| | He says this isn't abuse???Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | Well here goes. Just to let you know first though, I left and am no longer there.
He tells me when I can go on the internet that I spend too much time there when i have only just turned on my laptop, but he spends hours and hours chatting to a married woman online. He has her thinking I am this horrible person and she refuses to listen to any side but his.
He tells me to shut up I have nothing important to say, or that he is tired and doesn't want to listen to someone talking (he is deaf in one ear so he uses this as an excuse) then he goes and hangs out with his "just friends" girl upstairs all night.
What made me leave/ well he kicked me out was when he told me i couldn't use the hydro or internet anymore and he came after me while i was sitting on the couch so I put up my feet to prevent him from hitting my belly as I am 5 months pregnant. I ended up knocking over the coffee table to slow him down so he threw me out the door christmas morning into the snow.
He says to his friends I abused him, and that he has every right to treat me like this. All I did was question his activities with other women besides me since we were in a relationship for a long time. This has been going on since about nov 1st as we were just roommates since then, due to him constantly cheating on me before that time. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:42:16 AM | I left and am no longer there.
Good! The best Christmas gift you could give yourself!
I am 5 months pregnant.
Don't go back. You and your future child deserve better. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 11:45:55 AM | | Don't go back because it would only get worse. He sounds like he has yet to grow up. You and your child deserve better. I would just take him to court to pay child support and never have contact with him other then that. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:01:12 PM | When I read this "He tells me to shut up I have nothing important to say, or that he is tired and doesn't want to listen to someone talking " I thought to myself...."did we ever date before? Because that is soooooo me  On the serious side...when it involves kids you have to think of THEM before YOURSELF. If it's NOT working you can't just MAKE it work. Don't recycle exes....unless you can get a great deposit out of them. It's my message for the upcoming year.  | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:05:19 PM | I was surprised to note your age is 36. Wow, OP, happy to hear that you've moved on after being thrown out like garbage in the snow on Christmas morning.
Doesn't matter what he says. This is classic abuse in all it's glorious forms, and if you had stayed it may have escalated to the point of you losing your baby or being hospitalized, or worse.
Stay strong, and all the best for your future.
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:13:44 PM | Of course it's abuse and he's lucky you didn't have him charged. Here in BC, if someone runs at you with angry or threatening gestures, that's "assault". It doesn't surprise me much to hear that such a person has some big time double standards!
I hope that you will not return. It IS abuse and when you're pregnant, it's also shameful on his part.
You have a duty to protect your baby while you're carrying him or her and once he or she is born... Start now to keep this creep as far away as you can. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:18:34 PM | I am sorry you got yourself involved with this person. You seem smart enough to know that it will only get worse. NEVER take him back and NEVER say its for the good of the child. It is NOT GOOD FOR THE CHILD to be around someone who is abusive. The child will think its normal and accepted to be insulted, degraded and assaulted. It is not OKAY under any conditions.
I wish you the best in the New Year. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:20:11 PM | And this is a relationship topic...how?
OP, obviously, if he tried to hit you, it's abusive. Obviously, too, if he's trying to 'control" you and has irrational jealousy, it's controlling. So, what is the discussable topic? | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:34:35 PM | | Go get a restrain order then when the baby is born file for child support. You dont even have to see him the check will arrive on the mail. Asswhole!!!!! | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:36:53 PM | | Ohhh "The Burning Bed".... yepper.... you'll need a baseball bat... and a burning bed... so don't go back ever... it irks me that he has been allowed to get away with such behavior... staying away is your best bet... | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:38:59 PM | Holy Moses! Of course, it is abuse! Physical abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse...It is cruelty! It's assault! To throw you out, 5 months pregnant on Christmas day is inexcusable! It is abuse, pure and simple.
You are smart that you have stayed away ever since. Don't ever, ever go back! You have to shield yourself and your unborn child from this abusive man!
I hope you are somewhere safe. Usually battered women are constantly in danger from the batterer. Ensure that someone is taking care of you, a relative, a social worker or a doctor. A lawyer could arrange that you get child support. If your batterer knows what trouble he is in, he might try to reach you so please get some support around you. You must get a restraining order. Please!
Take care and please don't ever, ever go back to him. Be strong for your baby. | |
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rune3
| | Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 14 | |
| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:42:32 PM | It's abuse. Successful abusers are better with the basic strategy he's attempted to use on you -- isolation and the angle that you're the one who is to blame.
Don't go back to him. No matter what. Do talk to close freinds/family (your mum?) and get their support. Do analyse how he was able to get as far as he did with the bad behaviour and learn enough about yourself by reflecting on these experiences to avoid allowing an abusive relationship to last so long next time.
It could have been a lot worse, if he was a little smarter glad you're safe now. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:48:37 PM | And this is a relationship topic...how?
#9 -why even bother posting if you're always going to be a negative smart*ahrse about topics? Didn't mama ever teach you "if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all"
melo - ha!
