| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:13:09 PM | | I have been on this site for over a year now and I've messaged some very nice guys I would definately consider dating. I am very serious about meeting someone from here but I am so scared and I don't know why! I very much want to meet new people from this site but I am so afraid of that first time seeing each other and talking and how to take it from there. I am even more afraid to talk on the phone and this is insane because I am so outgoing off of the computer but thinking about meeting someone off here makes me so nervous about myself, I start getting short of breath and feel like I am going to faint. Does anyone have any pointers on how they got over this! I really like a guy on here now and feel like I am going to lose a good thing if I don't get over this hangup! Don't delete I really need your experiences and or some advice. Thanks a lot! | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:20:24 PM | I don't understand, if you're outgoing IRL just go and be yourself. Don't try and impress him because you wont be being yourself. Remember he is human just like you. I think what you're dealing with now is that you've put him on a pedistal. Take him down and get to know the real him.
Good Luck | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:44:45 PM | You aren't alone!
I'm horrible at phone talk.
Awkward silences make me sick.
If anything, put on a fake sense of confidence and just do it, haha, that's all I can do. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:47:24 PM | | Starbucks.... arrive early.... at least 15 minutes.... buy your own coffee/tea.... bring a book or a magazine..... people watch... look at the book or magazine..... when "date" comes.... wait for him to approach... say Hi... simple.... said date should sit for a minute and say basic Hi's... then go get his own coffee/tea.... return.... more convo..... if it is good.... make real date...... | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 9:55:52 PM | Darlin your 25 years old and cant talk to a boy on the phone? This isnt about this site. There is no difference in talking to a guy on here the first time then a guy that asked for your number in a club or bar?
Sweetie take a deep breath and ask him to call ya right now. This is not hard.
Best of luck
Cowboy | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:27:53 PM | | I have met several woman on-line that felt the same as you. Most of them find that chatting using IM messenger such as Yahoo or MSN helps to get a better feel of the person before calling. Later if you feel confertable to call him then do it and go from there. If you are that shy about it then you are probably wasting your time meeting guys On-line. Trust your instincts and you will be fine it happens all the time. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:29:21 PM | | Fun_Jess .... I am a shy kinda person myself until I get to know someone. And I have actually met and dated a very nice women from this site and we are still good friends even to this day. I have not really been one to talk on the phone for long periods of time and was kinda nervous before the first time that I talked to her .... we had gotten to know each other pretty good by exchanging Emails and IMing ... and when we talked the first time we talked for hours and even now when we talk we can spend the entire night talking and still have plenty left to talk about. Honestly, look at it like this, the person on the other end may be just as nervous as you ... and something else that might help .... think of questions to ask the person and write them down before you have a conversation ... and better yet ask questions about whatever the subject is that you are talking about ... it will definitely seem that you are truly interested in that person. As far as meeting in person, I hope that you would spend enough time getting to know the person before ever meeting them ... and do not give house addresses and if possible use a cell phone to talk to them so they can't track your home phone number to your address .... definitely be concerned about your safety. As for meeting, definitely a public place, in separate vehicles. Hope this helps you ... feel free to Email me if I can be of help to you. I will gladly share more of my experience and offer any pointers or suggestions that I can. Hope that things work out well for you. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 10:41:34 PM | Go with some friends. Meet in a public place. Have your friends sit in another part of that place, within sight. If you feel like you're losing it, go to your friends.
I used to be shy too, but life is too short. Relax. Gain something from each meeting experience. Good luck. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/2/2009 11:04:55 PM | I'm wondering if you have any sort of issues with going for a drink with a man you find attractive who just walks up to you out in some public place and starts talking to you. If you have done that sort of thing before then you should view this as the same sort of thing; going out with a complete stranger should be exciting and interesting, if it is making you nervous then that is not someone you should be going out with IMO.
If you can not even go meet a man from here that you claim you are interested in then it is rather simple; if you can not even bring yourself to talk to them in person then you are not all THAT interested. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/3/2009 1:10:30 AM | 9 time out of 10 when u meet 'mr fantastic' in person, u r not even attracted to him.
take this from me, ive been doing online dating for almost ten years
so just think he could be one of those guys u would not kiss if your life depended on it, because chances are, that's how it's gonna be.
it will help. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/3/2009 2:06:59 AM | What you are experiencing is common and it has a name. It's called social anxiety.
You deal with it by exposing yourself to social situations until you feel graceful and calm in many different social settings.
It's not much different from stage fright, and the only cure for stage fright is to get out on that stage. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/3/2009 3:30:56 AM | I personally feel like I have nothing to offer anyone and that's what hold me back.
That doesn't sound like your issue.... I'm not sure how a person can be outgoing in person, but not over the internets or phone.
I've personally always been an anti-messenger and anti-phone kind of guy. Phone conversations to me, are like painful dry dumps that cause rectal tearing and lots of soft whimpers.
I just power through it (all -2 times).
Who am I kidding, I never contact anyone and when contacted usually blow it.
