| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/30/2008 9:36:38 AM | | How do you feel when someone uses it to describe someone that they are dating wether it be short or long term and in some cases having sex with that person. Remember the time when you dated and then you went steady. We didn't use words like "friend" or "hanging out". What happened to those days? To me it sounds like a cop-out. To me it sounds like they are saying I would like to have sex with you because it's less stressful than a commitment and cheaper than a Hooker but you are barely halfway good enough to be my partner, I'm saving that for someone else" Does anyone else feel this way or am I really being too traditional and closed minded? And if not what is wrong with society that we have allowed things to get to this point where we traet others or allow ourselves to be treated this way? | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/30/2008 10:40:52 AM | | Well...I think as we move out of our teens and twenties it feels kinda silly to call someone a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". If you are looking for a term that implies an exclusive relationship, that did it back then - I'd laugh myself sick if I were to be asked to "go steady". To me it feels silly - I introduce men I'm dating as "my friend (insert name here)". If anyone asks oh are you dating/a couple? I'll tell them yes...what difference does the terminology make anyway? In the past few years I've had a 49 year old man ask me to be "his girlfriend"...I've had a relationship with a 43 year old man who described it as "rolling with it" - but wanted an exclusive commitment on like day 4...what you call it doesn't matter. What does matter is if you both agree on what you want, and it makes you happy. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/30/2008 11:31:01 AM | I dont know the kind of folks you've been hanging out with(pardon the pun), no one I know calls the person they are dating " friends" or " hanging out" what you are referring to is a friends with benefits scenario.
You know I dont know why in English Canada they call fries " french fries?" | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/30/2008 1:39:16 PM |
To me it sounds like they are saying I would like to have sex with you because it's less stressful than a commitment and cheaper than a Hooker but you are barely halfway good enough to be my partner, I'm saving that for someone else
Of course! If you think you are doing well, that is how it usually is. Men date down for sex, but they don't marry down. Learn to tell the difference between guys that will marry you and guys that only see you as good enough for sex. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/30/2008 5:03:19 PM | I'd give them points for being honest. At least they are not playing you or feigning love to have sex with you. It doesn't automatically mean they see you as one step above a hooker, perhaps they enjoy your company (and sex) on a limited basis but don't have the interest, desire, energy, or whatever reason to make you the #1 or only priority in their life.
If you aren't comfortable with having friends with benefits, then don't sleep with your "friends." You want a more traditional relationship, so insist on it. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/30/2008 11:50:11 PM | | Cop out! .. wanting someone else instead. or just arent interested. It really goes along with the whole friends before lovers theory. In which case makes it all BS ... But yet you see so many people out there .. that want a friend before a lover til you waste your time get stuck with that old time cop out. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/31/2008 12:59:17 AM | I don't know where this expression friends came for people that you had sex with but i learned it about 5 years back. This man that i had dated said that he had lots of friends and i asked him wht are friends????????? he then explained theyare people that you sleep with with no committment. I was just like """ OMG"""you call your casual fuc h partners friends?
HOW NASTY?????? Another one that I had heard...or learned of is almost everybody "rides the fence"........................and I am like what???????????????? you know, I give you credit, you are really straight. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????? ALmost everybody rides the fence, you know, swings different directions.
I said maybe I am from the old school but I don't swing all ways or have "friends".
Strangely enough and sadly enough..............what he has said has turned out to be true and is true. Definately, a weird society that we are in.  | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/31/2008 1:11:27 AM | Xmiss...
I'll have to go with the majority...take sex off the table until you feel like things are going towards a commitment. And realize that if YOU do have sex with a guy who relegates you to the friends with benefits zone, you have 2 choices...stay, or go. Having sex with a guy doesn't mean you're doing anything BUT having sex with him...that's it. Putting more into it if there's not been more spoken about it is pointless. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/31/2008 8:41:38 AM | I'd laugh myself sick if I were to be asked to "go steady". To me it feels silly - I introduce men I'm dating as "my friend (insert name here)". If anyone asks oh are you dating/a couple? I'll tell them yes...what difference does the terminology make anyway? In the past few years I've had a 49 year old man ask me to be "his girlfriend"...I've had a relationship with a 43 year old man who described it as "rolling with it" - but wanted an exclusive commitment on like day 4...what you call it doesn't matter. What does matter is if you both agree on what you want, and it makes you happy.
Haha, Cookie brought back the girl I dated at 17... she pursued me, we went to a couple parties as a "couple", everyone took for granted we were "an item", took her on a couple dinner dates, etc... one day she wanted me to go with her and a couple of friends to the amusement part, one of her friends drove, we had a great day, made out in Tunnel of Love  , etc... we pull up outside of my house and her friends hold the doors on the car. "We won't let you out until you ask her out"... I literally had to formally ask "will you go out with me?" so we could be "officially dating" - mindless this was after about 2 months of us going out a couple times a week together. 
We broke up about 2 weeks later, after the 'expectations' started - now that we were "official" suddenly everything had to "change". 
All it did for me was show me her insecurities.
