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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/19/2009 5:04:13 PM | Wouldn't you prefer the truth or someone who lead you on for weeks ?
Expectations vary for first meets... If I dont feel that spark or chemistry during the first meet, its not going to happen. ever There is no sense in wasting time.
And no you are not expected to make sparks fly... That's innate and beyond anyone's control... the chemistry is there or no.. you can't will it to happen..
Sure rejection sucks but realize nobody is immune to it.....You can only respect their honesty.. Do you really want to be with someone who for whatever reason isn't into you?
edit vvvvvv
I agree compatibility takes time no question... but, attraction must be there too right?That's essential for many and non-negotiable.. If the person is not attracted to you but finds you have compatible interests then that's what platonic friendships are made of...
You can both be nervous and awkward yet feel that chemistry/spark..if its there | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/19/2009 5:15:24 PM | | What I am saying is I find ya' really cannot feel if there is or is not a compatability most times from a first BRIEF meeting. Maybe by the 2nd. Are people just going too much on physical attraction? Yes there is some times were it all goes awkward & ya' know it won't work. This had not been the case . Many meeting were we have common interests & conversation flows easy. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/19/2009 5:43:26 PM |
Are people just going too much on physical attraction?
Im sure a lot of people are attracted primarily by someones' looks,but this has nothing to do with "sparks flying".
They may be smokin' hot ,but that doesnt necessarily translate to the sparks thang happening.....they might just be aesthetically beautiful..............?
The "sparks" thing CAN occur on a first meet,too, coz it happened to me,and the guy was not "all that" in the looks dept - he looked like Billy Connelly (no offence,Billy!) and i wasn't attracted to his looks,but,maan,i felt "IT" -- that indefinable something that rarely happens with me..................was a fantastic date,  | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/19/2009 6:14:13 PM | "The "sparks" thing CAN occur on a first meet,too, coz it happened to me,and the guy was not "all that" in the looks dept - he looked like Billy Connelly (no offence,Billy!) and i wasn't attracted to his looks,but,maan,i felt "IT" -- that indefinable something that rarely happens with me..................was a fantastic date,/"
Question, one of the most meaning an dstrongest relationship I know started when the two people could not even stand one another. The had a blind date and there were no "sparkes" but over time they did fall in love and have been happily married for th elast 25 years. So "sparkes/Chemistry" to me is just an excuss to move on. You have made some connection through emails, Im, and phone to think yes I want ot meet the person. so some "chemistry" has already occurred. The meeting and chemistry thing is just a physical thing. People now a days just want it to happen ASAP and not build over time. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:06:41 PM | | I don't feel sparks from looking at someone alone. Sparks come when there is some physical connection, like a hand on the ar m or shoulder, or a dance, or arm around the waist--it either feels natural and there is a connection or there isn't. Sometimes I have been surprised to find chemistry in unexpected places. Must be pheromones or cavewoman instinct. But it does have a lot to do with the personality and the confidence of the man that I'm attracted to. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 3:47:53 AM | | So on dating sites.... you see the pics. ( mine are very recent) , so as far as looks go , no surprises. Me and my date have common interests otherwise I would not meet( looks are not enough). First meet for 30-40 min. Conversation goes smooth & get a brief aquaintance. NO red flags.... great. What more do the ladies want? Are they really expecting too much thus falling prey to the PLAYER??? Consider this: did you use the "instant spark" as your quide in past relationships ? ..... & look what happened.... failure ..... to the player. Perhaps people should take the time to go on a couple dates with those they have selected to meet .... as long as things did not go too terribly wrong on the first meeting. Don't expect to be impressed on the first date & your selection process may work better . Don't go by the belief " no game ... so lame". | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:52:50 AM | | It is either there or it is not. I do not personally "expect" anything, my God I would be living a life of non stop let downs if that were the case. I try my best to get to know who I am meeting, but I cannot and will not allow expectations unless they are just "there". I am selective and I know what kind of person I want in my life. I do not think it is going to happen from here....lol What is up with what? People are people, and some live on Fantasy Island. I think from what I read, you are kinda full of yourself. lol Chemistry is there or it isn't. A second meet, for what? If you are not attracted, your not. What are you going to do, drink more so she looks better? Unreal. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:43:10 AM | | Just saying I think people expect too much too quick & the best , most reliable relationships start with some " getting to know", some friendship & that is my take on why sooooo many get into terrible relationships & remain in a revolving door scenario. YES ... they certainly do live in a fantasy world..... too much reading of those romance novels going to their head!!! | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:01:17 AM | | Unless something really bad happened or he just never calls me again, i'll normally agree to a second date regardless of sparks. Lots of times men are really nervous on a first date and not truly being themselves. He's picked a resurtant, that he isn't sure you like or a coffe house or whatever. If it's from online, you've never actually seen each other before. You have to think of something to say, there is always that fear that the other person is going to just end the date and go, leaving you rejected. He wonders if he dressed appropiately. I've had men who normally speak cystal clear english studder thier way through our first date. I've also had a normally extremely confident guy, twisting his napkin, figiting and forgetting things, like answer to things I asked him. lol. an no idon't run them like an interview, i like the conversation to just flow. First dates are also normally short, so you don't really learn much about each other. Ah well.. second dates are normally harmless and a much better time then the first nerve racking one. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:07:33 AM | Sorry Skater, chemistry has no explanation, when it’s known, it’s known. You can’t make it happen and some times you just know it’s not going to be there, no matter what you do.
