| First Meeting Place
Posted: 1/11/2009 3:14:50 PM | What has been most people's eperience as far as choice. I exchanged emails with someone from here very intensely for a couple of weeks. We were to meet yesterday. When I suggested a public setting, he replied that he preferred his place or mine. I balked at that, and gave him the reasons. Since then, he has been what I consider "cool", sending 1 very short email saying he was still interested, but busy doing laundry.
Has anyone else had such experiences? | |
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| First Meeting Place
Posted: 1/11/2009 3:19:26 PM | Yep....and frankly, if a guy doesn't understand why you want to meet publicly, or want to do so himself, then he's not a good prospect.
A guy who likes you and cares about your best interest should want you to feel comfortable with meeting him even if he doesn't understand it. Period.
Personally I don't want to go near a guys place or have him in mine until I am ready and feel ok with it, and for me that takes over a month at times. Those who think that's too cautious are free to stop bothering with me. I'll be happy to consider it a dodged bullet.
You did the right thing, OP. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 3:22:47 PM | I believe a lot of people have. My suggestion is to stick to meeting wherever you feel comfortable and if it's a first date it SHOULD be a public place. I can tell you horror stories that people have shared with me from doing otherwise.
If he doesn't understand or doesn't like your decision, move on. If he's truly interested, he'll go your way. If not, my guess is he obviously doesn't understand the dangers of online dating or has ulterior motives! It's better to be safe than sorry!!!
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Posted: 1/11/2009 3:25:00 PM | Pfft...
If he refuses to meet you in a public place say see ya later, don't play his game-obviously he has ulterior motives..... | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 3:37:04 PM | Ladey,
He's into playing control games. I told this one guy that I wouldn't go to his house and he was not invited to mine because I didn't want to get into a situation I could not handle. His reply was did I think he was going to rape me. That was the farthest thing from my mind, but since he did mention it, I took him at his comment and told him, either the bookstore or the library.
Then short notes for a couple of weeks, almost begging to meet me and would I please come to dinner at his place. Again I said bookstore, library or Starbucks and he chose the library. Turned out he was cheap pure and simple. Told me about some bad investments he made, how his Mercedes broke down and he was borrowing his sisters POS honda until he could get his car out of the shop the next week. Not impressive.
You did the right thing and stick with it, to avoid a dangerous situation. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 3:37:57 PM | it happens alot.
if he doesn't want to meet you in public, that's a deal breaker. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 3:55:37 PM | It's gotta be public, and it's gotta be someplace where the woman is most comfortable.
If anyone doesn't get that ... well, then they don't get it at all. Run, don't walk. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 4:33:13 PM | | Ladeyday, It sounds like what might be doing with the "cool" sending, is trying to see if you'll give in and meet him at his home. As for meeting him, ESPECIALLY for the first time, you need to be where you are most comfortable. If he's not ok with that, then he isnt worth dating. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 4:38:15 PM | He knows darn well that asking to come to your home or you to his is totally inappropriate and out of bounds. He is just trying to get laid or is up to something.
I wouldn`t talk to him any more. that`s not safe and he knows it, and it is very pushy.
Throw that bottom feeder back. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 5:46:07 PM | | Well, I just felt that even though there seemed to be an awful lot of chemistry online, that the 1st meeting should be public. Actually, I did capitulate and say "ok", but it didn't materialize. Then after sleeping on it, was not so sure it was a good idea. I DO believe there were some power plays going on. | |
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Posted: 1/11/2009 11:01:22 PM | Yeup, a guy from this very site nagged the heck out of me, a few actually, about meeting, and I said if I was to ever consider it (never became comfortable with the idea) then it would be a public place.
One accused me of, accusing him of being some psycho, and acted like he was very offended. Apologized later on, and acted like he understood why I would say a public meeting place. But still, it was a HUGE red flag.
If a guy/girl will not meet you in a public place, and I mean absolutely refuses and even goes as far as to make you feel guilty for not trusting them etc. THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. You could actually be playing with your life. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 7:03:02 AM | | oooo bad one sorry about that .. well, time to move on | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 8:43:42 AM | 
if someone is not willign to meet in a public place..
even as a male, I would consider that a big red light..
we are on a crazy world, so protecting one self is a must..
be careful out there.. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 8:50:44 AM | First meeting, public places only!
This goes for men too!
Also, never trust email and phone chemistry. There is far too much of your imagination at work here along with not knowing if the other person is really who they say they are. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 8:53:48 AM | That is a HUGE red flag. Sounds creepy or ulterior motives to me.
Did you ask why he wouldn't meet in public, just curious as to his reasoning?
Coffee is the easiest, cheapest and shortest meet date you can make. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 9:00:23 AM | Yes huge red flag for me as well. I have ran across that a few times with guys on here wanting me to meet them at their place or at mine. I just simply say no thanks, first time meeting is always in public. If they wont go for that, there is a reason and I dont want any part of it.
Usually coffee is the easiest and simplest first meet. If they cant even meet you in a public coffee shop, i would be curious of the reason.  | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 9:26:30 AM | There was no reason given for a private meeting. I was surprised because I had 1st suggested a short meeting in a public place. He responded about his place or mine. his next response was that we had shared so much in our emails (never phone, by mutual agreement as I work the phones all day & he said he did also) that many never do in years of being together. I still asserted that putting "face to words" might be best in a neutral place.
Now, when I look back, there were a number of clues (which did stay in the back of my mind). Guess, when 1 is seeking a sincere connection, you may be more vulnerable to trash. Lesson learned.
Yes, words are only words; I'm completely over it. AND relieved! | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 1:44:56 PM | | You were too smart for him, now he knows. Any man that suggests something outside your comfort zone for a first meet is not a good man. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 2:25:11 PM | | Smart Girl! I'm married and won 't meet at a girls place or any non-public the first time. too dangerous for sure. loved your story about the sisters car but what is a POS honda? | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 3:28:10 PM | Meeting in public, even having a real friend nearby if it makes you feel better, not giving out your last name, phone #s, address, workplace, vehicle liscense plate #, or whatever personal info helpful to stalkers and or other assorted wackos are all good ideas. I like to get to know a wacko stalker before i give this kind of info to them  ...LOL misszmsz, mine does that too, it's cute, and it's a pain in the a$$, beat up ol work truck always goes, darn benz lives waiting for parts to come in | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 3:43:25 PM | | He is well aware of why you want to meet in a public place. If he's giving you the cold shoulder about it then bounce him to the curb. Emailing and text are far different than face to face meeting. Shame on him. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 3:48:52 PM | | Wow, this is new to me. And evidently not uncommon? Who knew... what amazes me is that those requesting this feel comfortable with it themselves, without having any idea how the other party behaves in person. | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 8:30:02 PM | | That was MY point to him: suppose that I was the monster. Anybody can put another's picture on here, anybody can write lovely things, but suppose you decide to open your door to a nutjob................... | |
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Posted: 1/12/2009 8:46:03 PM | Yep. This one guy said he was a great cook and would like to cook for me some time. That's usually a his-place date, for down the road. So we talked some more online, and he told me he owned a restaurant.
And then we agreed to meet. He suggested I come over to his place - not his restaurant, but his house - so he could cook me dinner. I said I'd like a public place to meet and we could talk about dinner then if we hit it off. I never heard from him again! And he never heard from me again.
There are some weird ones out there. | |
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