| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 5:56:17 PM | | When a guy messages you, what do you prefer him to say or ask you in the message? Every time I message somebody it seems that I never get a response back. I don't know if it's the message I'm sending or not so I'd just like to get your opinion. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:28:25 PM | I can't speak for everyone here on the forums, but here are some of the things I've gotten on dating boards which I don't like, and may not respond at all to. So you may want to avoid:
- Pet names like sexy, honey, or sweetie. It strikes me as creepy and condescending.
- Talking down to me in general. I'm not a lap dog. I'm a sentient, self-sufficient being with her own thoughts and ideas. I don't need a parent. Don't address me as you would a child.
- Saying naughty or X-rated things. That stuff should come much later, when the two of you are both comfortable with it.
- Suggesting a meetup straight away. I'm sure that a lot of people are comfortable with this, but I'm really not; I'd rather email or chat back and forth a few times first.
Other than that, try commenting on something they said on their profile, maybe? Tell them you'd like to get to know them better and ask if it might be ok to chat back and forth through PoF? Basically anything that doesn't have you coming across as a stalker or a pervert... | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:37:23 PM | People are weird on here. I would talk to just about anyone on here as long as they are respectful and not being perverted. Just be yourself and natural about it. What would you talk about if you were face to face? Can you be creative with your messages? This is why I like to waste time in the forums, least there's a little more life here than what goes on with my own profile hahaha!!! But seriously, you aren't alone in the pursuit of not being able to connect with people without them thinking that there's some sort of ulterior motive behind a person who is happy and/or approachable. A lot of people can't handle "niceness".  | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:41:56 PM | even if you do what spiggylib says it still does not mean you will get responses. Internet dating sites are more about how you look, if your attractive. I'm not saying your not attractive Im just saying if the women are not attracted to you they are not going to message you back. Sorry for being so blunt but someone had to be honest. Good luck fishing  | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:19:09 PM | ^^^^And what's wrong with that? If I am in Barnes & Noble I'm not going to pay attention to guy I do not find attractive. If I am in a bar talking with someone, he isn't going to get any further if I don't find him attractive.
Everything, everywhere nearly always starts with an attraction to the other person. Why should the internet be any different? Unless or until there is a way to get completely past the physical, it will always be based initially on attraction.
The only time that is deviated from is when 2 people are in a situation where they have constant contact with each other and, through interaction, an attraction grows where there wasn't one before. Work, classroom, taking the same train everyday. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:28:38 PM | You look like that little dude who played Tony Sapranos son on the Sapranos.
As long as your not being dis-tasteful, keep trying.....you will get some responses. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:21:27 PM | Why don't any of the tons of guys who ask this question ever post examples of the messages they send?
*pause*
Well of course we'd laugh at them, but we might be able to offer some suggestions too. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:27:08 PM | What I can't understand, bondfan001, is why you are on an Internet dating site looking for a girlfriend when you have a very full life according to your profile.
Aren't there clubs and organizations at college to join where you might meet like-minded people? What about through your church since you state that you are looking for a Catholic girlfriend?
One of the reasons you probably don't get responses to messages is because this is such a visual medium. Maybe put some more pictures in your profile to keep girls looking at your profile for longer.
I suspect you say all the right things because you seem like a very courteous, well-spoken and intelligent young man.
Lots of luck in your quest!
SARL | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:18:12 AM | | Remember the emperor in The EMPIRE STRIKES BACK<"The Death Star is fully Operational." | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:57:17 AM | When I'm messaged, I don't just look at what they've sent me.
I go first to the profile to see what they say they are all about... and of course see what they look like.
If I don't like their profile, they won't get a reply.
If their profile is intriguing, then I pay more attention to the message.
If they just say a quick hi or send an icon... they might get a hi back in the hopes they have more to say next time. It's not really impressive but it's a start.
Having interesting questions that show they read my profile is flattering but insisting that we would get along awesome right off the bat is assuming too much too soon.
The best email I got involved the following things:
- came from someone who had same interests as me listed in his profile
- was short but sweet and friendly
- said that they found my profile interesting and if I felt the same way about theirs we could meet somewhere fun to see if there was any in person chemistry
It came across as being confident and interested but not pushy. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 1:35:00 AM | OP, if you do a thread search you'll find this question has been asked a gazillion times. You should find plenty of feedback.
