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Posted: 1/14/2009 3:27:45 PM | Alright-- what gives? I've HAD it with men WHO CANT PICK UP A PHONE or bother to call a woman or page her ...directly AFTER a date. Went out for my third date with this man 2 weeks ago ... he wasnt feeling well .. so I actually spent the date and night taking care of him and buying him medicines etc. Thats ok -- I dont mind being a nurse once in awhile... when he gets home, 2 weeks go by-- he NEVER bothers to write or call or initiate any kind of contact. ( Yes he was alive-- he was signing in all week to with his yahoo account etc) --- so I started feeling like crap and thinking, ok this date didnt go too well. Anyway its not the first time this guy does the dissapearing act... known him 6 months and only been on 3 dates and inbetween that times he rarely bothers to call anyway... he lives 1 hr and 45 mins away.... so the distance is tough, sure but theres always the phone or sending flowers or a note. Its like outta site outta mind until he's ready to hook up again.
I finally had it with dating a man who cant bother to call me except when he's ready to go out ... so I DITCHED him... on the message machine. Just too much hurt for me to take any more of this. Can anyone tell me WHY men do this???
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Posted: 1/14/2009 3:42:04 PM | OP-is the same guy you asked about in another thread...
HE ISN"T INTO YOU!...and that is why he behaved this way, other ones who behave that way-weren't into you and I can guarantee you, you'll meet others in the future who will do the same exact thing...
When a man is into a woman, he calls and keeps in contact, PERIOD-end of discussion.
rant, rave, cry or do whatever you have to get over this clown...and paste this on your computer or wherever..
I will never make a man my priority when he is keeping me as an option-men who are into me will call me of their own free will.
Now go  and keep  and have fun  sing and dance  | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 3:51:18 PM | Yes I hear ya-- thats why I dumped him. I'm just soooo tired of meeting men who end up flitting away ... makes me think I just dont have enough "man-glue" lol *is that a word?"
Anyway--- I'm tired. I wanted to find someone to go with me on a trip to Iceland.. didnt want to go alone. It just seems that I always end up alone :(
Well so much for my luck with men... may be its time to call in my chips and stop dating. I'm apparently pathetically ill-adept at finding or keeping one around permanently. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 3:52:07 PM | Who knows, lol... maybe the psychic | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 3:54:39 PM |
known him 6 months and only been on 3 dates and inbetween that times he rarely bothers to call anyway... he lives 1 hr and 45 mins away.... so the distance is tough,
Its not tough when you want to be with someone. You are there when he has
nothing better to do. Why do you even care if he OD'd on the cold medicine.
He is a jerk and you are obsessive for fretting over the whys the hows and the
how could this be's.
Its like outta site outta mind until he's ready to hook up again.
You are a big girl. Read this again. Within your own words lies
your answer. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 3:57:23 PM | Thanks Curlygirl-- but I guess I'm so burnt out on bad dates and men who do the same thing over and over again that I wonder why I should even try anymore?
So it gets harder each time to "not fret" because each time you get hurt its a little bit harder to dig out of the sink hole of dissapointment ... its like no one really cares what they do to other people and no one holds others or themselves accountable anymore. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 4:03:32 PM | | awww... Yeah it can definitely hurt being put though situation after situation like this, but you shouldn't give up. You sound like a pretty amazing person to care for someone like that after only going on what one date? I'm sure there's men out there better than him who would realize how good you treat them and return the kindness. Better luck next time :) | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 4:07:03 PM | I totally agree- actually on my way home tonight I started to
cry- I had such an overwhelming sense of loneliness- I am far from
alone in this world but like you I sometimes wish there was someone to
go home too and just hug. I know that as I get older it does hurt way more
than it did when I was younger. Its harder to shake off bad behavior.
I wonder what causes people to be so mean sometimes- I know a simple
phone call but I tell myself that not everyone is like me and I really need
to be - no matter how lonely, more selective in who I allow into my world.
I feel your pain- but know you are not alone. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 5:04:30 PM | | Good for you! You figured it out and took out the trash like a pro, I think that from now on it'll only get easier and easier for you to stop wasting your time on the ones who will... waste your time:) As for going to Iceland it's probably way better to go alone, you'll have lots of opportunity to enjoy yourself without having to deal with any nonsense.(and don't give up) Be smart and know what you want, then when you see it, choose it!!! | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 5:24:41 PM | OP I hear you loud and clear!
It seems to me that men play these crazy games with women and then lo and behold wonder why we get fed up with them......................well fellas it's not rocket science. Think before you do.
I met someone on here and we emailed back and forth a bit and then we were ready for the phone call. We got on famously and were trying to sort out a meeting time. He has a child and I have children so it's not quite as simple as being single. Anyway he would email me every now and then and commented about phoning the next weekend I had free, so we could chat and get to know each other a bit more. Well the weekend came and the weekend went and I heard nothing. I wasn't sitting around waiting for him either but I do have an answering machine. Alas no messages.
I didn't phone him or email or anything. About a week later he sends me an email saying hello. I responded politely. He didn't apologize for not calling when he said he would. I left it alone.
Eventually it came out and I just mentioned that I was disappointed that he hadn't taken the opportunity to call me, knowing my kids weren't around and I could speak freely (for those of you that don't have kids you wouldn't understand).
He said sorry but things just happen sometimes and he was still ok with meeting up. I said sure but I knew I was fed up with men acting like this. So in the end we never did meet because I figured that if he was so darn interested he would have called. I mean geez a whole weekend and he couldn't find 10 mins?
