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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.      Home login  
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 whatisit84
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 1
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What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.Page 1 of 1    
Let's say that you were deeply involved with someone with plans to be married. Things occur in the relationship in which both parties have equal amount of blame. Things get crazy and you both decide that you need a break to do some soul searching so that you both know that you're making the right decision. In that time your significant other realizes that not only do they want to be with you, but that they dont even want to talk anymore because it would be too difficult. But they say they arent sure that if it's something that will be permanent, maybe a few years down the road they can talk to you again. Then a year and a half passes and they get in touch with you saying that they miss you and they want to try to start something again by taking it slow and re-establishing the friendship. All the sudden after all this time that you have forgotten them all of these old feelings come back up and you realize that you still have feelings. So what do you do? You both are single, neither one is coming off a rebound, but the catch is you both are happy at the moment.
 2326
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 2
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:42:35 PM
Well of course, the question is, were you happy before with her? You will alway's miss your ex, inless the only memory you have is how bad the relationship is. If you feel you can give it another shot, then I'd say go for it, but! Any doubt, then I suggest you walk away from it. But taking it slow.... does help to rebuild those ''Good times''
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 3
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:44:56 PM
It appears she has done her soul searching. Granted it took a year and a half. No hard and set rules on how long it takes to sort yourself out.

Sounds like she wants to give your relationship another chance. You do have feelings for her.

I don't see a problem that you're both happy right now. That's as good a place to begin as any. You're both more clear, more focused, and have given each other the time to perhaps embark on something wonderful.

The fact that you didn't blame each other for the break is a bonus too. You took responsibility for your own stuff.

Nothing risked, nothing gained.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 mlindeborg
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 4
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What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/10/2009 11:54:07 PM
That's a tough situation. By happy at the moment do you mean happy being single, or do you mean happy with each other? All you can do is to hang out with each other and see how it feels. I recently hung out with an ex I have been friends with for a long time and we kissed (neither of us know why, just a caught up in the moment thing) and at first I thought it felt natural, but then I thought about it and realized it just felt familiar. Actions like that bring back strong emotions from the past, but they may just be ghosts. Feel each other out, because in that amount of time you could both have changed a lot.
 p3hndrx
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 5
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:00:18 AM
a little absence can make the heart grow fonder. You gotta really think about why it didn't work out the first time, and whether current circumstances (assuming all else aside) would lead to similar outcomes.

good luck.
 whatisit84
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 6
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What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:02:34 AM
See the thing is we dont even live in the same state anymore. We both use to be drug addicts but have been sober for years, she currently works at the rehab I use to work at so for now we are talking on the phone trying to reestablish the friendship. And yes by happy at the moment I meant happy being single, at least I thought I was and now have to revaluate if that really is the case. I guess I'm hesitant/scared because of the fact that life has been pretty rough and I dont think I could handle things falling apart again and I know neither can she. I guess I'm just trying to get other peoples perspective on what exactly they would do if faced with a similar situation.
 2326
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 7
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:03:25 AM
Redrelaxed, made a huge point. Not blaming each other for the break up is a big bonus. That may be something that she remember's alot about you. Netrual break up's are very rare.
 2326
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 8
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:08:02 AM
Ic your concern of having thing's fall apart again, it's a big risk to take, but having a relationship is never easy. Living in different states... That's a dozey. Keep talking on the phone with her, if you feel the high phone bill is worth it, then you are on the right track, Take your time.
 p3hndrx
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 9
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:10:08 AM
something to keep in mind is that you aren't the same people; therefore your relationship won't be the same. there are remnants; but don't be fooled. you are who you are now; as well as she. appearances can be deceiving.
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 10
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What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:11:04 AM

I guess I'm just trying to get other peoples perspective on what exactly they would do if faced with a similar situation.


I am fairly sure I'd have too many doubts to try the same failed relationship over again.
 contact350
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 11
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 1/11/2009 12:14:07 AM
have sex........seriously.....and if the feelings still remain.....then go for it...lol
 good guy75
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 12
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:16:57 AM
no way.she realized after her sex count of guys went up and may be age that she should have stayed with you.you think its better on the other side?well when it doesnt workout please stay over there away from us good guys.you lay down with dogs,you come up with flees.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 13
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:19:17 AM
"All's fair in love and war".

We don't have any firm set of Rules - clearly.

If this feels good to you, if it's something you want to pursue with her - then do it.

We are no one to judge you, or advise you, we're all simply voyeurs kicking around our own thoughts and watching them play out on our monitors about other people's issues.

Go for it!
If it makes you unhappy - stop.
 ragadon
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 14
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:28:49 AM
hi whatsit84 they say its called a breakup because its broken,only u no wot is best 4 u but like any thing that has been broken it looks ok but is never the same ,if u got over her in that yr and a half ,i would say keep walking only because i think ,she has seen the grass is not always greener on the other side and has decided u are a good catch after all ,just be warned keep abit to one side lol
 NESunshine
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 15
What to do when an ex gets back in touch with you.
Posted: 3/10/2009 7:40:06 AM
There's no set rules for dating or rekindling an old flame, OP.

When you interact with her, communicate with her, etc, just go with the flow. See how it feels. If you keep having great times, then keep going and if it doesn't feel good, then put the brakes on and let her go.

Do what will make you feel happy.

Best of luck.
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