| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:05:19 AM | Hey all, new to this site, figured I'd give it a try..
Anywho, I am in need of help at the moment, and don't have anyone to talk to, so I figured this website could maybe help.
My girlfriend and I, recently broke up (about 4 months now), after being together for 3 and a half years. I moved in with her about 1 month into our relationship, and have been living together ever since. Since we are broken up, 1 bedroom, 1 bed, I find myself still sleeping in the bed with her, which is kinda awkward for me, as I am a cuddler, and she wants nothing to do with it, if we aren't together.
I have been trying to get back together with her for quite some time now, but to no avail, and I do not think she will ever consider it again.. as she is VERY fascinated with a co-worker and wont even glance at me anymore.
Life for me lately has been very stressful (lost job, no money for Christmas for my family and friends, beginning to become self-diagnosed depressed, and losing my girlfriend of 3.5 years) lately, and I do not know how to go on with everyday life, as I am so used to having someone I could come home to, cuddle, talk to about anything... now I don't.
My question is, what should I do? I am jobless, emotional wreck, and don't know where to start, to pick my life back up again.
Also, should I continue to try to get back together with her, or is it a failed cause?
-Thanks. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:17:37 AM |
I find myself still sleeping in the bed with her,
Come on. Take some responsibilities for your choices. You don't "find" yourself in bed with her - you choose to continue sleeping with her, to be rejected night after night, to pursue someone who doesn't want you.
No wonder you're depressed.
You need to first, find another place to live and get a job. Which one should come first I'm not sure but both are primary.
That is why you're depressed, not working and living with someone who doesn't want you.
Accept that the relationship is over and move on.
It's a New Year, take charge of your life. Good luck! | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:30:16 AM | Move out. Go couch serving if you have to. Get a job as soon as possible. You will not be able to even begin getting over her till you've removed yourself from her physical presence.
Hope it all works out for you. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:43:39 AM | Yeah, I do need to get out, she is driving me insane.
She isn't home yet, it's 4:40AM, and she said she was hanging out with the co-worker friend tonight, wonder what could be happening? heh..
As for sleeping in the same bed, it is just sleeping, the only couch we have is pretty much our cats couch, covered in fur, it wouldn't be too pleasant sneezing all night lol. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:51:18 AM | Is going back to your parents' home a possibility?
Living with a girl you want to be with, who does not want to be with you is kinda like a form of "self-torture" ... especially when sleeping with her.
I may be wrong, but your profile indicates that you are a little too deep into your video games and such? You may need to change your focus to getting out and getting a job and a different place to live... | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:55:43 AM | Moving back home is no a possibility anymore, as my mother recently found a new "boy-toy" and we do not get along at all, it wouldn't work.
As for the video games, yes, I have an obsession with them, but I actually only play video games for about 3 hours a day, the rest of the day I'm on the computer looking for jobs around me, studying Computer Networking, researching about "space", and coming to websites like this. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:23:21 AM | Have you tried vacuuming the couch and airing the cushions, washing the covers?
- would that work?
If you're unemployed, does that mean she's supporting you?
I was going to suggest moving back home but as you've explained, it's not an option
Your dad?
Relatives?
I've run out of ideas
but i hope things work out for you ...
Cheers! | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:27:59 AM | Yeah, she is supporting me at the moment, which I feel terrible about, but she says she still cares for me and that it's no problem to support me for a bit, but I still feel the shame.
My father lives in the United States, and the last I have seen him, was in 1996 
My family is very small, and no relatives other than my mother live close to me. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:40:41 AM | The relationship is over-
But fortunately you don't have time to wallow in depression because you have a lot to focus your energies on-
For instance, you need to find a job, find a new apartment, and start meeting new women
so you can move on with your life-
There is a world of wonderful people, opportunities and possibilities out there-
Go for it! | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:41:26 AM | | Get a job. Women cannot love, respect or desire a man who doesn't have a job or a car. If you get a job, she might come back. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:44:23 AM | To be fair, she broke up with me while I still had my job, we broke up about 4 months ago, and I just lost my job a few weeks ago. As for a car, I never do plan to drive, ever, in my life. :P
But pretty much everyone is saying to move on, which was the obvious answer, I just needed more "force" to move on. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:52:07 AM | You play video games for 3 hours a day? Oh my! And you wonder what she's doing with a co-WORKER... I don't. I'm sorry to be harsh but seriously you're lucky you even have a place to pee.
I started off feeling a little sad for you, but after reading all your comments now I'm just annoyed. Anyone that has the nerve to sit around and play video games three hours a day and then freaking complain for your laundry list a reasons, is pathetic.
Get up, brush yourself off, and get on getting your sh!t together. So tired of how SOME grown "men" behave.
Sorry, just checked you're 20.
Chalk it up to lesson learned...
You never plan to drive, ever??? WTF???
