| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/24/2005 8:08:15 PM | I take issue with dating a single mom on a few points......
1) They can't ever go out! (The kids act like an anchor.)
2) You can do anything at their place! (Kids are there.)
How can you ever have a romantic evening? How can you be free? How can you have alone time with someone that has a baby/kid???
I just don't see how it would ever work.
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/24/2005 8:17:07 PM | | So if you do not think it will ever work, why waste anyones time who has kids? You have to realize that though they are a single mom, the kids are not always tied to her hip. You never know how much free time one has until you ask and get to know them. Just remember that her first responsibility is not to you, but to the child. If you can not handle it, don't go there! | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/24/2005 9:48:29 PM | | When you go out with a single mom, you have to be ready to take on some extra responsibility. It takes a special man to do that, espically if the kids are young. A selfish man will not fit in that puzzle at all IMO. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:56:29 AM |
So if you do not think it will ever work, why waste anyones time who has kids? You have to realize that though they are a single mom, the kids are not always tied to her hip. You never know how much free time one has until you ask and get to know them. Just remember that her first responsibility is not to you, but to the child. If you can not handle it, don't go there!
I think that's it. I want to be #1 in someone's life. I'm not going to take a backseat to anybody.
I think all single people deserve to be top dog at least ONCE in their lives before turning things over to the little tikes.
A babysitter is a temporary fix. If I went out with a single mom, I'd never be #1 because there would always be someone more important in her life... and I can't have that.
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:05:25 AM |
if you want to be #1, don't date women with children. boy, that was easy, huh? ;)
Thanks kitty. You cleared things up nicely! Hehe.
One final note: The day that I lose my status as being #1 in my partner's life will be because of my own doing when I'm ready to pass the torch and start a family.  | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:22:32 AM | then you have your answer.
i think you're making the right choice.
although i'm a single parent and chose that route very early on in life... i do believe that it is inappropriate for single parents to date and involved their kids with men and women they may not be dating in another two weeks. it would be more appropriate to wait until your children are grown and gone to get into a serious relationship. i know that's not the popular thing to say but i've been able to do it for 17 years, still have my fun, not letting my son in on a bit of it, he's never seen me kiss a guy, let alone wake up with a strange man in my bed and i know he sees me in a different light than he would had i just brought every guy i dated home. until he's moved out on his own, he's my priority in life and that's how it should be. dating is fun, and a woman has needs, don't get me wrong... but there are ways to do it so as not to interfere with raising your children.
as for you cpupro... i think it takes quite a man to decide not to step into a woman's life and try to pick up the pieces left behind by another man. it's also nice to hear that you want to experience someone in the sense that you'd both be #1 to each other and build on that relationship until you are ready to start a family. i just hope you do it the right way and marry before you have children. also a controversial viewpoint but i don't care... it's right in my book. ;) | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:30:59 AM |
I want to be #1 in someone's life. I'm not going to take a backseat to anybody
What world are you living in man? You sound so damn self centered and you are definately not what a single mom needs in her life anyways. Heaven forbid someone take care of their responsibilities first. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 10:10:11 AM |
What world are you living in man? You sound so damn self centered and you are definately not what a single mom needs in her life anyways. Heaven forbid someone take care of their responsibilities first.
Life is complicated enough without added responsibilities.
There is no way that I'm ready to deal with children.  | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 10:13:21 AM |
i think you're making the right choice.
as for you cpupro... i think it takes quite a man to decide not to step into a woman's life and try to pick up the pieces left behind by another man. it's also nice to hear that you want to experience someone in the sense that you'd both be #1 to each other and build on that relationship until you are ready to start a family. i just hope you do it the right way and marry before you have children. also a controversial viewpoint but i don't care... it's right in my book. ;)
Thanks.  | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 1:24:05 PM | Im a single mom but im also young so i like to go out.
I still have a great social life/
Put the baby to sleep round 8;30
then the night is mine to go out and have fun.
I didnt give up my social life when i had my daughter.
Im a responsible parent im home in time to be there when she wakes up.
If i drink or stay out really late
i pull myself together to be mommy in the morning
its all about balancing things out. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 1:33:57 PM | Bull crap kitty. In the litter box with that advise. You just made him a selfish man. I would rather be #1 in someone elses kids mind instead of my own.
Hey mom--wanna have some fun?--lets grab the kids and head over to the local go cart race track and go racing so we can all have some fun. I just made myself #1.
princess--you can't leave your young kids unattended even if they are sleeping--the authorities will take them away. How would you feel if something bad happend and you were out partying with your friends? (and things do happen--home invasion, fire, etc etc.) Get a baby sitter. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 3:52:53 PM | princess864... are you the 19 y/o who lives nextdoor to that 33 y/o puppylove dude?
What's up with that relationship?
The guy writing this thread doesn't want to be #2 in anyones life - what's wrong with that? Selfish? - being #2 is no pic nic! Sooner or later - you'll get flushed.
Not so sure raising a child as an 'asexual' parent is the healthiest option either.
trying to find my balance...
single dad with full custody. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 4:29:20 PM | Well, since the alternative (chaining the kids to the radiator) would be considered abuse, you're going to have to accept the limitations on time if you want to be with someone who is a parent.
If you don't see how it could work, then I'd suggest not wasting your time or hers. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:16:05 PM | What was that line in Napoleon Dynamite ..................
