| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:35:35 PM | I've been chatting with a guy now for 2 months. We have a great time, both of us. Just before Christmas he stops cold. Deletes and does not read my messages. OK, I stop sending messages. Then 10 days later I just sent a message with the title "HI". Next thing you know it's "I've missed you", etc. He told me his sister had died and he was distraught about it. So, 3 days ago it starts all over again. I've read and re-read the messages to make sure I didn't offend him, but I can't see where I might have.
What can I do? Do I just leave him alone and not bother? We've actually set up a date to see each other and now I don't know what to do.
Any help would be appreciated. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:45:37 PM |
What can I do? Do I just leave him alone and not bother? We've actually set up a date to see each other and now I don't know what to do.
This is confusing to me OP, first you say "do I leave him alone and not bother"? Then you say you have a date. Huh?
Can you still edit your post? It should give you about 15 minutes to doso.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:48:58 PM | Sorry, it won't let me edit.
What I'm saying is we HAD set up a date, but that has gone by. Then he started the messages again. It's so confusing. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:54:57 PM | Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, okay, well, from past experience this is not at all uncommon for whatever reason.
It could be any number of things.
Some possibly are satisfied to just spend their time on the computer rather than in person.
Others may not have been "truthful" with their pictures and "chicken out" when the time comes because they will be discovered.
I always recommend meeting in person as soon as you feel ready for just this reason.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 1:27:39 AM | Well, when you have that date, then lay it right on the line, ask why the silent treatment and explain that's unacceptable to you.
That's a good start. The guy deserves the benefit of the doubt -- once. Make sure that's clear to him. Establish some ground rules here & now. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 3:18:09 AM | Well, all these excuses for him seem well and good, but here's the thing...
Is it possible his sister may have actually died? I know we men lie, but rarely about things so heartless (or maybe this is wishful thinking on my part).
So it could be his sister really DID die, and he was in mourning because they were really close.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. It may end up badly, but you don't want to ruin what may go well because of that little doubt. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 4:30:45 AM | Oh, I believe that his sister died. But what can be the excuse for this recent series of deletions and unread messages. He was the one to ask that I message him several times a day so he would have something to read in the evenings. That he missed me.
He is a kind-hearted man and very affectionate on-line. I just don't understand why he does not read the messages and deletes them. No contact now for 4 days. It just doesn't seem like him.
I also know that he is an ex-marine. Don't know where he was stationed, but it could also be a reason why he has contacted me. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 5:58:56 AM | TWO MONTHS of online communication?? You think you know sooo much about him, but the reality is that he's essentially, a stranger on the internet. People can say or portray themselves to be anything they want online so, IMO it's best to exchange e few emails & then meet, face to face.
Who knows what the guy's story is? Maybe he's married or has a GF? Maybe he's one of the many people who say they want to meet, but have NO intentions of ever meeting and would rather carry on with endless emails? Maybe his profile pictures are 20 years old and he's afraid to meet you in person? Who knows!? These are all reasons why I feel that it's best to do a meet & greet, soon after establishing communication & common interests.
IMO, if you're really looking for someone to meet & be in a relationship with, DON'T spend too much time forming feelings & attractions to someone's written words - it's just too easy to be deceitful and to tell you whatever they think you want to hear.
That's MY take on it. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 6:26:37 AM | Maybe his sister died, maybe she didn't...
My experience is that men that play these kinds of games have someone that they like more, and that they were on the outs, so he went to choice #2 for entertainment, then choice one came back. So now you are out in no where's land.
After having this done twice, I am wondering do you want to go for more of this, or perhaps just move on to someone who won't do this...
To often we give chance after chance to someone that likes having someone waiting in the wings, just in case. I personally walk away definitely after the 2nd time around, because it isn't worth having someone treat you that way, certainly you deserve better than that. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 7:07:09 AM | OP -
Ask him straght up what the deal is with the lack of response. If he does not answer, or fails to answer to your satisfaction, move on. Good luck. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 7:10:15 AM | [QUOTE]What can I do? Do I just leave him alone and not bother?[/QUOTE]
Better question, what do you WANT to do? Or do you want people here to tell you that? Do you want to deal with his actions continuing? Do you want to give him a chance?
After all, it's not like anyone here can tell what goes on in his head.... no matter how clear thier crystal ball is. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 8:35:39 AM | | people flip flop on here all the time.sounds like hes in between right now. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 8:50:33 AM | I don't recall issues about geographical distance... so I'm on to the emotional distance issues.
Get off the computer with this guy. Insist (well, do it nicely) on a face to face meet. Before the weekend.
If this is met with anything short of an enthusiastic yes or he no-shows... say goodbye. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 10:45:10 AM |
Deletes and does not read my messages. OK, I stop sending messages. Then 10 days later I just sent a message with the title "HI".
So when I guy ignores you, you continue to send him messages and then wonder if you are doing right thing? | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 1:59:03 PM | OP, I can perhaps understand the initial behavior after his sister died but
for it to happen (unexplained) again recently is a pattern that you don't
really want to get involved in.
Wish him luck and re-cast your line. Happy Fishing! | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 2:55:02 PM | I think youre a bit naive OP, and you seem to have a good heart
without knowing all the details and reading what you've posted, there isnt much to say
except you cant really know all about a person when communicating online
Smart women (and men) are responsible for using discernment, but if the guy is pulling a Houdini and the excuses are starting to fly, you might want to step back and consider not investing more time with this guy.
Two months isnt long enough to know someone, most folks sounds so wonderful behind a computer screen until you meet them in person. | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 3:14:51 PM | I don't understand why he would delete the emails, unless they just sat there too long and POf deleted them. If it was him though, then that doesn't speak well for his interest in you.  | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 3:56:16 PM | In my opinion, the unread/deleted emails say it all..
He's just not that into you....
I don't say this to be mean..we've all been there.....move on and find someone who doesn't perceive you as an "option" | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 3:59:53 PM | Unread/Deleted is one of the most rude and impolite things a person can do, and it speaks volumes about the one that did it........
Take the hint and move on, and let him wonder about you, which I doubt he will do, but at least you are not catering to his ego anymore......
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 5:47:24 PM | more than likely there is someone else in the picture. he is dividing his time between the two of you. Have confidence in your self and don't worry if you offend him. As long as you are yourself you should not worry about it cause the goal is to find someone compatible with you. not find someone that you can change for.
good luck | |
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| Help Me Read This Guy
Posted: 1/6/2009 10:42:05 PM | | Ok. After chatting for awhile lets either get some SKYPE video conversations or at least some phone calls. All chatting is a bunch of BS. Unless that is all you are looking for. If I could not move past IM within the first week I think I would call it a day. | |
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