| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:12:09 AM | i have been divorced for 6 years now and have not been sexually active since. my roomate (divorced male, 54) seems to have no problems going after basically anything or anyone and has been doing so since i have known him. i do not have any desires whatsoever for my ex and, as far as i can tell, have only the normal amount of baggage any male would have for my age.
anyway, i guess my question is if i do meet a woman and things progress, would she think i am odd for waiting so long?
i am really curious about a woman's viewpoint on this as it has put a damper on my actively seeking companionship. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:43:56 AM | | frankly i would be a whole hell of a lot more concerned about your roommate than i would you and your six-year hiatus. i wouldn't even touch your roommate without a ten foot pole and surgical gloves. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:56:54 AM | when you say no sexual activity? not even-
-no first base?
-no second base?
-no third base?
-hell no thats not normal -go get some before you end up in a clock tower with a rifle | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:58:22 AM | I had a 10 year hiatus, but then I'm a woman, we tend to have a different set of values on this subject. My hiatus was total, I didn't even date.
So I don't think you're odd or have issues.
Coming from a woman's stand point, this is what I have learned over the years in my observation of the game.
Reason number 1 why a guy would go a number of years without sex, "Fear of rejection." We woman hold all the high cards when it comes to whether or not we will have sex with someone. There are very few occasions when a woman initiates sex and is turned down. When we get rejected it's usually at the starting gate, not the finish line. Guys, however can go through the whole date with the anticipation of a little shared pleasure, and still get the big "NO" at the end.
Reason number 2, you give a darn who you are having sex with. You have standards, be it physical attraction, or the need to feel an emotional connection, you want it to mean someting. Not just getting physical gratification.
Or reason number 3, you have a low sex drive, and it just isn't a big deal to you.
Reason number 4, you've been out of the action so long that you just don't care any more.
Any one or a combination of these reasons can put a man on the sexual sidelines. Remember everything is relative in this world it's all about individuality, what feels right for you. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:44:14 AM |
i have been divorced for 6 years now and have not been sexually active since.
So what IS the reason you've been celibate for 6 years ............??
Are you grossly overweight with a drinking problem?
Just looked at your profile and saw a couple of "Prefer not to say",so, immediately think the "worst"...... | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 5:11:49 AM | | If you are married or in a stable LTR, then 6 months to 3 years is about normal. If your single, 3 days to a week.... | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:27:37 AM | | Normal is what ever you want it to be. Coming up on two years for me and it’s not because I haven’t had the chance, it’s because I haven’t found the chance I want to take yet. So be it. I have no interest in sport sex. The hell with normal. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:31:25 AM |
i am really curious about a woman's viewpoint on this as it has put a damper on my actively seeking companionship.  Not real sure why it has put a damper on seeking companionship.
Okay, to answer your question "would she think I am odd for waiting so long?"...
I wouldn't think him odd. I'd merely think he hadn't been in a relationship, that's all.
I fully realize not all men are out there flucking around.. to be sure.
OP, there are a lot of men (women too) who aren't gonna be sexually active unless in a relationship. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:41:57 AM | I would think that your just being you ... Nothing wrong with not having sex ... We are all adults and we all can make our own choices ...
AnglFLyn | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:44:14 AM | Some people, OP, only feel sexually-inclined, when they have someone in their lives to feel that way about and then, of course, it's a pretty huge rush. Other people stay bound to having to seek out sex regardless of whether or not they have someone inspiring them.
Given my choices, I would rather be in the first category so that I am not feeling compelled to always be looking for someone to mate with. It has nothing to do with age because I've been part of the first category since I first hit my adult years. Many times in reading this forum, I've been grateful for it. I can't imagine having my life decisions dictated by my libido and I would resent the hell out of a drive that forced me to live a certain lifestyle.
I have dated a few men who have lived quietly following their divorces and I think it's pretty normal. I sure don't think any less of them for not allowing their sex drive to do their thinking for them. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:47:07 AM | well, it'd make it less likely that you'd have an undiagnosed std...
only the reason for your celibacy might make you appear odd - for instance, if you were attached to a man eating plant which kept attacking all your potential love interests...
however, if you've just decided not to sleep around until you find someone you're really interested in, (or similar sort of reason) then that's great
i don't see the celibacy, in itself, as a problem at all | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:20:26 AM | Hmmm. It would possibly raise a yellow flag and beg the questions
Do you have a low libido?
Having trouble forming attachments with women?
Did your last relationship shatter you and cause you to retreat into a shell?
Those types of questions would be in the back of my mind as 6 years is a long time. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:23:00 AM | It wouldn't make a difference to me....it might have when I was younger and saw the world mostly in black and white.
But now that my world has become this lovely shade of grey (figuratively and literally speaking), I'd only be interested in knowing the reasons why. Not to judge you, but simply to see if we are compatible.
