| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:13:28 PM | I've met a few guys who have admitted to making sexual moves on their first dates for the sole purpose of seeing if the gal will bite or not. Apparently it's their way of testing her to see if she's made up of good moral fiber or not in order to determine whether she is worthy of their love.
If the gal goes along with their moves, they will assume she's 'easy' & does this with every guy she meets & they will wipe her off their slate because she is not relationship worthy. If she stops them from groping, kissing on the lips, etc. then they will see her as serious potential for a relationship & as being someone who will be less likely to cheat on them because she has good self-discipline & knows how to say "No".
The problem with guys playing this game is that they could be losing out on a good thing. Perhaps the gal is a great catch & doesn't usually go this far on a first date but made an exception because she felt such an awesome connection with the guy & was convinced that this was the start of an exclusive, long-term relationship & that he was 'the one' ... so she went ahead & kissed him on the lips or gave him a longer than average hug goodbye, not realizing that this was all part of his deceptive game plan.
The guy will either admit his game & tell her the following day that she "failed his test" or just ignore her calls & emails, never speak to her again & leave her forever wondering what went wrong after such a good date. I say "lucky her". Game players like this will be off my dating list for sure.
I've had guys explain the game they played on me, then tell me how much they respect me because I passed their morality test & they'd like another date or would like an exclusive relationship with me. Yeah right! What part of "no mind games" don't you get? Do I really want a relationship with someone who uses deceptive games in order to find true love?
Ironically, many guys who play this game have said they will go all the way with as many women who are willing on the first date, but do not see their own sexual promiscuity as being morally wrong. Yet, they will criticize the women who have had sex with them & refer to them as sluts for having had sex with them on a first date.
* What do you think about men or women who use games of deception as part of the weeding process to find their one true love?
* Will anyone admit to having played head games on their dates either consciously or subconsciously?
* What if you were in a long-term relationship with your special love, then discovered that he/she had made moves on you on your first date as part of a test to determine your morals, values & potential as a partner? Would that change the way you feel about them? | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:30:56 PM | Good post funny !! For myself, I'm too old for games and I certainly do not like to be "tested". There are things I look for in a potential partner and some of them will be clearly evident on a first date, some take weeks and months to find out. I would never be intimate on a first date but that's just how I am. But hell yeah !! talk about a whole other set of double standards. I've had dates tell me how many women they've "laid" on the first date - in a month - from POF. They don't realize how cheap and shallow that makes them look in my eyes and I'm saying (in my head) "where the hell is the exit - and how fast can I get to my car !!". I am a lady of substance (and I emphasize LADY).....who is in turn looking for a GENTLEman of substance. And in closing....I dislike deception in all forms, and the second I find our I have been decieved in any way I'm finding my way "outta dodge"....because tradionally those who decieve about one thing.....have a plethora of deceptions we are yet to discover.
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:36:55 PM | No, no, no! A man that does this is not of good moral fibre himself. I actually am of good moral fibre - I know it is hard to tell. I would weed a guy who tried to do this to me. I am sure he is enjoying watching the films he makes of so called weeds. This is beyond head games.
Some men like to have their cake and eat it too. These types have rightly earned the named PIGS.
Did you really meet men who admitted to this game? | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:52:40 PM | ^^^This has been going on since the dawn of mankind!
It will continue until the end of mankind!
Men like these, (with no moral fiber) and no compunction about using another person, are truly selfish, and should be put on a desert island with the women that act the same way! They deserve each 0ther!
Just my 2 cents worth! | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:21:52 PM | FunnyAndSweet48, instead of all these deceptive game plan tricks, that go on, between woman and men, maybe some good ole, plain, straight, upfront, no beating arond the bush with everything commmunication approach is probably a MUCH better way to go.
But, it HAS, to go both ways, and not just one.
Better that, then playing around.
At least both people know where each other stands from, or have an idea. | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:29:31 PM | I've met a few guys who have admitted to making sexual moves on their first dates for the sole purpose of seeing if the gal will bite or not. Apparently it's their way of testing her to see if she's made up of good moral fiber or not in order to determine whether she is worthy of their love.
Don't buy into this Nonsense to explain away why they made an Intimate Encounter Hit.
Moral Fiber is composed of far more than just sexual Habits, but if their Attention is so focused on that particular Item ... well ... they've just told you something about themselves.
Next !!!
What do you think about men or women who use games of deception as part of the weeding process to find their one true love?
