| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 6:26:48 PM | my fwb and i were spilt up (over his lying about cheating) and just before he left for six weeks to baja we agreed to try and get back together when he returned. i stayed at his house, (i house-sit for a bunch of neighbors in the rural area we live) took care of his wonderful dog and, at his request, brought in his mail.
before he left, we discussed a lot of things (hope and l0yalty and new beginnings) and i did have great hope for a 'new beginning'. we also talked about him communicating w/me whilst he was gone...no email, no cell phone, maybe phonecalls, maybe postcards. i get it...no phones in baja, and his friend told us that mail would get here after he did.
so three or four days in, i'm picking up the mail and there is is a postcard with redwood trees (just some trees that i stupidly assumed were redwoods) on it, and i was so happy that mr. mexico-bound had thought to send me a card from his mom's place in california before he got across the border.
well, of course, it wasn't to me.
and it did start out...dear mexico man...blah, blah, blah. well, it was obvious that he had told her (whoever) not to call anymore because he was getting back together with me. that was great...i was still in the newly-restored trust mode and resolved not mention a dead horse and burnt the postcard. (by the way, she said in the card she couldn't stand the idea of having some other woman touching him and she was going to look for him on the beach...)
what a situation...wish i had just been able to throw it in the stack of mail and not read it! the rest is not hard to imagine. i couldn't keep my mouth shut and questioned him about who sent the card. at first he lied and then showed me other postcards she'd sent and then finally admitted it was a woman that had previously told me that he would have nothing to do with because she was 'crazy'.
i know that i should and am moving on, no matter how much i thought i cared for this guy, but now he says he HATES me for reading his postcard. i am not a snoop, but in this case, wouldn't you have at least read the card? i feel terrible- not unlike someone who evesdrops and regrets it. why would he have me stay at his house, etc., when some other woman is sending him postcards? he said i should have quit reading when i saw 'dear mexico man' and i sure wish i could've/would've.
am i as horrible as i feel right now? | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 6:41:59 PM | 1.You made a big mistake on going back to him when you knew he was a liar and a cheater.Its interesting when i see people going back and forth in useless relationships that they know won't work.
2.You had your first lesson and from there you should have known better than going back to him and start reading his mail or card.
i know that i should and am moving on, no matter how much i thought i cared for this guy
relationships are two ways not one way.You cared but he did not care about you bcause he showed by lying and cheating. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 6:46:45 PM | I'm confused by your use of "fwb" Friends with benefits does not typically elude to an exclusive relationship or much of anything beyond a close friendship that happens to include sex on occasion.
If he is an "fwb" I'm not sure what the problem is since by definition, he's not prohibited from having other relationships.
This post has me scratching my head and saying wtf?
ACP | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 6:50:22 PM | | I am confused, too. I thought FWB means that there would no expectations of commitment? | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:00:40 PM |
my fwb and i were spilt up… we agreed to try and get back together when he returned.
Pfew, I’m glad to see I’m not alone on the confusion. I don’t really know the rules to a FWB situation, but I thought the whole idea was sex without the relationship (i.e., commitment)?
So when you say you were “split up” and “agreed to try and get back together”, what does that mean exactly? You stop having sex but then agree to resuming sex when he returns?
It sounds like you’ve allowed yourself to be something less than what you really want, when you say things like “loyalty”, “hope”, “new beginnings” and “really cared for this guy”. You’re basically a f*ck buddy who wants to be in a committed relationship, while he's satisfied with the status quo. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:12:33 PM | You shouldnt have read his mail. Serves you right for feeling crappy becuae if you didnt read that he would never have known that you were snoopy. At the same time you also found out that he is a P.O.S. liar and can decide whether or not you want to put yourself through anymore torture.
There are alot of messed up confused people in the world evident by the posts on this forum. I have had my share of BS too.
Good luck | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:20:57 PM | See... here is the rub.. fwb's to a guy means I can yank her chain and anyone elses that I want .. and to a woman especially the stupid ones.. it means I am either totally disrespecting myself and being used as a pocket **** or .. I am letting him use me while he makes up his mind as to whether my vagina is " the one".
I cannot figure out how any gal can hop into bed with someone that obviously thinks she is just a usuable body of flesh... and you can't tell me that despite words that this azzhole didn't make you feel like crap because OP you were allowing yourself to engage in flesh and disengage in emotion and maybe men can do it ... but woman aren't wired that way... it is not in the brain firing of a woman...
