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Posted: 1/14/2009 7:27:00 PM | So, over the past couple months i have rekindled a friendship with an old old friend of mine from back home. The last time we seen each other was 10 years ago, and then he moved away with his parents to a completely different province. over the 10 year period we brieftly spoke on and off, barely kept in contact, and so on. alot of the reason was due to the fact he was dating our mutual friend, and she didn't want him talking to me or anyone else from our home town. silly enough, he listened.
anyways, he come back into my life before my ex and i broke up back in the beginning of nov. He stood by me through everything, and i him, when we were both going through a hard time. Over that time i feel like i have feelings for him, or more like, im sure i do. and want to persue something with him.
he's told me he wants to be with me as well, and that we are ment to be together cause we are so much alike and went back to each other after so many years. but he says he has a problem with the distance, and wants to wait until we can live in the same town before trying anything with me. i however, personally think that if we love or at the very least care about each other then distance shouldn't matter...
anyone have any opinions? | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:31:12 PM | | What more can be said other than it's harder. | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/14/2009 7:56:23 PM | | my mom lived miles away, then she died, that was further | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:04:25 PM | | Are you still moving back home at the end of January as per your profile? Is that in the same place as him? That's only in two weeks... patience, grasshopper. | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:05:21 PM | I kept in touch for months with a friend who was working in Moscow,
its harder with such a time difference of 9 hours
we used webcam, skype, live messenger- it really helped
sometimes I'd tell him to just leave them on and running so i could hear him padding about his apartment | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 8:19:17 PM | The key to long distance in a relationship is trust and communication. That and a lot of frequent flier miles.  | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 8:42:13 PM | Seriously if it will be quite a while before you can be together.....move on....rarely do long distance relations work.....sooner or later at least one gets interested in someone else.....lonelyness has a way of doing that, or someone just comes along..
If the wait is not too long...then I say go for it... | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 8:48:59 PM | | I dont mind having long distance relationships, I had two and it was worth it we comunicated all the time and got to know each other very well becauseof the comunication. Once we met we didnt really cared how we looked because the feelings were there already. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 8:55:00 PM | | if you both want this to work you both gotta want it and make effort into spending a lot of time with each other. I'm in a long distance relationship myself and we both want this to work. Communication is your friend. | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 9:02:29 PM | | I rekindled a relationship like this after 10 years...high school girlfriend that I lost when I moved away and drifted apart....We ended up talking quite a bit for 6 months and then ended it because she was coming off a messy divorce and needed to work on those issues first and not sure if we come back to it now....I would only consider it if one of you is moving anyway (sounds like you are moving closer to him)....People change quite a bit (some for good and some for bad).... | |
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Posted: 1/14/2009 9:05:06 PM | I think long distance relationships are definately possible if both people are ready to put the work into it. This man has told you he's not ready to do this. He has told you he'd like to try this but that the timing isnt quite right. If you are to believe what he says (and you haven't described a reason why you shouldnt) then you are better off respect that.
I wish you luck! | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:22:37 PM | I believe long distance relationships can work, I have to.
I am not sure though how long the distance is between your residence and the guy you have feelings for is.
I believe, if you two care for each other that much, you will find a way to make it work. If it works, then perhaps it was meant to be. It sounds like there is a strong possibility since you two had a friendship that has potential to develop into more. I think those are the stronger relationships, when you have become close friends first.
As others have likely stated, communication is key to making things work, no matter how short or long the distance in a relationship is.
Well, whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck. | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/14/2009 11:51:53 PM |
So, over the past couple months i have rekindled a friendship with an old old friend of mine from back home. The last time we seen each other was 10 years ago, and then he moved away with his parents to a completely different province. over the 10 year period we brieftly spoke on and off, barely kept in contact, and so on. alot of the reason was due to the fact he was dating our mutual friend, and she didn't want him talking to me or anyone else from our home town. silly enough, he listened.
anyways, he come back into my life before my ex and i broke up back in the beginning of nov. He stood by me through everything, and i him, when we were both going through a hard time. Over that time i feel like i have feelings for him, or more like, im sure i do. and want to persue something with him.
he's told me he wants to be with me as well, and that we are ment to be together cause we are so much alike and went back to each other after so many years. but he says he has a problem with the distance, and wants to wait until we can live in the same town before trying anything with me. i however, personally think that if we love or at the very least care about each other then distance shouldn't matter...
anyone have any opinions?
OP -- wow, for a second there I thought you may be my SO lmao. Our story is so very similar to your own in so many ways it was scary to read heh.
2007 her and I found each other again (online) after 10+ years away from each other and no contact. She moved back home in that time, and we are all the way across the country from one another. We didn't care, and really still don't for what it's worth.
We're in love with each other, and we have said as much and we also believe that we're meant to be together. Distance for us is a hassle obviously, but for us it's not enough to stop us from trying to get the pieces to fit. They may, or they may not, but to have never tried is the ultimate failure we see.
I can understand where he's coming from on many levels, especially wanting to wait until you're in the same town...but that shouldn't stop him from everything that it means to love someone. It's not like my SO and I can see each other all the time either, but some things are just worth it regardless of circumstance. In fact it's the thought that one day we will finally be together full time that keeps our spirits up.
He may be passing that up just for convenience sake. I hope he changes his mind and just enjoys what he has now til he can get what he wants later on.
Some things are just worth it. No boundaries.
