| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 3:46:49 PM | I met someone on POF a while ago. We started dating - not exclusively or anything like that but kind of regularly. It started to feel like we were both headed into exclusivity territory after a while, though. Funny thing is, I noticed that we were both still on POF. Why is that? Do people ever completely leave this web site? Or are we so addicted to see "what else is out there" that we can't leave? I know I want to find someone and would be all too happy to finally leave this site, but now, knowing that the last person I dated never left and is still on here, not sure that I would ever trust someone else I met on here to not still be on here "looking for something better?" or whatever it is...
Any thoughts? | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 3:50:06 PM | | by the way - we are not still dating. kind of ruined it for me to know that he was still on POF. Reason I was still on was basically to see if he was. really stupid i know and very self-defeating. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 3:52:00 PM | I'm here for the forums... and for the friends I've made while on this site...
I think I'd want to keep this profile available for posting and jotting an odd note off to friends and stuff... but to be actively looking... nope.
I would hope that the man I was with would understand and trust me in this...
Reason I was still on was basically to see if he was. really stupid i know and very self-defeating. Uhmmmmm... what if he were on for the same reason?
Wow... that's a nugget to swallow huh?  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 3:54:53 PM | I cannot speak for everyone but I 'stay' on here simply because I have made a lot of friends. Mostly female. Yeah, we could chat over the phone, in person or via regular email but chatting here is like became our regular hangout.
Also, I quite enjoy the forums here.
I do know that if I found THE right guy & we talked about it & I found out that he had a problem with me being on here still & we were heading somewhere awesome together, I'd leave here in a heartbeat.
I'm not sure it has anything to do about 'trust'. I surely don't believe in the 'what else is out there' theory either. I've never been one of those kind of people nor have I ever been a rebound person. I'm loyal to a fault. When I love a man, no other man exists.
Sigh.
Good subject though. I bet there are a lot of different reasons that none of us even thought of yet. I hope more people respond.  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:18:13 PM | | I use to think that too when i met guys and thought it was going to work out. I would log on to find them on to and wonder why they were on , i got me annoyed but it goes both ways he thought i was on looking for better but i had made alot of friends from here and i like the forums. I deleted my profile as i thought we were going places only to find we wern't and for the love of good could i get back on but finally did, and cause i delted my profile i lost all my good mates. But if i did have to find love from here i would hide my profile and tell the person i do go on to spk to the friends iv made and the forums if he never liked it then tuff lol lol | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:19:07 PM | | this is actually a dilemma for me......new boyfriend, met in real life, and yet i stay on for the forums. i'd like to think that in a couple of months when things feel cemented in i will delete my account. and that my participation in the forums is an applicable learning experience. yet this is a dating site and it feels a little out of integrity to be here if i am not currently available. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:40:08 PM | Good question. If I met someone, and we decided we wanted to be together and develop a deeper relationship, I would not have any desire or reason to stay on dating sites and would expect the same of the person I was dating. No forum could keep me on a dating site...I would rather spend it with someone special in person. If he still wanted to stay on dating sites, then it would be obvious to me that he didn't feel the same about me that I felt about him.
As far as posters talking about being exclusive or not, I assume that he is only seeing me as I am only seeing him unless I am told otherwise. I never assume someone is dating others, and if I find out he is, I end it.
In the beginning, both would probably still be on the site just because it was a habit and neither would know if things would work out. I used to get off dating sites when I met someone, but had to rejoin when things did not work out. I do think it is a matter of trust. If I was dating someone, I would not be looking for anyone else whether I got on a dating site or not. I know how I am, but I have had experiences in the past where the guy was hanging out on dating sites and contacting other women at the same time he was seeing me. It makes you questions whether you can really trust someone or not. I think that will take getting to know someone well enough to be able to trust them. Trust is earned. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:44:41 PM | When I was single, I was here under a different handle. When I met my bf in 'real life', I showed him all my forum shenanigans and he knows I'm just here for the forums (my profile is pretty much "I'm here for the forums, really I'm just here for the forums", over and over again...lol). These forums rock my socks! Loves 'em! Cheers!  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:51:06 PM | Trust...it's all about trust. I am here for the forums. I don't get to see my guy all that often because we both live separate, busy lives. I love reading and learning from people's experiences and sometimes I feel like I can give some good advice, when I'm not in a flippant mood that is, which can happen.  | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:54:20 PM | | You talk about it with them. When I'm dating someone exclusively, I don't pursue anything and if I'm getting email, I let them know. You can "hide" your profile from the main dating pages and still be visible on the forum and by those on your favorite's list. Anything else would seem to me that they are browsing in case something "better" comes along. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 4:55:26 PM | | Thats a really hard one, l have a great many friends on here and as you can see l am active in the forums so don't view pof as strictly a dating site as the options allow for so much more in the "what your looking for" section. When it comes to pof it is more and so have a tough time with the whole deleting my profile thing. I dont see anything wrong with staying on as long as your man knows about it and knows your reasons why you are, there is nothing wrong if you are not hiding it from him. Also too, where is the line or point when you delete it? I have seen sooo many people meet someone, delete their profiles, and then end up back within a couple of weeks because it didnt work out. I don't consider anything a true relationship until that person has been in my life exclusively for at least six months and we have discussed certain things outright. I will never assume l am on the same page with someone until we have actually spoken the words out loud....it is after that, that the other stuff comes up | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 5:47:28 PM | • Hay any/everyone who may read this, in response to this prior post. It is my belief, that when you meet the, “Right-one” It will be likely that the two of you will just intuitively stop looking for another person to date. If it is Love, Which the best definition for love is still found in God’s word (first Corinthian 13; 4) saying, “Love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
Oddly enough, that is the exact opposite of humankind. Being we live in an era and time, that is, “ Keep up with the Jones.”