Every time you look into NORTON's anti-virus eye sockets .. <-- my pyseudonym for JOHN DI_CK a.k.a. your boy toy.. all I can say is empty out your recycle box and forget em' or go down to the grocery store and get a nice big chunk of Kolbassa and give him a public or NON public bad azz pubic flogging ... just make sure that the chunk of kolbassa is bigger than his hose but not to uncomfortable for his azzah... anyhow's the next time you talk to him, which should be not anytime in this lifespan .. send him a post card with you naked with two other long schlongs and tell him you wouldah invited him the orgy but these guys are so eager you never have time to write home to anybuddy..........
2 choices
# 1. Pi-ss on him and GO OUT AND GET A LIFE.....or #2 sh-it on him and DO LIFE either way... you're gonnah be fine .. and now that he is out of your lingerie.. you don't have to worry about his MAIL or any new fee-males...
IF YOU LAY DOWN ON YOURSELF, EXPECT TO GET WALKED ON.. NEXT!!!
(remember that unless a woman has a set of sexual organs in the closet that are not attached to her brain ... that fwb is not in the equation ... woman expect ... and a guy will take whatever you offer even if he is totally unaware of exactly what really is goin down... men are straight up and women need to get there .. and maybe they would spend less time acting on what isn't and worry about what is. ) | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:33:24 PM | Do you always read other peoples post cards and mail? So I guess because it was ADDRESSED TO HIM didnt mean anything to you? eh nosy one.
Second I thought FWB means no commitment? or did you make up the rules as you go along?
Thirdly it shows how incredibly stupid some men are, he's going to let one of the women he's squeezing house sit for him, HOW STUPID some men are, did you plant any bugs and devices so you can monitor his actions too?
Another drama filled moment brought to you by the Producers of Jerry Springer
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:42:22 PM | I am just curious why you were expecting a FWB to be monogamous in the first place? The whole concept of Friends With Benefits is that you have a friend that you see for sex but no real romantic relationship or commitment beyond that. If you were expecting more than it's not a FWB. Plus why would you go back and expect? You let him get a way w/ it once, why not again?
Also once you saw the postcard wasn't addressed to you, why did you continue to read it? Didn't you ever learn about respecting privacy?
I was even more surprised by the age in your profile. I had expected this to be from some one half your age. When do you plan to grow up? | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 7:43:06 PM | I think it was okay that you accidentally read his post card.
I think it would have been reassuring that he clearly told this woman he was getting back together with you.
I think you should have apologized for accidentally reading the postcard and listened to what he had to say about it.
I do not think you should have dumped him over this incident.
It's not his fault that someone sent him mail you accidentally read. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:05:38 PM | I'm confused, how does a FWB cheat? Isn't the idea of a FWB that they are seeing other people or married to other people or just being a FWB when they don't have any other people to see? If it's exclusive, then it isn't a FWBs...is it?  | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:15:06 PM | ^^^ sorry ursula major but .. due to extenuating circumcisions.. your comments are intoned in ursula minor.. irregardless of how she found out .. what he was up to or down on.. is irrelevant. He was away.. she was bringing his mail in and what gal would not think that, that postcard was likely from him to her... any of us would have ... as for telling the other gal he likely fed her as much bs as he was feeding her .. the transition of becoming an honorable person who can breath and not lie at the same time is some mean feat for some men.. anyway .. The proverbial cat is out of the bag here .. THE TRUTH IS OUT>>> he told her they were going to work on exclusivity ... she was running around inside her noggin with the old concept of highschool in her head.. if I sleep with him(fwb) maybe I will be his .. which alot of old gals believe.. Waiting around for an apology is great, another wasted second or three, better if she paints a picture on a paper bag of a sheep sticks it over her head and plans on putting a wool blanket over her face so she can listen to more crap and have someone playing Funky Cold Medina.. while she waits to see the letters roll of his lips .. the mouth ones. .
No she should not have dumped him over the incident .. she should have had the balls to walk out on loser boy the first time she smelled rotten manure coming out both nostrils. Like Dr. Neuman who councels men say the biggest problem in therapy sessions with men is that they are very good at lying.. (not to be confused with laying..that is where woman do the lying.. anyhow.)