Is everyone like this in Canada? | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:56:08 AM | | I slept on the couch the last year and a half after a failed relationship. Its the most painful failed cause you'll face in a long time. Move on to the couch for good. Let yourself cry if you have to. Thank God that you didnt have anykids with her. It's gonna suck for awhile. It will never stop hurting completly, but you will move on. Pour all your energy into job search, you need something that gets you out of the house and away from her. ANYTHING will do. Let job search be an obsession. You got to get out of there, or it will get worse. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 1:58:35 AM | Trayc91007
3 hours is nothing, before I went to therapy for MMO addiction, I used to play for almost 15 hours a day. MMO addiction is like any other addiction, and it is becoming widely known as of late.
Nerdybeast
Yes, I have cried over her, multiple times. We were planning on kids too, and I am very thankful we never had any, as we both are not "mature" enough for this. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:05:39 AM | Shut up, 15 hours! Wow. Okay, being a recovering addict, I apologize...
And my son wonders why I won't buy him a "game system"
Yeah, clean the couch and get out of her bed asap.
And then get out of her place.
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:12:42 AM | Heres an idea your 20 apply for a job on a cruise ship join the Navy see the world far out man your 20
Get out there and enjoy life i saw half the world b4 i was 20 .
Yes thats right joined the Navy at 16 RAN
heres you sitting on the computer with a mouse in your hand lol
Get excited about living and seeing wonderfull things life has to offer .
Just do it | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 2:57:09 AM | - Inmediately, move to the couch.
- As any regular 8 hrs work spend that time looking for a new job: emploment division of the city, local union, newspaper ads, job's agency...
- Replace the 3 hrs game sesion for more job searching, including part-time jobs, anything.
- Leave the search on pc for the night time.
- If spear time, repeat to your self: is the ex. Whomever she sees, whatever she does, whichever she decides with her life... is none of your bussines.
- Plan to move out before a dateline is being set. It's coming. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:01:01 AM | I really dont think you can beat a cuddle even from a friend
From the info she is not even that...yet likes comfort on solely her terms.
It will never work she will merely drain and garner substance from you on her terms never yours.
So wean yourself away for the emotionless ex. Sorry :(
Tis a hard time of year to do it (incidentally its when i split from the ex 6 years ago)
or was it 7
oo see i forgotten so it kinda works :) | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:42:12 AM | | Why don't you join the military? It would get you out of there and give you a job and future at the same time...... | |
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~Eve~
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Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 21 | |
| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 3:55:31 AM | ~ move to the couch ~ cuddle with the cats
~ act like you are fine ~ happy ~ and OK with sleeping on the couch
~ there is always 2 sides to every story ~ take time to think about how you treated her ~ is there anything that you may have been at fault about
~ if so, did you tell her you were sorry
~ can you change/improve so you don't repeat when you get a new girl
~ instead of playing video games spend time reading about relationships on this site
~ you will learn from people here who have been through same things
~ write a resume ~ ~ google "sample resumes"
~ get a job at a computer store like radio shack selling video games
~ Dress up ~ you are cute ~ go job searching ~ knock on doors with your resume in hand
~ decide on a career choice
~ take an online training class ~ many are free and will look good on your resume
~ during all this ~ show her you are Happy ~ Fake it till you make it
~ be Graceful, not Arrogant or Rude
~ your behavior will show her that you can "Take Her or Leave Her".
~ that sounds cold, but, you have no other choice.
- MEAN TIME ~ Mis JulieMP's (message # 4) wants you to be her long distance boyfriend (she's very cute) ~ read her profile ~ she will make you laugh ~
Warm Wishes and Happy New Year ~  | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:10:54 AM |
I just needed more "force" to move on.
those of us familiar with the subtle skills of self-sabotage recognize the pattern.
well then, try continue doing nothing until even the status quo is no longer available. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:34:02 AM | I'd suggest a temp service if you can't find anything permanent. That way, you'll have some cash flow until you find something that fits you. But without a job, you're going to feel "trapped" there. Work on getting a job first. Just get anything. Get something, to get OUT of there, soon.
The longer you stay jobless, the easier it will be to stay on your self pity pot and try to "hold onto" her.
Get a job, so that you can find a place for yourself. Job first, new place next, then a therapist to get over her.
Good luck. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 4:39:31 AM | | So are you serious? No your young and drama is fun. You choose to stay in the living arrangements , grow up and stop complaining. Unless you lived on another planet prior to this arrangement you might consider moving to the planet you came from. Really time to think of solutions, not roadblocks to your success. | |
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| What should I do..?
Posted: 1/1/2009 5:01:56 AM | Yep, get a job .. sweeping out a store, flipping burgers, anything!
If you think you are feeling 'uncomfortable'... what about her?
She's got a homeless, broke, deadbeat living in her place... playing video games and the "rest of the day" (you said) on the computer.
Eventually she's gonna MAKE you leave.
So get working on it yourself... get prepared.
You're young. Shovel snow, mow lawns, rake leaves, push carts at WalMart, put on a stupid McDonalds hat, do SOMEthing to begin a money flow.
Get out of the chair and do other things too.
Find a sleeping bag and use it instead of her bed, clean the apartment, do the laundry...
in other words, do stuff to make the place nice and your presence less obtrusive... might help delay the day she kicks you out. | |
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