Now, per the topic, if a woman tells me I'm "just a friend", then any thoughts of dating are out the window. Big difference between that and something like "lets just see where things go", which leaves being a "couple" as an option... | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:56:28 AM |
How do you feel when someone uses it to describe someone that they are dating wether it be short or long term and in some cases having sex with that person.
I remember dating a woman for nearly a year before she would refer to me as anything other than her "friend." It got a lot of amused smiles from people she introduced me to, actually.
I finally just asked her why she did that (more out of curiosity than anything else) and her answer was simple and actually had some logic to it - calling me her boyfriend was a bit too giggly teenager, calling me her lover was a bit pretentious (if accurate), and "the guy I'm taking to bed with me 3 times a week" was a bit crass.
The way I get around it is just to introduce by name with no label attached. Most people I know will be able to fill in the blanks for themselves. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/31/2008 2:12:53 PM | | Huh, at least you get to hear that you are considered a friend, most times I typically got the old stand by line, in an email of course, the ol,"you're a great guy and someone would be happy to have you and it's me not you, but I'm just not ready for anything serious right now" so maybe they were just looking for the free meal then, dunno. I'd be ok with hearing that I at least might have made a new friend. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 12/31/2008 10:49:10 PM | Avoid those men who profess to looks and culture,
who keep their hair carefully in place.
What they tell you they’ve told a thousand girls:
their love wanders and lingers in no one place.
Woman, what can you do with a man more delicate than you,
and one perhaps who has more lovers too?
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:16:01 AM | | I know plenty of older folks who still use the terms “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. I really don’t care if some yahoo deems it too Reggie and Jughead, these monikers say “I’m COMMITTED to someone”---and that is the MAIN message. IMO, if I was in a relationship and my man referred to me as merely a “friend” it sends the message that we’re not committed; we’re just pallies. No thanks. Boyfriend/girlfriend does not literally mean a prepubescent male or female; it means someone who is romantically involved and unavailable. Oh, and people still “go steady”, too. Only nowadays it is known as being “exclusive”. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:23:19 AM | I dont see anything wrong with it myself, it depends on the circumstances.
but for me i see it as 3 stages....the FWB stage could be a lead up to commitment or it could be just FWB....sometimes it takes time to realize you love someone, and sometimes you really like the person, but you dont love them....i dont think its a sign of disrespect.
friends
FWB
going out = commitment
why not have some fun with someone, at least the guy is being honest. Its much better than him saying i love you then he just leaves when something better comes along.
in my situation i am willing to accept a commitment or a FWB or a commitment, but i would prefer an FWB cause i just came out of a massive relationship and could use some time to process everything a bit more. but why should i be denied my needs?...i still need comfort and sex....if the girl needs that two then where is the crime? as long as honesty is in place. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 1/1/2009 10:19:52 AM | I remember dating a woman for nearly a year before she would refer to me as anything other than her "friend." It got a lot of amused smiles from people she introduced me to, actually.
I finally just asked her why she did that (more out of curiosity than anything else) and her answer was simple and actually had some logic to it - calling me her boyfriend was a bit too giggly teenager, calling me her lover was a bit pretentious (if accurate), and "the guy I'm taking to bed with me 3 times a week" was a bit crass.
The way I get around it is just to introduce by name with no label attached. Most people I know will be able to fill in the blanks for themselves.
Haha, well, maybe I should have put some emphasis on what *I* said at the end of my last post...
I could care how a woman refers to me around her friends/family/etc... if I'm her "friend", "boyfriend", or ok "guy I'm taking to bed 3 times a week" (I'll agree a bit crass for mom & dad, but maybe to her best female friend? )...
But if she tells *me* I'm "just a friend", that could be a problem... I guess if I was looking for a "FB" or "FWB" type thing, it wouldn't be - but I think I'd like, between us, to be something more than that. (of course "just friends" from a woman is usually the kiss of death to a relationship - unless its FB or FWB). | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:36:57 PM |
And if not what is wrong with society that we have allowed things to get to this point where we traet others or allow ourselves to be treated this way?
Case and point right there. If you feel that the guy you're dating views you in that manner, end things with him -- don't allow yourself to be treated like that. | |
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 1/7/2009 8:31:40 AM | I am very tired of the whole "you are special" It's not you it's me" I want to be friends",
and this is AFTER you have slept together and have seemed to have a good connection.
and a quite a few "dates". Or they just STOP all communication, very cowardly I think. Well, I have expressed my disappointment and will move on.
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| When you are dating someone but they tell you they see you as just a friend.
Posted: 1/7/2009 11:48:06 AM | | Dating is just that dating or together time. That is all a date has to be, but that is not what lots of women want. Lots want more: dating exclusively, date as a prelude to an engagement or something along those lines. When a guy feels this or even if he does not feel this and wants to be honest in that this is not what he is looking for they will say things like "lets just keep it the way it is" or "lets just be friends". It's not the guy that is wanting more most of the time it is a women pushing for a commitment that they don't want. Lots of us are just happy with dating and don't want it to go beyond that, but will continue dating as long as there is no presser to take it to a different level, that is a real friendship killer. If you like date someone why push for more. | |
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