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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Caring.gal
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 1
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?Page 1 of 1    
I had been seeing someone for three years. I could never get past the fact that he 'was just friends' with two of his ex girlfriends. The problem I had was that he was contacting them behind my back. Once early on in the relationship he even made a sexual comparision between me and one of them. I just never understood and he could never explain it.
 paper or plastic
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 2
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:50:58 PM

Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
because not all men wish death and dismemberment upon their ex's. So they couldn't make a go at it relationship wise, big deal. Why would he do it behind your back? Gee I wonder why.....
I could never get past the fact that he 'was just friends'
 buzzjava
Joined: 11/7/2003
Msg: 3
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:37:20 PM
Why because men are stupid. some time we like sticking some things in a blender and turning it on "GOO". Me I'm still glad that most of my ex's when the see me want one of two things

1. put things that are on my body in a blender on "GOO"
2. A high power rifle and a bell-tower

well here is a bad story about my past with an ex

We were dating for a good year and a half. And in all that time i never once told her Three small words. At this time i was saving up for a ring. ( I was young and dumb and still am )

It's 3:30 am. i am awake and so is she
" I love you" slipped out of my mouth. it seem right at the time.
She rolls over and then says " I'm breaking up with you"

talk about a fun three hours tell i had to go to work

a week later i find out she was sleeping with one of my good friends. at this time I'm still going university a few months go by. then i find out that they are having a baby. i quit school and move up to the yukon ( yep you can't just make this stuff up) a few years go by and i find out that there was an abortion. i find this out because she tracked me down by phone. she told me "how much she missed me" and " I wish i never did those Things". I was smart at this time and i blew it off. a year go's by and then i have to go where she moved to New Brunswick ( she said that she moved there because she needed a new start I.E. she lost a lot of friends because of what happened.) Now i call her when i was in the town she moved to. She told me to call her when i was at this Coffee shop that some how was on the edge of town going to Nova Scotia. Were i was going. I wait there for a few hours Then call her

" I'm not Going And see that sing that say's Nova Scotia you should follow it"

So i did

Now the sad part to this day i still keep in touch with her. i have no idea why But i guess i like having things in a blender.

so in short men are dumb and like pain


Danton
 WackMC
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 4
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/20/2008 10:44:57 PM
1) To score a pity f-ck.
2) Because you're NOT the boss of me
3) Because when women dump men they say "let's be friends"
4) Because you get pissed when we talk to our current girlfriends. FYI, you are not the girlfriend, you are the "other" woman
 silentsteel
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 5
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/20/2008 11:17:43 PM
So....you need him to be nasty to his ex's..so you can feel more secure? You say you couldnt get past the fact that they were friends, and then question why he contacted them behind your back? It sounds like you need to work on your own insecurites.
 Talon897
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 6
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:18:23 AM
Not every relationship ends in blood shed. It is possible to people end relationships on good terms. Thus still being able to carry on a friendship.
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 7
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:29:14 AM

I had been seeing someone for three years. I could never get past the fact that he 'was just friends' with two of his ex girlfriends.

Then you shouldn't have invested 3 years.


Once early on in the relationship he even made a sexual comparision between me and one of them.

And you put up with it, and here you are. Gonna try for 4 years?


I just never understood and he could never explain it

That's because there are more reasons people do this than there are people. Analyze failure all you want, and it's still failure. And you will get all of this that you will tolerate.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 8
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:08:29 AM
Ok...This is EASY.
For every guy that is a friend with the ex there has to be a woman (the ex) that is also a friend of that guy right?


So...it cannot be just a guy issue correct???
 nodorks
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 9
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:24:56 AM
Look. At some point in time, they were close. If they had a long relationship, then it is difficult to "stop" having that freindship. Would you rather he try and contact new people to confide in? I think you have a little bit of insecurity and it may have affected your relationship. Just speculation.

If he is a cheater then he will be a cheater no matter what you do. Either way, you should feel confident in your own actions, which clearly you are not, for whatever reason(s). Accepting the fact that you
could never get past the fact
doesn't mean it is the best thing to do.

If his making comparisons is making you feel insecure, then you should have communicated this to him. (Did it occur to you that it could have been a positive thing?) Anyways, being respectful of someones feelings is also on his shoulders, and if you expressed yourself then he should have at least taken steps toward a compromise of some sort...

Funny thing... current relationships do not necessarily negate any or ever other person in the world.
 KirstyBez
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 10
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:46:02 AM
I am still friends with alot of my ex's. Mainly because we split on good terms, we just realised we'd be better at being friends.

And just because we talk it doesnt mean there's still feelings there and we're secretly going to get together.

