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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do women have sex and then complain about it?      Home login  
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 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 1
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Women who have sex with men who have NOT proven their love for them should never turn around and complain about having been used. What do you guys think? Reading some of these threads makes me wonder how it is that women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love.

If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u?
 GingersnapWA
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 2
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:28:41 PM
So, praytell, how long DO you suggest we wait? Three months, three years, or the wedding night (which may never come)? Oh, and just how DOES a man "prove his love," in your opinion?
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 3
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:33:20 PM
Why shouldn't he value you? Have you lost your value because you had sex? I would have thought you'd become worth a great deal more!
And how does a man "prove his love"? Inquiring minds want to know..
 forallintents
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 4
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:34:22 PM
It seems to me an odd idea that the value of a woman depends on when she has sex. The timing of it has no bearing. What matters is how well she performs or how creative is her excuse for just lying there staring at the ceiling.
 zfried
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 5
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:36:50 PM
If you're complaining about sex after the fact, maybe it's time to move on to a better lover. Sorry about your luck. So what's this about proving their love? Most men are looking for botty and only a few are good enough to treat you right. I say keep on looking and don't waste your time with whomever your referring to. Plus, sex can be at any point of the relationship as long as both people are into it. Sex can, believe it or not, bring people closer together! Maybe a flowering relationship can develop where a sexless one might have died.

Anyhow, that's my two cents.

Cheers, and don't forget to be safe ;)
Simon
 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 6
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:46:27 PM
Proving his love: COMMITMENT would be a pretty good start, wouldn't it?

And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'?

Geesh women have been brainwashed these days.... men must be laughing all the way to their next conquest!


A friend suggested the following...to know if he is for real:

As an exercsie:

exchange cell phones... literally give him you cell phone...while you have his for at least 3 days.... just to see who calls...
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 7
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:47:22 PM
What do you guys think?


Ok, I'll play along...


Women who have sex with men who have NOT proven their love for them should never turn around and complain about having been used.


Ok, I'll go along with that. Not sure about the proven love thing. If by that you mean she assumed that he was in love with her, then that's an assumption she may have made by mistake, or was mislead by the guy.


women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love.


Uhhh....what? What power do they "wield" exactly? The power to extract something? The power to manipulate an outcome? What power is this, and where can I get some?


If a man can have you after the 3rd date or even the 3rd week of knowing you... why should he value u?


If you sleep with him on the 3rd date, or after 3 weeks, it will have little bearing on how he values you overall. If you're the one for him, it won't matter.
 Pair O Docs
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 8
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:47:37 PM
Couldn't agree more OP..... It gets a little tiring hearing that the MEN are to blame when the woman makes the MUTUAL decision to hop in the sack right away and then the man just bolts afterward.

And you hit it RIGHT on the nail in regards to the word "POWER".....whether they life to accept the fact or not, they've ALWAYS had the power in any relationship. But here's the reason why they don't either accept it, or try to abdicate such power...... "with great power, comes great responsibility...." And some just fail to accept that they have to bare such responsibility. It's easier to always say, it was somebody else's fault.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 9
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:47:44 PM
OP everyone is different. Some people feel used when they have sex. Some don't. I hear what you are saying about some people complaining but I think if some women would grasp that sometimes sex is just sex, then they would be happier.

Your values may be different than the next person, doesn't mean it's wrong. If someone wants to save themselves for Mr or Mrs Wonderful to end all, then that's their right. But I don't think the word "value" should enter the equation. I don't know your story or sexual history, but I've never looked for a lover to "value" me...cause if I did, I would charge A LOT! . Personally, my problem is getting me to leave me alone. I've never had anybody not call me back.

Sex shouldn't be used to make a relationship happen. If it does, fabulous and go live happily ever after...if not, don't sweat it. Go bang someone else.
 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 10
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:48:36 PM
Forallintents,

Please let's be honest here. I have read several posts on these forums...most of which have women in a tizzy over their man's lack of interest... lack of 'being in love'...at what point does this being to happen??

Is it on the first date? Or during dinner? Or after their conquest is secure????

And what conquest am I talking about? The one that happens between the sheets...obviously..lol
 mikesignify30
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 11
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:51:09 PM

Reading some of these threads makes me wonder how it is that women have forgotten the power that they wield when it comes to relationships and love.