I am at the age where I don't play games and if a guy wants to muck me around then he better look elsewhere. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 5:42:49 PM | re:
HE ISN"T INTO YOU!...and that is why he behaved this way, other ones who behave that way-weren't into you and I can guarantee you, you'll meet others in the future who will do the same exact thing...
When a man is into a woman, he calls and keeps in contact, PERIOD-end of discussion.
rant, rave, cry or do whatever you have to get over this clown...and paste this on your computer or wherever..
I will never make a man my priority when he is keeping me as an option-men who are into me will call me of their own free will.
Now go and keep and have fun sing and dance
That's some sobering and astute advice there, OP...I am very sorry for how you were mistreated... Sadly it's far too common how people flake and callously treat you as if you don't matter and trash your feelings and spirit in the process.
Take heart.. you're not alone.. I been there... I have dealt with enough flakes to cause a shytstorm.... I got fed up with the games, let downs, getting excited over a person who seemed to be excited back, only to be inexplicably discarded with no more concern than a disposing of a scrap a paper.... not fun.. So I am taking a break from dating and doing my own thing ..
Should you become jaded? no way.. Be a realist? absolutely.. Realize that some people will try to elicit emotions from y0u to feed their own ego while being void of any real feelings toward you.. But there are others who are genuine and real. Time will sort it out for you.. But sometime yes you need time to exhale and break from the chaos..
So go have fun on your trip .. Don't look back and never loose your sense of humor..
I am at the age where I don't play games and if a guy wants to muck me around then he better look elsewhere
^5 damn skippy
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Posted: 1/14/2009 5:54:10 PM | | OP have you ever called him first? If you're waiting for him to always make the first contact and he's always waiting for you to make the first contact nothing is going to happen. This is a total lack of communication- did you even discuss it with him? | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 5:57:49 PM | | Hi OP sorry about your crappy experience. I don't have any insight into why men behave this way, but I do have to give advice where it is not asked. I looked at your profile and I got to say it indicates a certain level of desperation that the players may glom onto. You might think about changing your headline and being honest about your body type. The rest of it is very interesting and impressive. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 6:05:02 PM | | i'm a man and i can tell you that he was not into you. for what ever reason. do'nt knock yourself out over it. and do'nt get too far ahead of yourself. a few dates does not mean true love. it's still the getting to know each other phase. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 6:20:59 PM | Yes, I contacted him first ... I sent him an email and instant messaged him because he was sick and I was worried about him.. alas he replied he was still sick but apparently well enough to be on yahoo messenger and back to classes teaching.
As for "getting ahead of myself" yes its TRUE 3 dates doesnt mean TRUE LOVE, but if a man shows such a little regard and lack of interest from the get-go he's setting himself and the woman up for an immediate downward spiral... treat a woman with respect RIGHT AWAY --- show her you are interested in spending time with her... if you realize down the road you arent meant to be-- so be it -but at least you set up a better opportunity for growth and mutual respect and communication should you realize you're a match. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 6:26:51 PM | Women do the very same thing to men. Done that ...Been there | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 6:42:50 PM | | Well women that arent interested do that ... sure; but for the most part its men, historically and statistically who are communication "offenders" i.e. dont take the time out to write, call, etc... | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 11:41:22 PM | My personal rule for relationships and phone calls is this...
If I'm always wondering if and when the guy will call/email etc... then the relationship will probably stay a friendly fling at best.
If things have a chance at getting serious, I NEVER worry about if they are going to call.
Cause they call! Sometimes more than once in a day. hah!
And this is old fashioned... but when I meet people in person, I wait for them to ask me for my number. If they care about asking for it-- chances are they're gonna be more likely to use it. | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 5:27:31 AM | Sirenbliss
It's not just men or just women...it's people! I'm trying to say that because too many ladies come out here and baste the guys for this when we women do it too!
And come on--6 months, 3 dates? Please. Girl...as the other posters have said he's not into YOU. And you fell for the nursemaid role? That's sweet but he's a grown ass man who's NOT your BF or your husband. And if it was the 2nd or 3rd time he's disappeared it was 2 or 3 times too many.
Go to Iceland by yourself--pick up a hot, Norse guy and party! I can totally understand the loneliness but sister if you settle for just anyone you'll be even more miserable than you are NOW.
Stop whining, stop ****ing, get to living! I'm giving myself that talk every single day. Don't be one of those people who say woe is me, I can't get anyone. I can assure you it WON'T attract anyone either!
Go on your trip ALONE and make friends. Or just stay at home in front of this stupid thing...which one sounds like more fun???? | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 8:58:51 AM |
And this is old fashioned... but when I meet people in person, I wait for them to ask me for my number. If they care about asking for it-- chances are they're gonna be more likely to use it.
And you don't think the man may think if he waits for you to ask for his number the chances are you're gonna be more likely to use it? If both the man and the woman have this kind of attitude nothing will ever happen. | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 9:01:54 AM | Because he was just not into you....... | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 9:04:46 AM | Self imposed drama OP.
I've HAD it with men WHO CANT PICK UP A PHONE or bother to call a woman or page her ...directly AFTER a date.
Are YOU serious??? I'd bet that if he had called you be here whining that he was being pushy or needy or that it was a sign of desperation.
Grow up OP.
If a man or a woman don't really want to be with you they won't call. See how simple it is?? | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 9:21:19 AM | I have been where you are. Of course it didn't take long to realize that my self worth was being questioned, and then I was out.
I think you have settled your own dilemma OP, why do SOME men act like this?
Because WE allow them to. | |
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