And if he also plays these deceptive Weed-Out Games, you'll both come to the Conclusion each is deceptive.Those who trade in Deception will be subject to Deception.
"True Love" is primarily established on the Basis of Attraction, Communication & Trust, adding "Deception" to the Mix cannot possibly achieve that Goal.
Observation, Intuition and Assessment of Facts are the Tools of Qualification.
Will anyone admit to having played head games on their dates either consciously or subconsciously?
Don't play them. Why have a "Clean Up" before the Show even gets on the Road?
A Mess at first Sight ... 
What if you were in a long-term relationship with your special love, then discovered that he/she had made moves on you on your first date as part of a test to determine your morals, values & potential as a partner?
I don't think you can take a Guy's Word on this one, but here goes anyways.
Its assumed before you met, that the first Meeting clearly did not include any "Sacking" so agreed upon by mutual Consent. It was understood the first Meeting may be one of a Series, that if Compatibility exists, it may move forward into the Relationship Arena.
What defines "Making Moves" is sometimes quite subjective, as some People react and respond to what they believe have been Signals, esp. those that are heavily burdened incorrectly "reading" Things into it. In other Words, some People don't see all that straight and are a Bit off-the-Wall in this Respect.
Nevertheless, if in Fact he made a Move, when it was mutually agreed upon to not be an Objective for the Date, then the Trust is usually broken, and is often impossible to re-establish. This is a common Complaint ... Guys doing a Vis-A-Vis and go for "The Gold" and care not if they blow you off, as maybe 1 of out 4 Ladies will bite.
Don't forget, sometimes Relationships can form rather quickly, and it may even happen after an Hour with your "Dream Date" that you yourself want to throw all your Resolutions out the Window and go for it. It does happen, its not a common Occurance for those looking for "Long Term", but sometimes Things have been known to start off on the right Foot right out of the Gates.
And this is where Perception comes in. Some see Signals you never gave, and act on them, because it reflects their Hopes. But probably more have been ordering "How to get laid Tonight" Paperbacks and just blindly follow the Instructions.
In either Case, whether "Perception" is running on 3 Wheels, or your Date has been "Deceptive", catering to the Shadow of Doubt, its probably a good Policy to say Good-Bye and find somebody else.
Don't buy into this Garbage that an Intimate Encounter Hit has to take Place in order to test you. Its only a Justification to conceal their actual Intentions.
I've had guys explain the game they played on me, then tell me how much they respect me because I passed their morality test & they'd like another date or would like an exclusive relationship with me.
And if she swallows this Hook, Line & Sinker, its confirmed how gullible and stupid she is.
These "I'm glad you're not a Slut" Compliments are never sincere.
I've had dates tell me how many women they've "laid" on the first date - in a month - from POF.
They see you as another Notch in the Bed Post. Excellent, let them disqualify themselves quickly, even if they are just lying Braggarts. You'd rather know right now than 3 Months into it ... | |
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Joined: 6/5/2008
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:32:16 PM |
* What if you were in a long-term relationship with your special love, then discovered that he/she had made moves on you on your first date as part of a test to determine your morals, values & potential as a partner? Would that change the way you feel about them?
I think such a discovery would probably lead to eventual parting of company.
Ultimately it becomes a matter of honesty and as far as I'm concerned honesty is one of the key aspects of any serious relationship worth having. | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 11:07:28 PM | The problem with guys playing this game is that they could be losing out on a good thing. Perhaps the gal is a great catch & doesn't usually go this far on a first date but made an exception because she felt such an awesome connection with the guy & was convinced that this was the start of an exclusive, long-term relationship & that he was 'the one' - FunnyAndSweet48
I totally agreewith you, FunnyAndSweet48
I met a guy here about 4 years ago, I fell for him, big time. I usually do not go beyond a kiss on the first date, but we ended up necking
in his car for over an hour, like a pair of love-struck teenagers!
But no, anyone who is deceitful & plays games like that, does not deserve me, in the least. | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/18/2009 11:20:21 PM |
I've met a few guys who have admitted to making sexual moves on their first dates for the sole purpose of seeing if the gal will bite or not. Apparently it's their way of testing her to see if she's made up of good moral fiber or not in order to determine whether she is worthy of their love.
LOL, ironically, for me he just flunked at his own test.