Let's all give thanks that another human female has finally come to the decision that going home and playing with her dildo ... will provide her with 100 percent satisfaction unlike alot of guys related to pinocchio whose nose grows whenever or wherever they tell a lay.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FWB.. THERE IS NO RIDE ... ALL GALS GET SOMETHING FROM IT .. EVEN IF IT IS THE FEELING OF BEING USED AND UNCOMFORTABLE MISERY.
____ >> wishes granted .. spoken like a true man, most gals don't understand that to be in bed with someone that is using you till the right one comes along might be better off investing in herself and some great toys .. never put anything in your body you don't plan on investing in or you bank some bad bad ... circumstances and put baggage in a hole new equation. I got more respect for someone who gets paid for a lay than someone who is a walking pocket pu-ssy .. give a guy an inch and he will only give you six and you can get six anywhere ...if penis is the only investment a guy can make you can get that .. anywhere .. why have a friend with STD"S when you can have a blackberry and a menu..of the same shit .. with a paycheque and a well paid drug plan. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:15:14 PM | UrsulaMajor.. finally, the voice of reason. Afterall, he didn't send HER the post card .. that was out of HIS control. I won't judge her on her choice of relationship as that's her choice and she doesn't seem to be concerned about it's dynamics.. only that they decided to change the dynamics and she over-reacted to something that was out of her b/f's control. If she read the post card.. so be it. But I don't agree with her burning it and trying to keep it from him.. AND then confronting him.. If you had of left it there op, he would have realized you'd seen it and you could of decided on the relationship on how he approach the post card TO YOU.
My understanding of FWB is: You are a friend who enjoys each other sexualy until you meet someone you'd like to persue a relationship with and until you have sex with the new girl/guy. Once sex is introduced with the new partner.. the friendship still remains but the benefits stop with your "FWB." So, in reality, you are exclusive until you're not... It must be disclosed that you are being intimate with someone else. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 8:46:06 PM | Wait a minute--am I reading that right? You burnt the postcard? Maybe I don't know 'cause I'm just young, but do friends--with or without benefits--burn each other's mail?
This was a volatile relationship full of denial, jealousy, mistrust, and intrigue. With friends like these... | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 9:08:21 PM | Arqentum said,
I'm confused by your use of "fwb" Friends with benefits does not typically elude to an exclusive relationship or much of anything beyond a close friendship that happens to include sex on occasion.
I'm in the same confused state as you man.
OP I don't think you know what an "fwb" is unless this stands for something else in your book. IF he really is an fwb then you need to GOI.....get over it. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:18:57 PM | I've never been in a FWB and I have NO IDEA how they work. I'm assuming you and him were Friends before Benefits? Don't know how this works. You can seek other people to date? Then wouldn't you tell the other that you are doing this? If you lie, then you aren't being very friendly now, are you? Especially as it relates to you getting diseases. That's where I'd end the sex.
i am not a snoop, but in this case, wouldn't you have at least read the card? I wouldn't be in this scenario. Snooping aside, I wouldn't have reconciled with this liar, FWB or normal relationship. If I'm house-sitting, I just put the mail aside. I wouldn't read my lover's mail--that's just me, I respect boundaries. I've never been in any relationships were I mistrusted my partner. That's just me. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:37:16 PM |
See... here is the rub.. fwb's to a guy means I can yank her chain and anyone elses that I want .. and to a woman especially the stupid ones.. it means I am either totally disrespecting myself and being used as a pocket **** or .. I am letting him use me while he makes up his mind as to whether my vagina is " the one".
I cannot figure out how any gal can hop into bed with someone that obviously thinks she is just a usuable body of flesh... and you can't tell me that despite words that this azzhole didn't make you feel like crap because OP you were allowing yourself to engage in flesh and disengage in emotion and maybe men can do it ... but woman aren't wired that way... it is not in the brain firing of a woman...
Every time you look into NORTON's anti-virus eye sockets .. <-- my pyseudonym for JOHN DI_CK a.k.a. your boy toy.. all I can say is empty out your recycle box and forget em' or go down to the grocery store and get a nice big chunk of Kolbassa and give him a public or NON public bad azz pubic flogging ... just make sure that the chunk of kolbassa is bigger than his hose but not to uncomfortable for his azzah... anyhow's the next time you talk to him, which should be not anytime in this lifespan .. send him a post card with you naked with two other long schlongs and tell him you wouldah invited him the orgy but these guys are so eager you never have time to write home to anybuddy..........
