Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 summershere5
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 1
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for herPage 1 of 1    
This girl who I have know a couple years the last few months things have gotten much more serious. She stays over sometimes with me and of course we have gotten intimate. She lives out of town an hour a way and works during the week near where I live. I drive here home and pick here up and we have lunch etc. She stays at friends of here parents when in town except for when she stays with me. She has told me before she has lots of male friends which I dont have a problem with but we dont have lunch in her town or go where she hangs out there. She just the other days told me that her male friends would fight for her! I was kind of shocked when she said that. I take this to mean that one of her male friends will get jealous and come over and cause trouble. To me something is realy wrong with that. She must be dating them or doing something with them to make them feel that posessive. If I was her and a female friend showed up and came over and started something i would tell them to get lost. Since I first met her one of the things I liked about her when I saw her out somewhere she was never flirty with guys and she would make it a point to talk to me a while before I left or she did. I never saw her being drunk or stupid. She calls me twice a day and obvious to me lt has turned into a relationship although we have never spelled it out. I just have a bad feeling about her keeping guys around that would interfere with someone she is dating and seems very serious about. Is she a liar, two faced a flirt? Is she leading everone on? And if things carry on am I going to have to worry about this going on In my town and im just wasting my time?
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 2
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:30:20 AM

She just the other days told me that her male friends would fight for her! I was kind of shocked when she said that. I take this to mean that one of her male friends will get jealous and come over and cause trouble. To me something is realy wrong with that. She must be dating them or doing something with them to make them feel that posessive.

Without actually ASKING HER what she meant by the “fight for her” statement, you are just being presumptuous. You can “take it to mean” anything you’d like, but unless you ask her, you do not truly know. Why ruminate up a big shit stink if you don’t have to? For all you know, she could have meant that her male friends won’t let anyone take advantage of her, or use her, or hurt her; the statement may have had more of a “protective” or “Big Brother” context. ASK HER.

She calls me twice a day and obvious to me lt has turned into a relationship although we have never spelled it out.

A truly important aspect of a relationship is open and honest communication. The above is another example of where you are assuming and not communicating. Open thy mouth and flap thy gums!
 instride
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:41:59 AM
Way too much drama for me.
I had that type of relationship before and it was very draining. Jumping through hoops, walking on eggshells, constant arguments.
Glad I got away.
 Lovelytonou
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 4
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 9:52:34 AM
Your gut feeling is telling you something. Listen to it.
How old is she? I would expect a lil' ole' young thing to make a comment as inane as that. And why is it that you don't ever go to her town? Has she invited you to her home to meet her friends or family yet? You've known her for 2 years outside of this stage of your relationship.

The other issue here is that it's obvious to you that you are now both in a relationship....yet, there's been no discussion about this. She calls you a few times a day. This is good. But you know, something just doesn't sit right about all of this. That's what my gut feeling is telling me.

You need to have a good sit down conversation with her. You're 54 and I'm sure, have experience in discussing important 'realationship' issues. You have questions only she can answer to. No one here is going to be able to give you those.
Best of luck to you and I do hope everything works out for the best.
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 5
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 9:58:14 AM
although I think that is a juvenile statement to make.... my guess is that it is just a statement about how protective her friends are... and that they wouldn't want to see her hurt.... my guess is that they would really beat anyone up over shit.... but that they would love her through anything that happened.... unless of course you are dating a 20 year old... then maybe they would physically harm someone....

you need to ask her what she meant by it....


as for her calling 2 times a day.... that isn't a relationship definer.... ask her.... talk about what you are looking for and aren't looking for..... you should know that by now....
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:03:35 AM
I don't know what she meant but perhaps she was warning you that her male friends are protective of her and they would kick your behind into next Tuesday if you did her wrong. I don't say this myself, but some people are rather immature. Perhaps dating an adult is in order.
 Helen1967
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 7
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:06:37 AM

She just the other days told me that her male friends would fight for her!

