| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:30:26 AM | | i had a this girl that came down for hallowe'en weekend she slept over and shit and she was tellin me about all the things shes been through and all the guys who have used her for sex and shit....so i told her straight up that i wasnt gonna use her like that and that i want her to know that shes worth more then jus sex because she was a really cool chick...so i dont make a move all night we jus sit and laugh and have a good time....then we go to sleep clothes on jus cuddling...she leaves the next morning then i never see her again :-/ .....did i do the right thing...should i have hit on her... i jus wanted her to feel special after feelin like sumones play toy for so many years....which really sux cause she was really hot....like we kissed and she seemed to be really into me....what should i have done? | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:34:31 AM | You did the right thing ..you thought of someone else other than yourself .....and you were fine with it. Its only now that you're thinking that maybe you didn't get anything out of it ..
I would commend you on being respectful .. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:37:41 AM | I take it by 'hit on her' you mean should you have tried to have sex with her like all the men she told you about?
No..you shouldn't.
Or do you mean should you have asked her out for coffee or lunch sometime to get to know her.
Yes..you should..if you liked her.
Bit late now though. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:38:34 AM | | its not so much that i didnt get n e thin outah it i have sex all the time its not a big issue for me...i jus really liked this girl she played guitar like me and was funny among other things....i jus unno what i did that sent her packing.... | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:40:20 AM | | lol ya i tried askin her out and she avoided me like the plague...its like because i didnt try anything that she didnt wanna talk to me....was she jus using me for my body :-/ lol | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:45:26 AM | | Some people are afraid of change. You probably were different then what she was use to and it turned her off. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:47:14 AM | | Maby she told you that guys just use her for sex because she wanted you to use her for sex too. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:48:19 AM | So.. When you told her "straight up" you weren't being so straight up?
You didn't make a move because she didn't give you a lead.
She was dumping on you like a best friend girl friend at a sleep over party.
She knows she is worth more than just sex. If she is HOT like you say it.
She has guys like you tripping over each other to get to her.
Your "friends" and she put you in your place by confiding in you like one.
You asserted your place by assuring her you were NOT looking for sex.
If you really wanted sex why hide it?
If you had been honest with yourself and her you wouldn't be posting now
in the quandry of why didn't I get me some???
Not all woman think it's so agressive if a man wants sexual attention once he gets her alone for the night.
Important now: It is how he behaves afterwards that makes all the difference. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:51:18 AM |
Important now: It is how he behaves afterwards that makes all the difference.
Absolutely correct!
Well said! | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 6:57:54 AM | | ya but by the way she was talkin like how all guys are ***hole and all these guys using her...i unno i jus felt like it was the right thing to do....and she was interested in more then friendship considering we were kissing and shit...so the answer i guess is i shoulda done sumthin...and it took me this long to talk about it cause this is the first time ive seen this forum lol...its jus always bugged me....i always thought i was doin the right thing :-/ | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:08:27 AM | If you had a gut feeling that it was the right thing to do at the time then why so much regret now?
So were you being real with this girl or just trying to morph into the perfect gentleman you thought she needed as a sounding board?
You have to be yourself. Your expending all kinds of energy on something you can't undo. Just know the next time be honest about your feelings. Learn from this.
I have to ask.....
Where is the road block now? What is keeping you from contacting her again? Did she fall off the face of the earth? | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:16:32 AM | | how was i not honest with my feelings...i told her exactly how i felt im not morphin into n e 1...where are u gettin this....i dont think u read every post....i jus sincerly thought there was more to her then jus sex....thas why i regret it so much cause she was a cool chick...i dont care about the sex or the lact there of....i jus wanted to know why when i tried to make her feel special i got dumped on....and now i know...i shoulda done sumthin cause i guess thats what she was expecting....it jus didnt seem like the right thing at the time being | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:24:27 AM | should i have hit on her.
Hit on her for what? what exactly did this poor girl do to that you would assault her. Hit on her if you want, But you will most likely get arrested for domestic violence. It's never ok to "hit on" a female. Hopefully you will be able to get some help for this obvious violent streak you have going on. 