2 choices
# 1. Pi-ss on him and GO OUT AND GET A LIFE.....or #2 sh-it on him and DO LIFE either way... you're gonnah be fine .. and now that he is out of your lingerie.. you don't have to worry about his MAIL or any new fee-males...
IF YOU LAY DOWN ON YOURSELF, EXPECT TO GET WALKED ON.. NEXT!!!
(remember that unless a woman has a set of sexual organs in the closet that are not attached to her brain ... that fwb is not in the equation ... woman expect ... and a guy will take whatever you offer even if he is totally unaware of exactly what really is goin down... men are straight up and women need to get there .. and maybe they would spend less time acting on what isn't and worry about what is. ) D a m n, you're good  | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 10:42:15 PM | Wait a minute--am I reading that right? You burnt the postcard? Maybe I don't know 'cause I'm just young, but do friends--with or without benefits--burn each other's mail?
This was a volatile relationship full of denial, jealousy, mistrust, and intrigue. With friends like these...
Kind of have to agree w/ you on this. What really shocked me is her profile puts her in her 40's.
And azelea7 it's not your age that has you confused, I think it's her behavior. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:22:43 PM | I guess I am the only one that caught the fact that she admittedly tampered with the US Mail... OP Do you know that you can go to jail for that? But beyond the legalities....
Duh.....Seek and ye shall find. If you snoop, be prepared for what you discover...
And as far as feeling bad? You should feel bad.......
I am just as confused as the other posters about the whole FWB thingy..... Where was his benefit? Oh ya, you watched his house and read his mail....Then accused him of playing around....Okay, got that... Where was your benefit?
Damn I hate being confuse......
Sugar | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 1:29:58 AM | Friends with benefits is just that.........friends..........obviously he is looking for more friends..........with benefits.
He likes setting up all the rules and females have to abide by them or he calls women who will not go away because she starts to have feelings for him......crazy.
I can hear him saying........."Why can't these women just have sex with me without any strings attached?" "Instead...they have to get feelings involved....and it's time to cut them off".
So you now you know..... that if you push him into accepting you as his girl friend....
you will be "crazy'..........or "Psycho"........too. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:21:33 AM | 1. what's with the FWB/commitment thing? talk about non-sequitor!
well, it was obvious that he had told her (whoever) not to call anymore because he was getting back together with me.
2. well he didn't say something along the lines of "i'll see you the next time i'm in town", did he? given the context of what was actually written, why weren't you thrilled? (*silently* thrilled, i mean). you should have kept your mouth shut. not only that, but you had to run off and turn what was potentially a very positive sign (given your obvious interest in this man) into a negative confrontation with him.
open mouth/insert foot. ugh. | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:29:36 AM | | You have every right to protect your life your future and what ever you want to protect even relationships | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:43:33 AM | Verycuriouskitty (btw the name fits you)
1) FWB doesn't have emotional attachment. YOU didn't want an FWB--you want a boyfriend. Be honest and admit it. An FWB does not lie and cheat--they are a friend, who's "benefit" you are getting.
2) You were absolutely wrong to read his mail but since you did...you showed how much you cared more than an FWB my dear. He asked you to stay at his house because he trusted you as a friend. And now you've betrayed that trust. Let me guess--he's cut you out of his life completely. Well guess what? Sorry but he was right to do that. He didn't lie or cheat on you lady--an FWB isn't your boyfriend. You're confusing the terms.
What now? Let it go. Period. Shoulda/woulda/coulda means absolutely NOTHING right now and no apologizing is going to help. Sure...he might f**k you again but then you'd just be getting used.
To the woman throwing stones about FWB's and how women are just getting used--that's YOUR opinion. There was a thread on another forum here about this and there are many women who can have and have had an FWB/FB and been able to understand that this is vastly different than a dating relationship. Please don't come and tar and feather the woman with your self-righteousness. SOME of us don't consider it being used--and did it ever occur to you that perhaps the man might be the one being used?
There are always 2 sides to everything.
OP--you need to move on and understand you've taught yourself a damn good lesson.
AFL | |
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| I Read His Postcard...
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:53:10 AM | I can't believe you BURNT it!
Friends/benefits whatever.....you lit someone else's mail on fire......
wow | |
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