kg124
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:11:55 AM | Ok im going to get on a soapbox for a minute because of some things that have happened to me recently so please forgive the rant.
I know some people are not comfortable with dating outside their race and as Americans, we are all entitled to our opinions, likes and dislikes. My problem is the way its communicated. I have gotten replies back form women that range form very respectful, to downright KKK propaganda. For what reason? If you arent interested in someone, why not just say that politely and move on. However to get "go back to africa", "find a date at the gorilla cages at the zoo", and "what self respecting woman would date a N@#$#@", are uncalled for.
True, everyone is here on this site for different reasons. Some to chat with friends, others to lurk harmlessly in the background, some for the forums, and yes hard to believe but some to actually date. Have we as a society become so numb to others feelings that insults can be flung so carelessly and with so much venom? Have we forgotten that a young lady killed herself over comments made on a myspace page? Im not saying that im so depressed or upset that im thinking thoughts of suicide, but c'mon people, words hurt regardless of age or social status.
I can tell you from personal experience I do my best not to discriminate against anyone based on anything because I am a black male in this society. I just would think after the American people made such a huge statement in the elections, attitudes would have been a tad bit more receptive. Yes we have come a long way, but after whats happened here and on a few other sites to me in the last week or so, I see we as a country, still have a long way to go.
Ok I will step off the soapbox. If my comments have offended anyone I do apologize. That was not my intent. However, if Ive made at least one person stop and think, thats all I wanted. Thanks for letting me rant. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:22:29 AM | well,I agree with you, that is sad..
look at the positive side, at least you know what they are REALLY like..why would you want to be involved with a 'stealth racist' ?
one who proclaims not to be, but still has some of those beliefs? | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:35:08 AM | | Sorry about your experience but the world is full of different types of people. Some are racist some are not. If you approach someone of a different race that is one of the risks you take. Try not to take it to heart and keep it moving. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:02:43 PM | AHHHHHHH! So sorry that you've received these types of racial insults. It reflects uneducated, small minds. Pay no attention to them and really, it's their problem. It's ugly and it's reflective in their (ugly) characteristics. Let them own it.
It upsets me to hear this. If we could wipe out religious and racial hatred, just think what a peaceful world community we'd all be living in. I do not promote tolerance....I promote acceptance. Two very different attitudes. Hold your head up, and be proud to be a good human being. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:03:35 PM | Racism is the most obvious form of discrimination, but everyone discriminates when it comes to potential romantic mates. Think about it - every single one of us does it. We sort the wheat versus the chaff. Education, profession, location... Some like 'em young, some like 'em slim, some like 'em blonde.... the list goes on... and they are often things beyond the person's control... unfair perhaps, but human nature.
Its not necessary to be mean and hateful when rejecting someone - regardless of reason... a simple thanks, but not interested would suffice. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:14:44 PM | | dang...that sucks about the insults you have gotten.. :/ | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:22:42 PM | Well there is no account for small minded people. Too bad your uch a nice guy cause something tells me you would never send a reply saying something to the effect of:
Opps Sorry I had thought I had contacted a human with some semblance of intelligence. Do not worry I have to agree that contacting you was beneath me, now that I know you.
Then send it and block them.
Sorry I tend to be a mean smart ass and the fools just need it sometimes.....LOL
I don't send those replies, but dang sometimes I really want to. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:23:28 PM | We all have preferences, but to through racial slurs at someone is uncalled for. I'm sorry that happened to you. Some people just are cruel and insensitive. I myselfhave preferences, but will gently tell the person and wish them well and leave it at that. No reason to bring race or insults into it.
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:35:46 PM | kg124, no doubt those kind of responses hurt you. That was the intent afterall. I like many of the people who have already responded to you agree that it was completely unnecessary and cruel. Things have come a long way on the surface but there are still hard-core racists is existence. I pity those people for their very narrow view of the world.
I pray for a world where people will be liked/disliked by others based soley upon who they are, not what race, religion or beliefs they hold. If enough of us hope for that, someday it might actually come to fruition.
The opportunity begins anew with every generation...if we teach our children that it is ok not to like someone but respect is a basic human right all people have regardless of who they may be....we could reduce the kind of behaviour these people exhibited towards you.
Respect is my definition the right to our own beliefs. I respect someone's right to be a racist but I would never be their friend nor would I condone their conduct or close my eyes to it but I also would not be their enemy because I believe that only serves to perpetuate the cycle. I would challenge their beliefs but in a respectful way.
Thank you for sharing your pain with us, perhaps someone might read what you have written and think twice next time before responding in such an awful way to another human being. Perhaps they will instead hit the delete button and you will know from read/deleted that they are not interested, without the need to be cruel towards you. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:51:52 PM | Im not racist.......I hate everyone equally  | |
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kg124
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:57:59 PM | I want to thank all of you who have taken time out to comment on my thread here. It shows that there are still very civil people in the world. Glad to know I wasnt the only person thinking this form of "communication" was wrong.
I was starting to think that maybe I had to look again at my original profile here and change a few things, but in doing that, it wold be giving into the same ignorance that I talk about. So the profile stays the same...lol | |
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 12 | |
| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:01:49 PM | | OP, I agree with you. It is okay not to be attracted to a certain race, body type, height range, age group etc. But there is no valid reason to make any rude comments. Simply state that we're not a match. End of story. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:35:05 PM | | The best use for truly stupid people is to be amused by them. If they do not amuse you, ignore them. Don't take to heart anything they say or do. Hatred is entirely about the person who hates. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:36:20 PM | | Sorry to hear that you received such comments. Being a chinese person myself, I share your pain. I live in Canada which is a country that preaches muli culturalism, but there are still ppl that are closet racists. You get to see their real personality when they are typing away being a computer screen. The best thing to do is just to move on and not let those ppl affect you as there are also a lot of open minded ppl. It's part of being a minority. Just don't let it get to you. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:02:33 PM |
Msg: 11 -- So the profile stays the same
As it should be. Your profile states who you are and what you want.