You make it seem like love is an arm wrestle where only one is supposed to win.

i pity you.
 girldiver
Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 12
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:54:41 PM


And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'?


So, just BJs until we get the 1 ct diamond engagement ring?

I look at sex as an enjoyable act with someone I'm attracted to and feel an emotional connection with. I certainly wouldn't marry someone unless I had sex with them. He could be totally incompatible.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 13
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:55:19 PM

And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'?


Oh, so unless you have a ring, you should never have sexual relations...well good luck with that. How about people that don't want rings and just sexual satisfaction?


exchange cell phones... literally give him you cell phone...while you have his for at least 3 days.... just to see who calls....


Oh I wish someone would take my cell phone for 3 days, I would have peace and quiet for once. LOL All this means is you don't trust the person so you want to keep an eye on them and it's you with the trust issues. First thing you should have in any relationship is trust imo. That's a child's game you want to play.
 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 14
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:55:32 PM
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wield

Not "yield"... it is actually "wield".

Asserting her authority... as in 'wielding' a sword... In the case of women... they wield the power and dictate what happens between a couple since it is up to her whether or not sex is going to happen.

Sex is what men are after.... while women are after a relationship----love, commitment, companionship, you know.... the stuff that men are usually opposed to...ROFL.

So there is the battle.... the wielding power is the woman's sense of self..her own dignity..her sense of personal value.

If a woman gives in to what the man wants right off the bat....for the next segment of their 'relationship'...she is usually caught up in WONDERING..."does he love me...or doesn't he"???

And yes... women do mistake a man's sexual attraction for something much more... hence the beginning of many woes.
 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 15
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 12:59:32 PM
Pair o Docs!!!

You are awesome!!! Excellent point: '"with great power, comes great responsibility"'!!!

Rousseau, the late great French theorist, once said that "Women are the guardians of morality"...

Now, if women simply blame their own actions on someone else... then ... morality has fallen by the way side.

I am in no way shape or form saying that men are to blame for the sexual activity that occurs just because things went well over coffee.... I am saying that women who have sex too quickly should 'take it on the chin'... instead of crying about his not being in love with her....

Men are simple creatures..women, on the other hand, are highly complicated and will hear what they wish to hear... I'm saying.."Ladies, you are precious and valuable..don't sell yourselves short".
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 16
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:00:05 PM

What do you guys think?

Honestly, the first thing which came to my mind was something Gore Vidal said:
There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

You really don't want to know what the second thing was.
 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 17
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:03:33 PM
Dear Chocolate Dyme,

You are not a woman, so how could you possibly know what transpires in a woman's heart just prior to her giving you her most intimate embrace?

Women make such a big deal out of sex.... for this reason: BECAUSE IT IS A BIG DEAL!

It is the single most intimate act between two consenting adults. However, since men don't value it... women are not forced to disregard its value and importance and this is one of the greatest crimes perpetrated against society as a whole.
 forallintents
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 18
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:07:15 PM

Asserting her authority... as in 'wielding' a sword... In the case of women... they wield the power and dictate what happens between a couple since it is up to her whether or not sex is going to happen.

Sex is what men are after.... while women are after a relationship----love, commitment, companionship, you know.... the stuff that men are usually opposed to...ROFL.

So there is the battle.... the wielding power is the woman's sense of self..her own dignity..her sense of personal value.

If a woman gives in to what the man wants right off the bat....for the next segment of their 'relationship'...she is usually caught up in WONDERING..."does he love me...or doesn't he"???

And yes... women do mistake a man's sexual attraction for something much more... hence the beginning of many woes.

That's begging for a retort but I'll skip it. I'll just say there are various ways to view relationships and sexuality, and that some ways are more conducive to a healthy and satisfying relationship than are other ways. One test for an understanding of relationships is whether it promotes both people, or serves the needs of one at the expense of the other, or even serves nobody but some other agenda at an expense to both of the people in the relationship (or who are trying to find one).
 Sefra
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 19
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:08:07 PM
Zfried,

Thank you for your candid assertion: "most men are looking for booty"...

