel your pain sister....it sucks!! I start to make stories as why man do not email or call as much (which drives me insane!!!!). 'And the moment you say "**** it...I need to move on" they start calling again. OMG! If I didn't like man so much I will became lesbian...for sure!  | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 9:35:51 PM | Sign me on as another man who doesnt like to sit around and talk on the phone.
I`d much rather save all the talk for when we are together in person.
E-mailing is convenient- if I have something to share real quick which doesnt require an immediate response its easy to jot it down and send it off but sitting around talking into a hole held up to my head and listening to a little voice coming through it has got to be one of the least interesting and boring things for me to do and I hate it.
Talk to set up a date and time to get together in person then hang the dam thing up. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/19/2008 9:56:17 PM | Get a grip .. that is why u call it DATING ... you meet someone , get to know them , realize the "connection" is not there, so move on ...  | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:12:59 AM | | ca'nt answer why some slow down. but what i find with this is if they do'nt get back to as soon, what they have to say is very little. almost as if they are not interested. but if you are still in phone contact and he still sounds interested. then he just changing his way of communicating with you. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:33:04 AM | Wow!
That WAS deep Baldy! I'm touched.
Actually, Baldy is very accurate.
OP: The man wants to be YOUR man. Not your girlfriend or even just a friend.
Communication styles between men and women are different. In many cases, the guy is simply, temporarily bridging the gap. | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:23:17 PM |
Perhaps that is a signal of them, not being suitable for a long term relationship with you...
Or it could be for lack of communication on OP's part ? perhaps she, like most other women likes to sit back and watch the reaction rather than showing reaction ? Just a thought! | |
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| Why Is It
Posted: 12/22/2008 8:33:02 PM | Men hate that kind of thing, I guess thats why they cant keep a woman happy, because we do like that kind of thing, darn....we think he just isnt interested as before, just taking us for granted perhaps? Guess thats why we keep looking for the one who lets us know we are important through the little things, like phoning and texting.  | |
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