Changing this would be deceptive, and from what I have seen, you
apparently are NOT a deceptive person.
Although I don't suffer from racist insults, if you review my profile,
my posts, and the responses from those posts, you may see that our
experiences are much alike.
You receive barbs from hateful folk as do I. Your hate-mail is defined
by who you are, and my hate-mail is the same. My only remedy is to
ignore the chaff and pursue the wheat. My solution is to relegate the
hate to the chaff and continue to pursue the wheat. It is my sincere
hope that BOTH you and I find the objects of our searches. This may
seem hopeless, but then the search for a hopeless dream is already
doomed anyway, eh? My advice; do as I do, MAINTAIN the hope. For me,
THAT is ALL I have to validate my existence. Best of luck to you. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:07:57 PM | | well in my book you have a right to rant as far as i'm concerned. my apologies for those people that ca'nt treat other as human beings withrespect. i hope you do'nt turn away from here. and wish you all the best. sorry again. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:15:15 PM | I never win the race!
Oh wait, wrong kind of racing.
Eh, in my travels, I have come across a wide cross-section of people.
I hate to say it, but some of those comments MAY have been some of the nicest comments that SOME have ever given!
We live in a negative world and all too many people only know how to live negatively!
Look at all of the negativity in people's profiles! The way the describe what they are looking for by describing what they AREN'T looking for!
OP: It sux that it is the way that it is. But welcome to life!
Racism knows no limits in color.
As a white boy that has always lived in/around the hoods and barrios...........I should know! | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:37:47 PM | Racism is everywhere...although it has always boggled me how it is much worse in the States than up here in Canada!!! I have never heard anyone use the N word here or "Go back to Africa".I am deeply sorry to hear about your bad experiences on here.
I do admit I have certain preferences when dating but I would never throw a racist insult to anyone whom I wasn't interested in on here...that's downright nasty.
Anyways online dating is not exactly cream of the crop...you're going to meet lots of losers on here....if someone throws a major insult to you like that....its enough to piss off anyone but I would just ignore and delete the email right away. Best of luck with your search on here. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 5:00:35 PM | | Unfortunately, there's no shortage of ignorance in the world, I'm sorry you got insulting comments, just consider the source. Some people are so low they have to look up to see bottom! | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 5:04:34 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^
She likes to be on top!!!
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:20:35 PM |
I just would think after the American people made such a huge statement in the elections, attitudes would have been a tad bit more receptive.
Yes a black man was voted in as president but that doesn't mean that 100% of the people voted him in-so don't expect racism to improve dramatically overnight. It could also mean that they didn't like the VP running for the Republicans. If one was to take away the minority vote, how many caucasions actually voted for him?
Just out of curiousity, have you always dated white women? Or is it something new you' thought you'd try since Obama was voted in - thinking maybe it might be easier to cross the racial line? You've been on here for almost a year, yet it was only in the last week (as well as being since he was voted in) that you received such hateful replies? Seems kind of strange to me, to say the least.
As far as racism......It exists - though I think much more so down south or any large city where the races are more evenly populated. I also think that age plays a factor. Parents that were racists will raise kids that are racists and some of us are old enough to have had parents that were racists.
I live in a sparsely populated state in the far north. There aren't many people of any color - besides white up here, yet the most racism I encountered was while attending high school in Va. They even had students enlisting members for the KKK and such. It made my stomach turn. Yet that was 30 years ago. I pray that such practices are no longer being done.
With that said, my mother & older brother are racists - enough so that my sons picked up on it. When they come to visit, I have to remind them to keep their negativity to themselves as I don't want my children brought up with their beliefs. Its enough that I was. While I think I've matured and come to my senses, dating men outside of my race is not something I've ever done and I don't see it ever happening, especially with the family dynamics and the lack of men of color here.
However, its wrong to be rude and send off hateful comments, no matter what the reason is. Their ignorance is certainly your blessing-even if it was thinly disguised. I just wish that for everyone's sake, they'd keep the racist remarks to themselves.
Best of luck!
HR  | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:31:10 PM | Respectfully, would the race of the women you're contacting have anything to do with the responses you're getting?
Although no one deserves the responses you got, it seems apparent you are targeting a specific race yourself to date. Perhaps being more "color blind" yourself would improve your chances with the opposite sex. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:31:20 PM | That really sucks that people would say those sort of things! I can't imagine someone saying those kinds of things to me. It would be hard for me not to take it personally.
Sorry you've had to deal with that. | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 7:53:48 PM |
However to get "go back to africa", "find a date at the gorilla cages at the zoo", and "what self respecting woman would date a N@#$#@", are uncalled for.
OP
unfortunetly some women think they're some sort of protected species that should be exempt from being an as.shole. Even though their behavior is nauseating I wouldn't put too much stock in it , psychology classes are hardly needed here, can you say "losers". | |
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| Racism in Dating
Posted: 12/27/2008 8:40:12 PM | | It still astonishes me when I hear things like this. I don't know why. I am smart enough to know that there is a segment of the population out there that chooses to be stupid. I guess I prefer the overt racists to the covert ones though. One of my friends was talking to a lady for several weeks before she let it be known that she would never introduce him to her family or children because she wasn't comfortable bringing them around "black people". Apparently she felt it was just fine to sleep with a black man as long as nobody knew it. | |
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