If he does not show respect by being more interested in my being than in my body, I'll be glad if I never see him again!  | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 12:41:54 AM | Oh boy/girl
am I sure glad I'm soooo naive
which may be the opposite reason compared to the "testers, players, pretenders" for being single still.
thanks y'all for the explanations, specially ticket writing an entire book, and no wonder friend Tyee can't sleep tonight
I do try to keep it real simple
I determine what it is that I seek, fling or relationship
1. choice for me is relationship, with a "potential victim" found there will be :
a) no deceptive game playing of any sort
b) no inappropriate physical contact, aside from affectionate hug or maybe , just maybe a good bye kiss
c) varied conversations, flirtations, compliments, all in good taste and respecting the other and indicating the interest to meet again
d) if love and relationship develop dishonesty is counterproductive, respecting and accepting the other for who they are is part of love.
2. hypothetical answer seeking a fling with a "potential victim" found
a) anything that will lead to the goal goes and that usually wouldn't take much to do no test required here either...LOL
Apparently the above suggest I don't think much of playing games unless a the game is just a a play for lighthearted fun. I differentiate casual fun and sincere relationship, but regardless which, I would not intentionally resort to lies or deception. A show of such disrespect towards another will eventually come to haunt and rightfully so.
Those who play games mustn't be surprised when they end up becoming the one who gets played.
Surely there may be many who may like that sort of conduct, funny too they seem to be the ones who complain about it as well. | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 3:33:49 AM | Tyeee: So if even if you were happily married to this person, you would end the marriage based on that first date experience? I think my trust would be shaken & we would have to have a serious discussion about what happened, but if we were both happy in our relationship, I would forgive & stay but only if the relationship had been strong & healthy since.
Ticketoride Yes, I've been in situations where the chemistry is flowing rapidly & it's difficult to use your head at those times but sometimes one just has to end the date & leave, especially if I know I'll just be another notch in the bedpost & regret it in the morning. (Am I hearing a whole bunch of people out there thinking, "But there's nothing wrong with a roll in the hay if you both want it"?  )
I've learned that it doesn't matter how clear you are prior to a date that you will not have any form of sex with a guy because a lot of guys will try anyway, usually because they figure they have nothing to lose, after all if you won't, there's always another fishy who will. This is good because they are in fact helping me by weeding themselves out of my pond.
As far as sending out wrong signals, if I like a guy & am comfortable with him on a date, I might touch his arm while talking or walking beside him or lean against his arm while watching a movie but I always make it clear that it's just my affectionate nature & not foreplay so don't expect more from it. But I do have to give kudos to the guys who are complete gentlemen, who have treated me with respect on dates & let me know that they like me enough to wait until I'm ready. However, they seem to be AWOL so I guess their patience wore thin.  Oh well, their loss.
Guys doing a Vis-A-Vis and go for "The Gold" and care not if they blow you off, as maybe 1 of out 4 will go for it.
So is that 1 out of 4 the results of a statistical study that POF has held? Did they post an anonymous survey question on everyone's profile asking, "What percentage of your first dates do you have sex with?"
I think POF should have a list of all members that we can look at before we go out on dates with them. Everyone is listed on a scale & with every date that person has, they get moved higher up or lower down the scale with side notes about why they were a good or bad date. 
Mz. X: Yes, my OP was based on my own experiences & what guys have personally told me ... not just guys I've had coffee dates with but also guys who were just platonic acquaintances that shared their dating strategies with me openly during our chats, not realizing what a$$holes they were making themselves out to be.
I did apparently fail one guy's test because he kissed me at the end of an all-day date & I kissed him back (no tongue) but I did remove his hands from wandering towards my breasts. This was after 3 weeks of chatting & committing to an exclusive relationship to see if we would work out. After telling me he couldn't wait to see me again, the next day he very coldly told me over the phone that he didn't want a relationship with me 'cause any woman who kisses a guy on a first date can't be trusted & him kissing me was part of a test. 
He went on to explain how he tries to seduce all the women he meets on POF to weed out the ones who will likely cheat on him. I explained that if he was having sex with all the women who gave in to his seduction, which many had, then that makes HIM a slut & therefore unsuitable for a relationship with me under my rules. 
I've been out with two guys with different but similar first date testing strategies. I was told that because I passed their tests (which was explained to me in detail after the date), they decided that they would like a relationship with me. Umm ... thanks but no thanks ... over my dead body & all that. | |
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Joined: 6/5/2008
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 7:35:37 AM |
Tyeee:
So if even if you were happily married to this person, you would end the marriage based on that first date experience? I think my trust would be shaken & we would have to have a serious discussion about what happened, but if we were both happy in our relationship, I would forgive & stay but only if the relationship had been strong & healthy since.