That sounds to me like a way to say that they're protective of her and will stand up for her if someone gives her a hard time. (I'm assuming that she means "fight" in the figurative sense, as obviously both she and they must be older than twelve and the Wild West is a long-ago legend.) I don't understand how you made the leap to the conclusion of romantic involvement and jealousy issues; that's a very different realm.
 Sweetbabeblues
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 8
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:07:37 AM
Sounds like this gal pal of yours wants it her way or the highway, and is in a round about way threatening you to do what she wants.
You say she doesn't take you to her town, but did you ever wonder why?
Sounds like she has a few secrets or skeletons in her closet, and she's not being honest with you... Like maybe she has another boyfriend who would confront you physically if he found out?
I think I'd be staying clear of her, and let her do her thing, you do yours... Seperately...
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:15:02 AM
We have no idea of the context of this comment and I cannot believe that the OP is in his fifties. My best friend's husband and a couple of other guys in my neighborhood would get into a fight for me if someone was trying to hurt me, duh. She COULD actually have meant that these guys are like brothers, not that they would seek out a physical altercation but they would not stand idly by if she needed help.

You are sleeping with the woman and yet behaving like a 12-year-old. Ask her what she meant, then get back to us. You are guessing and that is just juvenile.
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 10
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:23:53 PM
Dude, what she is trying to tell you without telling you outright...is...YOU ARE TOO SUBMISSIVE!!! Grow a pair!

Next time she's over, take her like Dan Fielding of Night Court...be a MAN. Give her a good hard slamfawk that leaves her breathless. Then when she thinks you are done, flip her over and start again.

Do some military calesthenics. Walk like you have brass balls that CLANG when you swagger. Develop ultimate and sure confidence in yourself.
 canoist
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 11
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:35:48 PM
Ya gotta talk to her

Understand?

Ya gotta talk to her.

Ask her what she meant. Ask her to clarify her statement. Also be prepared to be corrected - it may be that you mis-heard or mis-interpreted what she said. Communication mistakes are a big cause of breakups. Ask her why she doesn't want to do dates in her town. Ask her to go on a date in her town. Ask to meet some of her friends.

There's very little us forum junkies can do to help you. Ya gotta talk to her.

Canoist
 JJD33
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 12
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:55:16 PM
Sounds like she's trying to intimidate you.

No women has ever said that to me... jeez I can't imagine why.
 arizonabeth
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:39:08 PM
Don't ask us, ask her what she meant.

Maybe she meant she has male friend who will protect her if you turn out to be creepy. I know I have friends who are very protective ... but I don't usually tell people that when I'm dating.

Maybe she wants you to know she's worth fighting for and wants to see you get more possessive, if you are too casually about your "relationship"?
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 14
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:52:38 PM
Dude, I think you need to talk to her about this. We're only guessing here. This could be a whole bunch of different scenarios--the only person who knows is her. You sound like you have a good but not great relationship with her. There are pieces missing to the puzzle, hopefully you can get them filled in.

we dont have lunch in her town or go where she hangs out there. She just the other days told me that her male friends would fight for her!
One scenario that I immediately thought of is she is friends with several home town guys, dated one of them, they broke up, and the dude's friends are protective of HIS interests as well as protective of her. These guys could be a bunch of rogue-ish idiots who would cause trouble for any guy she is seen with. Like I said before--TALK TO HER, we're just guessing.
 Validar
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 15
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:02:47 AM
I could mean many things, but it was still a juvenile thing to say. If a woman ever said that to me, I would question her about it immediately.

There are women out there who are quick to turn to their super-hero wanna-be male friends when a guy breaks up with her, even if the breakup is justified. Next thing you know, these d*ckheads are at your front door.
 justmeandmax
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 16
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:08:28 AM
Well my opinion on this, not knowing the dynamics of your realtionship, is from my personal expirence.

Just because she has men that would fight for her doesn't mean that she is involved with them. I have a couple female friends that I have known since JH and HS that I concider sisters and if anyone was to mess with them I would be right there kicking azz if they needed me too. I think maybe you should discuss what kind of relationship she has with these men. Do it face too face and pay attention to her eyes and facial expressions. Have you seen the commercials for the new show on Fox, Lie To Me? What I have seen of it, it is based on autonomic reflexes of peoplle lying. ( I have studied it on my own and it does work most of the time)


but we dont have lunch in her town or go where she hangs out there.


This would concern me more because it would make me wonder, just like you, is it because she is seeing someone or is it just that she doesn't want her friends to see me with her. Definately bring this up when you talk. If she doesn't want her friends to meet you there is something wrong there. Just go into it with an enquiring attitude and not an accusitory position.