Starts with an L ends with R
hmmmmm
I really hope you never date a woman that has children - you would not deserve the great things she could offer you | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/26/2005 12:05:29 AM | you know folks... it really is ok for a man not to want to date a single mom and vise versa. it's a decision each person may have to make throughout their dating life. i for one, prefer a man that already has children because i don't care to have anymore children of my own. i've had my one, that's all for me & i'm happy with that choice. i wouldn't want a man to sacrifice having children because i don't want any so i usually don't date men without kids. is that selfish too? i think not. i think it's a choice i'm entitled to make based on my experience with life thus far.
people should be making a stronger effort to stay with the one's they make these babies with instead of bedding down and having kids out of wedlock. we keep making kids statistics and i'm sick of seein' it. getting pregnant and having children is a serious committment that ought to be taken more seriously by people and it's just not taken seriously anymore if you ask me. i grew up without my father and will never meet him because my parents couldn't find it in themselves to stay together. and the apple didn't fall far from the tree... my son will probably never meet his father because of my poor choice in my teenage years. my son is the best thing that ever happend in my life but that doesn't take away the mistake i made in not choosing the right partner and i've never expected any man i've dated to step in a take the "father" role. i've been mom & dad for 17 years and i'm proud of it! | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/26/2005 5:14:07 AM | Kitty: It's not his decision that is upsetting everybody; it's his attitude. If you're not ready for kids; fine, then don't date single parents and don't have kids. But, his insistence at being #1 even when there are children involved is just plain selfish and his reference to children as "anchors" just serves to drive home that point. My primary responsibility is to my child and I resent anyone who thinks that there is something wrong with that. No, I can't act like a childless single woman and go out partying all the time; I have responsibilities and I must think about the kind of example I'm setting for my daughter. I would only date a man who understood my priorities and respected them.
While I do commend you for the 17 years that you spent raising your children on your own, I do need to take issue with your assumption that single parents are that way because they didn't want to work things out with their spouse. I'm sorry, but some of us had VERY good reasons for leaving our spouses. The kind of situation I left is no place to be raising a child. I won't go into details here, but she is MUCH better off in a single parent household then she was in the household that we left.
The fact that the relationship failed wasn't due to any lack of trying on my part, but in order for a relationship to survive, both parties must be willing to work at it. | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/26/2005 5:44:12 AM | this is how you feel..but not all men feel this way...i think if u truely love the woman..with or without kids...u woul;d be tolerant of her kids and lack of freedom..it's takes a little sacrifice by both parties involved..My cousin is a perfect example...she was a divorced mum of 2,she met this guy who has never been married,no kids and 5 years younger than her,he knew this,but still pursued a relationship with her,they fell in love,they dont have the freedom cos her ex hubby lives in a diff state,so they have to rely on baby sitters,which they dont do often...anyway,he has taken to those kids as if they were his own,cos he loves my cousin and everything that she is and has!..They are marrying in 6 months...so hooray to them! | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/26/2005 6:17:39 AM | Ontario woman pretty much summed it up.
If your kid is not your first priority, what the h*ll are you doing with a child anyways? | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/26/2005 10:29:13 AM | ontario... i can understand how you might take offense to what he's said but in all honesty... it's refreshing to see a man choose honesty when it comes to an issue this serious in the dating world. it's really simple in his case and i don't blame him one bit... he wants to find a gal with no children so they can build their own relationship together and then have children of their own. there's nothing wrong or selfish about that... more men should be so thoughtful of the women they date.
unlike the father of my son, who has kids all over the US by now, i only have one child by the way... or should i say man child because he's 17. i made no assumptions about others who are single parents and it's not my place to do so. you'll have to quote me for me on that so i see what you're referring to. i myself, CHOSE to be a single parent. with that choice came a tremendous amount of responsibility as it comes with any parent who CHOOSES to be a single parent. i was never married but that doesn't matter. once i decided to be a single parent, i knew from the start that i would not be replacing my son's father with another man. not out of respect for his father but out of respect for myself and for my son. i simply don't bring men around my son. i've had one long term relationship in 17 years, that had to be some 10 years ago, and although my son did meet him and liked him, he was very honest with me in that he felt that man took my attention away from him.... so the man i loved, found himself dumped. it was at that point i knew not to involve men in my life as long as i had my son living with me. it's not fair to the children we have to be set aside for a few minutes of enjoyment with a man.
if you still have guilt over the failure of your marriage, i'm sorry to hear that... but you have to move on as well. it's easy for me to sit here and say let it go and move on because i've never been married. but at some point you do have to let it go and move on so you can take care of your children and make the right choices from here on out. there's absolutely no reason to jump down my throat about something like that... i'm the first one to understand that marriage doesn't always work. i also know that the choices you make following that can have a wonderful affect or devastating affect on your children. that's exactly why i commend this guy for being honest and choosing not to date women with children.
he could go pick up any single mom he wanted to, date her for a while, wait til she falls in love and thinks he's gonna marry her and then he could walk out because of the kids but that's not what he's choosing to do. he's chosen, up front, not to date women with children because this is a problem for him for the long term AND IT'S OK.
OH & cuterguy... i don't know this guy from jack so if he's selfish, it's not me that made him that way... he was that way when he got here if that's how you choose to view him. actually, he's taken responsibility for his dating choices and again, i have to commend him for not compromising his wants and needs for a piece of a-s-s. most men wouldn't be so kind. | |
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gunika
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Joined: 2/12/2005
Msg: 23 | |
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| Single moms. Can they have any fun?
Posted: 6/26/2005 4:31:20 PM |
Kitty: It's not his decision that is upsetting everybody; it's his attitude. If you're not ready for kids; fine, then don't date single parents and don't have kids. But, his insistence at being #1 even when there are children involved is just plain selfish and his reference to children as "anchors" just serves to drive home that point.
Before you had kids, your boyfriend was the most important person in your life I imagine. That's what I want to be, at least once. And then have kids of my own. That's all I'm saying. Later. :) | |
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