I've always got on better with males anyways, so its easy for me to keep ex's as friends.
 trent205
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 11
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:47:19 AM
ya man you can be friends with x's as long as thier just friends it doesnt bother me at all? x;s are x's for a reason if they cheat there down the road who cares anyway plenty of fish in the sea. ;)
 Phantom Fish
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 12
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:48:01 AM
So many women's profiles proclaim them to be looking for "friends, first"... Does that mean you devlope a true friendship with someone, then, if the romantic part doesn't work out down the road, the friendship is dissolved?
Wow... If an ex wasn't a good person, I see why not wanting to stay in any kind of contact would make sense.
Aside that, as long as the nature of the friendship was understood, I think it's admirable.
 Mr.Clean0u812
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 13
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:01:42 AM
I'm going to give your man the benifit of the dout here in asumming hes not useing thease wimen as a FWB type of relationship or stringing them a long.That said,Dont you think he's a man of some substance?Is it possible that he can see qualitys and worth in a female that he enjoys and is capable of sustaining a relationship with them even though they are an ex?Doesnt he use this same merit to see something in you which is why maby you like him?I'd be more warry of a guy that goes out of his way not to make contact with an ex.I'd say he is capable of closesure too which is a relationship asset.
As for the comparision between you and one of them,what was the comparison?Was it a comparision that was an example of how you are better then the other girl in some way?(thats good).Or was it the other way around where she was better at something then you and you could try a little harder to change that,lol.
 ForumStorm08
Joined: 12/10/2008
Msg: 14
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:23:08 AM
OP, sometimes R-ships end on a note where we can actually be civil toward
one another. The real question might be what constitutes "just friends?"
Does the word "benefits" enter the equation? My most current ex sends me an
email about once every 2 months. Should I claim just friends? Should I report
any of these contacts to my current gf? I guess this brings up the matter of the
word trust but I'll leave it at that for now.

The sexual comparison could be very good or very bad depending on the context.
"My ex gives better bj's than you do." (Duck and cover)
"My ex was a wet firecracker in bed compared to you...
being more like a stick of dynamite."
 Navigator6
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 15
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:09:29 AM

Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
because not all men wish death and dismemberment upon their ex's. So they couldn't make a go at it relationship wise, big deal. Why would he do it behind your back? Gee I wonder why.....

Exactly! I rarely burn bridges & make enemies. No need to walk around hating.

OP, insecurity is like a cancer in relationships and the prognosis is never good. So, if you wanna keep your man, I'd suggest that you get some heavy duty chemo treatments.


Once early on in the relationship he even made a sexual comparision between me and one of them.

Temporary lack of good judgment. He probably regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth and I'd bet my house that he hasn't made that mistake since.... right?
 TxBluEyes74
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 16
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:17:30 AM
Because sometimes.. Just sometimes we have kids with them...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:23:28 AM
Bottom line is this man and any other man you get to know and date had a life before he met you and friends, activities...etc.

For a healthy relationship to develop and grow BOTH partners have to accept the other person right where they are and realize they ADD to their life. Try to SUBTRACT, and you'll run into resistance and resentment.

You accepted this man knowing he had friendships with women he'd dated, invested 3 years and now complaining about it? It seems as if you went into the relationship knowing this but resenting it.

The sexual comment, Navigator nailed that. People say things sometimes without their brain engaged.

Why does this man have to "explain" to you why he is friends with some exs...consider that rhetorical, he doesn't or shouldn't have to. Does he ask you to explain why you're friends with someone....think about that.

It seems the real issue is that he's not inviting you to meet these women or including you in their activities. That's how this should be addressed if you want to consider continuing this relationship IMO.
 Fun and Frisky in FW
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 18
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:29:42 AM
If its a long term relationship, I dont keep them around as friends. I have plenty, sometimes too much of those for the time I like to give out lol. I don't often date within my circle of friends, so this makes for easy severing. I sometimes have a hard time with a woman respecting that two of my three best friends are females. Letalone dealing with women who get jealous and pissy that I still hang out and talk to women I used to love, pokey pokey, whatever...thats just too much for me.

On the flipside, I avoid women who collect their exes as closest friends. One girl I was seeing, not only had only guy friends, she had slept with all of them. I don't judge her, I just didnt trust her to be faithful knowing that, coupled with the fact they all liked to drink....and besides...and I didnt want induction to THAT club lol.

You just have to make decision whether your comfortable with it or not, and if you can accept it or not. Even if you don't understand it. Good friends are always a rare commodity, and it's your bad luck(?) his happen to be his exes. Maybe you're too territorial to have living talking friendly reminders he's been with other women. Nothing wrong with that either.
 airforce28
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 19
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Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 9:52:03 AM
i talk to my exs. Actually only one. She was my high school sweetheart and the only girl i have ever really love. There is nothing wrong with it as long as it is just friendly. Also i never hide it from a woman. There is no reason to feel gulity about it unless the woman has issues with it. He wouldnt hide it if you didnt let it bother you. On the same note, him comparing you to his ex is straight up the stupidiest things a man can do. Basically if i were you, if he ever did that again i would smile and say, "so did your ex mind that you had a small penis and came too quickly" that will shut his ass up real quick
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 20
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:18:37 AM
Date virgins and hermits if you can't handle a person with a past.

I am still really good friends with my ex. I could never hate him. We just didn't work out as a couple and went our separate ways. Not everyone hates their ex or wishes them dead.
 reality guy
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 21
Why do men talk to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:25:50 AM
I don't deal with ex's because there are plenty of other fish out there. Why waste your time on a woman who already told you to get lost, ot vice-versa? I guess I learn, most men don't.
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