Yes, it's a toxic -relationship- (looks to be in the right forum to me!) and emotional abuse is always a precurser to physical and actually far more damaging in the end... in echoes in a person's mind & heart... leaves no visible scar to remind us it has healed.
Best wishes to you and your baby OP.
I hope you have family/friends to help support you in the days to come - do not return to that environment!
And if you needed a virtual hug from some compassionate fishies out here in the pond, so be it!
Edit: best get started on the child support proceedings now while you still know where he is and a restraining order of sorts - if applicable in BC- agree would be in order. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 12:49:10 PM | | i have been in an abusive relationship ..he was a little more discreet about running around..used to accuse me of it..lol..not..anyway,you've done the right thing..don't feel any guilt at all..abusers have a strange way of making you feel like it's all your fault..afterall that's the way they justify their actions within themselves. they don't take responsibility for their actions...it really does escalate as time goes on...i know it's difficult for you right now and you're probably very confused..but you don't deserve it and you will come to that realization and probably will be filled with anger that you allowed such a person to abuse you in this way..try not to be too hard on yourself..it's easy to fall into an abuser's trap as it is usually a gradual development....i wish you and your new child the best and a much happier life. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:02:09 PM | Yes he is abusing you. How could you not think it was abuse?
This is probably going to be harsh but after reading back over your history you need to hear it.
Your picker is broken. I would strongly suggest staying away from men for a year or two and getting into to some good counseling to find out why you keep picking the same dirt bag type over and over.
And for goodness sake please stop getting knocked up by these losers. You are in your 30s and you really should know how to prevent pregnancy. You have to ask yourself why you keep letting yourself get pregnant. Oops once is an accident. Oops more than once which you have done, isn't an accident. Get your tubes tied or something sheesh.
You already have children you left with someone else as you couldn't take care of them and you are bringing another one into this mess.
Please get some counseling. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:03:26 PM | So snow, before you go back to him, because he promises to change and wants to be some sort of father to the child he wanted to kill, get yourself into counseling and get help through an abuse center... Most places have one, and you can find help on the net if you don't know of any close...
You don't have to be a resident to go to most of them, but the most important thing is this... Just because 3 days ago you got thrown out, and it did hurt or kill you or the baby, doesn't mean you won't go back. That is just a fact for many abused women.
If you have to ask if this is abuse, then it says a lot about YOU questioning whether you are really to blame for what he has done.
Next like someone else stated get a restraining order.
You got some really tough times ahead, but you can get through them, you just have to HONESTLY be willing to listen to the abuse counselors, and walk away without looking back.
What a horrible experience for the unborn to be saturated in adrenalin by their mum during pregnancy. If you have fear and the intensity is strong, can you imagine what the unborn feels???? | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:07:11 PM | It's abuse!! No doubt! Although verbal abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self image. Verbal abuse is cruel and scars your soul. One of the most devastating effects of living with a verbal abuser is the change in self-esteem. I speak from experience!!
"Honey, I love you but sometimes you..."
"You know I didn't mean anything I said. I'm the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you; remember."
Sound familiar??? Good thing you left! As someone else said it's the best thing you could have done! You and your child deserve better!! Good luck!! Whatever you do don't fall for the charm and continue to trust your instincts!! | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:08:56 PM | | OP, I agree with the others who posted about getting a restraining order, and getting all your other legal ducks (custody, support etc) in a row with this clown, before the baby comes. Thankfully all this came to a head before your baby was born into that toxic environment. You'll have a whole new set of priorities once the little one arrives, so take this time to get your life in order as best you can, and learn a lesson from this situation, to never settle for someone who treats you so poorly again. Good luck! | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:12:28 PM | Abusers handbook 101 - deflect the fact that you are being abusive onto the victim of your abuse. Accuse them of being abusive towards you.
Yes, he was abusive. No, you don't deserve to be treated this way. Yes, you have a right to express yourself without fear of retribution in non-abusive situations.
You did not have a relationship with him....he tried to control, threaten, intimidate and demean you to others. That is not a relationship, that is abuse.
Learn from the mistake you made by allowing someone else to treat you this way and do not do this to yourself again...EVER! You are worth so much more. | |
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bw1984
| | Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 22 | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:39:54 PM | | Leave and never go back, don't involve him in your or your childs life, and drain as much child support payments as is allowed by law for as long as possible. Thats what I would do if it was me, what he did was just inhuman. | |
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ISSGOD
| | Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:43:59 PM | For each of us there is only one person on Earth we can control. That person is... ( drum roll please)... OURSELVES! (Tah Dah)!
Any woman in a relationship with a controlling man should... kick him in the groin and when he collapses RUN out the door! Problem solved hehe. | |
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| He says this isn't abuse???
Posted: 12/27/2008 1:51:54 PM | Maybe it's just me, but this thread is pointless.
Topic is....."Is a man, who tries to hit a womana pregnant with his child, abusive?"
Yes.....duh!
So, what's to discuss? | |
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