Chemistry will also not hold on it’s own for very long and sometimes there is only a small amount that can grow over time. You can’t grow mangos in a desert though. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:34:07 AM | | Well - when I ended up single and doing this online dating thing, I took the "conventional wisdom" of seeing people more than once, even when the sparks didn't fly for me...listening to everyone who said "you have to give it a chance". For me I've learned - it's either there - or it's not. Giving it a chance to show up only complicated things, and made me feel like I was leading people on. So sorry - if it's not there immediately then I'm going to say so and call it done. | |
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bsg789
| | Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 17 | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 9:39:43 AM | | cookie2222 , you should listen to Bostonsportsgal789, myself & others. NOT saying you should spend a whole lot of time , but more that 1, 30 min. meet-up unless it went real poorly. Tooo many are trying to live a romance novel & THAT is doomed. Keep fantasy were it belongs ... in stories...... live in the real world..... be real!! | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 10:06:54 AM | Skater, why should cookie2222 listen to you or others here? She didn’t post the thread. You posted a question and you have seen a lot of responses. Some agree with you, and others don’t, this isn’t a majority rule forum.
You asked, you received, just know that for some, what ever the reason is that they give, they don’t want another date. So what, I’m sure you have felt the same at times too. Maybe that was just their excuse and it was something else that they didn’t like. No spark is a safe out.
It’s just as much a fantasy to hope that they will change their minds on the forth date as it is to just know on the first date. Were all different and that’s what makes it interesting. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 10:11:15 AM | Skater, I'm sorry but we'll just have to agree to disagree...I went that route and it just didn't work that way - for me. Of course there were the ones that were awful...that's a no brainer - but I did meet some very nice men - just nothing...on my part anyway. In following that bit of conventional wisdom I felt like I was misleading people, and they became invested in the whole thing while I was still on trying to see if maybe something would develop.
I can say my last first date WAS a romance novel...and lasted 7 hours, because neither of us wanted to go home! I live in a very real world - and I am who I am, and know myself well enough to know that it's either there for me, or not.
I'm not saying it is, or should be, that way for everyone. | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 11:11:08 AM | OP, maybe part of your problem is the 30 min time limit. I've never had a first meet last under an hour (that was the ex bf). The rest have all been at least 1 1/2 hrs, but the majority are more like a few hours. Trust me....by the end of that 1st meet, I know if I want to see that person again. Sometimes though, there is only a 'bit' of chemistry and I do date them one or two more times before making a decision. It was usually because that 'bit' of chemistry wasn't enough or faded all together as I got to know him.
Lookingfar mentioned a couple that couldn't stand each other at first. My thought is that there was an underlying sexual or physical attraction between the two-at least that's how it was for my late husband & I. We met and were attracted to each other but we jokingly cut each other down all night. It was hilarious! Everyone at the party had thought that we'd known each other for a long time but we had just met. I moved in with him a few months later-one month after my 18th birthday.
As someone else said, if I can't picture getting intimate with them, its never going to go anywhere. But if I'm not sure......they're worth a 2nd date. The ex bf knocked my socks off on our 1st meet. I never dated anyone after meeting him, nor did he. The chemistry was electric!
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ml456
| | Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 22 | |
| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 1:42:35 PM |
Unless a man was butt ugly or the first date / meet was really bad, I would go out with a man 2-3 times before making a decision. Sometimes there isn't instant chemistry / connection simply because you don't know the other person well enough at that point.
I largely agree with this. If I lose interest in a man after just 1 date, it is often because there was an obvious dealbreaker about him. He was dishonest about his physical description, he was rude or annoying, I found out that he was married etc | |
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| Anyone else getting the not feeling a connection. or sparks fly.... ..............
Posted: 1/20/2009 2:21:26 PM | Happyrebel,
The two people I am talking about really did not even want to be in the same room with each other. If one showed up at a party the other would not. They are both friends of mine. I was caught in the middle. So I know that they really disliked each other. Yet over time the came together, and are still together.
I am happy that you have been able to find that special one and know right away. I am not saying it doesn't happen. (Love at first sight), I don't feel it's the norm, that's all. | |
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