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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:30:08 AM | I am really at a loss here... after so many years of being on this site, dating so much in my life, I thought I found her.
On Feb. 3rd, I leave here, Kansas City, to Army training for at least 8 months. That's over 3 weeks away. I'm still single, and honestly, was just looking for friends in my area, maybe a date or two to just enjoy some good company with, maybe selflessly spoil a bit cause that's the kinda guy I am.
Just a few days ago, I meet someone who seems oh so perfect to me. She's unbelievable. She has been single for a very long time I guess, and is looking for the real deal, something serious. She's close to her family, educated, very attractive, sweet, even a little tom-boyish cause she likes outdoors and has interest in motorcycles.
I chat with her saying I'd just like to meet someone to have a good time (yes, the innocent kind!), just so I can leave here with a smile on my face of good memories with hopefully a great person. Well in talking to her, she totally changed that. She is an AWESOME someone. We had a wonderful conversation that went into the night, and even made plans to meet up sometime shortly. I told her I was leaving soon, but it didn't seem to mind her cause the right person is worth waiting for right?
Well to try and make this shorter, she told me last night that she didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet, cause she thought she could really fall for me, and she doesn't think she'd want to get into something like that with someone who will be leaving for 8 months.
And y'know, any other person I'd probably understand, but with her... I dunno, there was just so much chemistry that was alive, enough in common to talk about for hours, never a dull moment! It has changed my feelings on getting involved with someone before I leave, but I had already told her, I won't ask anyone to wait for me. I just don't think that's fair cause it sounds selfish on my part.
Normally, I'd be afraid of just getting hurt in the end, and just let it go... but she really does seem worth fighting for, I just didn't know it'd be her I'd be "fighting". Should I just let this go and see where the dust settles? Or should I keep my persistance and fight for what I think and want what could be a wonderful lasting relationship, and who knows, maybe more than that! Both of us want the end result in a relationship/marriage... and I'm not even saying that'd happen! But when things click so well? Is it dumb of me to let it go?
I'm at a loss, and I don't want to be pushy about it, or annoying. Right now, the reality is, I am just another guy to her, and she is just another girl... but I don't want it to end like that. If all else fails, I told her when I am finished in 8 months, I'll definitely be looking her up. But she's not even sure if we should talk again. Help???? | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:39:21 AM | | Wow!!! Tough call. I would say give her the benefit of the doubt and tell her that she is wise, that she knows her own heart and that you will respect that. Take a breath, then tell her that you feel chemistry with her and that you will bring memories of a wonderful chat and a connection with you when you are gone. Don't mention anything about the future. Keep it in the air because you know, we only ever have the present moment anyways. If you show her respect now, you will be showing her how wise you are and I know that for me, there is nothing sexier than a wise man. Good luck and happy memories. Peace brother. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:40:48 AM | | All you can do is call her, text her, e-mail her, send her flowers, remember holidays and birthdays. Time will tell. You also may meet the "tomboy" of your dreams in the Army, and decide to make it a career. Go to meetup dot com, when you get your assignment... put in interests and find local groups to hang with, when you get settled. I spent 22 years in the Army, my son fought in Afghanistan and Iraq, and my daughter is marrying a Marine.... good grief! | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 6:48:29 AM | People don't always scratch where they itch.
I would be inclined to think that if the chemistry was that real, you are still more than just another man to her, rather she may only be trying to protect herself from the hurt. After all, a few weeks is hardly enough to lay the foundation for a real love relationship.
I would suggest that you continue to show your interests, but don't push. Give her the space she needs to work it out and best of wishes. sd | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:00:53 AM | Well now ....... the good part is .......
Kansas City is a good place to leave right now ..... burr.
Way back when ... I left Kansas City in December for the Air Force (on my dang birthday of all days) and went to basic - the weather was even worse in Texas ..... ekk. But .... sure was fun marching around with snow up to your knees and ........ getting yelled at all day.
OP ..... just let her be.
Maybe get those letters from someone else. Both of my two prev girlfriends wrote to me. They also BOTH came and got me the night I got back home - months later ........... | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:15:44 AM | Thanks all.
Yer right actualizing, I should just have faith and let whatever will happen, happen. But I do know that sometimes you have to fight for many of the good things in life, and if it was that easy, everyone would do it. She did say she was flattered, but I'm not even there, if I see something good, why shouldn't I fight for it? Thanks for the realization though that I should give her more benefit of the doubt of her knowing her right... yer right!
It's a double edged sword to me. One side, you know you have to fight for what's right. On the other side, some things are inevitable, and they're gonna take it's course in life. The trick is, knowing what situations in life are which.
We didn't even get to the point of exchanging numbers, let alone anything else. And really, I totally respect her decision, I told her to forgive me of my persistance, lol... but can anyone blame me for presenting an argument to her?