PS - I check out your profile, you seem to be just fine and not only that but you put 'a few extra pounds'... listen... I'm no expert, but I don't know where those extra pounds are. I guess if you consider that a few extra pounds, I should change my profile to 'big fat guy with fat parts'... actually, I wish they had that category in the drop down menu... I would totally use it. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/3/2009 9:11:16 AM | First thing you should think about going to is the POF parties. They are easy and social.
Also a lot less pressure since there are many other single people there. You can wander if you want to check out others. If you have been chatting to someone particular you could inform him that you are going and it would be nice if he showed up. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/3/2009 1:58:50 PM | thank you guys, I think that the one woman is right about the social anxiety thing. And its true I havn't really been on a lot of dates and stuff so maybe thats why.
In all honestly I'm nervous because all these people put me on their fav list tell me how pretty I am but no one ever says anything like that in real life....so I don't want them to be dissapointed with me lol. I think thats a big part of it that is why I put I'm a few extra pounds because I am no model body. Ok guys I'm gonna just try it, I hope. Thanks. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/3/2009 1:59:51 PM | | by the way, thanks for all the pointers and help it really helped me realize were all in the same boat! xoxo | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/5/2009 1:37:33 PM | | I have met a couple of women ( from another site) & what I like to do is chat online for awhile at first get to know them as much as possible , when & if you do go out there is plenty to talk about. Works for me anyway. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/5/2009 1:59:29 PM | I've often run across people who message "too much"... or talk "too much" before meeting... When it comes right down to it, if you're on a "dating site" you're on that dating site NOT to chat or send instant messages... NOT to make "phone buddies" but to ACTUALLY MEET someone who you have an opportunity to have a REAL CONNETION WITH... Too much messaging and/or too many phone conversations before actually meeting someone is NOT GOOD as it allows you to form expectations which the person, face to face, is likely not to be like or live up to.
The Basics:...
Don't message too much... Don't talk too much on the phone prior to meeting face to face... Message/email enough to establish that there's an interest/some commonalities... Talk once, maybe twice BRIEFLY to establish that there's at least a little chemistry and that the other person is capable of having a conversation which interests you... THEN SET A TIME AND PLACE... AND MEET. If it works...If there's chemistry, GREAT!... If not, move on...
Often... too much "messaging"... too many phone conversations... are some people's way of hiding from the possibility of rejection... The internet is great screening mechanism... Screen out those who will definitely or likely "not work" for you, then go out and meet the others... Worst case, you meet someone new, have some interesting conversation, and then move on....
Hope that helps... | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/5/2009 2:57:57 PM | | just a suggestion I know some will read this and get mad.. meet a few you are not very interested in first that way you dont have high expectations.. I dont mean creapy guys but ones who seem nice but not OMG he might be the one. half the time I dont talk on the phone first anyway.. but thats just me. I just hang out in forums now so dont have to worry bout backlash :-) | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/5/2009 3:47:54 PM | Hey Cowboy,
Lone hart seems to think you are using some kind of dating Kryptonite. Where are you getting that. Please share your source. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/5/2009 6:02:35 PM | hey OP,
just treat it pretty much like you would if you met someone the traditional way. I used to have the same fears you did. But think about it tho, you have it easy here; you have an incredibly easy icebreaker (free messages on POF) and you know they are single so that whole potentially embarassing issue is taken care of right off the bat.
my advice is message thru the site a bit then progress to IM. People will be more themselves and alot less nervous/shy on IM then they would on a sudden phone call. If you still have stuff in common and there's mutual interest just meet them after a few days. Just a small little meet for a drink, nothing big.
Basically by doing this quick you'll make the whole meeting seem more spontaneous, almost as if it had happened in a traditional way. You only knowe a bit about them, and get to discover the rest in person, how it should be.
gluck. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/5/2009 6:55:47 PM | Just make a policy for yourself. For me, it is meet for a drink or coffee ONLY on a first meeting. This is because there have been a few people I met on here that were total liars. Old photos or whatever, it is hard to trust someone on a first meeting, so I approach it with skepticism. It is safer that way. It is also safer to ONLY meet in a public place the first time (like a restaurant/bar.) That way YOU have the choice of stay or go. If he tries to steer away from meeting in public, then you should be suspect. He should gladly meet you in public if he respects you and your concerns. Anything less is not acceptable for a nice lady like you. | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/7/2009 8:09:25 AM | From a guys point of view, let me tell you. Never trust a guy that tells you that you are 'pretty', specially in the first line. Guys who are truely interested in you should have more to say then that. Guys who in the first message ask you "What's the biggest fish you caught?" or "You into boxing to watch or participate?", those might be keepers. It shows that they have read what you've said and are geniunely curious.
In the end, just remember the website... PLENTY OF FISH! Make a date with one, meet in a public place for dinner, offer to go dutch but accept if he offers to buy (if he says "you cover the next dinner", he is a keeper, heh). If it's going bad, txt a friend to call you so you can get out of there! Have fun! | |
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| First meeting someone from Online
Posted: 1/7/2009 8:24:29 AM | Maybe on line dating isn't for you. Perhaps you need to meet people through some other approach.
As for the guy. Have a girlfriend meet him and then introduce you to him. | |
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