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 2:42:59 AM | How distant is "distance?"
If you're talking a few hours by car, no big deal.
If you're talking airplanes and long hours, that's a bigger deal.
The most important thing is: How do the two of you feel about each other, and do you see a future together? If so, then you should be planning how to actually *be* together. If there's no desire to move closer to one another, then that tells you everything you need to know about the permanency of this relationship. | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 3:06:34 AM | This is not a one dimensional issue here.
Let's first look at the distance. It's rare that people can have a relationship without the means of being close physically. I am not saying it's not possible but it's also not very realistic. There is a reason why divorce is higher in numbers with certain types of professions. It's because of the lack of interaction those particular couples are able to commit to each other.
But my bigger concern here is WHY do you feel the need to pursue him NOW? Why not when it is more practical of a situation? | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:22:48 AM | i had a partnet many years ago, it wasn't a plane journet, but about 3 hours drive... as he did to me, or a few trains as i did to him.
it worked really well.
we spoke on the phone a lot/texted and each time we met (every 2 or 3 weeks) it was like honeymoon period all over.
as long as you both want the same in the end, then it can work... i think its more about trust and if you do have trust then its not such a big deal having big gaps between seeing each other. | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:00:43 AM |
but he says he has a problem with the distance, and wants to wait until we can live in the same town before trying anything with me. i however, personally think that if we love or at the very least care about each other then distance shouldn't matter...
Ahh, here we go again. "I want what I want, and I want it now." And to hell with any logical thought process that might stop you from jumping into situations that are not the best for you in the long run. Obviously, patience and impulse control are not your strong suits, so this comes as no surprise.
OP, you continue to repeat the same types of mistakes over and over again, and then come looking for advice to get you out of the holes you dig. That is, act first, think about the consequences later.
That may have been okay when you were the only person that was affected by your decisions. But for pete’s sake, now you have a baby on the way. Don't you think it's time to look at what is best for the baby? That should be your first consideration. Or are you just looking for a replacement daddy?
You knew this guy 10 years ago and have kept some minimal contact over the years. Now you think you’re in love with him and you want to move fast.
You can’t wait until he moves to the same town to explore a relationship with him? Slow down for once and start thinking with your head.
Besides, how do you know that he’s not going to deny you your cupcake cravings?  | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:11:18 AM | If the feelings are there, and you both truly believe that it's worth a shot, the distance should seem like a drop in the bucket. Like someone else stated, it's hard work....trust and communication are the two big things that HAVE to be there. Best of luck to you.  | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 6:33:40 AM | | it can be alot harder with a long distance relationship. you both will have to sacrifice alot to the relationship and trust is a big issue you have to be able to trust 100% or it will cause fights and then the relationship will not go so well. | |
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Posted: 1/15/2009 7:32:38 AM | | You are moving to NFLD unless he lives there or is planning on it I'd worry more about getting settled in and preparing for the baby. If this is meant to be it will happen. But don't set your hopes on a person you have not seen since you were 12. | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 7:35:31 AM | Long distance relationships can definitely work IF feelings and commitment are mutual AND the distance isn't for an indefinite period of time.
I was in one for over a year but the feeling weren't mutual so that was the end that story. lol | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 7:40:32 AM | Long distance relationships come down to trust. You have to trust him and he needs to trust you. The separation is not easy because you want to spend time with your significant other. Talking on the phone, chatting on messenger, emails, etc. do work in keeping you connected but at the same time it also builds a false relationship. You still have your life and he has his outside of your together-time bubble. Meshing those two worlds is sometimes not very easy. Sometimes when you finally both end up in the same place, it fizzles because it was the separate times which kept things together.
My friend, who lives in Edmonton is in a relationship with a fellow from England. It works for her very well and they see each other a couple times a year. I think if either one moved the relationship would be over because she is fiercely independent and doesn't want the full time situation. They trust each other and the relationship is enough for her the way it stands. I'm sure they would like to see each other more often but England to Edmonton isn't exactly a weekend jaunt. The time they spend together is usually on vacation so it's also an artificial relationship in that it's outside of their everyday lives.
You both have to be committed to making it work; that's the bottom line. | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 10:37:09 AM |
OP, you continue to repeat the same types of mistakes over and over again, and then come looking for advice to get you out of the holes you dig. That is, act first, think about the consequences later.
That may have been okay when you were the only person that was affected by your decisions. But for pete’s sake, now you have a baby on the way. Don't you think it's time to look at what is best for the baby? That should be your first consideration. Or are you just looking for a replacement daddy?
You knew this guy 10 years ago and have kept some minimal contact over the years. Now you think you’re in love with him and you want to move fast.
You can’t wait until he moves to the same town to explore a relationship with him? Slow down for once and start thinking with your head.
Besides, how do you know that he’s not going to deny you your cupcake cravings?
PTM -- oh WOW man...I totally missed the cues didn't I? Is this the same drama queen that was postin' about Gramma and her evil ex that was denying her her treats?
Changed the name, but the story remains the same.
Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have said that buddy needs to join POF and search the forums for insight on her character? I need to pay closer attention... | |
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| long distance...
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:04:48 AM | Let's see... you're 21 now, last saw this guy when you were 11, have been reacquainted for the past two months...
I'm sure you like him and he's a nice guy, but I think he's being realistic. Keep on liking him, but keep yourself open to other possibilities. | |
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