I am living in the moment, I have to, and I wanted to live in it with her at least just once. Just to see what would happen. Just sucks is all. A lot. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:16:48 AM | | I feel really bad for your situation. Thought I had really met the one who could really be "the one" too because of all the chemistry and mutual wants and goals, a committed relationship, marriage and kids. Unfortunately, she probably felt that same chemistry you felt and is afraid to meet because you are leaving. Maybe you could run this idea past her: meet, see if you both feel that chemistry and if you do don't make a commitment with her, but suggest that you communicate while you are gone through email and phone calls. That way you'll both know if anything is really there between you and neither will have to wonder, but it will also put her mind at ease. Hope this helps! | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:24:35 AM | There is the possibility that she simply doesn't feel as strongly as your feel--despite what she says.
If she does, consider what you are "asking" of her: you are going to leave for eight months, and when you are finished, you will be an Army person--who knows where you will go? If she has a job, family, and is well established, what would she have to leave in order to follow you around the world? Or conversely, sit at home while you are elsewhere.
Look her up in eight months and if it is still there, then see how "it" goes. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:49:00 AM |
... she told me last night that she didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet, cause she thought she could really fall for me, and she doesn't think she'd want to get into something like that with someone who will be leaving for 8 months.
Am I reading this right? You two haven't even MET in person yet? OP, sometimes timing is such that things just don't work out. It seems this is one of those times. IF you want to look her up in 8 months (if you are coming back to KC and not being shipped overseas), then by all means, do so. But to try to make a relationship with someone you haven't even met yet, when you will be leaving in 3 weeks, is just foolish, in my opinion. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 7:50:31 AM | sometimes too much information and too much said before actually meeting can make the decisions very logical and mechanical.
I say guys give a little info and let us lay our eyes on you and get that chemistry going and then get into the details a little later | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:17:54 AM |
She has been single for a very long time I guess, and is looking for the real deal, something serious.
If she is really like this then just keep in touch and something great could happen... | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:33:03 AM | Kudos to her for knowing herself well enough to make this decision and not jump into a situation that could leave her longing and lonely while you're away. Sounds like she truly is looking for the real deal.
OP; If it is meant to be .. then.. She'll still be enthusiastic to persue things with you further ~ when you're actually available for you both to do so.
I am living in the moment, I have to, and I wanted to live in it with her at least just once. Just to see what would happen. Just sucks is all. A lot. "You can't always get what you want, But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need." You tried, Op. :0)
Good luck and be safe.
~ Wishes ~ | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:52:28 AM | " If all else fails, I told her when I am finished in 8 months, I'll definitely be looking her up. But she's not even sure if we should talk again. Help????
I wonder about this sentence? Is it because she doesn't want to be with someone in the Military? Or what? It may be that she isn't really as interested in having a relationship as she originally thought...only she knows.
You haven't even met, so try to cool your jets. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 8:55:51 AM | You really have a 'no call' here
'Well to try and make this shorter, she told me last night that she didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet, cause she thought she could really fall for me, and she doesn't think she'd want to get into something like that with someone who will be leaving for 8 months.'
She has politely told you, trying to spare your feelings, that since you are leaving she needs to keep looking. Your best bet is to keep her as a pen pal. (former military here) mail call is much better with mail! But to trying to materialize a relationship out of letters would be near impossible. Just try to keep in touch with her til your back and then if your both available so be it. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 9:00:04 AM | Would the two of you be able to communicate by any means while you are gone for the eight months?
I can understand her reasoning and reluctance, I think I would feel the same if I was part of a situation like that.
I would say, if she wants anything to do with you, she would agree to keep in touch, as you would also, while you are gone -- if at all possible, and see where that goes when you come back.
You could try and influence/encourage/persuade her to meet you before that time, but I don't think you would be able to change her mind. She's scared for the right reasons.
Best of luck with whatever it is you do. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 9:12:50 AM | You're going away for 8 months for training, I assume that means training in the US not over in Iraq, or I could be wrong, and maybe she thinks the same thing?
You're giving up a lot to serve your country I admire that, but I think by getting involved with this woman at this stage of the game leads to you possibly not focusing while you're away training, and Im thinking she sounds a bit afraid to get attached to you and after you finish training and they send you over to Iraq or Afghanistan and she fears the worse.
I say why dont you talk to her a few more times find out what her concerns are, and if its just her being afraid for the worse re assure her, what do you have to lose, to me if you stop the contact with her, you will always wonder " what if ?" It will drive you friggen bananas | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 9:23:32 AM | | It's a pretty tough situation. You are going away for a long time. You could try to eliminate any pressures of a relationship by being "friends" and staying in touch thru letters, email, texts, etc. This may all be fate. If you are meant to be with her, you will somehow end up with her. If not, you will find yourself someone else who is wonderful. But good luck on your 8-months. Do whatever you have to do there physically, mentally, spiritually to focus on what ya gotta do. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 9:49:12 AM | Well to try and make this shorter, she told me last night that she didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet, cause she thought she could really fall for me, and she doesn't think she'd want to get into something like that with someone who will be leaving for 8 months.
but can anyone blame me for presenting an argument to her?
