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 stewy1706
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 1
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions pleasePage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
i'd like an opinion please.
I'm in a relationship and not looking for anything but chat here.
I've reactivated this profile as a way to chat to ladies when the little lady is sleeping (she goes to bed early with working mornings and I work shifts so I can be a night owl) recently realised that she is still chatting to an ex and a few male friends, I'm not insecure and trust her but at the same time its made me think if she can chat then so can I - I stopped chatting to a few lady friends that made her feel uneasy - my choice - trying to put her mind as ease that I'm content with her.
I've explained this to her and she looked a little put out. This isn't a way to get back at her honestly but I dont watch tv and this passes the time. your veiws please thanks ( if this thread is closed then feel free to reply via messages)
I posted this in main forum but I'd like to get the brits veiw ( not knocking the Canadians and Americans but WOW they are so cynical - or I see things thro rose coloured glasses ! lol
Thanks Stewy
 lalby
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 2
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I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 1:36:34 AM
I would never delete my account or stop talking to people ive become friendly with for a man.
If my man didnt trust me then how could it work?
And i wouldnt expect my guy to cut himself off from people for my sake either.
As long as you are honest and open and dont keep the fact that you chat to people a secret then i dont see how it can hurt anyone.
 Blueskies123
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 3
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:18:22 AM
I'm with Lalby on this one.

I'd still keep my account here and still come on the forums and chat to existing friends on here.

What I wouldn't and don't do if I am seeing someone is chat to someone who makes new contact with me if they aren't linked to the forums..if someone new mailing me is looking for dating it's not going to happen if I am seeing someoen so it would be a waste of theirs and my time to chat.

I would expect ^^^ all of that of him too...and there's no need in my view for him to delete his account.
 princesspinkpixie
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 4
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:25:41 AM
I agree with Lalby and Blueskies



As long as the ladies you chat to know you're attached then IMO thats ok
 ~Techno Wench~
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 5
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:32:00 AM

What I wouldn't and don't do if I am seeing someone is chat to someone who makes new contact with me if they aren't linked to the forums..if someone new mailing me is looking for dating it's not going to happen if I am seeing someoen so it would be a waste of theirs and my time to chat


This is the same for me, and because I am seeing somone I also refuse to get drawn into conversation that include sexual inuendos. I don't keep secrets, that breeds mistrust and likepeople have already said... without trust you haven't got much anyway.

As for dropping friends because she isn't comortable with them, for me it's a no no and disrespectful to that friend.
 Sexytrish36
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 6
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:33:21 AM
I also agree with the ladies above.....

As long as there is no secrecy on either parts then whats the problem...

Im in a relationship and we have both kept our profiles open forthe forums ... We know when we have both been online... there is no flirting and arrangin to meet up with anyone else,
so as long as its all amicable then whats the problem...

Im guessing she knows you chat when she goes to bed?
 20pete08
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 7
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:40:50 AM
Stewy , stop being a clown.You are a grown man dont jump on a forum to sort relationship problems talk to the person that matters most... Your Lady...Nuff said!!!!!
 josh1uk
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 8
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:41:28 AM
I disagree, this is a dating site, it's full of people wanting casual sex. Hardly going to fill her with confidence and security. You tell her 'oh by the way, I'm going to join a dating site to get friends' and wonder why she looks put out?
Try a social networking site like face book or my space where the majority are looking for friends. She wouldn't bat an eyelid at that.
 ~Techno Wench~
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 9
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:44:25 AM
Josh the problem with the sites you mention is that they don't contain forums as good as this ....this may be known as a dating site, but one of the options they supply is to make friends...
 Fierce Fish
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 10
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I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:48:35 AM

Stewy , stop being a clown.You are a grown man dont jump on a forum to sort relationship problems talk to the person that matters most... Your Lady...Nuff said!!!!!


Great straight to the point no bullshyting advice.. I second that..
 Quixotic D
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 11
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:49:41 AM
Sounds like we have consensus amougst the right-thinking Brits!
It would be almost just as fooling to say that it's 'wrong' to talk to memebers of the opposite sex online as it would be to say can't talk anybody else in person.

Relationships aren't that simple.

