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 LincsYellowBelly
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 1
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Posted a few weeks ago about being on a few dates with an older man(39, never married, no children) who said he didn't know what he wanted but wanted to be friends etc, well as sods law would have it, I've had other interest and have a few things to do over the next fortnight, now he knows about that he's suddenly emailing, texting, calling again asking if I fancy a drink etc....he's just doing this because I now have other interest, isn't he?
 Bluebh1026
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 2
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:29:02 AM
It could be that whole "hard to get" thing that some guys like to chase. Who knows though.
 jomcgr
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 3
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:44:04 AM
Yes. He thinks there's a chance he's going to lose you and so he's reacting to that with urgency that didn't exist in his mind before now.

So this could be the beginning of a long cycle of ambivalence and chaos and heartache. He's not sure, he can't make up his mind, can't act to be next to you in life - until there's an emergency then he professes undying devotion.

I'm not sure you need this kind of anguish and drama, never really sure that you mean anything to him Really.
 Energzied
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 4
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:47:46 AM
Maybe he's realised it's now or never but he's kind of missed his chance hasn't he.

I guess if you think he's really special you would give him another chance, but he had thought you were really special and been ready for a relationship he wouldn't have said what he did. It could be he was just playing it slow and cautious but yeah it sounds pretty dodgy
 shaneyp
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 5
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:02:31 PM
get out,get out now!! i have just gone through this exact thing in the last week,please,just get him out of your life and head,cos it will do your nut in,i should know,good luck hun,shane.
 imacityboy
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 6
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:07:28 PM
Well, chances are, if he didn't know what he wanted then, then he still doesn't. Unless he's had some great epiphany in the past two weeks that's shed some light on his life. It all depends on whether he knows about these guys who are interested in you or not, then I'd say that he's afraid he's going to lose a good thing and he's trying to "lock you into a long-term." That said, that's NOT a good enough reason for you guys to be together, but that's entirely up to you. What's going to happen when he has you, and all those who were interested lose interest? Will he lose interest as well?

Good luck,

Cityboy
 DrHarris ...esq
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 7
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:14:16 PM
Either he's crazy or stupid . neither of which are popular attributes ... leave now dear
 LincsYellowBelly
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 8
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:30:23 PM
Thanks for the replies and opinions guys, much appreciated.
 jdawg4876
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 9
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 1:35:25 PM
yeah he wants what he cant have. I had the same complex when I was five never did get that huffy bicycle.
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 10
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 1:36:57 PM
Why men (and women) are interested when you're interested elsewhere is one of those who knows kind of scenarios. Its what the heck do you do with them if you are interested that worries me. In your case, maybe he's thought about it. Maybe he's decided he's okay with it. Maybe he was putting his house in order (aka dumping/auditioning someone else). Who knows.

I find it never rains, it pours. I've meet anyone unless I'm otherwise occupied. Since being on POF, I've come to only one conclusion: Murphy is alive and well. Nobody seems to like serial daters and everyone kvetches about players (m&f), but if anyone ever figures out just what the heck you're supposed to do with multiple interests, could you let me know? You hate like hell to let someone go if you feel they could be significant to you.... ah, drama. The spice of life.


 1000casts
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 11
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:27:15 PM

said he didn't know what he wanted but wanted to be friends etc...he's just doing this because I now have other interest, isn't he?

Yes. He said he doesn't know what he wants. I'll bet anything this is a lie. He knows what he wants, but he doesn't want the commitment, responsibility, or judgments associated with asking for it.

I do know he doesn't want to "lose" anything. And if you have other interests and things to do, then you can't give him anything.
He wants to make sure he puts in enough social upkeep in order to keep you giving him mental, emotional, or physical validation.
It's not rocket science.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 12
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 3:36:58 PM
Doesn't this drive you crazy when guys behave this way? OMG why does it take something like that to happen in order for them to act???

I think you should just tell him you've starting seeing someone and would like to see where it goes. I did that with a guy who seemed interested one minute, then didn't, then did. I decided he had missed his opportunity with me. Good luck.
 IRC
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 13
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:04:26 PM
He is 39 why is he going after someone who is too young. He is probably after the sex. I am the same age, I will not chase women, call and email them to death. Run while you can unless you want drama.
 silentsteel
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 14
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 4:41:42 PM
Its amazing how many responses are to turn and run. There are times to do so, but if thats your answer to everytime some problem arrises, then it becomes a habit. Asking a bunch of strangers, why your boyfriend acts a certain way, is like asking a blind man how you look.
 Randy3512
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 15
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 5:35:29 PM
By saying that you knew this would happen, do you mean that this was the response that you were trying to induce?... How could you have known?

" Posted a few weeks ago about being on a few dates with an older man(39, never married, no children) who said he didn't know what he wanted but wanted to be friends etc,

"well as sods law would have it, I've had other interest and have a few things to do over the next fortnight, now he knows about that he's suddenly emailing, texting, calling again asking if I fancy a drink etc....he's just doing this because I now have other interest, isn't he?"


Why don't you ask him if he is ready to open up to you and tell you what he wants/what he's looking for? You were only on a few dates, it usually takes longer than that to get a guy to open up. Or, as another poster put it,. I guess you can leave it up to the strangers in these forums.
 ForumStorm08
Joined: 12/10/2008
Msg: 16
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 6:06:15 PM
Stay your current course Lass.
Explore your other "interests" and if you feel like you would like to check back
with him later...by all means do so.

As far as his sudden interest in you again goes...who knows for sure???
 CanadianBeef
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 17
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:32:35 PM
We all want what we cannot have or get, so yea I would say it's good chance he's calling because he knows you are unavailable. No fault of his own, but if he were genuinely interested in you, I imagine he would probably put more effort into seeing you more often.
 chloeinny
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 18
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 7:45:31 PM
Yes he is.

We all want what we cannot have, and he is afraid that this other guy will have you. Let him know straight up what you want, and if he doesn't want the exact same thing--let him go. I cannot stand these kinds of guys!

You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Good Luck!
 I got fooled, yet again
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 19
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 8:34:31 PM
Young schizophrenic mothers have been noted to push their babies away when the baby wanted attention and expressed an interest in hugging and giggling, whereas the mothers pulled the same babies to themselves when the babies got up on all four and started to explore the environs.

Your new boyfriend might be one of these mothers. Or, since his gender makes it hard for him to do that, he may have had one of those mothers. Babies learn most of their basic behaviour and social values from their mothers.
 F00L
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 20
KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:28:54 PM
He's 39. Maybe it took him that long to remember where he left his phone.

 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 21
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KNEW this would happen
Posted: 12/28/2008 11:51:22 PM

he's just doing this because I now have other interest, isn't he?

Sounds like it. But the concern here is his inconsistent behavior.
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