But the problem is this. For every woman, there will be a different answer. What women (or men) think is a good opening email is incredibly subjective and there is no one or two things.
I'm inclined to think that if the woman you send the message to is someone who might click with you in real life, she is likely to connect with your message (at least enough to respond), whatever it is you've said.
And I agree with PPs who have said a terrible profile (or a profile that just doesn't interest the woman you have messaged) will negate almost any email. So a non response may have little to do with your emails and everything to do with your profile.
Edited to add: I think on a site like this, your preference for a Catholic woman who is very strong in her involvement with the Church may limit you a little. That is in no way a bad thing. It is good that you are open and honest about your preference. It probably just narrows the field a bit on a site like this I would have thought. Don't be discouraged by that, is what I am trying to say (very badly!). | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:50:21 AM | This is THE most asked question. Do a thread search so you don't get in trouble for posting redundant questions.
Not many men get answers on here....then the ones who do usually ruin it by later getting into sexual talk. Kind of makes all the women hesitant...and extra picky.
I just got an email this morning from a guy who i had a few nice emails with, then today i get the sexual innuendo with the LOL after the statements....GRRRRR | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:06:46 AM | Me Plus Too made a good point abut the catholic preference.
Surely the best place to find catholics, especially devote ones is in church!?!?  | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:07:34 AM | I also look at the profile and pictures before the message, if there is nothing there that interests me, there isn't going to be much in the message that sparks any interest.
You can't make yourself or your messages better to get replies, you are who you are, some will like you, others won't....it's life. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:21:53 AM | | As long as the message is not rude or not of the variety, "What's up?" "How r u?" or "Hi cutie," it doesn't matter. It is forty time more important if the guy is tall and handsome. Don't pay any attention to the reasons we give for not answering because, the truth is, we reply to hot guys and we ignore guys that are not hot. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:34:54 AM | so you reply to guys that are hot and ingore the ones that are not, turn about is fair play, but what about the ones that fit into the "average" category?
I find that length makes a big difference too, whats your attention span for reading an e-mail? | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:39:23 AM |
Don't pay any attention to the reasons we give for not answering because, the truth is, we reply to hot guys and we ignore guys that are not hot.
Unless no hot guy have ever email you, why are you single if being "hot" is the only thing you look for? | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:48:30 AM | I appreciate messages that avoid any form of sexual innuendo and instead discuss why they sent me a message as opposed to any other woman on here. I don't need anything dissertation-length, but more than a couple of sentences is good.
Unless no hot guy have ever email you, why are you single if being "hot" is the only thing you look for?
Haven't you noticed her other posts? He also has to be rich, tall, and have gone to a top college. It is people like her that make me embarrassed to be young and female. Hopefully she will grow out of it, or she will likely find the world a very lonely place. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:30:51 PM |
I find that length makes a big difference too, whats your attention span for reading an e-mail?
NickKost for my answer to that question, go back and read my post. As for you other question, I tell the truth instead of all the politically correct feel good statements that people like to hear but know are false. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:13:47 PM | ^^^^No Kelley, I'm actually going to give you this one.
the truth is, we reply to hot guys and we ignore guys that are not hot.
That's really very true! I have never responded to someone I didn't find attractive. Attractive to ME. Why would I? But what I find "hot" may be someone else's "not". Looks are subjective. The other woman he emailed at the same time as me (!) might look at him and say, "ewww". In the meantime, I can't type fast enough...
If my best friend were ever single, we would never compete to date the same men. She goes for the GQ type handsome pretty boys. More average faces with character make my stomach do flip flops. Nice eyes with a devilish glint to them and I'm just useless.
So in reality, while I think you were just being your usual nasty, superiority complex self, in this case you accidently hit on a truth. | |
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| When a guy messages you...
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:25:51 PM | | If you see something in a girl's profile that you can relate to, ask her questions about it and share your own experiences with it. If you see nothing you can relate to but just find her "hot", you really shouldn't message her. | |
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