But having said that you did say your partner seemed uncomfortable with it, which is understandable up to a point. I can see you are concerned about how she feels. Without making to big a deal about it, it might be worth discussing it with her - not in the 'Darling, do you want me to stop chatting online? because I will if you ask me to' direction, but maybe try telling her about some of the friends you've made and what's going on with them. You could even ask her opinion on some of the topics you've been discussing(probably not this one!).

The idea being to make it less of a mystery to her so she might not feel threatened by it. Crazy idea - you could even suggest she signs up herself and chats to some of the same people!
 Quixotic D
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 12
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:51:33 AM
Well, we did have consensus when I started typing.... popular subject!
 mr_normal_guy
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 13
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I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:54:37 AM
Very interesting post.

I am not dating at the moment, but have found with some recent ones, when you get to about date three I get pressure to hide my profile on here.

I have hidden it for them too. It doesn't stop you chatting on here though, it just stops new contacts.
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:57:36 AM
I'm at odds with the previous replies on here Stewy.

My advice to you would be for the two of you to exit all dating and chat sites, and concentrate on the relationship that you're fostering.
Never mind the trust and fidelity aspect of the relationship, immerse yourselves in your own lives, at least for a short period of time.
Sit down and talk, does she tick all the boxes for you?
Do you tick all the boxes for her?
If not, how can you change that?
do you want to change that?

I'm talking from experience here.
I'm a Libran who's twice your age span, and have spent my life looking for the perfect partner.
Only to have lost her because I failed to ask those questions.

A.T.B. Rob...
 josh1uk
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 15
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:12:07 AM
Msg 10 the forums may not be as good but what is more important in a relationship...Good forums or pleasing a partner by not putting doubt into their mind on the pretence that it is ok because they chat to their ex. This place has lots wanting casual , also lots wanting a relationship that work day shifts that he'd see more of. The difference between here and facebook is that people generally go there chat with friends, people may try to get off with each other but it isn't set up as a dating site, people can't view each others profiles unless they accept. Here is geared towards meeting people for a relationship. Be that friends, casual or serious. op hasn't just stopped on here with the agreement of a partner to stay in touch with existing friends, they have reactivated their profile to seek new friends... On a dating site. It is not just the fact that he's reactivated, it's the reasons why. That may be allowed but to me would set alarm bells ringing if it was my partner.
 Cleverkitten
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 16
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I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:12:26 AM

recently realised that she is still chatting to an ex and a few male friends,


So she can talk to her mates , exes, men etc but you can't ?

I think you need to both be singing from the same hymn sheet, if her 'chats' are non-threatening to you then so should yours be for her
 pink bows
Joined: 1/14/2009
Msg: 17
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:12:49 AM
op... stewy.... little man....

you say you reactivated to chat to the ladies... ? are you not interested in making male friends? why's that then?

maybe she doesn't watch tv either and is also doing it to pass the time.

whats good for the goose is good for the gander. stop being a hypocrite.
 ~Techno Wench~
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 18
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:39:50 AM

This place has lots wanting casual

Just because they are looking for casual stuuf doesn't mean he is....i'm here and i'm not looking either... another option given by the site.


also lots wanting a relationship that work day shifts that he'd see more of.

Self control is easier for some ... it doesn't matter what shift others work ... it matters to this man what he does.

Here is geared towards meeting people for a relationship. Be that friends
(did it hurt shooting yourself in the foot

Friends is an option, the option this man is choosing. Have you read his profile? this man is laying down what he wants out of this site based on the options available to him.


It is not just the fact that he's reactivated, it's the reasons why..

The fact that he states that he recently found out that his girlfriend is talking to other males be them ex's or not, leads one to believe that this has been kept secret. He hasn't made her end the contact (as she has with some of his friends), he's merely seeking grown up company when his girlfriend is otherwise engaged, in a forum ... his profile is no-nonsense worded.


