| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 9:58:14 AM | I honestly don't understand how a man that seeks you out, protests his undying love to you, comes off as the most wonderful man on the earth, makes you feel like you are all that matters in the world. Then..........BOOM, the bomb drops. He starts distancing himself, the phone calls get fewer and fewer. He went from like 10 times a day to maybe 2 times. He still tells you he loves you each time, very confusing. You have a baby on the way, it's understandable he is scared, so are you. He still swears he wants you and the baby, but he keeps drifting farther and farther. You think he is at home as miserable as you are only to discover he is back on a dating website and before your baby is even a month old, he is dating. Going out with other people.
Hasn't even bought a diaper, only seen his son twice, but he is dating again.
Dazed and confused | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 10:45:14 AM | | Hi OP, firstly let me congratulate you on your newborn baby :) Unfortunately there are many men and women who will say just about anything to get what they need/want from you. This guy didn't want a future or a baby with you and he has made that very clear by dating again. I can imagine your confusion, but don't be, he is not interested in being a father, let alone a husband. And as far as him being scared, I doubt that .... if he was scared he wouldn't be dating and seeking out a new bootycall. Just move on with your life. You and your baby are the only priority in your life right now, so take good care of yourselves. Good luck :) | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 11:34:23 AM | i could relate so much with you right now. first things first congrats on the baby, what an amazing blessing it is. i cant give much advice on this because im kinda in the same boat. but go ahead and read my blog and peoples advice so maybe u could relate...take care hun, things will get better as time gos by...
blog title:
broken and hard to pick up the pieces | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 11:52:13 AM | Some people are like that. They tell you all these wonderful things to get what they want.
Some people will be with someone until they find someone "better".
It's hard for many to communicate that it is over. Some just try to avoid "drama" by just moving on and avoid the person they were seeing before.
Unfortunately it's the way life is. Sucks that you ran into someone like that.
Many reasons why someone would do something like that. It all comes down to selfhisness.
Wish you the best. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 12:25:36 PM | How long did you know him before getting PG?
Sounds like he might just stringing you along to keep you from going after child support. And why are you not doing that? | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 1:08:43 PM | Allow me welcome you to motherhood.
It's the hardest job you'll ever have, the hours are ridiculous and the pay is horrific. However, it is THE single most rewarding job on the face of the earth. 
Not many of us signed up for single parenthood nor did we predict we'd be going it alone. But, life has a way of taking us on unmarked trails and we have to adjust.
I'm sorry that this man has turned out to be such a jerk. Any man can father a child, but not all are cut out to be a dad.
As hurtful as what it is, you need to forge ahead.
What he does and why he does it will likely remain a perpetual mystery to you.
Focus on yourself and your new bundle of joy.
Babies require a lot of time and energy initially and can be difficult for a two parent home.
You will not be able to give what you don't have if you neglect yourself and are forever questioning what went wrong. It's irrelevant.
I hope you have a strong support system that you can avail of.
Be sure to try and set some 'me' time for yourself on a regular basis in order to replenish yourself.
How often this man sees his child is not your issue.
I tended to look at this, when my daughter was a baby, as such precious time that he was losing out on.
I would become emotional when my mind would wander down the ... 'it shouldn't be like this route' so I did my best to keep that at bay.
As for who buys the diaper etc etc .. I truly believe that this does not enter into the mind of the absent parent.
They really have NO idea of the costs involved.
But you know what ??? In the scheme of things, does it matter ???
If you are able to do it alone, then do so.
I would highly recommend that you see a lawyer regarding child support, even if you are financially ok. This money can be put into a trust account or education fund for your child's future.
The thing is, children grow up quite quickly and don't need to be told about who supports them financially, emotionally, spiritually etc. They're not stupid and see things for what they are. The day will come, I promise you, that your child will express appreciation and gratitude for what you did.
Good luck with this new chapter in your life.
New life is to be cherished, so full of hope and growth.
Each and every stage little ones go through is a sight to behold.
View this as a new beginning for both of you.
Enjoy what you have NOT what you don't have. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 1:33:29 PM | | OP, sorry for the situation you are in and it will be a tough road for you. It's bad enough what he's done, but then add your hormones going crazy on top of it, and you're probably miserable. However, even though it looks like you will most likely be raising this baby on your own, I'm sure you will have enough love to give it on your own. Some men are just DEADBEATS! Those are the ones who either don't support their child either financially and/or emotionally. Well, it truly is HIS loss. All men are not like your ex and do step up and take responsibility. All you can do for now is love your baby with all your heart. In time, most likely you will meet another man who will love both you and your son. In the meantime, put your child's needs first and take care of him to the best of your ability. Good luck! | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 2:17:35 PM | Wow Malley, what wise, wise words you have shared with the OP. And truly OP, she is spot on with her advice. It can break your heart wondering about the what ifs, the what went wrongs. Concentrate on your wee babe and yes, do persue child support hun.
I really couldn't add anything more as Malley has truly summed it all up nicely. Good luck! | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 2:54:51 PM | | He isn't worth the paper he wipes his azz with. You deserve so much better than this clown. The only thing you have to think about concerning him is the relationship he has with your son. Get that taken care of so you can move on with your life and away from the scumbag. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 4:09:28 PM | | His priority seems to be getting laid, I'm sorry to be so blunt. He is not one bit interested in commitment or fatherhood, at least not now. Still sowing his "wild oats". Hasn't grown up. But you're a mother now and growing up fast, your child has to be your number one priority, but you already knew that. Are you going after this man for child support? Don't let him get away with being a "deadbeat dad." I'm sorry he let you down. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 4:14:46 PM | | Hey OP, first off let me say congrats on the baby and that I am sorry to see that you are having to deal with all this basically on your own. Now as a guy I have to say how sorry I am that you had to get stuck with someone that is acting like a chump. He doesn't sound at all like father material and to have a kid and make all the claims he has made to you only to back off and go on a dating site and begin seeing other women? Sounds like you need to stick his sorry azz with child support and move on and not let him keep breaking your heart like this. I just hope you are able to pick up the piece and after you kick his azz to the curb concentrate on you and your kids and after you are ready again find a great guy that actually does respect AND love you. I wish you much luck and again, sorry this crap had to happen with someone that is acting like an adolescent. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 4:44:34 PM | Since we only hear one side of the story we shouldn`t be so quick to judge him.
Maybe ,just maybe he didn`t like what he saw after getting to know you better ,it happens all the time and it could have happened to anyone.
You think he is at home as miserable as you are
Why continue the relationship if you are miserable?? Take care of your child and let him go. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 7:02:38 PM | It doesn't matter why. The fact is, he's backed away.
Don't sit at home alone with your baby hoping he'll come around. File for child support from him and you won't have to beg him to buy any diapers.
This is who he is. You got pregnant and he effed off. You can't change that or him. You can only change what you do about it from this day forward.
Find some legal assistance and get the support you and your baby need. | |
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| How can he be so cold when he sought me out
Posted: 1/21/2009 7:28:51 PM | Life, first let me say congratulations. Being a Mother is the most wonderful, treasured, experience we are blessed with, and I wish you and your new babe a world of happiness and strength to grow on.
Your title says it all, really. "Life starts for us now," and it does. I am sorry that your baby's Father doesn't seem interested in being an active part of his child's life and I hope as he matures this will change. Most people do grow up eventually even though it does take some longer than others.
The advise that everyone has given you here is right-on. You need only to worry about yourself and your baby now and enjoy watching your baby grow, take it's first steps, say it's first words, be there to kiss skinned knees. They grow up far too fast.
Take good care..... I wish you the best! | |
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