Good luck getting a date on this site after making a post telling the world that you're an abuser. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:27:25 AM | | I don't think you did the wrong thing at all, you just treated her with respect and as someone special. Isn't that how you feel about her? I think it's true that she may not be used to guys treating her like that and so isn't sure about you and whether you are attracted to her. On the other hand, she may have been a bit spooked once she realised you were treating her differently from other women. She might have felt you were likely to get too intense and involved all too quickly. If she was just enjoying getting to know you that can seem like moving too fast (even though, ironically, you weren't moving anywhere). Although it's not a bad thing to show someone you think they are special, some people find it scary so soon and if their feelings haven't had any time to catch up then they panic and run. It might be worth you asking her out again and making it clear you wanted her. I'd suggest saying, 'no pressure but I'd like to see you again if you'd like to'. Be a bit casual but friendly. Good luck. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:51:39 AM | | So now you're wishing you were in the group of a$$holes she's complaining about to the next guy she wants to stir her coffee? Yeah, you probably could've banged her. So what. Sounds like you really wanted to form a guitar duet with her. That ain't happenin' bro. Woundn't have happened no matter what you did. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 8:49:55 AM | OP, is this an accurate summary: You spent the night talking and cuddling with a young lady you thought was cool. You didn't see her again.
- She complained to you about one night stands with sex.
- You are complaining to us about a one night stand without sex.
"She just used me for talk! I feel so... so... betrayed!"
I suspect, that evening, she wanted a friend w/o benefits. I'm guessing that she wasn't planning to see you again, whether you hit on her or not. She seems fickle. Stay friendly if you run into her again. Otherwise, consider yourself lucky for not becoming another notch in her belt.
Karma will prove that you did the right thing. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:05:01 AM | One major issue is you had a girl spend the night then you didn't see her again. It's not the wisest move to have strangers spend the night. Although all of us have some friends who are completely different then us, this is one of those instances where you're only as good as the company you keep. I talked to a guy once who did that and got ripe off in the middle of the night. A girl who is willing to sleep at a complete strangers house is NOT the kind of girl who is looking for a relationship even if she isn't looking fot sex. I'm sure she had some much bigger issues she didn't divulge.
Another thing, when a girl confides in you. Don't tell her, you'd never treat her that way and blah blah blah. That shows that instead of being the ear she needed, you're obviously trying to get with her in some way, even if not for sex. She might have only been seeing you as a friend, or a more obvious ear/friend for a night. You saying such things is a turn off even if she wanted to spend more time with you, that may have ruined it. Some may assume that you weren't REALLY listening but just looking for a way to make yourself look good enough to her. I hate when guys do that. Thankfully only a few of the guys in my "friend zone" have done that. But it is tacky and a HUGE put off. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:12:30 AM | ^^^^^^^^
DD, men require very simple instructions. Complex programming messes us up.
Girl says: "Listen to me all night, and let me sleep in your bed, but don't tell me you want to get with me, or attempt to display any interest. If you successfully conceal your interest, I will respect you as a sophisticated person, and may get with you later, at a future time to be determined at my convenience, provided that you call me within 48 hours. Of course, I'll still expect you to be a man and make the first move."
This kind of thing drives men bonanza, and turns us into milque-saps and yes-men. MEN ARE STUPID. For all-night truth-or-dare sleepovers, the Bud Light Institute invented hen parties.
These two youngsters spent the night together because something MIGHT happen. It didn't. No harm done. The OP's feeling shoulda-coulda-woulda morning-after regret, that's all. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:18:01 AM | Don't generalize men. This doesn't happen with EVERY man. Or even most from my experience.
You've misunderstood what I said. I didn't say don't show any interest. He shouldn't have shown interest in the middle of a conversation she was having with him in which she was confiding in him. He used that as a way to sneak in a mention of his interest. That is NOT a good move. Now if while they were laughing and joking around or when they were having a regular conversation, he showed interest and said nice things, that is different.
NOT while she is confiding in him. Not a hard concept for a lot or even most men.
You don't know her reason for spending the night with him. So it's not fact to say they spent the night together because something might happen. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:27:26 AM | | honestly, OP, she sounds like a nutcase. someone who is trying NOT to find guys to use her for sex shouldn't be spending the weekend with someone who it sounds like, barely knows, spooning and kissing. and then she disappears, never to be seen again....my point exactly. i say good thing you didn't have sex with her because you probably would have liked her even more and then you'd be stuck with a nutcase. | |
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| should i have hit on her
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:16:46 AM | All the guys who used her for sex, and played her in other ways? Um...she played absolutely no part in having this happen over and over again?
No, I'm not playing blame the victim, I'm just saying, the OP probably ducked a bullet. If she's hot, she could have any of the guys who hit on her. She chooses who to have sex with. If blayzin was the opposite of the type of guy she sleeps with...then what are the chances she'll ever sleep with him?
Blayzin, you'd be the guy she complains to the next guy about. | |
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