I think someone that plays head games in unlikely to limit to just one game.
So I think it would be highly unlikely that a relationship would have progressed to marriage, esp. a happy one, for I would hope that her tendency for playing head games would have become evident before then. | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 7:53:56 AM | isn't this funny FS? the very men who are searching for that woman with moral fibre has none of their own ***snicker s***
yet I am quite sure they all think they are quite the catch .. their actions are justified
and they call women who go all they way sluts?
umm.. what are they then? It takes two to tango 
pot kettle black
this kind of mentality truly sets us back to stone age
how can there be love with this kind of mentality.. they are deluded
not facing the truth that they are just as bad as those they have judged
and they have misjudged
without this truth how can there be true love? | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:07:25 AM | I've had guys tell me that if a woman won't at least kiss on the first date, and be willing to go to bed by the second or third date, they're not interested long term because they figure she's got sexual hangups they don't want to deal with.
To answer your questions: I guess those people are doing what they have to do to find someone they feel comfortable with. I think we all have tests of one kind or another, and to be honest that particular "test" seems reasonable to me, for someone who is looking for a certain attitude. Going so far as to actually sleep with her and then put her down, is wrong, but if he goes in for a bit of cuddlng and she's too enthusiastic, he's entitled to draw his conclusions - wrong or right. Most of the conclusions we make about other people are wrong, anyway. :) He could end up with a woman who's entirely promiscuous and monogamously unreliable, but was just having an off night on their first date.
I'm certain I have unconsciously played head games, especially when I was younger. I've stayed with ex's who did worse than admit to some deception in the early dating stages but it would depend on how serious I felt the deception was, vs. how invested I was in the relationship. Anyway, as far as I can tell, early courtship is almost entirely deception, intended or unintended. | |
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Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 17 | |
| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:44:03 PM | People sure play some strange games. This thread is polarized, but I can see why it got by Team Delete. It is fascinating.
I am not sure why the men get to test the women. It sounds like they have entitlement issues, but then women are too practical for this type of deception. Still, there is something about this thread that is troubling. It is like these men are saying they can have numerous women so they will just put several through a test, when in reality if they do this kind of testing, they are losers.
Read »» Polarization | |
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Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:23:32 PM | ^^^
This thread is polarized,..
??
* What do you think about men or women who use games of deception as part of the weeding process to find their one true love?
* Will anyone admit to having played head games on their dates either consciously or subconsciously?
* What if you were in a long-term relationship with your special love, then discovered that he/she had made moves on you on your first date as part of a test to determine your morals, values & potential as a partner? Would that change the way you feel about them?
I think my vision faills me, for I cannot see any evidence of polarity in OP's questions. They appear to address both genders and are not specific to any age group.
Please enlighten us of the accused polarity. | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/20/2009 1:27:16 AM |
Finding Love Through Deception
Isn't that the big 'cry foul' motto in some form of every other topic around here? | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:16:13 AM | How is it going to be love if it comes through deception? Is deception a descriptive used in love?
It's kind of a stupid question as love should blossom through wide open communication. I believe you can't control who you love if your love is pure...
Maybe love means too many different things?
I think Love itself can be a little deceptive.... maybe the better word would be disguised? | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/20/2009 12:02:16 PM |
The thread title itself Finding Love Through Deception suggests the impossible. - Montevideo
If one person deceives another & through said deception succeeds in getting their naive partner to fall in love with them, then the deceptive partner has indeed found love through deception. Whether the deceptive partner also falls in love with the naive victim is irrelevant because he/she has succeeded in "finding love through deception". | |
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| Finding Love Through Deception
Posted: 1/21/2009 6:56:37 PM | Sorry Funny and Sweet and others...but I don't give men that much credit for coming up with such a plan to test a woman.
I would think it was an afterthought... something they came up with for not continuing a relationship with someone. Or after she dumped them, after she realized that all he wanted was sex.
nahhhhhhhhh don't buy it at all... no guy who is looking for a good girl is going to go about luring women to have sex to see if they bite....lol.... funniest thing I have heard in a while...but good try buddy!
Gals I suspect would say the same thing after too... he was a jerk... no morals...we shagged on the first date....lol...dropped him like a rock... = he didn't return my calls. | |
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