1st off, you've NEVER MET. You're in love with someone who is essentially a stranger on the internet. VERY often people seem to hit it off when emailing or talking on the phone, but when they actually meet, the "chemistry" quickly fades.
2nd, she told you that she didn't want to meet you and why. It sounds to me like she has some very valid points. So, why would you ignore her request & the reasons for it, and try to present your argument to her?? Seems a little selfish to me.
IMO, you should respect her request/decision and not try to force yourself on her. I just don't think that you can meet someone, know them for a few weeks, and then expect them to hang around in limbo while you're gone for 8 months. LDR's are hard enough in established relationships, let alone a brand new one. Come on Dude, be realistic here. If she's still around when you finish your training, then great, but don't try to push her into a realtionship. Wanting to be with you has to be of her own free will and right now, she doesn't want that. I'd try to stay FRIENDS with her and see what happens in 8 months.
That's MY take on it. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 10:10:58 AM | [don't try to push her into a realtionship]
Navigator, give the guy a break! All he said he wanted to do was meet her before he left. He is NOT asking her to wait for him and even stated that. Most likely he wants to find out what he really feels. If they have a way to communicate while he is away, there is nothing wrong with them being friends. If things are meant to be, they will happen when he's finished.
By the way, Boss, thank you for what you are doing for our country! | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 11:01:55 AM | If she says no- then it is no.
If it was meant to be- she will be there when the eight months is over.
Some women can't deal with the military life style- please remember that to avoid further heart brake. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 11:11:24 AM | Navigator, give the guy a break! All he said he wanted to do was meet her before he left. He is NOT asking her to wait for him and even stated that. Most likely he wants to find out what he really feels. If they have a way to communicate while he is away, there is nothing wrong with them being friends. If things are meant to be, they will happen when he's finished.
One of the last things I suggested was for him to be FRIENDS with her & see what happens in 8 months. BTW OP's words where actually, AT LEAST 8 months.
That being said, if you read his OP, it's obvious that he thinks this girl is everything he wants.
To quote:
"Just a few days ago, I meet someone who seems oh so perfect to me. She's unbelievable."
"she really does seem worth fighting for"
"Or should I keep my persistance and fight for what I think and want what could be a wonderful lasting relationship, and who knows, maybe more than that!"
These are not the words of a man who wants to just meet a girl once before leaving. These are the words of a man on a mission. A mission with someone he hasn't even met yet and who told him that she didn't want to meet. Yes, he does say that essentially he's dealing with it, but the overall tone of his post doesn't really lend itself to that theory. His present state of mind may very well have something to do with his impending departure and the anxiousness surrounding it - who knows? The fact is that he seems to be placing a lot of hope on someone, based on such a short amount interaction and despite her negative outlook on their future.
So, once again, I suggest that he keep things in perspective & her as a friend, and see what happens when he finishes his training. BTW, unless it's the reserves, aren't you normally assigned to base somewhere after Army Training? | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 11:21:05 AM | | OP, you havent even met her and you will not even be in a position to really get to know her in the next 8 months. I think she is the only one of you that is really thinking this through and is seeing this for what it is. A superficial "connection" and she isnt willing to bet the farm that it is going to work out. OR, she isnt as keen on you as you are on her, so for her the odds that this is the real deal are low. Accept what she has requested and move on. I cant even imagine why you would entertain the idea of this type of "relationship", you know nothing about her, you are most likely going to be posted after training to who knows where, so why you would want to invest any time into this confuses me. | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 11:42:53 AM | Navigator, I am on a mission, you're right. But if it's with her or not, I don't know, cause yer all right, I have not met her yet! I won't ask ANYone to be commited to me for 8 months unless they were married to me, especially if I just met them. She knows this. If she were to wait, that would be her decision, and I want want someone inteligent enough to make that decision.
What I'm talking about here is her fear of having to face that dilema after meeting me. I just want to meet, and hang out. At least once before I go. Sure, it sounds selfish, but if she is looking for the same things in life, how is that just thinking about me?
My hope is just for a mutual meet. NOT for her to stay commited to me, NOT to begin a relationship before I go. Originally, those were her arguements of "why not?"
After AIT, I have 6 choices of state side, and 6 choices of over sea's (including Hawaii and Alaska) that I can be based at. They said in the Army, you usually get one of those choices. She does say she likes to travel, so why not travel to see me? lol | |
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| Calling in help! What do I do!?
Posted: 1/8/2009 12:03:45 PM | ^^ Now you're starting to sound obsessed. If she was as enthusiastic about meeting you, as you appear to be about it.. should would agree to "hang-out at least once" .. uhm .. before you go.
As soon as you hit training camp she won't be such a focus for you. Particularly when you meet all the "GIJanes." :0) | |
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