| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:00:05 AM | I was in a relationship for over 4 years, then a couple months with one guy and have been single since March. I have my own car (very small but mine), my own house (also small but mine) and what I think is a great job- I ask my friends not to mention these things when we're out at clubs, parties and bars because when a guy gets talking to me about what I do and the sort of things I like the minute I mention my job or my interests he walks away or appears disinterested. or worse I end up with thr drunken idiots!
I've had a few dates with men and when we go back to my place to watch a movie or cook (yes it really is just that,nothing more lol) they've all commented on how nice my house is, how much did it cost,etc,then I don't hear from them again or I get a text saying I'm lovely but not their type-surely they would've realise this by the 4th or 5th date?! It is also interestign to note that the few dates I've been on with men they all live at home with their parents-I don't think there's anything wrong with that but lots of people seem shocked that I live alone
Just wondered if men actually like independant womeon. dont get me wrong, I love it when a man treats me to dinner or something as I'm certainly not ungrateful, but I don't need a man to survive! | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:19:01 AM | OP, the only kind of guys that would be actually turned off by an independent
woman are control freaks. I can't see how what you've accomplished for yourself
up until this point of time...could be held against you. Keep fishing and Good Luck!!! | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:19:26 AM | Self sufficient and independent are two separate things.
Self Sufficient is when you are able to care for what needs to be done financially, emotionally and literally in your life with little to no assistance from others. PEOPLE in general like this trait because it normally means you are looking for a partner not a crutch.
Independence means solo and solitude. You are happy alone and like to flaunt it that you have achieved and will continue to achieve on your own these items and do not want nor need anyone in your life. And your possessions speak louder then your heart. It is about achieving and not the end result of sharing. Independence as seen here in this section and asked of guys is often when someone wants to say I am all that without you what can you do for me .. again solitude
Self Sufficient is a sign normally of a strong mind who is able to care for themselves without being needy. Independent is a normally egotistical to oneself only and only looking out for the sole interest Being self sufficient allows others to know your OK and not worry, Independence as often described in these forums come across as c0cky and show offy.
What you described is you are self sufficient ... Huge difference then someone that stands on a bar and screams " I am women Hear me roar" while showing how great you have it without them...
this is of course just my opinion it is all in presentation | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:22:45 AM | OP - at 24, you seem to have it all good and in place for you. That's a bonus!
If I were YOU, I would ask myself the following questions in order to track a trend:
1. How did I survive a 4 yr relation? What was good in those 4 yrs for me and her?
2. What ended that 4 yr relationship and who initiated it?
3. Why did I only see a person for a few months recently? What happened there and why did it last only so long?
4. What's pushing men away from me now - my owning a house? a car? holding a good job? etc.
Who knows.....the answers could be hidden in here somewhere! Maybe YOU are the reason men are running away cuz they have nothing to offer to you.
And the truth of the matter for most men and women out there is, learning to handle a controlling, demanding woman/man is good training but it's also a lot of work. Most people don't have time for this. A low-maintenance relationship is always more fun. Your security is perhaps the only reason (that I can think of) that scares men away!
Don't give up.....and good luck! Oh and btw - don't mention size of house and car - EVERYTHING in the UK is "small". | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:23:20 AM | LeoLioness- first off I dig your screen name!
Yup. Some guys are intimidated. Some aren't though. But think for a second why they are intimidated--- One concern for a fella that age may be "Am I equipped to keep up with her?", and another may be "Does this mean I will always be second to her career or ambitions?".. but all that are concerns I doubt guys your age have- they are likely thinking "I am not ready to settle in and be responsible yet".
The flip side of this may make you happy- it's apparent you don't attract the taking kind.. Or they would spot you as a mark and let you support them.. So, YOU may want to look closely at a fellow who doesn't squirm at least a little bit when he discovers your success!
 | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:32:19 AM | Well I left the 4 year relationship-it lasted throughout my time at university and we moved in together and it wasn't what I thought it was- what i wanted at 18 I defently don't want now! the few month relationship was so short because he kept putting me down, he kept telling me I as crap and my house was crap and I shouldn't get an education because I'm crap-so I cut that short as well!
and thanks lostgirl- i think I am self sufficent, but I don't want this putting men off! My mother says I should date professional guys only as she thinks they won't be put off by my achievements but I dont want to pigeon hole as Im not that bothered about a man's career or money or anything,just as long as they are nice and appreciate that I do have goals that I want to achieve in life | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:35:40 AM | | I don't know what kinds of guys you're meeting but they sound like a bunch of ne'er-do-wells. You should stick to guys with similar educational background, similar professional goals, people who are success-oriented like yourself. I grew up in a multi-ethinic environment and the one thing I noticed was that the Black kids did not seem to value education the way Caucasians and Asians did. They would pick on the kids who tried to do well. Instead of supporting each other, they would bring each other down. It sounds like you're meeting those kinds of guys. You need to get away from guys with that mentality. I agree with your mother - try going to places oriented towards professionals or do a better job of filtering out the guys you meet and it will all fall into place. | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:47:05 AM | It sounds like the men are intimidated because you are doing so much better for yourself than they themselves are. They are scared because they have nothing to 'offer' you. Its the same kind of inadequacies they might feel if the woman made lots more money than the guy.
Maybe until you get to know the man well, just tell you rent......But the other posters (and your Mom) was right. You might have more luck when dating people of similar professional backgrounds.