That may be allowed but to me would set alarm bells ringing if it was my partner


You and he are different, there's nothing wrong with that.
 stewy1706
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 19
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:43:30 AM
Ok thanks for comments, I'm not trying to sort any relationship problems out - just curious of other peoples veiws ! cant see how to post a fresh line so replied to this one.
We actually met online - not here but thats beside the point, and we've both remembered back that we met as friends and we both remember the chat we had was never looking for relationship, it just happened.
Still nice to open a new can of worms and see how others react to different veiws.

remember this was my first public post - maybe I'm fishing and getting bites lol not the intent tho but its sure passing time.
Cheers again
 stewy1706
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 20
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:45:37 AM
sounds great but being a night owl this keeps me outta trouble, if you've read my profile I'm pretty sure it shows all my boxes are ticked, I'm a gemini so I'll say no more....
 crazylilting
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 21
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:54:46 AM
I think your being ridiculous you say your not getting back at her but you also say

"I'm not insecure and trust her but at the same time its made me think if she can chat then so can I"

Hardly seems like a reasonable reason to "chat with other women" I mean what's the point? To bring you and your partner closer together? She obviously doesn't seem thrilled with the idea so she sees a difference between what she is doing and what you are doing. I think you need to sit down and work this out with her like one other person mentioned "stop being a clown"
 josh1uk
Joined: 11/22/2008
Msg: 22
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:06:24 AM
Here is geared towards a friends 'relationship'. A relationship can take many forms. Other sites are just social networking sites geared towards online 'friends'. This is dating site, meant to form proper relationships. Most people come here because they want to meet someone or several people.
He's not looking for casual? How do you know? He was just looking for friends when he met this girl and now they're together. I think a lot on here deny their true reasons for being here or call it by a different name because for some strange unknown reason they think it sounds more desperate to put seeking long term and also think it means jumping into a 7 day 25 hour relationship after 3 dates. People put friends, they still go on dates, still have casual sex, casual relationships and even serious ones.

The fact that he's recently found out and she's kept it secret, together with him not saying it bothers and him coming on here to do the same would probably mean it bothers him and is retaliating by doing the same rather than doing it. Lots of people who find out a partner has had an affair go out and have a retaliatory affair. It's not the way forward. Either discuss it, sort it and move on or split and go separate ways.

This facebook friends thing v here for friends. You've got to think about the options available and the software available, the searches; the ability to search by age, area, hair colour etc; ability to read profiles before being friends with them. This is a dating site, that is a social networking site. The software is set up to match people on dating criteria.
 stewy1706
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 23
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:08:41 AM
Please if your going to judge me at least read my profile first, the clown comments just make me smile so thanks everone!
I dont get worried what so ever about the chat, either way, maybe it was the fact that it all came to light one night, and yes we are both adults and yes we have sat down and talked things thro and things are sorted - yes I'm still here as we both dont see any point in not chatting.
I'll say again I was just looking for different peoples veiws, I wasn't asking to be shot down in flames for wearing a silly wig and having an open profile.
Lastly what is a reasonable reason to chat ? boredom surely fits the bill in my case. Maybe it should be another topic ? I'll let someone else post that....
 stewy1706
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 24
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:13:28 AM
"The fact that he's recently found out and she's kept it secret, together with him not saying it bothers and him coming on here to do the same would probably mean it bothers him and is retaliating by doing the same rather than doing it."

It was never an issue as I didn't know - it wasn't hidden so it wasn't a secret, I've not set up a new account - just started reusing an old one.
Nice to see both sides of the coin and interesting reading
 alan0866
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 25
I'll try this in uk forums, opinions please
Posted: 1/18/2009 4:13:31 AM
After reading your opening post it says

I've reactivated this profile as a way to chat to ladies when the little lady is sleeping


if your in a relationship the chatting to random women while {the little lady sleeps} is almost virging on cheating in my eyes,

iv now got to know a fair few people on here just from being on the forums, if i was to get into a relationship i woul hide my profile, but carry on chatting to the friends i have made BUT in the knowlage my partner knows exactly whats happening !

i wouldnt star making new friends or respond to mail only to thanks but no thanks but if like mentioned before if your profile is hidden the new mail wont happen anyway,
if you continue to try and make friend while {the little lady sleeps} you need to question your motives and if she is doing the same then talk about it and be open with each other about your use of this site !

if you want harmless chat just stay on the forums !!!!! its open for all to see !
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