Good Luck, Me
 simon23
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 17
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:52:20 AM
What is the context that this comment was made in?
Did she just randomly come out with it?

Heed the words of message 15 as the world is full of idiots that will cause trouble over women.
 blonde chickie
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 18
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 6:54:39 AM
She sounds very inmature to me. Why don't u just ask her what she meant OP.
 transcend
Joined: 1/13/2007
Msg: 19
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:02:21 AM
it always amazes me that something that should be so well understood before its done, ends up being the aside of a posting.. of course we are intimate..did it ever occur to you that sharing everything physically is also going to reveal the worms writhing in the psyche of whatever accidently landed in your bed?
The real surprise is that connecting the dots so seldom leads to getting the picture
 Annie Nigma
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 20
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:17:46 AM

...we dont have lunch in her town or go where she hangs out there.

Why not?

I'm willing to bet that she's told people that you are a friend and co-worker...nothing more.
She's probably afraid that if someone saw the two of you together as a couple they'd confront her about this, so she is trying to scare you into being docile.
Either she isn't serious about committing to a relationship with you and is keeping her options open, or she's dating someone else and doesn't want to get caught cheating.

Have you ever called her at home or where she stays during the week?
Have you ever been invited to visit her at either residence?
Have you ever met her friends or family members?
If not, I fear that she is hiding something from you.
Does she faithfully return home every weekend? If so, why?
If she is serious about having a relationship with you, couldn't she spend the weekend at your place?...or decide to stay at your house for an entire week?


She calls me twice a day and obvious to me lt has turned into a relationship although we have never spelled it out.

Phones calls, rides, lunches, and casual sex don't make a serious relationship.
Sounds like a 'friends with benefits' type of arrangement to me!
Before you become too involved with this person, I think that you need to learn more about her and discuss your relationship...and its future.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 21
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:24:07 AM
It means there's a posse out gunnin' for you, you better get a new security system.
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:34:27 AM
I wouldn't presume from the info you gave.....that it meant her male friends would kick YOUR ass, for being with her.

Your taking 'this' to mean 'that', assuming this means 'that'....so who knows really what is going on.
Maybe you don't have enough friends of your own to understand.
Friends can come in only two varieties, men friends, or woman friends.
I have some woman friends, who care about me...but we don't hook up.

although, there is the old 'double standard' rule sometimes. I had an ex girlfriend that had tons of male friends......and she was a good girlfriend....I just knew it was part of her flirtatiousness and insecurities.
However, if I talked to a woman friend of mine...she would threaten to 'Kill them"

Now...that was a wee bit unbalanced.
You know, when you're wondering about something...or some things...talking about these things is a pretty good option.

Kimbo***************************************
 Blue_Note
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 23
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:46:39 AM
I get the impression she doesn't feel valued by you and she's trying to let you know that she is more than you give her credit for being.

Like this one guy I was seeing, he could call every other woman around beautiful, gorgeous, etc, and never once complimented me. I asked him, "Do you think I'm pretty?" He said, "of course." But it hurt my feelings that he could be so casual with me and treat me like he could take me or leave me. So I gave up on him.

Women let you know what makes them feel valuable and she might need something from you that you aren't giving her. Would you fight for her? And if so, does she know it?
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:13:49 AM

Women let you know what makes them feel valuable and she might need something from you that you aren't giving her. Would you fight for her? And if so, does she know it?


Actually, this is a very keen insight into this situation, as well, from a woman's POV....lest we forget that people don't always 'discuss' what they are feeling.....yet , there is a lot of 'code' speak by women..that men are just supposed to understand, and, vice versa, of course.

I didn't think of this angle, for I'm only up to chapter 345 in 'Code Speech"

Maybe this woman only has two friends...who would, or would not fight for her.{who really knows}..but is indeed testing what you are feeling for her OP, since you do seem to 'assume' a lot.

boy, this stuff ain't easy

Kimbo*************************************************
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 25
girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:26:58 AM
OP, I looked at your profile and you are over 50 years old.

WHY would you put up with such sophomoric, teen-aged behaviors and attitudes? It's time to grow up, dude, and date women, not girls (regardless of whether the "girl" is also over 50).
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > girlfriend says she has lots of male friends who would fight for her