HR  | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:50:32 AM | Personaly, for me, i would prefer an indipendant woman. There are so many women about out there that just think solely about looks and money. I feel that if a woman is indipendant, this isn't what she is after, because she has it, she's looking for a person to love.
Thats my opinion anyways, but i do know so many woman that go for looks n money. My ex was indipendant and i felt that i could trust her more. Only thing is i became too trusting in her an she cheated on me with my housemate. | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 8:57:54 AM | Probably is not you being an independent woman.Probably your dates and those guys youve met werent a good match for you?
It could be at your age brackets and men youve dated(same age brackets like you) wants just some fun--maybe they dont really care what you have achieve right now--probably they just want something that they could chill out with ? Just my opinion. | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:01:21 AM | OP -- there's a difference between owning things, and flaunting them -- I could be wrong here, but it sounds (from what I read) that you're saying things went well on dates until you got them into your environment. Perhaps (just something to consider here) you were trying to impress them with your abilities and independence, or (worse case), you demonstrated an undesireable trait in your domain that you wouldn't demonstrate in public -- for example, in a hotel room, you might not take your shoes off before entering the room (just as you might not avoid that muddy puddle-of-water in a rental car), but were a bit more anal when it came to your own things -- hey, just something to consider (you work hard for your things, right?) HTH
 | |
|
| |
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:40:58 AM | thanks for allt he replies it has made me think a bit- I have to admit that I won't pt up with certain things like someone said about taking shoes off before you come in etc-I saved up for 6 months to get the carpets I wanted! I also have a very big and energetic cat so the house is clean but not immacuatly so as he enjoys climbing curtains and tearing things to shreds!
I dont think I flaunt the things I have because well they arent that interesting-I am only 24! but yes i do have a nice tv and nice carpets and stereo etc because I work very hard and save for a long time to afford these things and I enjoy using these things. And I think that anyone that works hard and saves for the things they want should be able to enjoy them without people asking questions about it | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:43:37 AM | My only question to leolioness1984 is .....
Are you jumping into bed with these men to soon ? My advise is DON't ! I had several dates with someone and told him that it would be a while before any bedroom action and he said he didn't have a problem with that ... Did I hear from him again ? NOT !
If you are going to bed with men to soon, have more respect for yourself. If they are truly interested in YOU, they will wait !
Good luck with your search ! | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:48:57 AM | | actually op.........i find it refreshing and extremely attractive..........just because your independant dosnt mean your bossy or domineering.which is exactly whay i think the guys are afraid of..........the ones that ask you how much stuff costs are more than likely wondering if they can sponge off you....keep up the good work and the good attitude.........consider this.....put in as much effort and time into finding a man like you did with your house or carpets...........hes easily worth that much effort..plus..the reward will be much much more........good luck! | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:50:41 AM |
I noticed was that the Black kids did not seem to value education the way Caucasians and Asians did. They would pick on the kids who tried to do well. Instead of supporting each other, they would bring each other down. It sounds like you're meeting those kinds of guys. You need to get away from guys with that mentality.
HA! So OP should get away from blacks and start dating Caucasians & Asians!?? 
Frankly OP, you say that you don't flaunt your accomplishments, but the 1st line of your profile mentions your new mortgage (homeowner or not, I've never seen something like that in a profile). You say that you ASK your friends not to mention your home & car when you're out. You also talk about your nice TV, nice carpets, nice, stereo, etc., etc. Understand that there's nothing wrong with being successful, but I get the impression that either consciously or subconsciously, you tend to "brag". IDK, I could be wrong, but tone of your posts just makes it sound that way to me. Have you asked any of your close friends if they think that might be the case with you? | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:10:57 PM | BINGO Navigator -- that was my 1st impression -- OP, I hope you don't dismiss Navigator's observation and comments -- you make not even realize that you give off this vibe.
Some People of Color call this being "Upity", whereas the "Jefferson's" called it "Moving On Up -- perhaps you need up UP your selection process, and date guys who are more into Material Possessions. | |
|
| Do men like independant women?
Posted: 1/1/2009 12:11:22 PM | I thought I would respond just because I feel perhaps what I see men doing has not been addressed really. Also I am talking to a woman who is more educated than me and probably makes more money than me so I thought being in a similar situation I can relate. :)
So I am a blue-collar guy. I spent ten years in the Army now I work in construction. I am smart, but I am not uber educated. (I took some online courses.) I make decent money. 50k a year. I served my country, got a little bit of education and now have a career that allows me to do many things that I want to do. From where I'm coming from, that's living the American Dream.
The girl on the other hand can now make as much as a man in theory. Society has engrained this unwritten law that the husband should always make more money than the wife. Yes, we have equality but I have seen few women really practice it. If she is successful and makes 100k a year she wants a man that makes 150k a year. I've heard women say it, they have to be with a man who is taller than them and makes more money than them.
My concern is for her, not me. I am not intimidated by her at all. What I have is a concern about the cultural divide between someone who lives a career oriented profesional life and someone who is a little more carefree to be honest.
I think the real question is can women handle independence?
Could you handle a partnership in which you made more money?
Of course you could, smart women with jobs are supporting deadbeat boyfriends all over the country.
Could you handle the cultural differences? I picture some high-powered attorney pairing up with a blue-collar cowboy type who has a dirty job like working in the oil-field or something.
None of these problems have seemed to slow us down yet. They are concerns though. Eventually she might prefer some type-A personality who makes list of things he's going to do for the day :P | |
|
| |
Home
login 