So, if this is true, and most people are engaging in sexual activity today outside of the contract of marriage...who do you think is getting 'shafted'?

How is it that men are getting their 'exercise' despite failing to prove to women their love???

I'll tell ya:

Women have forgotten who they are...what they are...and how important they are in the whole scheme of things.


If women shut their legs for a period of one year (all single women)... men in our culture and society would change.

If women began DEMANDING that men prove their love... the palms of mens' hands would be seen to be bloody and raw... You'd be in an elevator and the men next to you would have blood dripping on the floor coming from his right hand...



Wouldn't that be a sight to behold?
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 20
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:10:28 PM
Which women? Me thinks this OP is attempting a poorly constructed manipulation meant to give her some sort of leverage with what she perceives as her competition.

Other than that - it is 2008 - Most of us are well aware of the "power we weild" lmao .. uh huh .. Most of us are also well aware of the Fact that the days of needing a ring or the approval of church or state to have sex and/or be respected whether we do or don't .. those days died.

I'd still like to see some link or something directing us to "all those threads" where women are bi tching about getting laid!! lmao

btw - I meant to click delete ..
 BettyY
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 21
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:15:45 PM
Do you believe a respectable woman should withhold sex as a guarantee that a man be brought to giving her a commitment that he may not otherwise choose to make?

Personally I have sex when I want to, not before, and not for other reasons. I think that is a lot healthier than what you seem to propose. As to the latter, I've delt with a couple of men who would do, pretend to be, and pretty much say whatever they thought might impress me enough to get me to let them. They can be remarkably sleazy about it. All things considered I don't think it's much better or worse than the type of emotional blackmail that some feel should be the status quo (and certainly was up until about 2 generations ago).

The ones in the middle who are genuinely looking for someone to share their lives with (and of course that includes sex) both male and female are the ones who get hurt.

Having said that, women do sometimes tend to be prone to the sexual equivalent of buyers remorse and will sometimes "blame the man" to make themselves feel better about having done something that they think is not really respectable. As to the why, I think I'd look at the judgmental tone of some posts to figure that out.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 22
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:15:50 PM
Asserting her authority... as in 'wielding' a sword... In the case of women... they wield the power and dictate what happens between a couple since it is up to her whether or not sex is going to happen.


Pffft...... my, my.....someone sure thinks that they're omnipotent. You think as a woman you have some kind of absolute power? You are going to dictate whether sex happens? You're kidding me right? Dictate??? Power trip much???

The only thing you will be able to dictate is whether or not he will have sex with YOU. Not whether he'll have sex. He'll just have it with someone ELSE. Someone who doesn't have a god complex. And he'll eventually leave you.


Sex is what men are after.... while women are after a relationship----love, commitment, companionship, you know.... the stuff that men are usually opposed to...ROFL


No, men are after a loving, commited realtionship where they enjoy great sex with their partner. Adolescent men are the ones only looking for sex.


And what would be so wrong about waiting until you have a ring on your finger before letting him have all 'the goods'?


Would you marry him without knowing his "goods" are in proper working order?

Why is it all about you???? YOU want reassurance of HIS love. Why wouldn't he want reassurance that he'll be sexually satisfied? What about what he wants??

I swear, I thought this was written by a 19 year old amish girl...
 Sniper308
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 23
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:18:50 PM
And how does a man "prove his love"? Inquiring minds want to know.


1. Cancels a hunting trip he's planned for over two years to take you on some namby-pamby cruise.

2. Sells one of his own rifles to get the bucks to buy you one for Christmas.

3. Guts and skins YOUR deer so YOU can sit in the Durango getting warm.

I can go on, but you get the idea.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 24
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Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:21:40 PM
Great responses, I resent the post about women being brain washed by having premarital sex.I think lumping women's sexual prowesses together is in fact the act of one who has been brain washed,that's just me and my easy going everyone should be themselves attitude.
 Blueskies123
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 25
Why do women have sex and then complain about it?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:22:27 PM
OP...Chocolate Dyme is actually a woman.


I just think people need to take responsibility for themselves.
If you decide to sleep with someone erly on then before you do think about whether you will be perfectly fine if that person never gets in touch again..if you are ok with that then go for it.
If you are not..don't do it.
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