And to be perfectly honest, it might even be (at this point) a positive for me. It's now been a while for me also and I'm not embarrassed to admit that the idea of being intimate with someone, specially for the first time, makes me break out in a cold sweat.
Who knew that this could happen to an old free love 70's hippie chick huh?
Anyway, good luck to you OP and all the best to you:)
JMO
| |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:33:38 AM |
anyway, i guess my question is if i do meet a woman and things progress, would she think i am odd for waiting so long?
As you might be able to tell from the responses, different women view this in different ways.
I would think that you are odd, and like another poster, I would wonder WHY you waited so long. Have you not dated at all in six years? Is your libido low? Do you indulge in self-pleasure?
But some women have expressed the opinion it isn't odd.
I also wonder, are you using this as an excuse to NOT pursue a relationship because you have other issues? | |
|
| |
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:49:35 AM | Over 6 years without any sexual contact. It tends to get "easier" the longer you go without. But, my desire has not diminished. Opportunity has yet to present itself.
No real "normal" in this case. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:56:25 AM | I once dated a guy who hadn't had sex for 9 years [he was 46 at the time]--and even then, it was an aborted attempt (an I had sex "sorta" thing--with a lesbian). He seemed to really enjoy my body, but since he had been with "himself" for so long, he had trouble realizing there are smells --other than lotion-- involved, and had a difficult time realizing it wasn't all about him and that I actually had "demands" of my own.
Personally, I would have a slight problem, thinking that you have intimacy issues -- since he did, too. But by the time I got to know you hadn't had sex in so long, it would prolly be too late, right? I'd have already made up my mind whether I wanted to or not. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:58:30 AM | | It ought to be considered normal to spend a few years alone after the end of a longterm relationship. Too many people rush out and find someone new, and then repeat the same mistakes they made the last time. OP, hold out for someone who appreciates that you've spent the last several years alone. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 9:07:08 AM | ^^^Great advice zabet!
frankly i would be a whole hell of a lot more concerned about your roommate than i would you and your six-year hiatus. i wouldn't even touch your roommate without a ten foot pole and surgical gloves.
Make that a body condom!   | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:24:21 AM |
frankly i would be a whole hell of a lot more concerned about your roommate than i would you and your six-year hiatus. i wouldn't even touch your roommate without a ten foot pole and surgical gloves.
Agree.
Anyone can get sex anytime, especially if they are not discerning, especially if for them it is just sex. One poster said 'go out and get some'.....some? For some people I guess that is what it is, just getting some. For others, it is intimacy, physical and emotional intimacy and it isn't about just 'getting some.' More often, I suppose, it is women who care about it being more than just sex. To me, a man who isn't interested in just having sex, who shows discernment and self control, this is a man who is far more attractive than someone like your roommate. As far as how long is normal: who is to say what is 'normal.' In anything....there is no way, really, to determine what is normal. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:21:01 PM | Sleezy is as sleezy does, OP. I believe that you are doing something you should be proud of. Your roommate is gaining a reputation among the women, whether he realizes it or not, and it isn't a good one. He may be out there sowing his oats, but the truth is, at the end of the day, or night, he is still a lonely man.
I was single for 8 years before I let another man into my heart. I used that time to become comfortable with the idea of being alone...but not lonely, and to come to grips with just what I wanted, and wouldn't settle for, in my next relationship. That isn't to say that I haven't made some mistakes since then, but it was a break that I was truly thankful for after a longterm relationship that left me totally drained emotionally.
You are not that unusual in the choice you have made to be celibate for the time being.
Wishing you well in the future. | |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:48:33 PM | Its your room mate I am concerned about. People who will have sex with any one concern me because they are users. And lack maturity. And with STD/HIV issues (worked in a clinic) I would also be concerned.
Tellurider (OP) am curious why you have so many 'prefer not to say' on your profile.
Some people actually respect and want someone as a partner, who hasnt slept around. And last I heard no one ever died from not having sex. Have been a widow shy five years and while I have certainly had a number of good men want me, I wont have sex just to be having sex.
Being celibate isnt a crime. And reliable research shows most single people are not having sex. Its just that sex is all around us in ads etc., suggesting if you are not having sex and are single that something is wrong with you. | |
|
| |
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:10:30 PM | anything over 6 months is SCAAAARY
I know. I went an entire year. I almost applied to the Vatican for revirgination.....
| |
|
| how long without sex is normal?
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:24:06 PM | ...I can't tell you how long without is normal. Everyone's sexual appetite is quite different. I prefer to dine with someone who is just as selective as I am...And to be perfectly frank, I have had very few sexual partners throught my life and it is not because I have a low libido....I can be a very passionate lover...with the right person.
In other words, I choose not to have sex just to satisfy an urge.... for me I need to feel something for my partner, an emotional attachment before I partake in the pleasures of the body. I am not going to tell you how long I've been without...just know that it's been a very long time.
...maeflowers | |
|
Home
login 