Also, it is more, “do unto others, before they do it unto you.” Vs. “Do unto others, as you would want done to you.”
One more:
It is not so much as, Love thy neighbor, as thy love themselves.” Rather:
It’s, “find out which neighbor is worth suing, and sue.”
But I certainly wish you all the best of luck finding your soul-mate.
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:08:21 PM | I am still single but I do not actively look to meet someone here. I do contact the odd woman that catches my eye (the list of pictures on top of your email) but other than that I am only hear for the forums. I have got to know some people in our local forum that I find amusing and I like to comment in a few of the global ones.
Right now it gives me a social outlet without taking too much of my time. I only check what is happening online between things that I am doing at home and adding a quick comment here and there. Would I bother if I was in a relationship, I am not sure. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:12:10 PM | I think you have one too many personal problems to even bother why others remain on the site...
To say your reason is to see if he was still on fish.. means you have trust issues and you need to work on that.
As for the guy, if he is making himself availble on the site then good riddens to him. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:13:15 PM | | I dated a great girl I met off POF, and then she kept her account up on her comp one day while she was out - all the emails were the same when we were first communicating...things like "Hey - what r you looking for on here?" and "What does the word friendship mean to you". the one that really hurt was right after the holidays last year when were talking about a more stable future 4 months into the relationship and I see an unsolicited email with phrases like "guess I'm still fishing". She never knew I saw it, I had asked her after about and she got very defensive and standoffish and said she had friends she still liked to communicate with on the site and just liked the forums but nothing active...to me it's like continuing to go out to bars by yourself just for the attention and then saying it doesn't mean anything...it's a dating site, not a friendship site...If a married spouse found out their SO was on here, I don't think the "friends" argument would work too well... | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:13:55 PM | I have just re-met up with a sweetheart of a guy and the day after we first met back in July 2008 he took his profile off POF and has not put it back on. We broke up a month later and only just got back in touch with each other at Xmas time. We have since talked and met up again and are now dating each other exclusively. He ticks all my boxes and I , his . Thank Goodness. I too had met people before and deleted my account only to be back on here 6 months later. This one is a real keeper and I can't believe we got back together again. It was all my fault and I fully admit I was a bit of a princess but in the end I found my Prince Charming.
I like to read the Forums and get advice too.
Wish everybody else on here good luck and happiness too. Sally. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:20:12 PM | This is an interesting topic because a few years ago I would have wanted to delete... not really understanding the internet world at all... which has taught me some lessons when I transfered my beliefs on others.. Now I have become a forum junky... lol... I come here to yak yak yak... I love to write and I love to give my opinion and advice.. terrible thing forum addiction... but sometimes to be able to spend a hour or so just reading the stuff that people brings up and leave me cackling or just the hey I relate and my friends and I discuss our opinions on this or that... well this topic is one of them...
This is so easy when you aren't in a relationship not to play the game of checking how many times a person signs in... and the timing...
1. Meet & Greets... did they rush back and send me an email?? or was it NEXT....
2. We had our first few dates.... wonder how close to exclusive ... when was the last time they checked in.... yesterday or last week??? your heart leaps when it's been since they met you...
3. OMG now I've slept with them.... how long do you wait to check in afterwards???
This can be a place of insecurity or if you are with a like mind who will jump in the forum and bounce off your remarks and call and say check this out... well... it's all in how things are going.. yes, you can keep a profile hidden from search... you can state NOT DATING in your profile... post pics of your significant other as the trophy pic to the envy of the singletons still fishing... heehee.. it's serious business this topic.. trust me no matter what ppl have to say about it... | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:23:39 PM | I found out the guy I was seeing is/was spending an enormous amount of time on here. He was pissed and offended when I called him on it. He accused me of trying to catch him in something . Good riddens...no one misses a headache.
To answer your question...I think in most cases people are keeping their options open and are looking to upgrade from what they have. There is a small percentage of folks who are actually on here for friendship and to read the forums. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:24:51 PM | The forums here are great.Why would we who enjoy the forums leave. Sure I have heard people say "there are other forums" Yeah there are, but nowhere near as fun as they are here. Another couple sites I am on that is not connected to a dating site moves way to slow. It may take months before there are even 5 replies to a new thread.
Some other sites are very specific to certain issues in life and all that is ever discussed are related to those issues . It gets very boring talking about the same thing constantly. Yet another site has no moderators at all and going in there feels like you have entered a war zone. My space mostly has teens on their forums so for a grown women talking about the new 90210 or the latest on Paris Hilton is not exactly any fun. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:27:04 PM | | I am here for the forums basically. And not the type to check up on a man, since I would assume the man I had in my life was someone whom I could trust. And I would assume he would still get online and visit with people he knew all over the Internet. And he would have to expect it from me. Simply am a curious person when it comes to the world around me. Not everyone who is married, dating etc, is online talking to others in order to screw around. Not all of us want to go out drinking or sit and watch tv. The Internet, reading and my work are what I do all day. Oh and listen to NPR some. | |
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| why do people stay on POF after meeting someone?
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:37:06 PM | I've had a few relationships and never left the site but never lied about me being on it either. For me I'm not a mad dater anyway and it takes me some doing to actually meet someone off here and alot of time so not like I suddenly going to become a cheat lol
I like the forums, I talk to men and women all over the world and just cos this is a dating site doesn't mean it has to be used that way, I mean look at me now I'm in a forum basically talking to myself lol
I wouldn't want to leave here to be honest and if my partner don't trust me and I don't trust him then bang it aint worth it anyway. I can meet someone anywhere at any time so a partner should feel secure in a relationship anyway x | |
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